A Headphone Actor

by Jin (Shizen no Teki-P)

  I flew out into the hallway.

  Now I finally understand…

  All this time, the thing I wanted to tell him.

  And now I can say it.

  Yes, I can finally say it now…

  A torrent of emotions flooded my chest as I tried to reach him before another second elapsed.

  I planted my foot down on the ground—

  …or I tried to.

  Suddenly, the hallway walls began to warp and bend before me, the floor approaching my head at alarming speed.

  My body crashed to the floor with enough force to generate a rebound.

  “Agh…ngh…Ah…!”

  I had trouble breathing well.

  I tried to move, but the best I could manage was to twitch my fingers a little.

  …No, not now, of all times…!

  The fear I had nearly forgotten now held absolute reign over my mind.

  At the same time, an unreasonably overpowering sense of drowsiness stole my consciousness away.

  …No. Stop it. Stop it!

  As my consciousness faded further and further, unable to put up any resistance, the last thing my eyes caught sight of was a hazy figure standing before me in the hallway.

  —What’s that guy doing here?

  There’s no way he should be here at all.

  I was no longer able to discern who it was. My time limit was about to run dry.

  Ayano’s prophetic words sprung back to mind: “There are times you want to tell someone something, but you wind up being too late.”

  I am such a complete idiot. I had the simplest of all things to tell him, and I took too much time for it.

  Until the final moment when my slipping consciousness flickered out, I kept repeating the words within myself.

  “—Haruka, I love you.”

  HEADPHONE ACTOR IV

  Did my last words make it through?

  I no longer had any way of knowing, but they must have. It felt like they did.

  I felt oddly strange.

  As if I was flying through the sky, or was suspended in a body of lukewarm water…

  Indeed, as if I had just woken up from something or other.

  My near-exhausted breath, my legs racked with pain, the sense of drowsiness that seemed to forever frustrate me…I didn’t feel any of it now.

  Did I die, I wonder?

  Is this seemingly infinite darkness what the afterlife is supposed to be…?

  I had imagined something a bit more like a fairy tale, somehow. God must’ve fallen asleep at the wheel.

  He could have at least turned the lights on for me…

  “Ugh, this is making no sense at all to…Huh?! Ah! Ah, ahhh…! Wow, I can talk. Nngh…and I…I have a body, too.”

  I patted down my body from head to toe, but it seemed I still retained full control of my body and voice.

  “Okay, so where am I, then? It doesn’t seem like I’m locked up in a box or anything…Was I just having some kind of weird dream up to now…?”

  I suddenly recalled my dramatic, frenzied memories from before.

  The city, in a state of chaos.

  The sky, crashing to the ground.

  The voice, my second “self,” that suddenly rang out between my ears…

  The mere recollection brought goose bumps to my skin.

  Then I realized that I was capable of having goose bumps after all. Weird.

  Why did all that bizarre stuff happen to me, anyway?

  I can speak, at least, but it didn’t feel like I was breathing at all.

  I can touch things with my body, but I don’t feel any warmth from them.

  If this was proof that I’m dead, maybe I just had to accept it and move on, but there was one thing I just couldn’t understand.

  What had happened to me before all this, before I woke up in that hallway?

  I’d experienced that feeling multiple times before now.

  The feeling that I’ve woken up after suddenly falling asleep.

  There were absolutely no memories I could recall from before I found myself in the hallway.

  I had probably lost consciousness due to my “illness” before waking up there.

  This had happened to me time and time again, so it wasn’t anything particularly surprising…but things were a lot different after I woke up this time.

  I had never experienced any of these dreamlike events before. And I certainly never found myself wandering in utter darkness.

  “Nnngh!! This is making no sense at all! Where the hell am I?! Hellooooo?! Is anyone around?!”

  I don’t know if my shouting had triggered it or not, but suddenly, a square object resembling a TV screen floated up from the darkness.

  The screen showed a seemingly infinite number of monitors, as well as a ceiling lined with wires that seemed to snake across each other like living creatures.

  “W-whoa! Where’d this come from…? What’s up with this stuff? Are those TVs?”

  Approaching it to take a closer look, I realized it was actually a dark room, something resembling a laboratory.

  Every one of the individual monitors displayed a numerical readout of times and parameters and so on.

  Perhaps this square frame I was watching the room through was just another monitor inside this lab.

  Not that I had any way of confirming even that.

  Total darkness surrounded me. The room I could see through the square, windowlike screen was the only thing left in my world.

  I still couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in the world from before. I was struck with the impression that the world I lived in had collapsed like some papier-mâché model.

  And in the end, I still had no solid idea why I felt so driven to communicate…whatever it was…to whoever it was.

  “Hmmm…It’s too dark to see much…but I think someone’s talking?”

  My perception of the room was limited, the light from the displays the only thing illuminating it.

  But, while only softly, I could make out some sound from my square window as well.

  “…ze One looks like a success, anyway. Hah-hah! I wasn’t expecting results like this on the first try. The year I spent preparing for this certainly seems worth it now!”

