A Place at Our Table

by Amy Clipston

  “I guess this is gut nacht since you kicked me out.”

  “Stop saying that.” She paused as she studied him. “What were you and mei daed talking about?”

  Jamie hesitated as he adjusted his hat on his head.

  “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “No, I’ll tell you.” He rested his hand on the buggy door. “We were talking about grief. He thinks my friendship with Nathan is helping him deal with losing Simeon.”

  “I think so too. In fact, I think you’re helping all of us.” She paused and her eyebrows drew together. “Is my family helping you at all?”

  He nodded. “Your daed and I talked a bit about that. Your family is definitely helping my family. I think our families are helping each other.”

  “Gut.”

  As she looked up at him, a tendril of her golden hair floated in front of her face. He reached out and pushed it away, and then without thinking he leaned down and brushed his lips across her cheek. She sucked in a breath at the contact.

  “I can’t wait to see you again,” he whispered against her cheek. “Gut nacht.”

  “Gut nacht,” she whispered.

  Jamie climbed into the buggy and waved as he guided the horse toward the road.

  Kayla felt as if she were floating as she bounced up the porch steps. She touched her face where Jamie’s lips had been and sighed.

  Astonishment had pushed the air from her lungs when he kissed her cheek, heat flooding her body at the sensation of his touch. She was tempted to kiss his lips, but that would have been too forward.

  She had enjoyed every minute of their time together today. Whenever she thought about Jamie, her heart took on wings, and a smile turned up the corners of her mouth. His handsome face permeated her thoughts constantly.

  As she entered the house, a thought slammed into her. She was falling in love with him. A whirlwind of emotions churned in her gut—excitement and happiness, but also fear, anxiety, hesitation. It was too soon! She was opening herself to hurt, and she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do that.

  But how would she ever know she could trust Jamie if she didn’t give him the chance?

  She gasped as her feet hit the threshold separating the mudroom from the kitchen.

  “Kayla?” Mamm called. “Is everything okay?”

  “Ya.” Kayla rested her hand on the doorframe.

  “You look worried.” Mamm walked over. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  Kayla paused, trying to put her confusing thoughts into words. “I think I’m falling in love with Jamie.”

  “Oh, that’s wunderbaar.” Mamm clapped her hands. “I’m so froh for you. He’s such a nice man. Just last night your daed and I were discussing what a blessing he’s been to your bruder and you.” Her smile faded. “Why aren’t you froh?”

  “I guess I’m scared. It’s all happening so fast.” Kayla folded her hands over her chest as if to guard her heart. “I don’t think my feelings for Abram were this intense this quickly.”

  Mamm pointed to the table. “Sit. Let’s talk.”

  Kayla slipped into her usual seat and Mamm sat down beside her.

  “When I met your daed, I had just had my heart broken by a man I dated for a few years.”

  Kayla’s eyes widened. “You never told me this.”

  “I didn’t think you needed to know, but maybe I can help you by sharing my heartbreak with you.”

  “So you understand how I feel about what happened between Abram and me,” Kayla concluded.

  “Ya, I do.” Mamm touched Kayla’s arm. “I was worried about having my heart broken, but your daed and I just clicked. It was as if we’d known each other for years because our friendship was so easy. We quickly became best freinden, and in less than a year we were engaged. One of mei freinden said your daed and I were moving too fast, but it worked for us.”

  She gestured around the kitchen. “Look at us now. If you’re comfortable with Jamie, let the relationship progress at a comfortable pace.”

  Kayla moved her thumbnail in a circle as she looked down at the table and contemplated her confusing feelings. “Something else is bothering me too.”

  “What is it?” Mamm leaned forward.

  Kayla thought she heard a door click closed, but she kept her eyes focused on the table.

  “Talk to me,” Mamm prodded her. “I can’t help you if you don’t.”

  “It scares me that I’m this attached to Jamie already.” Kayla’s eyes filled with tears as the truth punched her in her chest. “He’s a firefighter. I’m afraid of losing him like we lost Simeon.”

