by Amy Clipston
“Cindy,” he said. “Can we talk?”
She backed away from him toward her bedroom door. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Please talk to me,” he pleaded, following her down the hallway. “We’re siblings, and Mamm is gone now. We need to take care of each other.”
She lifted her chin as she backed into the bedroom she shared with Laura and slammed the door. A moment later, the lock on the doorknob clicked.
He hung his head as he leaned against her doorframe. He lifted his hand to knock but then let his arm fall to his side. Maybe she just needed to be alone. Kayla said the pain would subside over time. He needed to give Cindy space to heal, and then perhaps she would realize she needed her siblings as much as they needed her. Even him.
He started down the hallway and stopped in front of Mark’s closed bedroom door. For a moment, he considered sharing his conversation with Dat. Certainly Mark would agree they should tell Dat to take a break while they ran the farm. Jamie lifted his hand to knock but then again let it fall to his side. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. He’d rather be alone with his confusing feelings and drowning bereavement. He could tell Mark what Dat said tomorrow.
Jamie went to this room and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. Then he dropped onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling as his conversation with Dat rolled through his mind. His father’s regrets sliced through his soul like sharp knives.
It was Jamie’s job to make things right now that Mamm was gone. He would carry the load of running the dairy farm, and he would convince Dat to take some time for himself.
As he rolled to his side and faced the wall, Dat’s words echoed in his thoughts.
You’re still young, and God willing, you have many years ahead of you. You should grab those opportunities when you can. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
His thoughts turned to Kayla. Was Dat suggesting he should pursue a relationship with her? Could she be his future?
No, he couldn’t worry about his future now. He had to be Dat’s strength. Dat was too embroiled in his own sadness to be the head of the family. It was his job to take care of his family and be the best emergency responder he could be. If he couldn’t help his own mother, he had to at least do his best to help others in his community.
He wasn’t emotionally ready to take on a relationship.
But then why couldn’t he keep Kayla from invading his thoughts?
FIFTEEN
Jamie jolted out of bed when he read the clock the next morning.
Six fifteen.
He gasped and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He’d overslept again. After staring at the ceiling for hours, sleep had found him around two in the morning. He’d planned to get up at five and feed the animals before his father got out of bed. But those plans were dashed when he’d forgotten to set his alarm.
After getting dressed, he rushed down to the kitchen. Laura and Cindy were cooking, working side by side. They’d had so many gifts of food, and had all been grieving in their own ways, they’d not sat down for a meal together since Mamm’s accident. The familiar aroma of eggs, home fries, bacon, and fresh rolls filled the kitchen and made his stomach gurgle.
Laura spun toward him and smiled, but her smile was more forced than genuine. “Gude mariye.”
“Gude mariye.” He glanced at Cindy, who was flipping scrambled eggs in a large skillet. “Gude mariye, Cindy.” He held his breath and waited for her to look at him, but she kept her back to him and her eyes focused on the frying pan. Deflated, his shoulders dropped.
Jamie turned toward the table, set for five. Staring at the bare space where Mamm had always sat, he suddenly felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest.
He was alarmed to see dark circles rimming Laura’s eyes as she placed a platter of home fries on the table.
“How are you?” Jamie asked.
Laura shrugged. “I’m all right.”
“Did you sleep last night?”
“Maybe an hour or two.” She turned toward the counter. “Kaffi?”
“I need to take care of the animals.” He started toward the mudroom. “I’ll have some kaffi when I get back.”
“Mark already went out to take care of the animals.” Laura poured a mug of coffee and handed it to him. “He should be on his way back anytime now. He went out at five.”
He frowned as guilt seeped through him. He was supposed to take care of things, but he couldn’t even get out of bed on time. He needed to step up and start acting like the older son.
“Danki.” He took a long draw on the mug. The coffee was strong and rich, just the way he liked it.
The back door opened and clicked closed, and then Mark stepped into the kitchen. “The animals are fed.” He crossed the kitchen to wash his hands in the sink. “Breakfast smells appeditlich.”
