I Do Not Come to You by Chance

by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani

  My mother held me tighter and rubbed my back.

  ‘Kingsley, I’ve told you . . . everybody has their own dry season but the rain will always come. You’ll see. And you’ll remember that I said so.’

  She spoke with so much conviction that I almost believed her. In the past, these words would have been tonic enough to brighten my face, push out my chest, and lift my gaze to a more auspicious future. But I had heard this same speech, on this same spot, in this same snug proximity, at least three times in the past year. It was like some sort of déjà vu.

  We remained silent for a while.

  ‘Why don’t you go and have something to eat?’ my mother said. ‘There’s some powdered milk left in the tin but if it’s not enough, I can send Chikaodinaka out to buy some more.’

  I stood up.

  ‘I don’t want to eat anything. I want to go and see Ola.’

  ‘Why don’t you—?’

  ‘No, I’m not eating,’ I replied, pulling off my T-shirt.

  She left. I started polishing my dedicated pair of black shoes. They were my only pair. Moments later, my mother knocked and came back in.

  ‘Here,’ she said. ‘Take this and add to your transport money.’

  Some naira notes were scrunched up in her palm. I shook my head.

  ‘No, thank you. I have enough for my transport.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. Still take it.’

  ‘Mummy, no thank you.’

  ‘OK, at least use it to buy something for Ola.’

  ‘Mummy, don’t worry. I can manage till Daddy gives me my next pocket money.’

  ‘Kings, look. I know it’s just for a brief period and that things will work out for you soon. Take the money.’

  Disgraceful that a twenty-five-year-old was still depending on his parents, but she smiled and looked tremendously pleased when I took the notes. Right there and then, I decided that the first thing I would do when I got a job was to buy my mother a brand new car.

  Three

  The 504 station wagon had a handwritten sign on the roof - UMUAHIA to OWERRI via MBAISE. The vehicle had originally been designed to carry the driver and one passenger in the front seat, three people in the middle row, two at the back. But an ingenious rascal had come up with a more lucrative agenda. Now two people were sitting beside the driver in front, four in the middle row, and three at the back. Being last to arrive, I had to squeeze myself into the back middle seat, the tightest, most unbearable position in the entire vehicle.

  Wedged on my right was an abundantly bottomed lady who chomped her pungent breakfast of boiled eggs and bread with noisy gusto. On my left was a man whose eye sockets were empty, with a boy of about eight years old perched on his lap. From the ruggedness of the man’s clothes, his random chants and subservient manner, I could tell that he was a professional beggar. The boy was acting as his eyes and would not have to pay extra since, technically, they shared the same space. So we were four in the back row, sitting in a place prepared for three, which had originally been meant for two.

  The combined stench of the beggar’s rags and the woman’s egg almost made my intestines jump past my teeth and onto the floor. I was eager for take-off, and hoped that as the car increased velocity, the pressure would force fresh breeze to diffuse the gas chamber at the back.

  ‘Bring your money!’ the driver hollered, stretching a cracked palm into the car.

  I brought out my wallet from my trouser pocket. I shifted the naira notes aside and gazed at the photograph that I carried wherever I went. It was one of Ola and me with our arms completely wrapped around each other at Mr Bigg’s on Valentine’s Day two years ago. The photograph had been shot by one of those pesky, hawker photographers who hung around restaurants and occasions. At first, I was adamant about not paying, even after the photographer had stood begging for about ten minutes. But when I noticed how much Ola appeared to like the picture, I dipped into what I had reserved for cake and ice cream, and paid for the photographs instead.

  Another of Ola’s favourites was one that my father had taken when I was three. Ola had asked my mother for the photo during one of her visits.

  ‘I love the way you look in it,’ she had said. ‘Like a miniature Albert Einstein. Anybody seeing this photograph can tell that you were destined to be a nerd.’

  Ola was funny sometimes.

  Her third favourite was the one of me holding my rolled up university certificate, wearing my convocation gown and grinning as if I were about to conquer the world. All three photographs were displayed in pretty frames on top of the wooden cupboard beside her bed.

