Love At First Sit

by Ysa Arcangel

“What about me?”

  “What about this ‘moving on’ tattoo?” Wish murmured.

  “Because I’m done with the past and I’m ready for my future.”

  “Damn right.” Wish smiled.

  The implication was clear. He was not the only one being obvious.

  “All finished, buddy.” He watched with bated breath as Roxanne slowly pushed herself upright in the leather seat.

  Roxanne felt a nerve-wracking anticipation as she made her way over to the full-length mirror. She rotated her body around. Her heart thumped frantically against her chest as she eyed the tattoo for the first time.

  “Wish,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Glad you liked it.” He stood behind her and whispered over her shoulder.

  She gazed up at him, her eyes both hesitant and needy. She looked at their reflection and couldn’t help but be struck by how they looked together in the mirror. They were a pair of visual contradictions. The hard planes of his body balanced her soft curves. His masculine feature complimented her beauty. Their opposite personalities balanced each other. But still, there was something in common between them...they needed each other.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Old Flame

  Roxanne played the role of the Manager and, at the same time, resident singer. She performed with the local band they hired four times a week.

  “Good evening, everyone! Welcome to R&R!” Roxanne sat on a high stool, holding a guitar in her lap. “Tonight is a very special night for me. My best friend Mina is in the house!”

  The crowd cheered and Mina waved.

  “I am ecstatic and extremely excited to sing for all of you tonight. Before I start on my first song, I would like to share something, guys. Last week, I got a tattoo on my left shoulder. A tattoo of the phrase Moving On, with birds flying through it.

  The crowd cheered and Roxanne saw the squinting eyes of her mother.

  “I’m at the stage where I’m ready to let go and move on.” Slowly she strummed her guitar. “I don’t ever have to get over it, but need to force myself to keep moving. Allow new things in my life. Open up.” She started singing an acoustic version of “Since You’ve Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson.

  Throughout the song, Roxanne’s pained eyes seemed to grasp for something far out of her reach. When she finished, she was almost in tears.

  After a couple more songs, she peered in the direction of a man sitting in the corner wearing a newsboy cap and a pair of eyeglasses.

  He made her feel somewhat uneasy. She looked away, but his stare was irresistible. Again, she glanced at him and their eyes met.

  The man broke eye contact first, and called out for the waiter to order another drink. He murmured something and gave him a piece of paper. The waiter walked up to the side of the stage and handed the note to Roxanne.

  “I received a request from one of our guests tonight,” Roxanne announced to the crowd. She felt something odd about it. Her heart was beating faster than usual, and she didn’t know why. “Someone would like to jam with me tonight.”

  The patrons burst out cheering.

  “Sir, please join me on stage?” Roxanne called. She asked for another stool where he could sit.

  The man stood and walked up to the mini-platform, pushing his cap down over his face.

  He sat on the high stool next to her and asked for another guitar.

  Roxanne was stupefied when she heard a deep, familiar voice. And for a second, her heart stopped beating. She recognized that voice; had heard it long ago.

  No, this couldn’t be. Her mind was just playing tricks on her. Wide-eyed, Roxanne turned slightly to her side and faced the person who wanted to jam with her.

  He tilted his head slightly to the right. She suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Her breath caught in her throat as their eyes met for the first time in five years.

  Roxanne tried to deny it, but she knew him, his voice, his eyes—even though they were hidden behind those spectacles. His smile, his everything, pointed to Chris.

  “Shall we start?” he asked. “Our audience is waiting.”

  She shook her head and cracked her tensed neck while a grimace ran over her face. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The resurgence of feelings was overwhelming her.

  Chris strummed the guitar and started singing the first line of “Stigmatized” by The Calling.

  Only the first line, and a shiver ran up her spine. She flicked her eyes up to meet his and felt her chest constrict at what she saw in his gaze. Hurt. Sadness. Longing.

  He gestured for Roxanne to sing the next stanza.

  She let out a breath, fighting to keep the guitar steady on her lap. She sang the refrain and tried not to burst into tears.

  When the song ended, the crowd applauded their appreciation.

  Roxanne ran to the backdoor and Chris followed her.

  “Ging,” called the familiar voice again.

  “Stay back!” she shouted. “Don’t come any closer.”

  Chris stopped. He started to walk back slowly, holding his hands up. He removed his cap and his eyeglasses.

  She took him in slowly and painfully while his gaze rested unwaveringly upon her.

  “Ging, please we have to talk,” Chris softly said. Roxanne just looked at him with tears all over her face.

  “What is there to talk about?” Her voice was shaky.

  She wanted to unleash her wrath, but now that he was standing in front of her, she didn’t know where to start. Chewing her bottom lip, she steeled herself to begin the conversation they needed to have.

  “Why are you here?” she asked. The tears dried up and were replaced with burning fury in her eyes.

  “I came back for you,” he said, reaching out to her. “I came back for the three of you.”

  “That’s a load of bullshit!” She laughed as her head spun with memories of the time he turned his back on them. “Why now?”

  If he’d had the balls to come through her door and tell her he wasn’t ready, she sure wouldn’t have spent the rest of her life crying over him.