  “What happened to Simeon won’t necessarily happen to Jamie.”

  Eva’s voice took Kayla by surprise.

  Kayla looked up at her sister-in-law. She was standing in front of the door that led to her apartment.

  “Eva, I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t mean—”

  “It’s okay.” Eva sat down on Kayla’s other side. “You can’t let what happened to Simeon make you doubt how you feel about Jamie. You can’t stop living your life because Simeon died in a fire.”

  Kayla sniffed as tears stung her eyes.

  “Look at Brody,” Eva continued. “He’s been fighting fires much longer than Jamie has, and he’s fine.” She covered Kayla’s hand with hers. “Live your life, Kayla. I think Jamie loves you. Follow your heart and trust God’s plan for you.”

  “Danki.” Kayla hugged Eva as a tear slipped down one cheek. “I will.”

  TWENTY-TWO

  “You should take this table.” Eva placed her hand on Kayla’s shoulder. “Trust me. I think they’re gut tippers.”

  Kayla pivoted toward her sister-in-law’s wide smile. “What do you mean?”

  “Look.” Eva pointed to a table nearby.

  Kayla grinned and her pulse zinged when she saw Jamie sitting with Brody, Leon, and Noah. Jamie lifted his hand and waved.

  “Go.” Eva nudged her forward.

  Kayla’s smile faded. “I need to check on the order for table five. It should be up now.”

  “I’ve got it.” Eva nodded toward Jamie’s table. “Go see your boyfriend.”

  “Danki.” Kayla’s steps sped up as she approached the four men. She hadn’t seen Jamie for three days, and her heart had been aching for him. Despite Eva’s encouraging words, she worried about him at night, praying he’d be safe when he was on duty at the fire station and went on calls. Relief stole over her as she looked into his eyes. “Hi.”

  “Wie geht’s?” Jamie responded with a grin. “I heard the food is gut here. What do you recommend?”

  Kayla gave them the specials and they gave her their order. “I’ll get your drinks right out.”

  “Danki,” Leon said before he turned to Noah and Brody. “So when is that hazmat class again?”

  As the three men began discussing their training schedule, Jamie reached for her hand and threaded his fingers with hers. She enjoyed the feel of his warm skin against hers.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said softly. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. I was wondering when I’d see you again.”

  “I know.” He frowned. “I tried to get out to your haus Monday night, but I had a lot of chores. Last night I had to get to bed early since I’m on duty today.” He squeezed her hand. “Can I come see you tomorrow night?”

  “Ya, that would perfect.”

  “Gut.” Jamie released her hand. “I look forward to it.”

  “I’ll be right back with your drinks.” Kayla grinned as she made her way toward the kitchen.

  Jamie hammered another new slat on the pasture fence. Then he set the hammer on the ground and swiped his hand over his sweaty brow.

  “Do you realize what time it is?”

  Craning his neck, Jamie glanced over his shoulder. His father was watching him with intense eyes. “No. What time is it?”

  “It’s after seven.” Dat gestured toward the driveway. “I thought you were going to see Kayla tonight.”
/>   Jamie cringed. Where had the time gone? He looked down the length of the fence. “I can’t go until this is done.”

  “Who told you that?”

  “What?” Jamie stood up straight, stretching his aching back.

  “Who said you can’t go until the fence is done?”

  “I did.” Jamie pointed toward the far end. “This fence has needed to be repaired for months.”

  “What’s another day?” Dat shrugged. “The work will still be here tomorrow. You need to make time for fun. Go see Kayla before she thinks you forgot about her.”

  Jamie eyed his father with suspicion. Dat resembled someone Jamie didn’t recognize. In the past, Dat insisted all their chores had to be done before Jamie and his siblings could visit their friends.

  “Don’t you remember what I told you after your mamm’s funeral?”

  Jamie’s chest tightened at the mention of both his mother and the funeral.

