I Like That About Her

by Aleks Mitchell

  Dad looked down at the comeback. I was just being honest. I didn’t care if it hurt his feelings. He hurt my feelings, why should I care about his right now?

  “This isn’t up for discussion, Faith,” mom interrupted. “You are going to be homeschooled. We also want you to see Pastor Brian for counseling.”

  “Pastor Brian? Are you freaking kidding me?”

  “Faith,” mom warned. “It’s obvious that you need God in your life again. So, you’re going to start going to church with me on Sundays again and you will see Pastor Brian. He’s the youth counselor at the church so I’m sure he’s dealt with situations like this before.”

  “Situations like what?” I asked calmly.

  “Situations where children are influenced by bad things.”

  “There’s nothing bad about it!” I yelled as I slammed my hand down on the table, shocking everyone in the room, including myself. I was livid. How could they completely try to take control over me like that? It wasn’t right.

  “Faith, you need to calm down,” dad stated calmly.

  “No! I’m not going to sit here and listen to you tell me that what I have with Chandler is wrong. There isn’t anything wrong about how I feel. Chandler is not bad. I am not bad!”

  “Chandler needs help too,” mom answered.

  “You need help, mother!” I exclaimed.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “I think you know what it means. But, why don’t you ask the bottom of the bottle the next time you see it.”

  The look of disbelief on my mother’s face was at least a little bit satisfying. I started to walk away from the kitchen.

  “Say what you will, Faith,” mom called after me. “But I would say goodbye to Chandler if I were you.”

  I turned around slowly to glare at her.

  “You are going to be homeschooled and you are going to see the pastor. If we’re going to fix this you can’t be seeing Chandler anymore.”

  I sighed as I narrowed my eyes at her in anger and disbelief. “It’s amazing that the one time that you two can agree on something it’s when you both want to ‘fix’ me.”

  “Honey, we just want you to have a good life,” dad interrupted.

  “If you guys do this, I will never forgive you. If you do this I am gone. The second I turn eighteen I will leave and you will never see me again. You can’t ‘fix’ who I am. And if you try to, you will lose me, forever.”

  I walked out in anger before they could respond. I knew they weren’t going to back down. It wasn’t in their nature to accept defeat. I really thought dad would be on my side after the talk we had. I knew there was something I had to do. I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t stand the thought of this causing Chandler any pain. I had to go see Chandler.

  On my way out, Andy came down the stairs and followed me outside.

  “Something wrong?” I asked him.

  “Are you okay?” he asked sincerely. I could tell that he was worried about me.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.

  Andy sighed as he pulled me into a hug. “Can you not lie about your feelings for once in your life Faith?”

  “Andy, I’m fine. Really.”

  Andy pulled away from the hug and looked at me questioningly. “Faith, you would never hurt yourself or anything right?”

  “What do you mean like try and commit suicide or something?”

  “Well, yeah. I mean what’s going on is really intense. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “Andy, I promise I would never do anything to hurt myself. I’ve never even thought about doing something like that, so don’t worry.”

  “Okay,” he sighed. “But, if you ever need to talk about anything that’s bothering you I’m always here for you. No matter what.”

  “I know,” I smiled.

  “Where are you headed?” he asked.

  “To see Chandler,” I sighed.

  “Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”

  “It usually is. But, I don’t really know what we’re going to do. Mom and dad aren’t going to let me see her anymore.”

  “You two love each other,” he stated obviously. “You’ll find a way.”

  I smiled. I wished I had the optimism he had, but I didn’t.

  “Okay, tell me everything,” Chandler said as we sat down on her bed. “First of all, are you okay?”

  I looked her in the eyes and had to try like hell to get myself to not cry.

  “Faith?”

  “I’m fine,” I lied. I was doing a lot of that today.

  “Well, what happened with your parents? What did they say?”

  “Chandler, they’re making me see a pastor for counseling.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, but that’s not the worst part. They’re pulling me out of school.”

  “How could they do that? I mean you have to graduate. You’re a senior.”

  “They’re having me homeschooled,” I revealed. I looked down at my hands. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes.

  “Is this a definite thing or could they change their minds?”

  “I don’t see them changing their minds, Chan. My mom was pretty adamant. I don’t see any other way around this. Until I turn eighteen I have to just do what they say.”

  “But, that’s completely unfair! It’s like they’re punishing you for being who you are.”

  “I know.”

  “It’s not right!”

  “I know. Believe me, I know.”

  “Okay, so we won’t see each other at school anymore. That’s okay. We’ll see each other outside of school.”

  I sighed as I looked up at Chandler and into her eyes. Chandler’s expression turned from one of hope to one of sadness.

  “What?” she asked cautiously. “Faith, what is it?”

  “My mom isn’t going to let us see each other outside of school either, which means we won’t really get to be together anymore.” I could feel the tears getting heavier and heavier.

  “We can find a way, Faith,” she insisted.

  “How?” I asked her. “We won’t be able to see each other anymore. We can’t even see each other at school. So how can we find a way, Chan?”

