8 Gone is the Witch

by Dana E. Donovan

  Tiny smiled, “That’s the idea. What do you think keeps me in business?”

  I lifted my empty glass. “You know, I think I taste something strangely familiar in that concoction. What’s it?”

  “Just three ingredients. Fermented bat phlegm, moth balls and gunji water.”

  “Bat phlegm! Of course. I knew it!”

  “Mothballs?” Carlos made a face as if coughing up a sour grape. “Aren’t mothballs poisonous when consume?”

  “They’re not that kind of moth balls.”

  “Oh. OH! That’s gross!”

  “Sure, but you have to admit, it’s good.”

  I could see Carlos thinking about it, weighing what he knew before drinking the elixir with what he knew after. “The man has a point,” he admitted. “It was good.”

  “You want another?”

  “I don’t know. I might want a drink of that punjab thing you mentioned, earlier.”

  The barkeep laughed. “Punjab ain’t a drink. It’s a euphoriant paste derived from fermented brobble.”

  “What’s a brobble?”

  “It’s a plant that grows in treklapod excrement.”

  “What do you do, spread the paste over your skin or something?”

  Tiny shook his head. “Not quite. The only way to serve punjab is in suppositories.”

  “You stick it up your ass?”

  “Yeah, but don’t worry, there’s no extra charge for administration.”

  Ursula said, “Methinks I shall pass.”

  “Me, too,” I said.

  Tony and Carlos likewise waved off even the remote possibility of entertaining the offer. Tiny, who seemed to think we’d be back to reconsider, simply shrugged. “Suit yourselves. Okay, it’s time to pay up now.”

  “I got it,” said Carlos. He pulled his wallet out from under his robe, removed a twenty and slapped it on the bar. “Keep the change, my good man.”

  I looked at him queerly. “Where was that?”

  “Where was what?”

  “Your wallet. I know you’re not wearing pants.”

  “They were in my shorts. I stashed it there when those thugs stole my clothes.”

  “What else you got down there?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You got your car keys in there, too?”

  “Maybe. You want to look for yourself?”

  “Pah-leeease.”

  “Well, since you asked nicely.”

  “No! I mean spare me.”

  “Hey,” said the barkeep, pointing at the money as if someone had left a pile of dog shit on his bar. “What the hell is that?”

  Carlos said, “I’m paying the tab. What, it’s not enough?”

  “I don’t take paper money here. Where do you think you are?”

  “Well, apparently we ain’t in Kansas.”

  Tiny slammed the heel of his fist down hard on the bar. “That’ll be eight difermium pellets. Two per drink. NOW!”

  “Eight what?”

  “That’s okay. I got it,” I said.

  Tony and Carlos watched curiously, as I pulled eight pellets from my pocket and spilled them out on the bar. “Here you go. Eight difermium pellets. Oh, and ahm...” I pulled the last one from my pocket and tossed it into the pile. “A little tip for you.”

  Tony pointed to the peculiar crystals. “Where’d you get those?”

  I shook my head. “That’s not important.”

  He turned to Ursula. “Where did she get those?”

  “From the merchants what givith us their robes.”

  “You stole money from those street vendors?”

  “Stole?” I dismissed the serious sound of the accusation with a wave. “Stole carries such a negative connotation. Besides, can you consider it stealing if they gave it to us willingly?”

  “It wasn’t willingly if you used a whisper box.”

  “And it isn’t stealing if there’s no law against it.”

  “No law? Lilith, stealing is stealing wherever you are. It’s not right.”

  “Nothing is right in this place. This isn’t earth. Here it’s every man for himself.”

  “And woman,” said Ursula.

  “And barkeep!”

  We turned and found Tiny standing behind the bar, cradling a twenty-inch machete to his barrel chest. “Now who’s paying for the glasses?”

  I shot him a classic bite me look. “What do you mean? You asked for eight difermium pellets; I gave you eight difermium pellets. Plus a tip.”

  “That was for the drinks.”