  She was angry with him. But mostly, she was angry with herself for feeling the way she did. She told herself to move on, but it was easier said than done.

  “Ging, the crowd is looking for you.” Roxette emerged from the back door. She was surprised to see Chris and a crying Roxanne standing on the pavement. “What are you doing here?” Her eyebrows rose. She walked over to Chris and pointed a finger in his face.

  “Ma...” Roxanne grabbed her mother’s arm. “Go back inside. Let me handle this, please.”

  “No! You go back inside Roxanne Virginia! You’re not talking to this man.” Her mother dragged her back inside, knowing her daughter’s heart was probably ripped to shreds seeing the man who’d walked away from his responsibilities. Roxette turned to Chris again. “Get away from my daughter. She’s just starting to live again. Go back to hell where you came from!”

  Roxanne was strong in a lot of ways...always had been...but her mother had seen the tears she’d shed over the years. She shouldn’t have fallen in love with her childhood sweetheart, Chris, but she did. And everything Roxette wanted in life for her daughter started to play out like a sad memory of her own life.

  Roxette moved to push the door further open, but Chris held out his hand, stopping her. “Please Tita, I need to talk to her.”

  “Do not call me Tita,” Roxette said between clenched teeth.

  “Ging, talk to me, please. Just hear me out,” Chris pleaded. She didn’t respond.

  Roxanne had a huge argument in her head.

  “Ging, please,” again he begged, his voice on the edge of desperation.

  Roxanne took a deep breath. “Just ten minutes.”

  “Ging!” Roxette shot her a frustrated look.

  “Ma, I got it.”

  Roxette sighed heavily and closed the door behind her.

  Stunned silence reigned. Roxanne inhaled large gulps of air to prevent from dissolving int
o a sobbing mess.

  So many unspoken words lay between them, so many unresolved feelings. She was overwhelmed by his presence. She missed him. She was mad at him. Her emotions were all over the place.

  “I don’t care if we stand here and stare each other for hours. Talk to me. Say something...anything, please. Curse me. Shout at me. I know you hate me.”

  “You’re damn right I do,” she snapped. “When did you get back?”

  “Last month, when Lolo Armando died. Mom and I came back to attend his funeral. That’s when I found out the truth,” he said, his voice was trembling. “I came here to Manila and looked for you. I saw you, Ging...with the twins. I wanted to tell you I’m back. I was such a coward ‘cause I’m still dealing with my own crap.”

  “What truth?”

  “Mom lied to me. She told me that you’d had an abortion and that you’d run away with someone else,” he choked out. “I...didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t know you gave birth,” he struggled to form his words.

  Her eyes widened in shock. “And you believed her?”

  “I was so dumb to believe her.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, family is important to me. My mom is all I have left.” He swallowed. “I can’t abandon her. And she didn’t want me to.”

  “So it’s much easier to abandon us?” She’d gone from hurt to full-on pissed off.

  “I was young, confused, and was hurt when I heard the news. I wanted to go back to confront you, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have any means to do it back then.”

  “I was nothing to you and you’ve made damn sure of that!” she yelled at him, her voice filled with rage. “You don’t know what I went through when you left us.” Her eyes blurred the image of him as tears flooded her face.

  He was hit by a tidal wave of guilt.

  “I’m sorry, Ging. I’m so sorry...” He moved his hands gently on her shoulders, hoping to soothe her. But the gesture only added fuel to the fire that was already spreading inside of Roxanne. She shoved him away, pushing him hard.

  “When you left, you took everything that I lived for. I was more ready to move on than I thought I’d ever be. And then I saw you. And then tonight…” She felt the tears stinging the back of her eyes but she held on, putting on a brave face.

  “God knows I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to abandon our children.” He stepped closer again and tried to touch her arm. This time, she didn’t pull away.

  She stared into his eyes. “I waited for you.” All control vanished and she began to weep in earnest as she hit his chest.

  He cupped her face in his hands. “I’m here now, right now, and I’m not going anywhere.” He pulled her to him, holding her as they both cried.

  She trembled against him, but he held her until she stopped shaking.

  “It will not make any difference now, Chris,” she managed to choke out as her sobs became debilitating. “Go back to your mom. We don’t need you. Please just go,” she whispered.

  “I’m not going to leave you again. You don’t have any idea how much I missed you.”

  Her hand reached to touch his face. Roxanne was losing it. She was losing her grip. She was losing control. She was clinging desperately to the idea of family.

  “I’ve missed you…so much,” she said, before she felt his mouth on her.

  Roxanne’s lips parted softly, letting the tip of his tongue slide in slightly. Her hands reached up to his neck and pulled him in as their mouths locked and their tongues danced, and their moaning filled the quiet street.

  Chris pulled away breathlessly, resting his forehead against hers. They stood together, noting each other’s heartbeats.

  The moment they shared rekindled their passion, fire and love for each other.

  All of which was witnessed by Wish, who’d just arrived to start his first shift.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Unrequited

  Wish had just arrived at R&R and was looking for Roxanne. He was excited to start his first day as their bartender, and to be working with her.