“Danki.” Cindy looked at him. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“You know I’m always hungry.” Mark dried his hands with a paper towel.
Jamie’s shoulders clenched. Cindy would acknowledge Mark, but she wouldn’t even look at him. How long would her resentment last? When would she even discuss her anger with Jamie? He pushed away his frustration and focused on his brother. He owed Mark an apology.
“I’m sorry,” Jamie said. “I was going to handle the chores this morning, but I forgot to set my alarm.”
“It’s fine. We always share the chores, right?” Mark tossed the used paper towel into the trash can in the corner and stepped over to the table.
Laura placed a basket of bread and a platter of bacon on the table. “What are we missing?” she muttered, fingering the hem of her black apron.
“Laura, let me help you. I’ll pour the kaffi.” Jamie filled three mugs with coffee and handed two to her. He’d pour Dat’s in a minute.
“Danki.” Laura set them by two of the plates.
Cindy scraped the eggs onto a platter and set it on the table.
“It looks like Dat is going to sleep in for a while.” Laura rested her hand on the back of her chair and then glanced toward the doorway leading to the family room. The doorway that led to their parents’ bedroom was there. “We should eat and I’ll reheat the food when Dat gets up.”
“That’s a gut idea.” Cindy pulled out her usual chair, across the table from Jamie’s, and sank down on it. “We should eat and then get started on our morning chores.”
Mark sat down as Laura did the same across from her twin. Jamie lingered, standing behind his chair as he stared toward the doorway. It was unusual for Dat to sleep past six. What if he was ill?
“Jamie?” Mark looked up at him, his eyebrows lifted. “Are you going to eat?”
“Should we go and check on Dat?” Jamie nodded toward the doorway.
“I think we should let him sleep.” Laura tapped her plate. “Sit. The food is getting cold.”
Jamie dropped onto his chair, folded his hands, closed his eyes, and opened his heart, silently begging God for guidance.
Please, God. Make me the sohn mei daed deserves and the bruder my siblings need. I’m lost. Show me how to get through this devastatingly painful time. Help my family to heal and move on without our beloved mamm. Amen.
Jamie opened his eyes, and when he saw Mark move in his peripheral vision, he sat up straight and began to fill his plate with food. Soon they were all eating, but not only did Cindy continue to reject him, his siblings were silent. Jamie couldn’t remember a time when his family had eaten a meal in complete silence. Would their lives ever return to normal?
Several painful moments passed before Dat’s footsteps echoed from the family room. He appeared in the doorway sporting dark circles under his eyes that mirrored Laura’s. Gone was the mirth Jamie had known since childhood. Dat took his usual spot at the head of the table.
“Gude mariye.” Dat’s voice sounded gravelly.
Jamie and his siblings echoed the greeting.
Dat filled his plate but then picked at the food. It dawned on Jamie that his f
ather hadn’t cleaned his plate since Mamm passed away. Dat had always praised Mamm’s cooking and eaten every morsel of it. Jamie’s hands trembled as a fresh wave of grief shook him.
Silence continued to hang over the room like a thick fog. Jamie glanced around the table and found his siblings and Dat staring at their plates as they moved the food around on their plates. No one seemed to have a big appetite. After several minutes, the silence began to grate on his already-frayed nerves. He needed to break the deafening silence.
“I have duty tomorrow,” he blurted, causing everyone but Cindy to snap their gazes to him.
“Oh.” Dat lifted his mug and took a sip of coffee. “That’s gut.”
“I don’t have to go in,” Jamie offered. “I can tell Brody I need to stay home to help with chores. He’ll understand I need to be here for my family.”
“That’s not necessary.” Mark swiped a roll from the basket. “I can handle the chores while you’re on duty.”
“You don’t have to do all the chores, Mark,” Dat countered. “I’ll help you.”
“You don’t need to help.” Mark’s tone was insistent as he sliced open the roll. “You can rest.”