  We handed our fares to the driver, who then waited for the little boy to finish unwrapping the diminutive notes and coins which the blind man had extracted from somewhere within the inner regions of his trousers. The boy counted aloud.

  ‘Five naira . . . ten naira . . . ten naira fifty kobo . . . eleven naira . . . sixteen naira . . . twenty naira . . . twenty naira fifty kobo . . .’

  More than a minute later, he was still several kilometres away from the expected amount. The chomping woman lost her patience.

  ‘Take this and add to it,’ she said, handing the driver some of her own money to complete their fare.

  ‘Thank you,’ the boy said.

  ‘God bless you,’ the beggar added. ‘Your husband and children are blessed.’

  ‘Amen,’ the woman replied.

  ‘You people will never lack anything.’

  ‘Amen,’ the woman replied.

  ‘You will never find yourself in this same condition I find myself.’

  ‘Amen.’ This time, it was louder.

  ‘All the enemies who come against you and your children will come in one way and scatter in seven different directions.’

  ‘Amen!’ several passengers chanted in an attempt to usurp this most essential blessing for these perilous times.

  I wondered why the beggar’s magic words had not yet worked for the beggar himself.

  Whenever she knew that I was coming, Ola would dress up and wait on one of the concrete benches in front of her hostel. As soon as she sighted me, she would run to give me a bear hug. If I had surprised her by my visit, as I would today, her face would light up in delight. Then she would yelp and leap and almost overthrow my lean frame with her embrace. Then she would place her face against my cheeks and hold onto me for several seconds. At that moment, I could turn back and go home fully satisfied. The whole trip would have been worth it.

  An hour and a half later, the vehicle arrived at the motor park in Owerri. I stopped a little girl who was carrying a tray of imported red apples on her head and bought five of the fattest. Then, I boarded a shuttle bus straight to the university gates and joined the long queue waiting for okada. These commercial motorbikes were the most convenient way to get around, flying at suicidal speed on roads where buses and cars feared to tread, depositing passengers at their very doorsteps. The okada driver that rode me to Ola’s hostel had certainly not been engaged in any form of personal hygiene recently. I held my breath and bore the ride stoically.

  Inside Ola’s hostel, I knocked four times, rapidly, like a rent collector. Three female voices chirped in unison.

  ‘Come in.’

  Ola was sitting with some girls in her corner of the room. The girls greeted me, got up, and left. I stood at the door for a while before going to sit beside Ola on the bed. She did not get up. Where were my yelps and my hugs? With bottomless anxiety, I placed the back of my hand on her forehead. Her temperature felt normal.

  ‘Sweetheart, are you OK?’

  She wriggled away from my touch.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she replied stiffly.

  Something must be wrong.

  ‘Are you sure you’re all right? You look a bit dull.’

  ‘Kingsley, I said I’m fine.’

  I hesitated. Her eyes were blank beneath long, pretty lashes that fluttered like butterfly wings. Her rich cleavage was visible from the top of her camisole, and her bar
e neck was covered with small beads of perspiration. Suddenly, I wanted to lick her skin. I put my lips to her ear and tickled her lobe with my tongue.

  ‘Sweetheart, what is bothering you?’ I murmured.

  She gave me a light smack in the face and shifted away. With exasperation, she flung her hand in my direction as if swatting a fly.

  ‘Kingsley, you’re getting on my nerves with all these questions. Can’t you understand simple English? I’m just tired.’

  Her words whizzed past my ears like bullets. My eyes were transfixed by her hand. The red-strapped wristwatch was brand new. Dolce & Gabbana. She noticed me staring and dragged her feet under the bed in one swift movement. The action drew my attention to an equally new pair of slippers. Despite my blurred appreciation of the things of this world, I recognised the huge metal design across each foot. Gucci.

  Head up, eyes open, I asked, ‘Ola, who gave you these things?’

  She turned her eyes to the floor.

  ‘They were a gift from one of my friends who travelled abroad,’ she replied in a wobbly voice.