  The voice, audible only by bringing my ear right up to the screen, belonged to someone I knew very well.

  “…Mr. Tateyama? What’s he doing in there…?”

  I changed position to peer as deeply into the window as I could, straining to see who the voice belonged to.

  The volume bumped itself up just a bit, enough to make the sound fully clear and discernible.

  The dimly lit room, as well, gradually brightened up to the point where I could see everything clearly, as if my eyes had grown used to my surroundings.

  But what I saw unfolded before me was a sight I had trouble believing.

  Deeper inside the darkened room was a large device, something resembling an X-ray machine.

  There was a white, circular gate put in place over a sort of bed, neatly straddling the middle of it.

  I saw several buttons, as well as a readout that looked like a heart monitor without any needle. Cords snaking out from the gate had been attached to the body lying on the bed from head to toe, as if plugging in to outlets previously installed on it.

  “Wait, is that…me…?!”

  The person there had to be me. It was in a white outfit, like the clothes you’re given in a hospital, and a headphonelike machine was placed on its head.

  “W-what’s going on here?! I’m supposed to be right here…!”

  Then I realized.

  This isn’t what happens when you become, like, a ghost, is it?

  My consciousness is definitely right here, with me. But there’s no mistaking my body, either, and that’s on that bed over there.

  Which means…

  “Oh, no way, am I really dead…? Oh, man…”

  I fell to the floor at the shocking sight.

  Then, ridicul
ously, I mulled over the notion that I could still do something like “fall to the floor” in this…situation I found my consciousness in.

  How could I have ever known that I would become a ghost—something you never would’ve convinced me to believe in, no matter how hard you tried?

  Maybe that girl who paid the classroom a visit during the school festival was really a ghost after all, then.

  But that guy with her said it was “psychic powers” or something, didn’t he?

  Either way, I was forced to accept that the supernatural really did exist after all.

  But what was more remarkable was how calmly I seemed to take all this.

  I was surprised, yes, but my death apparently didn’t mean I was rubbed out of existence.

  I was right here, thinking to myself and perceiving the world around me, so there was no doubt that I…existed, at least.

  “…But what should I do now, though? That was definitely Mr. Tateyama’s voice. He’s got to be somewhere in there. Maybe I could get him to notice me somehow and help me out…”

  I brought my attention back to thoroughly examining the room. I thought I heard the voice from my right side before, but…

  I pushed my face into the square window as closely as I could, doing my level best to gain a view of the right side of the room.

  That rewarded me with a clearer view toward the right, previously a blind spot from my original position.

  There was an enormous water tank…or, really, a blown-up version of the formaldehyde tubes you see in science class. Mr. Tateyama was standing in front of it, but I was stunned less by his presence and more by what I saw inside the tank.

  “H-Haruka…?!”

  I thought I saw Haruka for a moment, but the figure inside the tank was different from the Haruka I knew.

  Just like myself on the bed, tubes were attached to his body as he floated aimlessly, head down…but his hair was white, his eyes a light shade of pink.

  “Is…is that Konoha? The persona Haruka made for himself? But…but why…?!”

  My mind had ground itself to a halt upon experiencing all these unreal revelations, exposed one after the other.

  Why was I dead?

  Why is Konoha over there?

  And what is my teacher even doing…?

  I was still having trouble gathering my thoughts when Mr. Tateyama’s voice rang out from beyond the window.

  “Anyway, the ‘key’ is now firmly in my grasp. Now I can open up the next ‘Kagerou Daze.’ But, Konoha…you still haven’t…”

  Suddenly he was cut off, as the square window erupted into what looked like a vast sandstorm.

  I put a hand on the window, wondering what it was. Then I saw that the silhouette of my hand, illuminated by the dim light, was gradually crumbling away at the edges, like a video image dissolving into a blocky mess.

  “Ahhh…! Yaagghhh!! W-what’s going on?! My body’s gonna…!”

  The next moment, the word REMOVE flashed across all the countless displays on the other side of the window.

  “Re…move…? What, right here?”

  Not aware of what the message meant exactly, I quickly decided it was ordering me to remove my clothes. I did so as much as I could possibly muster, given that my life apparently depended on it.

  —But nothing changed at all.

  So what was that order all about…?!

  “Nooooo! This isn’t doing anything at all! Ahhh, my feet are gone…!! And my chest…Not that I had much down there in the first place, but…”

  As if a bystander in someone else’s dream, I looked on as my body dissolved before me.

  I was now completely baffled.

  But, probably, this meant I was going away. For good this time.

  I suppose this means I’m not going to wake up in bed at home, in mortal danger of being late for school again…No, probably not.

  As my mind dwelled on silly details like that, my body wiped itself away to the point of almost complete extinction.

  I whispered, “Oh, God!” to myself helplessly, but it was all for naught. The next moment—

  There was nothing but darkness before my eyes.

  “…Ah, my poor girl. You’ve already lost your body. What further point is there to living now?”

  Oh, great, my body really has gone away…I mean, I figured it had, but still.

