A Place at Our Table

by Amy Clipston

  “Let’s go.” Leon began to lope back to the fire engine.

  As Jamie fell into step beside him, he contemplated what Leon said. He’d never expected to fall for Kayla so quickly.

  He made a decision. Somehow, he would do his best to hold on to her friendship—if she was truly interested in him.

  A tiny spark of hope took root in his heart. And if she was, maybe, just maybe, their friendship could evolve into something more.

  EIGHTEEN

  “I’m going to talk to Nathan and make him understand what he did tonight was reckless and completely unacceptable.” Dat’s voice echoed from the mudroom. His tone held a hard edge of irritation that sent a shiver down Kayla’s spine as she busied herself with filling one side of the sink with hot, sudsy water, and the other side with rinse water.

  “I want to be there when you talk to him,” Mamm sounded determined. “I have a few things to say to him myself.”

  “Fine. I’ll call him down and insist he talk to us now. It can’t wait until morning.”

  Kayla glanced over her shoulder as her parents walked through the kitchen. Frustration radiated off them. They would give Nathan an emotional castigation, and as much as she longed to chime in and help them get Nathan’s attention, she had to stay out of it. She was his sister and not his parent, but she couldn’t stop herself from worrying about his safety.

  Her heart had lodged in her throat when she looked out the window earlier and saw the fire truck. Even though she thought her own family was safe in their beds, she’d thought the worst—about Jamie. The memories of the night Simeon died came rushing back to her like a suffocating tidal wave. She would never forget that icy, hollow feeling that overcame her when Brody delivered the news.

  “Nathan Paul! Your mamm and I want to speak with you. Come down now.” Dat’s voice cut through her harrowing memories. Besides, Brody wouldn’t come here if anything happened to Jamie. He’d be at the Riehl home.

  She cringed at both her father’s stern tone and his using her brother’s full name. After a few moments, she heard Nathan coming down the stairs. She turned her attention to washing the dishes.

  “Do you need help?”

  Kayla jumped at Eva’s question. “I didn’t hear you come back.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Eva sidled up to her and started drying the dishes.

  “Is Junior okay?” Kayla finished rinsing the last plate and put it in the drain board.

  “Ya. He is fast asleep.” Eva gave Kayla a sideways glance. “I didn’t know if Jamie was still here.”

  “He’s been gone for a few minutes.” Kayla lifted a mug.

  “Why did you go to that call tonight?” Dat’s voice boomed from the family room. “You could have been hurt or killed. Why would you risk your life after your mamm and I told you that you can’t volunteer right now?”

  Eva sucked in a breath. “Your daed is upset,” she whispered.

  “I know.” Kayla finished washing the mug and dropped it into the rinse water.

  “I want an answer, Nathan,” Dat barked. “Why would you sneak out late at night to help at a fire when you haven’t had any training? We didn’t know you were gone. What if you’d been hurt on your way to the scene? We would’ve had no idea where to even begin to look for you.”

  A few moments of painful silence passed as Kayla rushed to finish washing the mugs. She started on the utensils while Eva dried and put items away.

  “Nathan, please answer your daed.” Mamm’s voice sounded more anxious than angry.

  “We should hurry,” Kayla whispered to Eva as she finished washing a tray. “I feel like I’m eavesdropping on a very private conversation.”

  Eva nodded. “Ya, I agree. I’ll wipe off the table and put away the milk.”

  Kayla went to work on the peculator and Eva grabbed a cloth and headed toward the table.

  “I just wanted you and Dat to be proud of me.” Nathan’s voice was thin and weak, a tone Kayla hadn’t heard from him since the days after Simeon’s death.

  “We are proud of you,” Dat responded, his tone softer. “We’re proud of all our kinner.”

  “It’s not the same,” Nathan insisted, his voice louder. “I want you to be just as proud of me as you were of Simeon.”

  Her brother’s words stabbed at Kayla’s heart. She turned to look at Eva. Her eyes shimmered.

  “Ach, Nathan. We are so, so proud of you.” Mamm’s voice cracked.

  Eva tossed the cloth she’d used to wipe the table onto the counter and looped her arm around Kayla’s shoulder. “Let’s go talk in my apartment.”