  I felt strange. Something was different. It was not just her bizarre attitude. Something else was amiss.

  ‘Who’s the friend?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ve told you to please stop asking me questions. I’m really not in the mood.’

  We remained sitting like that for a while. I wanted to tell her about the letter from Shell Petroleum and about how heartbroken I was. I wanted to tell her how much I was dreading applying for other engineering jobs. But she maintained such a hard look that my voice evaporated. Then I remembered the apples.

  ‘Here,’ I said. ‘I got this for you.’

  From the corners of her eyes, she inspected my outstretched hand.

  ‘Leave it there,’ she replied.

  ‘On the floor?’

  ‘Yes.’

  I dropped the polythene bag.

  ‘Actually I need to rest,’ she said, still without looking at me. ‘I’ve had a very busy week and the week ahead is going to be even busier. You know I’m working on my project.’

  I nodded slowly and stood. She accompanied me outside, maintaining a pace or two behind me. When I slowed down for her to catch up, she slowed down. When I stopped and looked back, she stopped and looked askance. Outside the hostel, she halted. I stood with arms akimbo like an angry school headmaster and walked back to where she was standing. The girl needed a severe talking-to.

  ‘Now listen to me,’ I began. ‘I can tell everything is not all right. If there’s something you need to get off your chest, why not just let it out? There’s never been anything we couldn’t talk about with—’

  ‘Kingsley, I really don’t think you should come and see me again.’

  My mouth fell wide open. I completely forgot that I had been in the middle of a speech that was designed to bring about world peace.

  She hesitated and looked away.

  ‘Right now I just need to focus. I’m really under pressure.’

  I sighed. Of course. Her schoolwork was bothering her. Sometimes, project supervisors could drive you up the wall and right into the concrete. Ola was so engrossed in her work, she did not want to be distracted by romance. I looked at her with awe; she had just inspired me with fresh admiration.

  ‘Ola,’ I said in the most understanding of tones. ‘Take it easy, OK? Just let me know when you’ve finished your project and I’ll come and visit you. OK?’

  ‘Kingsley . . .’ she began fiercely.

  From her face, I could tell that she was composing a different sentence.

  ‘You’d better know that my mother is very unhappy with you,’ she said eventually.

  ‘Unhappy with me? Why?’

  She averted her eyes.

  ‘Kingsley, I have to go. Have a safe trip.’

  With that, she turned and disappeared inside.

  Back at the motor park, I located the vehicle going to Umuahia. The station wagon had almost filled up, when a haggard woman approached. Her bony body was outlined under an oversized blouse that was drawn in at the waist. A grey skirt fell to the middle of her legs, her feet were clad in rugged bathroom slippers. She poked her thin face into my window and informed us that her husband was in very poor health.

  ‘My brothers and sisters,’ she pleaded, ‘I have nine children and hunger is threatening to kill us. My husband has been very sick for over a year and we have no money for the operation.’

  She said that we - those of us in that vehicle - were their only hope of survival. If we would only chip in some funds.

  ‘My brothers and sisters,’ she begged, ‘please nothing is too small.’

  Around her neck hung a cloth rope attached to a photograph of her husband. In it, the sick man was lying on a raffia mat on the cement floor. He was stark naked and his ribs were gleaming through his skin. There was a growth the size of two adult heads, shooting out from between his bony legs. The faded photograph dangled on her flat chest as she stretched a metal container into the car and jangled the coins that were inside.

  As soon as I saw the photograph, it hit me.

  I realised what had been missing from Ola’s room, what it was that had been nagging at me all the while I was there. All my photographs - all three of them - had vanished from her room.

  Four

  The local 7 o’clock news was usually a harmless serving of our state governor’s daily activities - where he had gone, what he had said, whom he had said it to. The national 9 o’clock news was different. It always reported something that infuriated my father.

  ‘They’re all illiterates!’ he ranted. ‘That’s the problem we have in this country. How can we have people ruling us who didn’t see inside the four walls of a university?’

