A Dose of Murder

by Lori Avocato

  Damn.

  I turned to him as he adjusted the radio to WMMZ, my favorite country station. Wow! We had something in common. Trisha Yearwood came on, singing, “I Don’t Paint Myself into Corners” from her Inside Out album.

  I watched Jagger tap his finger to the beat and thought of how I’d painted myself into a whopper of a corner with this job.

  He looked at me. “I’m only going to ask you one more time. What are you doing following Tina around?”

  Yikes! The guy didn’t let moss grow under his cowboy boots. “Who said I’m following her?”

  “Me.”

  “Oh.” I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket. “You have to take me back to my car, you know.”

  “Yeah.”

  Oh, great. Mono-word Jagger. I looked out the window and watched Mrs. Zuckowski wheeling her basket full of groceries toward her blue Caravan. Mrs. Zuckowski lived two doors down from my folks. Maybe I could scream that I was being held captive and for her to call 911. Then what?

  Jagger would only find me another day.

  Might as well get it over with. Besides, I told myself, maybe I really could use him to finish my case. “I work for Scarpello and Tonelli Insurance Company.”

  He didn’t flinch. As a matter of fact, he could have been carved out of granite for all the body language I could read.

  I knew I was about to ramble nervously and other than jump out of the Suburban, I couldn’t help myself. “I work for Fabio as an investigator. You know, follow people around that are breaking the law. Well, at least they are bilking the insurance company. You know, fraud. I’m talking fraud here, which of course is against the law.

  “Thousands of dollars they steal. These people that is. Actually, sometimes in the millions. They steal in the millions. I actually read about a case that was in the billions. Imagine that.” I could only guess what Jagger was imagining right now. “So, I … well , I was a nurse for many years and burned out. You know, the responsibility … kids puking on your shoes … throat swabs on your breasts … working weekends … working with staff. Mostly female. Catty females. Rather have all gay males, but that’s another story. I’ll never take a job where I have to hire and fire staff again. It’s not in my nature to fire—”

  “Tina?”

  Mono Jagger strikes again. Well, I was getting off track a bit. Okay, I admit my faults. “Tina is out on a Workers’ Compensation claim for an injured back.”

  “And Fabio in his infinite fucking wisdom hired you, a nurse, to crack that case.”

  I knew an insult when I heard one. And that had to be one. “Yes. Yeah. So what?”

  “What kind of experience do you have in surveillance other than sitting smack-dab in front of her house or—oh wait, that’s right. You have the smarts to hide in a snowbank.”

  Now I was pissed. “I’m going to get her.”

  He shook his head, cranked the motor and shoved it into drive. As we pulled out of the parking lot, he said, “Stay the hell out of my way.”

  We rode in silence until I saw my precious Volvo covered in frost and sitting so lonely on the construction site. Jagger pulled up alongside, shoved the Suburban into park and waited. I opened my door and stepped out.

  “I’m not making any promises. Besides, you didn’t say what you were doing, or whom you work for. So, how can I stay out of your way if I don’t know what your way is?” With that I turned and walked to my car with my heart pounding double-time and a prayer on my lips that he wouldn’t follow me.

  His tires screeched.

  “Thanks, Saint T,” I mouthed, dug around in my purse for my keys and shivered.

  It wasn’t from the cold, either.

  Ten

  When the shock of Jagger coming to my family’s Christmas started to wear off, I decided I’d better get into my car and head home before I froze to death out here in the woods by Tina’s mansion.

  Then again, that didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

  A light came on in her backyard. I watched for a while, but equipmentless, I could only stare. Truthfully she could have come out and yanked one of the naked trees up with her bare hands and I could have cared less.

  I just didn’t have any investigating left in me right then.

  “I need a bubble bath,” I said to my Volvo. No reply. Surprising, with the day I’d had.

  I got in, started the car, cranked up the heat and, even though the engine was still freezing, told myself the air blowing in my face was warm. At the edge of the subdivision I slowed, stopped and looked into my rearview mirror. There was Tina, hiking through the snow with a huge package in her arms. Damn. I’ll bet it was heavy.

