Wreathed

by Curtis Edmonds

  Pacey had posted something snarky about getting to meet my boyfriend at long last, so I opened the Amazon shopping app and looked around for the most annoying toy I could find. I found these horrible-looking plastic kazoos that were guaranteed to be extra-loud. I ordered two.

  “What are you snickering about?” Adam asked.

  “I was snickering?” I asked. “I hadn’t realized.”

  “Yes, but why?”

  “Revenge. A cheap revenge, but I hope it will be effective.”

  “Is that like a family tradition, or something?” he asked. “Because it seems to be.”

  “It’s not directed at you.”

  “Oh, good.”

  “I mean, this time, anyway.”

  Adam changed lanes and accelerated to get around someone in a maroon minivan. “Have you decided if you’re driving home or not?” he asked.

  “Why do you ask?” I employed just the slightest coquettish simper, just to see where he was heading with this.

  “You realize I’m in the middle of a renovation project with the house, right?”

  “I may have noticed a few things seemed slightly askew.”

  “Sarcasm. Great. Just what I was looking for. Anyway, you didn’t go upstairs, so you didn’t see the guest bedroom. It’s not in great shape.”

  “Like six inches of sawdust all over everything?” I asked.

  “Like, not having a floor.”

  “That sounds problematic,” I said.

  “I’m not exactly set up for house guests right at the moment. I know Uncle Sheldon doesn’t have any place to go, but I can put him on the love seat downstairs. He’s not finicky.”

  “Are you calling me finicky?” I asked.

  Adam said something under his breath that I couldn’t quite catch but sounded like serenity, serenity, serenity. I decided not to press the issue, but if he was going to tease me, he needed to learn to handle teasing better.

  “I didn’t say that,” he said. “What I was thinking was that the best answer would be to put Uncle Sheldon up in a motel for the night. There’s a nice place that just happens to be across the street from the storage place where I put all his stuff. He likes to get an early start in the morning; he can walk over there and have everything loaded on a rental truck before breakfast.”

  “Where does that leave me?”

  “That’s kind of up to you, isn’t it? Like I said, it’s a nice motel. If you want, I can drop you off there. You can get a room, and Sheldon can give you a ride back to my house, if that’s what you want.”

  “That’s not what I want,” I said.

  “So you’re driving home?”

  “That’s not what I want, either.”

  We dropped Sheldon off without too much in the way of grumbling. He’d had a long day, and wasn’t averse to the idea of going straight to bed. Adam left him the keys to the storage unit, and a credit card for the truck-rental place. It was a short drive from there to Adam’s house, but not a long enough drive for me to figure out what it was I wanted to do next.

  I saw Vanessa before Adam did. She was sitting in her car, which she had parked in Adam’s driveway, blocking my car. I told him to keep driving, and he did as he was told, which I thought was a very good sign indeed.

  “What do we do now?” I asked.

  “Simple,” Adam said. “We find someplace to park, and go in the back door. Eventually, she’ll go away.”

  “You don’t know Vanessa. She has something she wants from me. For all I know, she’s been following me all day. She’s relentless.”

  “I don’t want her in my driveway, either, but I’m spending tonight in my own bed. Under the circumstances, you’re welcome to join me.”

  Every time I think he can’t get any less romantic, I thought, he surprises me.

  “I thought you wanted to take this slowly,” I said.

  “It’s your decision,” he said. “You can come inside with me, or you can have it out with Vanessa. I know what I’d prefer, but the alternative should be entertaining as well.” It was too dark for me to see his face clearly, but I knew he had that irritating grin on his face.

  He parked the Jaguar in an empty space in front of the house that was directly behind his. He crept softly through the yard, all the way to the back fence. I followed him, checking nervously over my shoulder to see if anyone was stirring in the house.

  “There’s not a door in the fence,” Adam said. “So we need to go over. I can go first, and then help you over, but we have to do it quietly.”

  “You’re not serious,” I said.

  “Shush,” Adam whispered. “And keep it down. Voices carry, you know. I hate to ask you this, but you need to trust me.”

  “You want me to trust you? You want me to trust you?”

  “Well, sure. I mean, it’s not all that high of a fence. Let me show you.” He took a leap at the fence, hooked one of his feet in the lattice, and managed to vault over it without injuring himself. “See?” he said, as he picked himself up off the ground. “No trouble at all. And I can help you over.”

  “This is not about whether you will catch me should I try to make it over this fence, which I am not about to do. This is about me not trusting you because you don’t trust me.”

  “We can have this discussion later,” he hissed. “Right now, you need to go up and over.”

  “You are out of your mind, Adam.”

  “You want me to apologize? Is that what this is about?”

  “All I asked you to do was believe me when I said your uncle was alive. You’re asking me to climb a fence in the middle of the night, for no good reason. I think there is an imbalance here.”

  “If you want to try and see if you can get in the front door before your friend Vanessa tackles you, go right ahead,” Adam said. “This felt like it was maybe a little more dignified.”

  “There is nothing dignified about making me climb this stupid fence,” I stage-whispered.

  “You’re worried about being dignified?” he asked. “I’ve already seen you naked.”