Dat frowned at Mark. “We’ll discuss this later.” Then he looked at Jamie, his expression softening. “You don’t have to skip duty. We’ll handle things here.”
“All right.” Jamie scooped a forkful of home fries into his mouth and chewed slowly as guilt settled on his already-tight shoulders. He needed to help his family, but he also had an obligation to his community. And maybe, just maybe, helping someone in the community would ease the culpability he carried for not protecting his mother.
“Enjoy your meal.” Kayla placed the roast beef sandwich platter in front of an Englisher who had come to the restaurant for lunch. “Please let me know if you need anything else.”
“Thank you.” The middle-aged man lifted half the sandwich and dug in.
She glanced toward the front of the restaurant as she walked toward the kitchen. Another wave of disappointment washed over her. Every day she hoped to see Jamie walk through the front door. His beavered face had haunted her since the funeral, and her constant thoughts and prayers had been filled with hope for his family. As the days since the funeral had worn on, her worry for the Riehls had grown. More than once she’d considered stopping by the fire station to see if Brody had spoken to Jamie or his siblings.
As she stepped into the kitchen, an idea took hold. She looked toward her parents. Mamm was wiping down a counter while Dat flipped a burger on the grill.
“Mamm. Dat.” She crossed the kitchen, and they both turned toward her, their expressions filling with curiosity. “I’ve been worried about Jamie and his family.”
Mamm frowned. “I have too.”
“Have you heard from him?” Dat asked.
“No, I haven’t, and I think about him and his family constantly.” Kayla perched on a stool beside her mother and ran her finger over the cool steel edge of the counter. “I was thinking about taking a tray of sandwiches over to the fire station and asking Brody if he’s heard from him. The restaurant is quiet since the lunch rush is over. Only two customers are out there, and they both have their food.” She assumed the burger was for Dat.
“That’s a great idea.” Dat pointed to the counter. “Why don’t you make the sandwiches and include that bag of chips? You can grab a gallon of iced tea too.”
“Take a few pieces of pie with you as well,” Mamm suggested. “I’ll cut and wrap them.”
“Danki.” Kayla began pulling out the supplies to make a few sandwiches. As she worked, she silently prayed Jamie would be at the station so she could talk to him.
“Do you need help with anything?” Eva sidled up to Kayla.
“Would you please wrap this sandwich?” Kayla cut the first roast beef sandwich in half. “I’ll start making another one.”
“Okay.” Eva grabbed the cling wrap. “Who are these sandwiches for? Do we have a take-out order?”
“No. I want to see if Brody has heard from Jamie, so I’m going to take them over to the fire station.” Kayla began making a ham and cheese sandwich.
“You’re going to the fire station?” Nathan appeared in the doorway holding the plastic washbasin he used to clear tables. “Can I come with you?”
Kayla turned toward her mother, who nodded. “Ya, Nathan can go with you, if it’s okay with Eva.” Mamm placed five wrapped pieces of pie into a box. “Are you comfortable running the dining room alone while they’re gone?”
“Ya. I don’t mind at all.” Eva picked up one half of the sandwich and began to wrap it. “If Jamie is there, please tell him he and his family are in all our prayers.”
“I will.” Kayla and Eva finished making sandwiches and then added them to the box with the chips and pie.
Kayla carried a jug of tea and Nathan carried the box down the block to the fire station. She followed Nathan inside the bay area, where they found Brody talking with Leon next to one of the fire engines.
“Hi, Brody!” Nathan called as the chief waved to them.
“Hi!” Brody said. “It’s good to see you two.”
Kayla greeted both men.
Leon smiled and waved as he walked over. “Wie geht’s?”
Nathan lifted the box. “We brought you food.”
“Thanks so much. Let me help you.” Brody took the jug of iced tea from Kayla’s hand. “I’ve been meaning to get over to the restaurant this week, but we’ve been busy with training. How are you both doing?”
“Fine.” Kayla glanced toward a door in search of Jamie. Then she looked back at Brody. “How are you doing?”
“Great.” Brody gestured toward the same door. “Why don’t we go inside?”