  As I looked both ways for traffic before pulling out, I noticed a black Suburban sitting at the corner two streets down. That was out of my way, but I turned down the street, slowed when I passed and flipped Jagger the bird.

  Not like me, but it felt so damn good!

  Once back at the condo, I hurried inside, called for Miles and got no reply, let Spanky out and back in, then headed to my room. I left my damp jacket on the bed and grabbed my pajamas and robe.

  Major bubble-bath day.

  In the bathroom, I rifled through the scented bubble bath beads and picked out rose. Roses are sent to you when Saint Theresa hears your prayers. I figured I could use whatever help I could get tonight even though she is supposed to send them to you as a surprise.

  Once the water was perfect, I slipped in, blowing bubbles about the room. The heat relaxed my muscles. I hadn’t realized how tense I had been. Had to have something to do with starting out with Nick and ending up with Jagger. I shuddered.

  Being coerced—make that ordered—to take him to my parents’ tonight for dinner was nothing compared to what I’d face on Christmas Eve and Day when the entire Sokol clan arrived. I shut my eyes and refused to think about it.

  And other than my birthday, Christmas was my favorite holiday. Shoot.

  I wondered if Miles’s late lunch had turned into an all nighter. Gee, I hoped not. I really was rooting for Goldie.

  Well, whatever happened, happened. I wasn’t about to push them together and possibly hurt either one. Miles I loved, and I could see Goldie becoming a dear friend. It dawned on me that thanks to Miles I had met Goldie. Right. If I didn’t work for Fabio, I would never have met Goldie. How sad that thought was.

  Or met Jagger. How shocking that thought was.

  Speaking of working for Fabio, I had to accomplish something tomorrow. Anything related to the case.

  I had to, or else I’d be unemployed right soon.

  Then again, there was that nursing job at Tina’s office. Maybe I should take it for a few days and see what happens. Then again, nursing.

  I didn’t have the stomach to go back yet, even if an office job might be a piece of cake. Surely orthopedic patients didn’t spit throat swabs. Okay, I’d think about it tomorrow. Tonight I’d soak until soggy and forget the day.

  “You in there?” Miles called.

  “Oh, hey. I’ll be out soon.” Damn. I looked at my fingers. Not even wrinkled yet. And tonight I needed wrinkled.

  “No problem. Just wanted to know where you were and that you hadn’t fallen asleep in the tub again.”

  I blew bubbles toward the door. “That was six months ago, and I’d taken NyQuil ’cause I was sick. Give me a break, Miles.”

  “Hey, that sounds like your tea tone.”

  I smiled despite how I felt. Miles called it my “tea tone” when I needed a cup of hot, steamy decaffeinated tea because of stress or whatever upset me. It was one notch down from my “Coors tone.” “What’s the biggest mug we have?”

  “Hold it right there.”

  I heard him running down the stairs, leaned back and shut my eyes.

  Knock. Knock.

  “Tea time. Cover yourself up.”

  I made sure the bubbles were shoulder-high although it wouldn’t impress Miles to see my 36Cs. “Enter.”

  He opened the door, walked
over and handed me my mug. Then he looked at himself in the mirror, groaned and hurried out, shutting the door behind.

  “You look wonderful,” I shouted, then took a sip of tea. “Ouch.” Miles insisted on boiling the water, although I preferred my tea heated in the microwave.

  “Horrible bags under my eyes. Impending crow’s-feet. Forget that. Tell me about the need for tea. Couldn’t be worse than this morning for you,” he hollered through the door.

  I talked about my day until the water cooled. In between sentences, Miles let out a few squeaky gasps followed by a muttered, “Christmas?” I had to smile as I stood and toweled off. When I had on my Steelers pj’s and robe wrapped tightly for warmth—although Miles kept the condo heated like August in Miami—I took my mug and opened the door.

  I needed the heat right now. Comforting. Similar to being in the womb of my 98.6 degree mom. Speaking of which, I could use a sniff of pine Renuzit.

  He was sitting across from the doorway against the opposite wall, tea mug in hand. He looked up. “I’m calling Hammy at the furniture store. Investigating is not the career for you.”