  “That’s all we ordered?”

  “I need four more for the glasses.”

  “What glasses?”

  “The four you drank out of. There’s a rental fee on them. One difermium pellet each.”

  “Are you nuts?”

  Carlos kicked his barstool out from under his butt and drew his bolo. “He’s trying to scam us.”

  The two patrons sitting at the bar several seats away kicked their stools out, drew their swords and began circling behind us. Tony stood, directed Ursula and me between him and Carlos and trained his bayonet on the two patrons. Fearing things were spiraling out of control; I decided to take matters into my own hands.

  I stepped out onto the floor, pointed at two of the empty tables and then snapped my fingers. Both tables and their chairs went flying. They tumbled across the room, taking out the two men with swords and an old lady that just looked suspicious.

  I turned to Tiny, who had tried making himself small behind the bar. I balled my fist up, shook it at him and threw an energy sphere past him so hard it smashed the wall mirror into a million pieces. Carlos, Tony and Ursula ducked into a crouch to avoid the flying pieces of glass.

  Oh, but I wasn’t done yet. I could feel the intense energy in the room feeding my powers and I just had to use it up. I set my sights on an old player piano tucked under the stairs. With a point and a flip, I slid the piano across the room and wedged it in the opening between the swinging doors.

  Overhead, a trample of footsteps stampeded across the ceiling. Tony called out to warn me. A rush of men had started downstairs, spurred into action by the commotion in the bar. Some had clubs. Most had knives. All had blood in their eyes. I pointed to the staircase, and with a clap of my hands, set it ablaze in a massive wall of fire.

  To say I was having fun would have been an understatement, and though I wanted to stay and play longer, I worried about Ursula and the others. It was time to finish the place off. I flicked my fingers at the table lanterns, tipping them over and igniting a half-dozen little fires around the room in a mini blitzkrieg.

  “Lilith!” Tony shouted. The three had retreated through a doorway behind the bar. I caught up with them in the storeroom where Carlos was throwing his shoulder into the back door, trying to bust it open. It wouldn’t budge.

  “Why don’t we go out the window?” I suggested.

  Tony glanced past his shoulder at me, “What window?”

  “There.” I pointed at the wall, but where there once was a window, I now saw only a paper poster of a scenic valley. “Son-of-a…. That was a window, Tony. I saw it.”

  Carlos yelled, “I need a crowbar!”

  Behind us, men were screaming. Some were on fire. Others jumped from the second floor balcony onto broken tables and chairs below. Tony shouted for Ursula to shut the door between the storeroom and bar. She did, sliding a latch-pin lock into place just as a wall of bodies came crashing into it.

  “Look!” I yelled, pointing. “It’s there again!”

  As soon as I said it, though, it was gone. Tony grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “Lilith. We don’t have time for this. Can’t you do something magick to get us out of here?”

  “I don’t know.” I tried flicking spent energy at the door as if shooing away flies. “Something’s different in here. I have no powers.”

  “Try!”

  “I am trying, Tony! Nothing’s happening!”

  “Try harder!”
/>
  I told Carlos to stand back. When he did, I clenched my fist, shook it hard and pitched a big fat ball of dead air at the back door.”

  Carlos said, “That didn’t do it.”

  I gave him a look usually reserved for the truly dense. “Smooth observation, Einstein.”

  Tony said, “Lilith, what’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know. I’m just not feeling it.”

  “Can you fire up a zip ball?”

  I put my hand out and tried making one. Once again, some inexplicable force zapped my energy dry. “It’s no use. Maybe I can––”

  Ursula let out a panicked scream and ran across the room into Carlos’ arms. The men on the other side of the door had hacked through with machetes. One of them punched a hole in the panel and stuck his hand through to unlatch the lock. Tony came down hard with his bayonet and severed the hand at the wrist.

  “We have to barricade the door!” he yelled. “Carlos, help me find something to––”

  “Look!” I shouted.

  “What?”