  “Life is fleeting, James.” Dat’s voice shook. “You need to enjoy it while you can. Fix the fence tomorrow or fix it next week. Just don’t fix it tonight when you could be with your girlfriend.”

  “No, I need to get this done.” Jamie picked up the hammer. “I’m volunteering again on Friday, and I have a list of chores that need to get done this week. I can’t let the fence go or it will never be fixed.”

  “So what? The horses and cows haven’t run away on us yet. Don’t let life pass you by like I did. If I’d known I was going to lose your mamm, I would have made time for more fun. Now she’s gone and it’s too late to make those precious memories.”

  Jamie shook his head. “Kayla will understand if I delay our date for a couple of days.” He pointed the hammer toward the fence. “The farm has to be my priority for now.”

  Dat rested his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “Don’t put your chores first. Let Kayla know she comes first in your life. If you don’t, you’ll regret it.” With a deep frown, he turned and started toward the house.

  Jamie’s thoughts turned to the conversation he’d had with Kayla about how Abram had hurt her. Dat was right. He couldn’t allow Kayla to believe he would take her for granted. He would leave her a message and explain. He had to let her know he cared for her, but he had to concentrate on the farm tonight.

  He headed toward the phone shanty and dialed Kayla’s number. After a few rings, her father’s voice sounded through the phone.

  “You’ve reached the Dienners. To leave a message for Marilyn and Willie, press one. For Eva, press two. For Kayla, press three, and for Nathan, press four.”

  Jamie pressed three and then cleared his throat as a long beep sounded. “Kayla, this is Jamie. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to make it over to your haus tonight. I got wrapped up in a project here, and I have to get it done because I’m volunteering again tomorrow. One of the other volunteers had to change his schedule, so I offered to take his shift.”

  His father’s words about regret echoed through his mind, and guilt grabbed him by the throat. “Kayla, I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I promise I will see you soon. I miss you. Take care and tell your family hello for me. Good-bye.”

  As he hung up the phone, he recalled her beautiful smile yesterday when he promised to visit her. He swallowed a groan. Would she forgive him? Of course she would. He would show her how much he cared for her when he saw her.

  He stepped out of the phone shanty and started for the fence. His thoughts spun as once again his father’s warning echoed through his head. But Dat was too steeped in grief to see all that had to be done on the farm. His eyes scanned the fence. It had to be repaired, and there was no time like the present.

  He picked up the hammer and continued working. He longed to see Kayla’s beautiful smile, but he would have more time for her later.

  An image of Mamm suddenly filled his mind. She was smiling and laughing as Dat hugged her in the kitchen. Dat would never get to do that again, and it was all Jamie’s fault.

  No, he couldn’t allow his thoughts to go down that road. He had to work, and he’d keep working until he was too tired to see straight. That was when he could finally go to bed without more of these painful memories keeping him awake all night long.

  Hard physical labor was his only escape.

  Kayla gazed at the gorgeous sunset. She’d been sitting on the porch for an hour now, and there was still no sign of Jamie. She was worried. Had he been in an accident? Or been hurt while on duty?

  Eva’s warning to not let fear hold her back filled her mind. No, no, she had to force those thoughts away. Jamie was fine. He was just running late. Surely that was it. But maybe . . .

  “Kay!” Nathan jogged up the porch steps. “There’s a message for you on voice mail. You should go listen to it right away.”

  “Who is it from?” Anticipation pricked her spine.

  “You know I don’t listen to your personal voice mails,” he huffed. “But I wanted you to know it’s waiting for you.” He slipped past her to go into the house.

  “Oh. Danki for telling me.” Kayla’s heartbeat spiked as she headed to the phone shanty at the top of the driveway.

  As Jamie’s voice sounded over the recording, she blew out a deep sigh and her heartbeat slowed. She leaned forward on the desk as she listened to his message.

  He wasn’t hurt, but his voice was shaky, as if he was nervous. Her heart swelled with concern for him and his family. He said he’d been caught up with something at the farm, but had Jamie also had a bad day? Or had his father had a bad day? She clearly recalled how her mother’s and Eva’s grief had cut her to the bone after Simeon died. Maybe Jamie had to spend the evening helping his father or siblings cope.