  Five minutes. That’s how long it took for Wish’s world to come crashing down around him when he saw the woman he loved kissing another man. Because he had showed up with every intention of telling her how he felt for her that night.

  “Don’t give her mixed signals between friends and lovers. You need to tell her how you really feel before it’s too late,” his mother had told him during one of his recent visits.

  Finally, he told himself to fight for what he really felt about the woman he loved, but it all went to crap that night. He thought of all the times he should’ve told her sooner. He could’ve brought her home and lingered in her doorway as she dug for her keys. He could’ve said goodnight and left, but not before kissing her passionately and promising to see her the next day. But he was too late.

  Dejected, he went back inside the resto bar and caught a sight of Roxette. He took a minute to compose himself, cleared his throat and said, “Tita, I don’t think I can start today. I...I got some things to take care of first.” He tried to make his voice sound casual, but even he had to admit he failed.

  “Okay.” She gave him a weak smile.

  He went to 212°F Tavern and spent the next three hours drowning himself in alcohol.

  “I told you to steer clear of her, man. Not to date that chick or waste your time with her, but you didn’t listen.”

  “I thought what we had was special, pare. Tang ina! I was wrong.” Laughing bitterly, Wish quickly gulped down another glass of whiskey, feeling it burn as it made its way down his throat.

  “Dude, her ex will always hover around like a helicopter looking to cock-block you. It’s not worth dealing with these people. Let her go. A single mother like her has more issues than the Inquirer and Philippines Star combined.” Anthony tried to leaven the pain.

  Wish had lost her…Had she ever been his, to begin with?

  Slamming the glass on the bar heavily, he slumped his head down, banging it hard on the table but not caring; he didn’t even feel the pain. Everything was unfocused and dulled around him.

  The alcohol helped numb the pain, but it could never take it away.

  “Dude, you’ve had enough. Go home and get some rest,” Anthony said, tapping his shoulder from behind the bar.

  Wish had lost count of how many shots he’d taken in the last hour, but he knew that it must have been quite a few, since the world seemed to not want to stop spinning. He picked up the glass and threw it back, drinking the fiery liquid in one gulp. He shook his head and raised a shaky arm to Anthony, asking for one more before letting his arm fall to the bar and his head on top of it.

  ***

  Wish woke up with a splitting headache. One would think with the amount of time he had spent hungover, being a bartender, he would have gotten used to it. But unfortunately, it never got any better. For probably the hundredth time, he wondered why he’d done this to himself, and then the memories returned: Roxanne was kissing her ex.

  Something inside of him seemed to break. The throbbing pain he felt was nothing like getting a tongue piercing or a tattoo. It reverberated through his bones in a way he’d never experienced before.

  He squeezed his eyes shut as the light flooding into the room only increased the pain in his head. While letting his head settle, he came to the realization that he was lying in his comfortable bed. Thanks to Anthony—Anthony was the only one strong enough to carry him to his condo.

  His phone buzzed violently in his pocket. He took it out and it registered a text and a voicemail from Roxanne. He stared at the little virtual envelope for a while. Fuck it. Cursing the masochist in him, he unlocked the phone and read her message. There were about five that were sent last night.

  Foxy: Ma said you supposed to start last night. You didn’t come.

  Foxy: Wish, are you busy?

  Foxy: I have something to tell you. Can I call you?

  Foxy: Where are you? Why are you not answering your phone? I need to tal
k to you.

  Foxy: Why are you ignoring my messages?

  Taking a deep breath, he listened to her voice message.

  “He is here,” the voice said softly. “Chris is back,” she repeated through a gap.

  It wasn’t just a dagger to his chest. It felt like death.

  ***

  He made the worst decision in his life when he went to Roxanne’s house that afternoon.

  A silver Ford Mustang painted with blue racing stripes was parked outside her gate.

  Curiosity got the best of him, and he opened the unlocked gate.

  Wish should have known his place by then. He wasn’t the guy that was invited for dinner, movie nights or holidays. He wasn’t the guy that Roxanne wished to immortalize in a family portrait.

  He had been an idiot for thinking that he could ever be anything else. He should have known better to expect otherwise.

  From outside the window, what he saw was a picture of a happy family.

  Daniella was twirling around with a new dress on. Roxanne looked genuinely happy, clapping for her. Maximus wore new shoes and Chris was on his feet, helping him with the shoelaces.

  Wish was about to turn back when Roxanne saw him.

  “Wish!” she called.

  Wish stopped.

  “I’m here to see Tita Roxette. I just want to…to let her know I can’t accept her job offer. Something came up. Family emergency. I have to leave.” The words fell out of his mouth rapidly.

  “I hope nothing serious.”

  “No, It’s nothing serious. See you around.” He glanced at the house one last time before putting on his helmet and getting back on his motorcycle.

  With a twinge in his chest, Wish sped away.

  ***

  They hadn’t even talked about Roxanne and Chris getting back together after a couple of days, but Wish could tell that kiss had led the couple somewhere.

  Wish had successfully ignored all of Roxanne’s messages. All of her calls went to his voicemail.