  “Shit! It’s gone again. I’m telling you, Tony. Every time I turn around, that damn poster turns into a window, but for just a second.”

  “A second isn’t long enough to get us out of here.”

  Ursula pointed at the poster. “Be that your window, sister?”

  “Yes, but I’m telling you, I’m not crazy. The damn thing keeps changing. I swear.”

  “Aye, `tis every inch the chameleon. Let us see what thou wilt then, shall we?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Methinks it is time the mask doth fall from its clever guise,” she said, ripping the poster from the wall and exposing a three-by-three foot hole.

  “Unbelievable,” I said. “How did you know?”

  Carlos pointed out the window. “Look. That’s the same view as out front.”

  “He’s right,” said Tony. “Across the street. That’s the alley where you gave us the robes.”

  “`Tis true, thy words. In the gutter, be that your hood, Master Carlos?”

  “It sure is.”

  “Those bastards,” I said. “It’s a trap.”

  We spun about at the sound of splintering wood and fund an axe head embedded in the door. Ursula grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward the window. “Traps work best when sprung on the naïve, not on the witting.” She gave me a not so gentle push. “`Tis best thou get thee gone and quick.”

  She didn’t have to tell me twice. I slithered out the window on my belly and landed on my head. Ursula tumbled out behind me, breaking her fall on the small of my back.

  Carlos and Tony followed, landing on their feet. They helped us up and led us off in a sprint. We disappeared through the back alley and faded into the shadows.

  Chapter Six

  For three blocks, we kept it up, laughing and tripping over ourselves as we ran. We stopped at the edge of town, collapsing on the banks of a narrow river where the water glowed neon red and smelled faintly of skunk and fish.

  Tony reached out to pat me on the knee. He was out of breath, but still very much excited. “Lilith, that was amazing. I didn’t know you could move furniture around the room with a wave of your hand.”

  “And the fire,” said Carlos. “How’d you do that?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “It just happened. I felt this rush of energy, and the next thing I knew it’s like bam! I’m Harryfuckinpotter without the wand.”

  “You’ve never done that before?”

  “Hell no. Not like that. I mean, sure I’ve moved small objects around here and there. What witch hasn’t? But this…. It must be the paraphysics factor. I told you this place was off the hook.”

  “You didn’t have that factor back in the store room when we needed it,” said Tony. “You couldn’t even spin a simple zip ball.”

  “I know.” I shook my head. “I can’t explain it. There’s something about this place. There are hot spots scattered about where my magic works beyond expectations and dead spots where it doesn’t work at all. One minute I have this awesome power; the next it’s all out the window.”

  “Speaking of windows…” Carlos shook his head and laughed. “What was with that one back there? How could a window in the back of a building look out over the front of that same building?”

  “It’s contravista, a contrary or opposite view of reciprocal nature. I imagine it’s a common phenomenon around here. We have to get used to things like that. I told you to expect the unexpected. You said so yourself, we ain’t in Kansas anymore.”

  “What, so you’re telling me all the windows look out over the opposite side of the building they’re in?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “That’s the craziest thing I ever heard of.”

  “That’s the Eighth Sphere for you.”

  “Lilith, what about now?” asked Tony. “Are your powers of witchcraft greater or weaker?”

  “I don’t know. Good question.”

  He pointed down at the riverbank. “See if you can move that rock.”

  “That one?” I pointed at the larger of the two.

  “Yeah. Try and move it.”

  Carlos and Ursula scooted back some, opening up the circle enough for me to gain unfettered access to the rock through trans-migrating waves of energy.

  I could feel it almost immediately. Just the thought of making the stone move seemed to feed my ability to make it happen. I reached out with splayed fingers, and before I could will it, the rock shot off into the night like a comet, blazing red tail and everything.

  “Holy cow!” Carlos stared out into the distance. “That was awesome. Do it again.”

  I held back my smile, trying not to be too much of a show off, but he was right. I was awesome. “You really want to see it again?”

  “Oh, please, sister,” said Ursula, clapping. “Thou art a most powerful witch.”