  “Even if you went back, there’s no place left in the world for you, you know.”

  Well…well, I’ll make one, then. I can carve a niche for myself anywhere I feel like. It’ll be fine.

  “Well, well, someone’s acting a tad too big for her britches, isn’t she? That’s how badly you want to get out of here, is it?”

  Of…of course! I mean, I have no idea at all what’s happening to me here, so…

  “Well, girl, if you want to get out…then open your eyes.”

  —Wha?!…Like, who are you, even?

  The moment I attempted to ask, my eyes began to grow searing hot, as if they were burning in their sockets.

  At the same time, a bolt of lightning crashed across the darkened world.

  I was blinded for a moment. The next thing I knew—there was a login screen in front of me.

  To me, this was the most familiar sight of all.

  “—Huh! This must have been what he meant, I guess. Okay, then…Better find a place to live, for starters. Someplace where I won’t be too bored would be nice.”

  With my usual speed, I typed my password into the screen.

  WELCOME

  With the relaxed joy of someone who has just awakened to full consciousness, I dove into the sea of text.

  The blue compass began to spin wildly. A sky of zeroes and ones spread out above me, dotted here and there with birds of pure lightning.

  —And thus, the tale of my long, long journey through the world of computers began.

  RETROSPECT FOREST

  August 15. The height of summer.

  The suburban road, well separated from the people and car noise you found in the city, was instead infected with the loud, echoing call of the nearby cicadas.

  The long, straight road was interrupted only by rusted-out signs and small houses, dotting the path for what seemed like the rest of the world.

  Next to the sidewalk, notably cracked and lacking in terms of solid pavement, the unkempt weeds extended toward the sky as high as they could.

  It was well into the afternoon by now. I felt like I had been walking down this path for hours, but I imagine it was only for twenty or thirty minutes in reality.

  When you’re faced with a never-ending onrush of catastrophic events, time always seems to pass a lot more slowly than it actually does.

  —It all started yesterday.

  I, Shintaro Kisaragi, have wound up getting shoved out into the outside world for some reason, after approximately two years of the exciting, laugh-a-minute nerd shut-in lifestyle.

  Why? Well, thanks to the brazen acts of violence carried out by the evil virus known as Ene, I broke a few of my computer’s accessories and wound up having to visit the nearby department store to shop for replacements. That’s the simplest reason, at least.

  But once I reached that department store, I wound up being on the scene of a terrorist attack—something I had to have, like, a one-in-eighty-thousand chance of encountering. Then they took me hostage, and then they even went and shot me.

  …Given the tale this far, I already have some critical doubts as to whether anyone would believe a word of it. But the real story’s just getting started. Allow me to continue.

  After being shot with a handgun, I was rescued by this bizarre organization that happened to also be on the scene.

  It’s called the Mekakushi-dan, and it’s a group of, shall we say, “unique” individuals. An invisible woman, a Medusa, this chameleon kind of guy, you name it.

  …This gang is clearly far more of a threat than any run-of-the-mill terror group, but apparently they treated my injuries for me, and by the loo
ks of things, they don’t seem like bad people at all.

  —So that was all fine and good. Up to that point.

  If I had resisted all the urges telling me to poke around this group some more, if I’d just said, “Thank you very much, uh, see you later,” returned home, and enjoyed my triumphant return to the nerd shut-in life with gusto, I imagine I could have convinced myself to forget about all the questions I had.

  But when the guy they called “Kano” started prattling on and on about stuff, and when I decided to be polite enough to lend him an ear—butting in with “Huh, neat” every now and then, that kind of thing—they decided I knew too many of their secrets and couldn’t be allowed back home. The classic criminal gang, in other words.

  —I fired back, of course.

  Certainly, I appreciated their taking care of me overnight while I was unconscious.

  But I wasn’t about to blindly follow whatever orders they gave me, and the shock of leaving my room for the first time in ages had fatigued me greatly, physically and emotionally.

  Really, even if I wanted to blab about the secrets of this crazy gang to someone else, there’s no doubt they’d say, “Yeah, I’d say you’re the nuttiest out of all of ’em” in response.

  So of course I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I swore it to them.

  …But Ene, the plague-bearing rat residing in my computer, responded just as I thought she would—“Wow, all of this is really amazing, master!” and so on. Thus, she joined the Mekakushi-dan, she and all the secret info she had seized from my PC.

  My pleadings were all for nothing. I was very begrudgingly forced to join the group, and now I’m Shintaro, Mekakushi-dan Member No. 7.

  “Hey, Mom, I just made some new friends! I just joined this thing called the Mekakushi-dan! They made me Member No. 7! …Huh? How old am I? Oh, don’t tell me you forgot, Mom! I’m eighteen!”

  —It’d make me want to die. It really would. There’s no way I could tell her.

  “Uh, look, Shintaro, just looking at you is making me feel all gross…And that outfit is so lame, too.”

  As I played out my internal monologue to myself, my sister Momo, who was walking alongside me, spoke up in a peeved voice.