  “Gut idea.” Kayla let Eva steer her past the family room doorway, but she got a glimpse of her mother hugging Nathan and Dat wiping his eyes.

  Inside the apartment, Kayla quietly closed the door behind them and looked around. She’d always liked this place. She stepped into the small family room, furnished with a sofa and two chairs. Off the family room was the eat-in kitchen, a bathroom, and doors to two bedrooms. A small mudroom and separate entrance were beyond the kitchen.

  Memories of when her brother and Eva first moved in settled over Kayla as she trailed her fingers on the back of the sofa. The apartment was supposed to be temporary when they were first married, but Eva fell in love with it. She’d once told Kayla she didn’t want to build a separate house until they truly outgrew the apartment because she loved being so close to Kayla and the rest of the family.

  “We can talk in the kitchen.” Eva crossed the family room and Kayla followed. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

  “Ya. Danki. I’ll get the mugs.”

  “Great.” Eva filled the kettle and, after lighting a burner, put it on the stove.

  Kayla dropped a tea bag into each mug before setting them on the counter.

  “Let’s sit.” Eva gestured toward the table and they sat down across from each other. She touched her tan headscarf, adjusting it on her light-brown hair. “Did you have a gut talk with Jamie?”

  “Ya.” Kayla shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal, even though her lips threatened to betray her with a wide smile.

  “He seemed to want to talk to you alone.” Eva nudged Kayla with her hand.

  Kayla traced a heart on the yellow tablecloth with her finger. When she realized what she’d drawn she froze. Was she falling in love with Jamie? But she hardly knew him. She’d been so determined to fall in love that she’d said “I love you” to Abram before he said it to her. She’d been humiliated when Abram had been silent in response. Would she make the same mistake with Jamie? Tell him her feelings before he was ready to share his with her?

  “Kayla?” Eva leaned forward on the table. “What’s on your mind?”

  Kayla sat up straight and glanced toward the stove. “The water for our tea should be almost ready. I’ll get it.” She stood, and Eva grabbed her wrist.

  “I’ll get the kettle when the water boils. Sit down and relax.” Eva released her wrist. “Talk to me. You like Jamie, and I think it’s wunderbaar. He obviously likes you too.”

  Kayla sank back into her chair. “Ya, I think he does. When Nathan and I went to the fire station earlier today, he asked if he could see me again.”

  “I’m so froh for you. He seems like a gut man.” Eva smiled. “And he’s handsome.”

  “He is.” Kayla spotted a notepad and pen on the counter, and she popped up to get them. “And he said we could take his family supper tomorrow night. Let’s make a list for our menu.” She sat down and poised the pen in her fingers. She glanced up, and Eva gave her a knowing smile. Eva could see right through her lame attempt at changing the subject. Still, Kayla didn’t want to discuss Jamie when she had such conflicting emotions about the possibility of a relationship with him.

  “I was thinking about that earlier,” Eva said. “What if we made Swedish meatballs and egg noodles?”

  “That’s a great idea.” Kayla wrote it on the notepad. “We could also take a salad and homemade dressing.
And a pie for dessert.”

  “That’s gut.” Eva tapped her finger on the table. “We can make rolls too. Maybe a cherry pie?”

  “Ya.” Kayla wrote on the notepad. “I haven’t made a cherry pie in a while.”

  The kettle began to whistle, and Eva jumped up. She brought the filled mugs to the table, followed by a pitcher of milk.

  “I keep thinking about Nathan.” Eva cradled the mug in her hands. “It broke my heart to hear him say he wants your parents to be as proud of him as they were of Simeon. Of course your parents are proud of him. He’s just hurting because he misses his bruder. He has a hole in his life.” She looked down at her tea. “We all do.”

  “Ya, we do. If I only knew how to help him.” Kayla lifted her mug and took a sip.

  “We’re still all sort of floundering around, trying to figure out how to go on with our lives without him.” Eva looked up at Kayla, and her hazel eyes were glassy. “Sometimes I cry when I’m alone in my bedroom at night. I miss him so much. I touch the sheets beside me, and the emptiness and coldness go straight to my heart. That’s when I beg God to help us all through this.”