  “Do you want to see me naked again?”

  “Yes. Very much so.” I could just see the wolf-like glint in his eyes through the darkness.

  My alternatives, as I saw them, were to try to climb the stupid fence, or pull my phone out and see what kind of cab service they had in Freehold, New Jersey, this late on a Saturday night. I said something caustic and horrible under my breath.

  “Whenever you’re ready,” Adam said.

  “If you think this is adorable and romantic,” I said, “you are sadly mistaken.”

  “All I’m asking is for you to meet me halfway,” he said. “You’ll see.”

  I took a deep breath and asked the universe to suspend the law of gravity just long enough to get me over this stupid fence. I put my feet in the lattice, one small step at a time, and inched my way up. The structure started sagging under my weight. I applied forward momentum and managed to make it halfway up before I stalled. As I mentioned before, I am a little top-heavy, and I started to tip forward. Adam took my arms and started dragging me over, but my belt snagged on the top of the fence.

  “Wait. Wait,” I hissed. “I am stuck.”

  “Quiet,” he said, and kept pulling.

  “My pants are coming off!”

  He reached over, grabbed the back of my belt, and lifted me bodily over the fence as I kicked and flailed. He overbalanced and fell to the turf, with me on top of him.

  “Ow,” I said. “Bastard.”

  Adam hooked a thumb towards the house, and started walking up to the back porch, and tried a small door on the right side. It was locked.

  “Unbelievable,” I said.

  “Patience.” He got his wallet out and extracted a credit card. He slid it into the latch and the door popped open. A staircase led up to the second floor.

  “After you,” he said.

  The room at the top of the stairs was large and tastefully decorated and had a gas fireplace roari
ng happily away. A king-size bed sat in the far corner, with high-thread-count sheets and a down comforter, with a door beyond it that looked like it led to a private bath. In front of the fireplace, there was a bright-red Persian rug and a cushy sofa with dark maroon leather.

  “Did you do all this?” I asked.

  “Every bit of it. It’s nice, don’t you think?”

  “It’s gorgeous,” I said. It looked every bit as stunning as what Sheldon had done with the house in Cape May.

  “I have the fireplace synched up with an iPhone app. I turned it on when you were getting dinner at the mall. I was hoping that you’d want to come up here with me, and here you are.”

  He’s trying to seduce you, I thought. And it’s working.

  “It’s been a long day,” I said. “And I have to admit, it would be nice just to sink down on that couch and watch that fire for a while, sitting next to you. But first, I would like to know where we stand, you and I.”

  “We don’t need to stand,” he said. “Sit. Relax. Be comfortable.”

  “You asked me to trust you, and I did,” I said. “But it has to be a two-way street. You still owe me an apology. And unless I get it, you’re going to need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight.”

  Adam sank down on the couch. “You’re right,” he said. “It has been a long day.”

  “If you want to grab a blanket so you can sleep more comfortably downstairs, I would be all right with that,” I said.

  “I’m not going to grovel, if that’s what you’re waiting for. If you’re looking for someone who does that, I guess you can keep looking. I know I screwed up today. I know I overreacted when you said Sheldon was alive. This has not been the best day I’ve ever had, or the best week I’ve ever had, but that’s not an excuse. Sometimes I am a jerk. But not often, and when I’m not, I’m actually a pretty decent guy, if you give me a chance. That’s if you want to give me a chance.”

  “If you can’t be honest with me, I can’t give you a chance.”

  “Then I’ll be honest,” he said. “I like you. I think you’re smart and attractive and sexy. You don’t put up with bullshit or dish it out. I want to try to make this work, and I hope that you do, too.”

  “I want to try,” I said. “But I can’t be with someone I don’t trust, and who doesn’t trust me. We have to build that, together, and maybe we’re not there yet.”

  Adam took a long look into the fireplace. I took a step towards the fire, feeling its warmth on my hands and radiating up my body. I was suddenly conscious of just how warm the room was at that moment. It would feel good to be warm all over, I thought, to be under the thick covers on the bed.

  “I made this room for you,” he said. “I mean, I didn’t know who you’d be at the time. But I did everything in here myself. I laid the bricks for the fireplace. I sanded the floors. I nailed in the crown molding. I wanted this room to be special, because I knew a special girl would come along who would want to be here, alone with me, and sit by the fire. I trusted that you would come along, and you’re here, and I’m here, and the fire is warm. I think we can build on that.”

  I shouldn’t do this. I should walk out of here, like he said. Teach him a lesson.

  In his own clumsy, backwards way, he is trying to be romantic.

  He’s not Prince Charming, and he never will be.

  But he’s smart, and he’s handsome, and when he smiles he makes me feel warm and soft inside. And when he touches me that warm softness blazes into something hotter than that fireplace.

  What was it Pacey had said? “Romance is the socialized expression of frustrated sexual desire.” By that standard, I was feeling romantic as all hell. And Adam was standing there, looking at me in that lascivious, carnivorous way of his, like I was a treat he was just waiting to unwrap.

  Adam was right, I thought. He wasn’t being mysterious. This is someplace warm, and it’s not just the fire.