  I held out my hand, which he used to pull himself up. “No you are not. You’re calling Goldie.”

  His hand tensed. “What?”

  “He misses you, Miles. I don’t know what went down between you two—”

  “Besides me?” He laughed, but it was a nervous laugh and it was not like Miles to use gay jokes.

  “I’m serious. You should have seen him when he came to give me a ride. I promised myself I wouldn’t interfere, but the way he looked … Please call him once. Then I’m out of it.”

  He nodded and let it go.

  I followed him down to the kitchen, where he fixed two more mugs of tea. I’d be up all night peeing, but the Sleepy-time hit the spot. I really needed tea tonight and was on the verge of asking for the caffeinated variety.

  Miles sat at the counter and motioned for me to sit too. “I met Goldie at Mardi Gras one year.”

  I sat and kept my mouth shut—for a change.

  “He was adorable… .” Miles looked off toward the garden. Earlier he must have turned on the walkway lights that led around the tiny brick path.

  I could only imagine that he was thinking of their first meeting.

  “Goldie was dressed as a lion. But he looked like Marilyn Monroe in drag, dressed as a lion. Adorable,” he repeated. “We spent the rest of my vacation down there together. Three glorious weeks. When I had to come back to work here, Goldie came too. He’d planned to be a PI, but it didn’t work out.”

  I took a sip of tea and decided to let it cool more. I could use a few Oreos with it, but didn’t want to interrupt Miles by getting up.

  “We moved in to that apartment I had on Dearborn near Saint Greg’s before I bought this place. Goldie worked nights as a bartender, days in a Dunkin Donuts, where he met this undercover narc. They hit it off, but Goldie and I were tight.

  “Least I thought we were. The cop taught Goldie all he knew about being a PI. Goldie was going to try to get a job as one so I sent him over to Fabio. He hired him, and he’s been there ever since.” He stopped to finish his tea. Then he stood, took the mug to the sink, rinsed it and stuck it into the dishwasher.

  I remained silent and a bit confused. Who was the cop, and what happened between Miles and Goldie?

  Miles turned around. “Turned out the cop was a jerk. He tried to get between us—and actually did. But not ’cause he cared for Goldie. The jerk used him ’cause he had just been dumped.

  “Once he’d gained Goldie’s confidence through all that he taught him, Goldie was mesmerized. He left me for the jerk, then he left Goldie when his ex came back. Goldie’s and my relationship hadn’t really cemented enough yet. That’s why he left me. Goldie had a problem with trust and commitment.

  “He didn’t have great self-esteem at the time either. That’s partly why he dresses the way he does. He’s a good-looking guy, you know. So, ’cause of the cop, we both ended up hurt. You know me, Pauline. I don’t do forgiveness well ’cause of my mama. So, I refused to take Goldie back. He was embarrassed that he left, and we haven’t seen each other in three years.”

  “Are you ready to now?”

  He looked back at me. “Yes. I’ve never met anyone like Goldie.”

  I smiled. “Neither have I.”

  The next day, Adele let me into Goldie’s office and I helped myself to a cup of chicory coffee. She said she did that every morning, and he expected it. When she hurried out to answer her phone, I sat on the faux fur couch and took a sip. Perfect. The coffee was delicious and was a good omen for my day—at least that’s what I told myself.

  “Hellooooo, suga!”

  I looked up to see Goldie waltzing in. And waltz he did, in red spike heels, black chino pants and a skintight red-and-black-striped long-sleeve shirt. Slung over his arm was a raccoon coat. I couldn’t tell, but it sure looked real to me.

  “You walk in the snow with those on?” I looked down at my climbing boots that fit snugly around my leggings. I wore black ones today with an oversized black-and-white tweed sweater. I thought I’d better start paying attention to my wardrobe in case I had a day like yesterday.

  He laughed. “I believe I walked over the snow today.”

  I smiled. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

  He came near and yanked me up from the couch and planted a kiss on my forehead. “You really don’t know?”

  “Finished your case?”

  He waved a hand. “They’ll be paying back sixty Gs, but that’s not it.” He let me go and looked me in the eyes. “You really don’t know?”