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But, we will.”

  I sighed at her determination. Any other time I loved her determination and positive attitude, but right now I felt like it was making it harder to do what I had to do. “Chandler, I don’t want to hold you back from being happy.”

  “You make me happy, Faith,” she said quietly as she held my hands in hers.

  That was it. The pool of tears that had been building up was now falling down my face. “You make me happy too. Happier than I’ve ever felt.”

  “Then that’s all that matters, Faith.”

  “That’s not all that matters, Chan. We’re not going to be happy anymore. We won’t even be able to see each other. We’ll be holding onto something that isn’t there anymore.”

  “I love you and you love me. We can get through this, I know it.”

  “And hopefully we will. Maybe next year when we’re both eighteen we can try again.”

  “No!” Chandler fought. “Don’t do this, Faith.” She was crying too now.

  “I just think for right now it’s going to be too hard for us to be together. I can’t make you happy right now and all I want is for you to be happy. If I have to let you go for that to happen, then that’s what I have to do.”

  “Oh come on Faith! Do you really think I’m going to be happy if we break up?”

  “It’s just too hard, Chan. For now, we have to be done.”

  She tilted her head in sadness. This is the last thing I wanted. I wanted my parents to be okay with us and for us to be happy together. But I didn’t see that happening.

  “Bye, Chandler.” I stood up from the bed and walked towards her door. I heard her get up from the bed as well.

  “I’m not giving up hope,” Chandler
professed. “I love you, Faith.”

  I breathed out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and turned around to face her. The eyes I fell in love with were staring back at me with nothing but love in them. I walked forward as fast as I could and pulled her into the most passionate kiss we had ever shared. She grabbed hold of my waist and hugged me tightly against her. We held onto each other like one of us would disappear in the next second. Technically, one of us was disappearing in the next second.

  I wasn’t sure if this would be our last kiss. I didn’t want it to be. But, if it was, I would hold onto it for the rest of my life. I would always love Chandler. She made me feel loved and cared for. Like I could be who I was and not worry about being judged or disliked for it. She understood me and I understood her.

  Life was a bunch of unknowns right now. I wasn’t sure if Chandler and I would get back together some day. But, I knew I wouldn’t be happy without her.

  Chapter 19

  “You’re kidding.”

  “No, Riley, I’m not. Why would I joke about this?”

  “So, you’re gay? Like really gay?”

  I had to smile at Riley’s questioning. “Yes, Riley. Like really gay.”

  “And you didn’t tell me?” Riley asked loudly. “How could you not tell me? I’m your best friend.”

  “It was hard not to. I just wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet. I mean I just finally admitted it to myself.”

  “This explains so much,” Riley said with a thoughtful expression.

  “Like what?”

  “Well, for starters it explains why your relationship with Jason never worked out. He’s obviously not your type.” She smiled at me. “Hey, you never like had a crush on me did you?”

  “No, I don’t think you’re my type either,” I giggled.

  “Why not?” she asked, faking a hurt expression. “I’d date me.”

  The truth was the only person that was my type was Chandler. I just wanted to be with Chandler.

  “In all seriousness, I’m upset you didn’t tell me sooner, but I’m completely supportive. I think it’s great that you’re acknowledging how you feel.”

  “Thanks,” I smiled sadly. “Though, I’m not sure how much it matters now since everything completely fell apart.”

  “There has to be some way you can convince your parents to drop the whole home schooling thing.”

  “I don’t think there is. They’re very set on it. Technically I’ll have enough credits this semester to graduate so I might just graduate early and be done with school in general.”

  “This is so not how our senior year was supposed to go,” she sighed.

  “Seriously,” I responded.

  “Anyway, I think you’re an idiot.”

  I looked up at Riley in surprise. She went from being supportive to insulting me in two seconds flat. “Wait, what?”

  “You’re an idiot for breaking up with Chandler.”

  I sighed as I looked down at my hands. “You think I wanted to break up with Chandler? I did it because I don’t want her to have to deal with my bigoted parents. She deserves to be with someone that can make her happy and actually be with her.”

  “I get why you did it, I do. But, I don’t think Chandler will. From what you said she was willing to wait for you.”

  “But she shouldn’t have to wait. She should be able to be happy right now.”

  “Good things come with time. For all you know your parents could realize what they’re doing is wrong and let you see Chandler again. You’ll have broken up with her for nothing,”

  That thought made me sick to my stomach. I broke up with Chandler. I hurt her, the one person I never ever wanted to hurt. If my parents suddenly changed their minds then I would have hurt her for nothing. All I wanted was to hold Chandler again.

  As soon as I got home from Riley’s I rushed down to the basement to find Andy.

  “So, how was she today?” I asked, sitting down next to him on the couch.

  Andy sighed as he paused the game. “You know you could just text Chandler. It’s not like mom and dad took your phone.”

  “We broke up. I can’t just text her.”

  “Then un-breakup.”