Kayla followed the men into their kitchen, where they set the food and iced tea on a long table.
“It’s so nice of you to bring us food.” Leon peered into the box. “Can you stay for a little bit or do you have to rush back to the restaurant?”
“We have a few minutes.” Nathan leaned on one of the chairs. “We were wondering if you’ve seen Jamie or have talked to any of his siblings.”
Kayla added, “We’ve been worried about them.”
When Brody looked concerned, her heart thumped. He nodded toward a doorway. “Jamie is in the sitting room. He’s been really quiet all day.”
Leon shook his head, his smile fading. “He hasn’t said much since he reported for duty this morning. Why don’t you take some food back to him?” He pulled out a sandwich and piece of pie. “I’m sure he’d enjoy seeing you.”
“All right.” Kayla turned to her brother. “Do you want to come with me?”
When Nathan hesitated, Leon jumped in. “Why don’t you stay here and talk to us for a few minutes, Nathan.”
“Oh.” Nathan divided a look between Leon and Brody, and something passed among the three men. Were they conspiring to get Kayla to visit Jamie by herself? Maybe they believed she could cheer up Jamie if she saw him alone.
Maybe they were right.
Nathan turned toward Kayla. “Go on and see Jamie. I’ll stay here and talk to Brody and Leon. I’ll come and get you when it’s time for us to go. We probably shouldn’t stay away more than about thirty minutes. The late afternoon crowd will be at the restaurant before we know it, and we still have to get ready for them.”
“All right.” A strange combination of excitement and anxiety coursed through her at the idea of seeing Jamie. She opened the bag of chips. “I’ll pour a cup of tea for him too.”
“Let me get you a plate.” Brody got a plate and stacked a fork and napkin on it. He also poured iced tea into a plastic cup. “Do you think you can carry all this?”
“Are you kidding?” She chuckled as she placed food on the plate. “I’m a waitress, remember?”
“That’s true.” Brody smiled. “I’m glad you came by. If anyone can cheer up Jamie, it’s you.”
“Thanks.” Kayla’s cheeks heated. She smoo
thed her hands over her purple dress and then touched her prayer covering before she balanced the plate in one hand and the cup in the other. She hesitated. Should she insist Nathan go with her?
Brody pointed again. “The sitting room is right through that doorway, down the hall. You remember, right?”
“Yes, I know where it is.” Kayla visited Simeon at the station more than once when he was a volunteer there. She held her breath as she started forward. Doubt suddenly stole her confidence. What if Jamie would rather be alone? What if she said something that upset him instead of consoling him?
She blew out a deep breath and silently prayed.
Lord, please make me the freind Jamie needs. Guide my words and help me offer him comfort. Amen.
Kayla stepped into the hall and stopped at the doorway to the sitting room. It was furnished with a sofa, four recliners, and a large, flat screen television. Jamie sat in a recliner reading. His eyes were focused on his book as if he were deep in thought. Should she leave him alone? No, she had to be strong.
She cleared her throat and forced a smile on her face. “Knock, knock. Hello, Jamie? Would you like some company?” Her pulse raced as she awaited his response.
SIXTEEN
Jamie glanced up from the devotional he’d been reading. His eyes widened when he saw Kayla standing there. “Kayla. Hi. Wh-what are you doing here?”
“Surprise.” She held up the plate and plastic cup. “I brought you some food from the restaurant.”
He admired her beautiful face and gorgeous eyes. She gave him a shy smile, a balm to his battered soul. Was he dreaming or was she truly standing in front of him?
“Did I come at a bad time?” Her smile faded as she took a step back. “I can leave if you’d like.”
“No, no. Please sit down.” He gestured toward the recliner beside his.
“Okay.” She stepped farther into the room and held out the plate. “I brought you a roast beef sandwich. I promise I won’t drop it on you this time.”
He laughed, and something inside of him broke apart, releasing a fraction of the grief and stress he’d been holding on to so tightly since his mother passed away. Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them away.