  “Yes, I am. I know. All right then. Stand back. I’m sending this one to the moon.”

  Carlos observed, “There is no moon.”

  “Then I’ll make one.”

  I turned my attention to the second stone. It was smaller and rounder than the first, so I imagined it would be easier to displace. I gave it the old hocus-pocus, mostly for show. It included the standard twirling of the arms and the classic flip of the wrists. Ursula just eats that shit up.

  I pointed at the stone and gave it a flick. To my chagrin, however, the damn thing just sat there like a... well, like a stone.

  I regrouped and tried again, this time investing a bit more concentration and less showmanship. Still, scarcely a tremble.

  “Hey. Maybe it’s defective,” Carlos joked.

  “Maybe you’re defective,” I said, though I was beginning to think he was right. I mean, it couldn’t have been me.

  I decided to break out the big guns. I stood up to face the stone proper, hiked my sleeves up to my elbows and drew a long, steady breath designed to muster up all my inner mojo.

  It came to me slowly at first, starting with a tingle in my bones. I could feel it collecting from all points in my body, funneling into one centralized point down deep inside. My heart pounded. My muscles tensed, as tiny sparks of light began snapping around the tips of my fingers.

  The others stood. Tony started towards me, but I waved him off. Carlos took Ursula’s hand and eased her back.

  With the heightened energy, came an aura of white light that surrounded my body and lifted me off the ground. It continued building, compounding and concentrating to a point I could bear no longer.

  I extended my arms toward the stone, my fists clenched, my nails biting into my palms as I fought to hold back the urge to blast the hell out of it. Then, like a bursting dam, I let it rip. I fired both barrels of pent-up energy at the rock and watched it…. fizzle?

  “What the...” I heard myself say.

  “Nothing happened,” said Carlos, staring at the rock, unimpressed.

  He was right. Not a damn thing hap
pened. I released all that energy at the stone and all I got was a watered down poof.

  Tony, ever the wiseass, cupped his hand to the sides of his mouth and said, “What’s wrong, Lilith? Cat got your magick?”

  I flipped him the bird. “Cat will have your ass if you don’t shut up.”

  “I’m just saying, you seem to have a consistency issue lately.”

  “Yeah, if you’re so smart, you give it a go?”

  “What, you want me to move that––”

  Rock, is what he started to say, but when he pointed at it, the damn thing spontaneously blew into a hundred little pieces.

  We gazed upon the swirl of stone dust, speechless. I couldn’t believe it. All I could say was, “Son-of-a-bitch.”

  “What?”

  “I said son-of-a-bitch! I mustered up half the power of the H-bomb and couldn’t so much as nick it. And here you come along, barely look at the thing and send it into oblivion.”

  “Yeah, well…,” He blew on his fingertips and buffed them against his chest. “Sometimes you got it and sometimes you don’t.”

  “Bull!”

  “What do you mean, bull?”

  “It’s this place. I’m telling you.” I waved my hands to encompass the entire stinking universe. “It’s the paraphysics factor. Don’t forget that.”

  “What you mean is don’t forget you’re the queen.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Guys!” cried Carlos. “Hey, what is this?” He held his hands out to catch a strange grayish-looking soot floating down from the sky.

  “Yeah, what is that?” Tony did the same. “Ash?”

  “It ain’t snow,” I said.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Tony, it’s ninety degrees.”

  “Yeah, but you never know around here.”

  “Good point.” I worked the silvery soot between my thumb and index finger. It wasn’t gritty, but it wasn’t entirely smooth either. I remembered the volcano I saw when we first arrived in the ES, and I suggested it was from that.

  “No,” said Carlos. “It’s Auschwitz ash.”

  “Not funny,” I told him

  Ursula didn’t get it. Just as well, persecution is a touchy subject with her.

  As we stood debating the strange anomaly, it ceased falling. I brushed my hands clean on my pant legs and gestured across the stream. “Hey, guys. Check it out.”