  “We can’t. Anyway, how was she?”

  “She was the same as yesterday, Faith, miserable.”

  I sighed as I closed my eyes and rested my head back onto the back of the couch. Chandler was hurting and it was my entire fault.

  “I told her you were miserable too,” Andy added.

  My eyes shot open to glare at him. “Why would you do that?”

  “Was I supposed to lie to her?”

  “Yes!”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want her to know that I’m upset. Maybe if she thinks I moved on then she’ll move on too and find someone that makes her happy.”

  “Okay, one that logic is terrible. I thought you were the smart twin. And two, you make her happy!”

  “But we can’t be together!”

  “This might come as a shock to you, but you don’t have to do everything mom and dad tell you to do. Sneak out if you have to.”

  “We shouldn’t have to sneak around,” I sighed.

  “But, if it’s the only way you two can stay together, what’s the harm?”

  Andy was right. Riley was right. Everyone was right but me. Maybe I made a mistake breaking up with Chandler. I gave up on us. I didn’t even put up a fight for Chandler. She deserved a lot better than me as a girlfriend.

  The next day Craig stopped by after school to talk.

  “How are you?” Craig asked.

  “I’m okay,” I said. “That’s a lie. I’m terrible. I’m bored out of my mind and I miss Chandler.”

  “She misses you too.”

  “You know that for sure?” I questioned.

  Craig smiled. “Yes. Aside from the fact that she looks completely depressed without you there, I also spoke to her. She needed someone to vent to.”

  “You guys talked about me? What did she say?”

  “Calm down,” Craig laughed. “She just said that you’re the most frustrating person in the entire world and that she loves that about you. She really misses you.”

  “I miss her.”

  “You should go see her.”

  “I can’t. Mom is going to be home soon. She gets home early now. I swear my parents are the most annoying people ever.”

  “It could be worse, unfortunately. I read about a kid whose whole family practically beat him up as they were kicking him out. Some people really suffer when they come out.”

  I couldn’t imagine that. His family actually hit him because he wanted to do what was going to make him happy? Some people could be so terrible.

  “You’re right. The most my parents are making me do is see a pastor. It’s not like they kicked me out or anything.”

  “Still, I’m sure you were hoping they would react a little better.”

  “Yeah, I was. I wish all parents were like Chandler’s mom and dad. They were so amazing about the whole thing.”

  “Your parents will come around. Just give them time.”

  “How much time though? By the time they stop acting crazy I’ll be eighteen and it won’t matter anyway.”

  “You don’t know that for sure.”

  Just as I was about to respond, mom came through the front door. She looked between Craig and me as she closed the door.

  “Hi, Craig, how are you?”

  “Good, Ms. Cahill. Thanks.”

  “Well, not to cut your visit short, but Faith has an appointment we have to get to.”

  “Mom!”

  “No, it’s cool. I have a ton of homework to get done. I’ll see you later Faith.”

  “Bye, Craig,” I smiled.

  Craig smiled at mom as he headed for the door. “It was nice to see you Ms. Cahill.”

  “You too Craig,” mom smiled.

  As mom shut the door behind Craig I glared at her with an emotionless expressio
n.

  Mom turned around and sighed as she saw my expression. “I had a long day at work, Faith. Don’t start with me.”

  “So, what? I can’t even have friends anymore? What are you afraid Craig is going to influence me in some terrible way?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You can be friends with Craig. You really do have an appointment to get to. It wasn’t a lie to get him to leave.”

  “Oh, right. With Pastor Brian. Who I’m pretty sure used to be a crack head before he found God.”

  “See, if he can be saved, so can you.”

  “I don’t need to be saved!” I yelled.

  Mom looked taken back at my tone. She definitely wasn’t used to me yelling at her. She was making me so angry lately that I couldn’t bother to be respectful.

  “Go get dressed and ready to go,” mom said quietly. “We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

  I sighed as I stomped towards the stairs. I turned back around before climbing the stairs. “I hope you know that if you continue this I am going to leave. Once I do leave I’m never coming back. You can’t stop me from being who I am. You can only delay the inevitable.”

  Mom sighed and looked at me with a tired expression.

  I wasn’t going to back down. I didn’t want to stress mom out anymore, but I wasn’t going to deny who I was just to make her happy. What about my happiness? Didn’t I matter?

  Pastor Brian asked mom to let him speak to me alone. So far the conversation was pretty one sided. I had yet to say one word to Pastor Brian.

  “Faith, I can’t help if you don’t talk to me,” Pastor Brian said.

  What exactly did he want me to say? I’m here because my mom and dad don’t want me to be gay. They’re hoping you’ll ‘fix’ me.

  “Faith, I understand that you don’t want to be here, but maybe if you give me a chance I can actually help.”

  “Can you make it so my parents aren’t bigots? If not then I’m pretty sure you can’t help me.”

  He sighed as he looked back at me with an unreadable expression.

  “Didn’t think so.”

  “Faith, your parents just found out. They just need time.”