  Two days ago, it was the allegation that one of the prominent senators had falsified his educational qualifications. He had lived in Canada for many years, quite all right, but the University of Toronto had no record of his attendance. Yesterday, it was the news that the Nigerian government had begun a global campaign to recover part of the three billion pounds embezzled by the late General Sani Abacha administration. About $700 million discovered in Swiss bank accounts had already been frozen. Today, it was the news that one of the state governor’s convoys had been involved in a motor accident. This was the fourth time this same governor’s convoy had been involved in a fatal car crash.

  ‘And the most annoying thing,’ my mother added, ‘is that he’s going to go scot-free.’

  ‘Did anyone die?’ Charity asked.

  ‘Were you not listening?’ Eugene replied.

  ‘One woman died,’ Godfrey answered. ‘The other one is in hospital.’

  The governor’s press secretary was careful to add that the injured woman’s medical bill was being catered for at the governor’s expense.

  ‘It’s taxpayer’s money!’ My father exploded from his chair.

  ‘But why can’t they investigate what the problem is?’ my mother asked. ‘Why can’t they ask why this same man has had four accidents in this period?’

  ‘Illiterates . . . all of them . . . that’s the problem.’

  Had I been less preoccupied with other matters, I would have supplied the answer to that question for free. After the third accident, I had read an interview in which this same governor’s press secretary had blamed the governor’s enemies, insinuating that they had used a powerful juju to engineer these mishaps in order to embarrass the governor.

  Before the news ended, my father had had enough. He stood up and hissed.

  ‘I’m going in,’ he said.

  My mother followed.

  Shortly after, Godfrey dived towards the television and tuned to a channel that was just starting to show a Nollywood movie. I was not a fan of these locally produced Nigerian movies, so I also stood and went into the children’s room.

  Sleep refused to happen. Three days after my visit to Ola, my mind was still bustling with worry. What was it that her mother was unhappy with me a
bout? Perhaps she and Ola were having a misunderstanding. Perhaps she was angry that I had not been to visit her as regularly as I should have. But then, the woman was always busy. Ola’s mother, for the earlier part of her married life, had been a contented housewife. She was forced to start her own business only after her husband defected to some other woman. Now she owned a busy pepper-soup joint somewhere in the middle of town, which she ran with an almost fanatical zeal.

  This mystery was going to torment me forever. There was no better way to regain my peace of mind than to pay her a visit tomorrow.

  I decided to walk. As I tried my best to avoid the speeding cars and the gaping gutters, I was amazed to see how much this obscure town was developing just a few years after Abia State had been carved out of Imo State, and Umuahia made the capital. There were several more cars on the roads, and neon signs announcing new businesses. There were more and more posters advertising the political intentions of . . . almost everybody. The scallywags hired to post these bills did not spare any available space in the pursuit of their endeavours. Faces of candidates were posted over traffic signs, and faces over the faces of other contestants. There were even faces posted on dustbins. Did these people not realise the subconscious message of seeing a candidate’s hopeful face grinning from a container specially prepared for garbage? Perhaps most of them did not go to school.

  A red car zoomed past and nearly broomed me off the road.

  ‘Hei!’ I cried while struggling to keep myself from tumbling into the gutter.

  These parts were largely populated by civil servants and traders; the most ostentatious they aspired to was a Mercedes-Benz V-Boot. Anybody riding such an extraterrestrial car must either be a dealer in human body parts or a 419er - a swindler of men and women in distant lands, an offender against section 419 of the Nigerian Criminal Code, which addresses fraudulent schemes.

  ‘Criminal!’ I hissed after the flashy vehicle. Was it his dirty money that had constructed the road?

  Ola and I had done this journey between her house and mine several times before. It was best enjoyed in the late evening - when there were fewer cars on the road, when the ill-tempered sun was taking its leave, when a fresh breeze was fanning the skin. Walking with Ola was magical. We would take slow steps and talk about everything - our dreams, our fears, what happened to us during the day, how we had spent our time. Usually, I did most of the serious talking. But once in a while, she raised some heavy issues.