  “I had no idea. You always seem so strong.”

  Eva gave her a gentle smile. “I try to be strong, but I’m only human. I break down too. Sometimes I have no idea how to go on, but I have to be strong for Junior.”

  “You don’t have to face this alone. We have each other.” Kayla touched Eva’s hand. “We’re taking care of one another.”

  “That’s true.” Eva squeezed Kayla’s hand. “You recently asked me why I chose to stay here after Simeon died. The truth is I feel closer to your parents, Nathan, and you than I ever felt to my own parents. I love them, but I have a stronger bond with your family. After I lost Simeon, I knew your family would give me more emotional support than my parents would.”

  “We’re so froh you stayed, and we’ll always be here for you.” Kayla’s thoughts meandered to the Riehl family. “And we can do the same thing for Jamie and his family. We can offer them support too.”

  “Ya.” Eva pointed to the notepad. “Early tomorrow, let’s make sure we have everything we need for our menu.”

  “If not, then I’ll run to the market after the breakfast rush.” Kayla contemplated seeing Jamie again tomorrow evening. She couldn’t wait.

  The two women talked about Kayla’s newest cherry pie recipe as they finished their tea. Once her mug was empty, Kayla said good night and slipped out of the apartment. Nathan and Dat were still in the family room. Mamm must have gone to bed.

  “Please don’t take the radio from me,” Nathan pleaded with Dat as he sat on a chair across from him. “I want to keep it. It’s all I have from Simeon.”

  Kayla kept her eyes focused on the floor as she crossed the room and headed toward the stairs.

  “Can I trust you not to go on anymore calls if I let you keep the radio?” Dat asked.

  Kayla stopped in the stairwell and held her breath as she awaited Nathan’s response.

  “Ya,” Nathan insisted. “You can trust me, Dat. Let me prove myself to you.”

  Kayla released the breath she’d been holding and started up the stairs. As she made her way to her room, she silently vowed to be a better sister to Nathan and not treat him like a child. She could help him see how important he was to the family without sneaking out of the house on fire calls. He didn’t need to. They were already proud of him. Very proud.

  The delicious aroma of breakfast food wafted over Jamie as he entered the mudroom and dropped his duffel bag on a bench. Yawning, he slipped off his boots and closed his eyes, taking a moment to gather the emotional strength to face his family.

  He could do this. He could be strong. And he had something to look forward to tonight—another visit with Kayla. She’d promised to bring a meal, and that would keep his mood positive, no matter how Cindy treated him today.

  With a smile plastered on his face, Jamie walked into the kitchen. His siblings and father were already eating.

  “Jamie.” Dat’s face was pale, and dark circles rimmed his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in months. “Gut to see you. How was your shift?”

  “It was gut.” Jamie nodded at his siblings as he crossed the kitchen to the sink. “Gude mariye.”

  Cindy stared down at her plate, but Jamie kept his chin up. He would stay positive and keep Kayla’s advice close to his heart. As he washed his hands, he recalled what she’d told him yesterday at the fire station.

  Cindy will forgive you. It’s our way to forgive. She’ll realize she’s sinning by blaming you and she will apologize for making you feel so bad about it. Just give her time. Rely on God, and he will carry you through this.

  Yes, he would rely on God. Things would get better soon.

  Jamie sat down in his usual place at the table, already set for him. He glanced toward his mother’s empty spot, and yet another ache spread throughout his chest.

  How could things get better without Mamm? She was the center of their lives. The house was hollow without her presence.

  Grief melted away his hopeful mood.

  After a silent prayer, he filled his plate with scrambled eggs, bacon, and home fries. Then he glanced across the table at Laura. “Danki for breakfast.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Laura raised an eyebrow. “Cindy and I make it every morning.”

  He looked at Cindy across from him. “Danki, Cindy.” He waited for her to acknowledge him, but she kept her eyes focused on her plate as she moved her fork over some home fries. He fought the urge to frown and shoved a forkful of scrambled egg into his mouth.

  “Tell us about your shift.” Dat lifted his coffee cup. “Was it busy?”