  I took a step backwards, towards the leather sofa. I sat down at what I hoped was an inviting angle. It must have been, because Adam pressed his body closely against mine and leaned in for a kiss. His mouth felt hot and salty against mine. He smelled like smoke and coffee and desire.

  He thrust his tongue deeply into my mouth, holding it there for a long, delicious moment. Then he lifted himself off the couch and knelt on the floor in front of me. He started nuzzling my neck, while one hand worked its way down my body to my belt buckle, which he started to undo.

  “I thought you wanted to go slowly,” I said.

  “I do,” he said. “Later.”

  I woke up the next morning happy, content, and wreathed in Adam’s arms. The sun was peeking through the lace curtains. It was the start of a new day, one that we would spend together.

  Chapter 32

  Vanessa’s car was still in the driveway when I woke up. I had no idea why she was there, unless she wanted to torment me. I didn’t have an idea of how much food Adam had in the house, so it might not be possible to starve her out. There was also the possibility that he didn’t have adequate stores of coffee, which would have been an unquestioned disaster. Something had to be done.

  I decided not to wake Adam up right away. He’d had a hard day, and I noted that he looked very fetching when he was asleep. That had to do, I reasoned, with the fact that he wasn’t teasing me. I got dressed, did the minimum I needed to do to make myself presentable, and went downstairs to the kitchen. It turned out that Adam had one of those single-serve coffee makers, and a Costco-sized box of pods to go with them. I was going to be able to withstand a lengthy siege.

  I was checking Adam’s pantry to see if his taste in alcohol ranged anywhere beyond light beer when the doorbell rang. I had no intention of answering it, but I also didn’t want Adam to wake up just yet. I glanced at the front door and saw that it had a chain on it. I hooked the chain up and opened the door a crack.

  “Go away,” I said.

  “I just need a very quick moment of your time,” Vanessa said. “I promise.”

  “I do not believe a single thing you say,” I said.

  “I hate to ask you. Really, I do. But it will be quick.”

  “You are not supposed to be talking to me at all. You shouldn’t be here. You should leave. Now.”

  “I can’t leave,” Vanessa said. “Not right this minute.”

  “What is your problem?” I asked.

  “I need to pee,” she admitted. “Please.”

  “Try the deli,” I said.

  “Wendy, I know you’re upset, but if you make me wet my pants, I will take it very personally.”

  “You just spent the night in your car so you could block my car. That’s stalking, technically. I take that very personally.”

  “I am begging you,” she said.

  It would be a petty revenge to make her wet her pants on Adam’s front porch, but I knew I would have to clean it up. I undid the chain. “Quickly,” I said. “Don’t make me regret being nice to you.”

  “Thanks loads,” she said. “Watch out that I don’t hit your foot with the cane.” She was wearing a ridiculously oversized walking boot, and wielding one of those canes with four legs that extremely elderly people use to get around. Her equipment didn’t seem to inhibit her pace as she raced to the downstairs bathroom.

  The way I figured it, it was about fifty-fifty that Vanessa had tracked me down in order to try to extort a quick settlement for her lawsuit. That was the best-case scenario. Otherwise, it meant that she had come up with some other clever idea to torment me. I just hoped that, whatever it was, it was ill-advised enough that I could use it against her somehow. I couldn’t hit her, or even touch her. All I could do was let her do whatever she came to do, and then drive home and amend the pleadings I had prepared if I needed to do that. I was going to win this confrontation in the end, so long as I kept my cool.

  She stumped her way out of the bathroom a few minutes later. “I am quite grateful to you,” she said. “Honestly. We may have our little disagreement
s, but we can still be civil, can’t we?”

  “That’s rich, coming from a woman who’s just spent all night in her car so she could block mine in the driveway. Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get a picture of you behind the wheel. You know, for evidence in the countersuit.”

  “You do say the drollest things, Wendy. But it’s your picture I’ve come to take.”

  “I can’t imagine why,” I said. “I’m not the least bit photogenic.”

  “Perhaps not,” Vanessa said. “But your boyfriend is. Or, at least, that’s what I’m hoping the state bar association will think.”

  “Is that your little plan? It’s not enough to get me suspended from my job, but you want to get me disbarred as well?”

  “It wouldn’t be me doing it, you understand. It would be the state bar association. You’re not supposed to have a sexual relationship with the opposing party in a pending case. They frown on such things, or so I understand.”

  I had another one of those flashes of realization, but this was a soft glow. A very warm, soft glow. “Won’t you sit down,” I said. “Your supposed injury must be very tiring for you.”

  “That’s very tempting,” she said. “I will take you up on that. It speaks well of your character that you should be so accommodating.” It took her a moment to settle on the love seat. I sat down opposite her, with my hands folded neatly in my lap.

  “I can see that you’ve been busy,” I said. “So have I. I have an e-mail sitting in my drafts folder. It’s complete, just not sent yet. It will go out right after this conversation is over. I’m sending it to everyone I can find at Gawker Media, and copying it to all the daily newspapers in the Northeast. I’m hoping that’s all I have to do to help it go viral, but I can certainly send it elsewhere if the need requires.”