  The muscles in Kayla’s shoulders tightened. Jamie had promised to see her soon. She would hold on to that promise and say extra prayers for him and his family tonight.

  After deleting the message, she made her way back to the porch and gathered the peach salsa, tortilla chips, and bottles of root beer she’d set out for Jamie’s visit. As she managed to open the screen door and entered the mudroom, a niggling of doubt, along with a headache, began at the base of her neck. But Jamie deserved her understanding, not doubt.

  She pushed her concern away. Jamie wouldn’t let her down.

  Just inside the front door of the restaurant, Jamie watched Kayla deliver an order to a young English couple. Warmth filled his chest. Oh, how he’d missed her. She smiled and nodded at her customers before stopping at the next table and speaking to an elderly couple eating their lunch. Then she made a beeline for the kitchen and disappeared.

  “Jamie!” Nathan was wearing his usual white apron and carrying a plastic tub full of dirty dishes. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine. How are you?”

  “Gut, gut.” Nathan set the plastic tub on top of the podium. “Kayla told me she got your message last night. She was really disappointed you didn’t come.”

  Jamie cringed as blame settled heavy and tense on his back. “I feel terrible about that. I wanted to, but I was repairing the pasture fence and I had to get it done.”

  “I understand. I think she did too.”

  “I want to apologize to Kayla, but I just saw her go into the kitchen.” Jamie walked around the podium. “Could I go see her?”

  “She should be right out. We’ve run out of lunch meat and a few other things. She was going to run to the market for supplies before the dinner rush.”

  “Oh. I wonder if I could go with her.”

  “Sure. I don’t see why not.” Nathan looked toward the kitchen. “You can ask her yourself. See you later.” He picked up the plastic tub and started toward another table to clear.

  Jamie looked toward the kitchen doors just as Kayla came out with a purse slung over her shoulder. When their gazes collided, her expression brightened, sending relief soaring through his veins.

  “Hi.” He smiled. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine.” She suddenly looked at him intensely, as if she were assessing him. “
I’ve been worried about you. How are you and your family doing?”

  “We’re okay.”

  Her eyebrows lifted. “Are you telling me the truth?” Her expression softened. “You can talk to me.”

  “Mei daed is still having a tough time.” He lowered his voice as a couple moved past them. “He helps with the chores sometimes, but he gets emotional when we mention Mamm.” His throat dried. “It’s been hard. Cindy’s about the same.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  The care and concern in her eyes was almost too much for him. He had to change the subject before he got emotional in public.

  He nodded toward the front door. “Nathan said you had to go to the market for supplies. Would it be all right if I came along? I could help you carry the bags.”

  “Do you have time?” Kayla hesitated, her gaze moving up and down his attire. “You’re on duty. Are you allowed to go that far from the station?”

  “Ya, it’s fine.” He patted the radio on his belt. “I can rush back to the station if I have to.” He paused to gather his confusing thoughts. “I really missed you last night, and I want to spend time with you. I’m so sorry I had to cancel. Please let me go to the market with you.”

  “Okay. It will give us a chance to get caught up.”

  His shoulders relaxed as he held open the door for her.

  Kayla walked beside Jamie as they made their way down the sidewalk to the Bird-in-Hand Farmers Market. Although she appreciated his apology, she still couldn’t shake the doubt that had taken root in her heart the night before, no matter how many times she told herself Jamie wouldn’t let her down. She glanced over at him. He looked more handsome than usual, and somehow appeared taller and more confident than he had on Sunday. Maybe it was the uniform.

  She was attracted to him and cared deeply for him. She might even be falling in love with him. But she couldn’t dismiss the feeling that something was going to go wrong. Why did she allow Abram’s mistakes to cloud her feelings for Jamie? It wasn’t Jamie’s fault her relationship with Abram had fallen apart.