  Jamie shook his head as he chewed and swallowed.

  “So you just hung out and napped while I did all your chores?” Mark pointed his fork at Jamie with a feigned glare.

  Jamie ignored him and got up from the table. “We had one call.” He described the stove fire and Nathan’s arrival.

  Jamie filled his mug with coffee and sat back down. “But Brody and I talked to him about how dangerous that was. The Ronks department took over the call, and we took Nathan home on our way back to the station. The Dienners invited us in and gave us a snack.”

  Mark’s handful of bacon froze in midair as he studied Jamie. “You saw Kayla last night?”

  “Ya, briefly.” Jamie pretended he didn’t see his brother’s grin. “And she said she and Eva are going to bring us dinner tonight.”

  “Really?” Dat forced a smile. “How nice.”

  “That’s wunderbaar.” Laura turned toward Cindy. “We can make those pork chops tomorrow.”

  “Ya.” Cindy took a roll from the basket in the center of the table. “That’s really kind for the Dienners to do.”

  Jamie nodded as a small glimmer of hope took root deep inside of him. Was Cindy finally going to forgive him? Oh, how he prayed she would!

  “It will be gut to see Kayla and Eva,” Laura continued, oblivious to Jamie’s inner turmoil. “I really enjoyed meeting them at the barn raising. I felt like I bonded with Kayla.”

  “I felt the same way about Eva.” Cindy buttered the roll. “She was really nice to me.”

  “And I’m sure Jamie is looking forward to seeing Kayla again.” Mark turned to his brother and smirked. “I’m sure she’ll be froh to see you too.”

  “Is that right?” Dat’s eyebrows lifted. “So you like Kayla? She seems like a sweet maedel.”

  Jamie wasn’t in the mood to hear his family’s opinion of Kayla. He looked at Mark. “Did you already take care of the animals?”

  “Ya.” Mark speared home fries with his fork. “After we finish cleaning the dairy barn, we need to muck out the stalls. After the milking, I thought we could start painting the chicken coop. It’s needed a fresh coat of paint for a while. Do you agree?”

  “Ya, absolutely.” Jamie welcomed the idea of being busy today. It would make the day go by faster. He just hoped it would keep his mind occ
upied too. Sitting in the kitchen without Mamm still hurt.

  But he would see Kayla later today, and that would help lift his mood.

  Once their plates were empty, Laura and Cindy began gathering the dishes.

  Dat stood by the table and touched his beard. “I think I might go take a nap. I just don’t have the strength to work outside today. Would that be all right, buwe?”

  “That’s fine.” Mark stood and pushed his chair in. “You rest, Dat. Jamie and I will take care of the chores today.” He turned toward Jamie, who nodded in agreement.

  “We’ll take care of everything,” Jamie agreed. “I’ll be out in a minute, Mark.”

  Mark headed outside and Dat left the kitchen. Jamie heard a door click shut, indicating his father had gone into his bedroom. His heart squeezed with concern.

  “He’s not doing well at all.” Laura set the mugs on the counter. “I heard him crying last night when I came downstairs for a glass of water. His bedroom door was open a crack. I’m so worried about him.”

  “I am too.” Jamie piled the platters and started toward the counter with them. “How are you doing?” he asked Laura when he reached the counter.

  “I don’t know.” Laura’s eyes began to well up with tears. “I keep expecting to see Mamm in the kitchen. I came downstairs this morning, and the haus was so empty, so cold without her. She was always in the kitchen before me—even if I came down early.” Her voice shook. “She’d always greet me with a big smile and sometimes even a hug. But now she’s gone, and I don’t know how to go on. I don’t know how to be a dochder without a mutter.” A tear trailed down her cheek. “It’s like a piece of me died with her.”

  Jamie heard Cindy sniff, and saw she was staring down at the table.

  “I know.” Jamie touched Laura’s sleeve. “I feel the same way. She was everything to us.”

  “Exactly.”

  He needed to stay busy to keep his grief from exploding inside of him. He nodded toward the sink. “Let me help you clean up.”

  Laura cleared her throat and shook her head. “You can go. Cindy and I will take care of the dishes.”