  “No, Gold, but you’re killing me with suspense.”

  “My Miles called.”

  I let out a whoop. He grabbed me and danced around. Adele rushed in with her arms flailing.

  “What? What’s the excitement about? Don’t let Adele miss out on a thing!”

  “Got my man back, Adele.”

  “Miles?” She hooted and kissed him on the cheek. Good thing she wore such high navy heels in order to reach.

  Fabio stood in the doorway. “When all the excitement is over, I’d like to see some fucking work get done around here.”

  I felt the urge to defend my friends. “Goldie finished his case.”

  Fabio ran his fingers along his chin. “Fabulous, Ms. Sokol. And what about yours?”

  Ack.

  “I’m helping her wrap it up today, Boss,” Goldie said.

  Fabio held out a manila folder. “No, you’re not. Here’s your next one.” He turned toward me. “Probation means you do your goddamndest, lady, if you want to be made permanent.” With that he turned and walked out.

  In unison, Goldie and Adele said, “Cocksucker extraordinaire.”

  Something told me they’d used that term for Fabio before.

  We both mumbled some ripe curses after Fabio left.

  “We probably should do some work before Fabio comes back in,” I said to Goldie after we sat silently for what seemed like an hour, then I filled him in on the rest of yesterday. He had the same reaction as Miles, and gasped when I told him that Tina had two houses.

  Adele had followed Fabio, and I heard her chiding him all the way down the hallway. I only hoped he didn’t fire her. She was a gem, a friend, and I’d miss her terribly. That was if I kept my job.

  Goldie stirred. “You’re right, we’d better get to work.” He opened the file Fabio had given him. “Shit. I won’t be able to help you today, suga. This one’s going to be a bitch. I’ll be up at night following this jerk around. Night watchman. Sheeeet.”

  I stood up and pulled my sweater down. “Thanks for the coffee. Good luck with Miles, too.”

  He winked at me. “Want me to see what Nick is up to?”

  “No! I mean, no thanks. I have to start out on my own sooner or later.”

  “What about Jagger?”

  “Thanks for that reminder.”

  He smirked a
t me. “Now don’t go getting your panties all in a knot over that guy, suga. I told you about him.”

  “Yes, but is he FBI? I mean I wouldn’t have cooperated with him if I thought he wasn’t.”

  Goldie tapped a black nail against his tooth. “I can’t rightly say, suga, but that’s still my best guess. Either way he won’t physically hurt you, as I said, but he is one hell of a mysterious guy. I’d be tempted to lock lips with him myself—”

  “You think he’s gay!” I’ve never heard my voice sound so horrified, even when Doc Taylor suggested we get married about a hundred years ago.

  Goldie laughed. “You didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, if he swung my way. He doesn’t. I can tell these things.”

  I wondered if someone who looked like Marilyn Monroe could really tell about another man. Then again, this was Goldie, and he’d proven to be quite knowledgeable about everything else. “You think I should have told him who I am? What I do for a living?”

  “I think he already knew, suga. That’s Jagger.”

  “What? You’re kidding me!” But I knew he wasn’t. It did seem as if Jagger wasn’t surprised when I told him. Damn. I liked him not knowing since I didn’t know about him.

  “Maybe a good idea to take that temporary job Tina mentioned. You could see her at the office if she goes there.” He shoved the file folder closed.

  “I don’t know. It might help, yet I’d hate to take a nursing job. Seems counterproductive to my sanity.”

  Goldie laughed. “But Fabio hired you for your background. You of all people should be able to tell if someone is faking.”

  “She’s faking, all right. If I had a decent video camera last night, one that worked in the dark, I could prove it.” I walked to the door, not really certain where I was going but knowing I’d better do something fast. “You think Fabio will fire me if I don’t finish this case soon?”

  Goldie hurried over, took me into his arms and held me.

  “Shit,” I mumbled to his chest.

  This day had started out wonderfully with the chicory coffee, but it was taking a downward spiral to hell, I thought as I drove out of the parking lot—in no particular direction. I could head over to Tina’s, but which house? They were on opposite ends of town and it wasn’t as if I could run back and forth between the two to try and catch her.