The Secret Years

by Barbara Hannay

  Lucy shrugged. They helped each other through the barbed-wire fence, placing a boot on the lower wire while holding up the one above, and then together they headed across the paddock.

  ‘I wonder who that is,’ her mum said.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Whoever’s arrived in that red four-wheel drive. I’m sure it just arrived.’

  Lucy squinted in the vehicle’s direction, but the sun was straight in her eyes, blinding her.

  ‘It looks very bright and shiny, like a hire car,’ her mum commented as they got closer.

  ‘Might be tourists who’ve lost their way.’

  ‘Wow,’ Ro said, a few steps later. ‘A pretty classy tourist.’

  Curious, Lucy lifted both hands to shade her eyes and now she could see that a man was standing beside the vehicle. Tall, broad shouldered. Unruly black hair.

  Her knees gave way. Literally. They simply unhinged, and she stumbled.

  ‘Easy there, love.’ Her mum caught her by the elbow.

  Lucy was quite sure she couldn’t walk another step. She felt faint. She must be hallucinating. Seeing a mirage. She’d spent too long in the sun.

  ‘What’s the matter, Luce? Are you okay?’

  It seemed she’d also lost the power of speech.

  ‘Lucy?’

  The newcomer was walking towards them now. A long-legged figure in a milky blue, long-sleeved shirt and jeans.

  Lucy’s heart was banging hard, turning her chest into a punching bag. The thuds pounded in her ears.

  She was aware of her mum’s look of worried concern, but then her mother turned from her to the stranger. ‘Hello,’ she greeted him warmly.

  ‘Hello.’ The single word was enough to convey the high-class, deep resonance of his voice.

  ‘Oh, you’re English,’ her mum said, ever so slightly gushing.

  Lucy kept her eyes lowered, but she knew he was looking directly at her.

  ‘How are you, Lucy?’

  This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. How on earth had he got here?

  Why had he come here?

  ‘You know Lucy?’ Her poor mum was, of course, now thoroughly confused.

  With great effort, Lucy lifted her gaze. Just a glimpse of Nick Myatt’s dark eyes caused a ridiculous zap, but a second glimpse showed that he also looked rather tense, as well he might.

  She prayed that her trembling wasn’t visible. ‘Nick,’ she said stiffly. ‘This is unexpected.’

  ‘I know. I do apologise for the lack of warning.’

  ‘I’m Ro.’ Her mother seemed very eager as she held out her hand. ‘Lucy’s mother.’

  With a courteous dip of his head, Nick shook her proffered hand. ‘Very pleased to meet you, Mrs Hunter. Nick Myatt.’

  A gasp burst from her mum and her mouth formed an O, but no sound came out. Instead she took off her sunglasses and turned to Lucy, her eyes wide and questioning. A silent what the fuck?

  But as the stunned cogs in Lucy’s brain began to chug slowly back to life, she addressed Nick rather than her mother. ‘How did you find us?’

  ‘Your grandfather told me that you were out here.’

  This still didn’t make sense. ‘I was talking to Harry last night and he didn’t say a word about you.’

  ‘I think he’d just finished speaking with you on the phone when I knocked on his front door. I called at the apartment first – that was the address you left with Jane Nancarrow at the B&B – and I spoke to Keith Hayes who was also very helpful.’

  ‘Yes, Keith would be only too happy to help,’ said Ro, all smiles.

  ‘And then Mr Kemp kindly offered to accompany me out here,’ Nick said.

  ‘Accompany you?’ Lucy frowned. ‘You brought Harry with you?’

  ‘Yes. I had reservations, but he claimed that he couldn’t simply tell me where you were. He had to come and show me. I’m afraid he was quite insistent.’

  In unison Ro and Lucy turned their attention to the parked car again.

  The front passenger door was now open and there was Harry, waving to them.

  ‘For heaven’s sake.’ Ro hurried forward.

  Lucy followed, shaking her head. ‘But I still don’t understand.’

  Harry was out of the car by the time they reached him, moving stiffly, but with a huge smile on his face. ‘Hello there,’ he called, grinning broadly. ‘How’s this for a surprise?’

  ‘You can say that again, Dad.’ Ro gave him a kiss. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’

  Lucy kissed Harry, too, and his grey eyes twinkled. He certainly didn’t seem any worse for wear after the long car journey.

  ‘What’s this all about?’ Ro demanded again. ‘I thought you weren’t up to coming all this way?’

  ‘Yes, I know I told you that, Ro, but I wanted you and Lucy to look at the place on your own – without having to please me. But then I spoke to Lucy last night and you two were having such a good time out here, and I realised I’d really like to see the old place again.’ Harry nodded towards Nick. ‘Next thing you know, Nick came along and we got chatting, and well, here we are.’

  ‘Chatting?’ Lucy shot an anxious glance in Nick’s direction.

  Ro was eyeing Nick as well, and looking as puzzled as ever.

  Of course, this was Nick’s cue to give Ro one of his most charming smiles. ‘I explained to Mr Kemp that I mismanaged Lucy’s farewell in England. That I’d made a bloody mess of things, actually, and I wanted apologise.’

  ‘Oh, I see.’ In a matter of moments, Ro was beaming again, and she looked ridiculously excited as she turned and whispered to Lucy. ‘Are you okay with this?’

  ‘I guess,’ Lucy whispered back, although her definition of okay was decidedly dicey at this point in time.

  Apparently satisfied, her mother announced a tad smugly, ‘Well, how about I help you upstairs, Dad. I’ll make you a nice cup of tea. You’re probably ready for a lie down as well.’ She was clearly pleased with this brilliant idea and she was almost smirking at Lucy as she added, ‘Then you and Nick can have a good chat.’

  Nick gave an appreciative nod, while Lucy felt a wild desire to scurry after her mum and Harry to the safety of a cup of tea at the homestead but, of course, she was even more desperate to hear what Nick had to say. She knew she had to be careful, though. Her initial shock was receding, making way for dangerous emotions like excitement and hope, which she hastily quashed. This was no time for losing her head. She needed commonsense by the truckload to protect her vulnerable heart. And she had to remember that she’d made an important decision about Kalkadoon and she’d given her word to Harry, so even if Nick wanted her back, she wasn’t available.

  ‘Perhaps we should go back down to the river,’ she told him, knowing that at least they would have privacy down there, but she covered this reason with a more practical excuse. ‘You’re not wearing a hat and there are shady trees.’

  She felt exceedingly fragile as she and Nick walked side by side, their long shadows stretching ahead of them over the pale golden grass.

  When they reached the trees, a welcome cool breeze swept up from the water. They stopped at a grassy bank with smooth rocks that were perfect for sitting. Lucy sat quickly and took off her hat, running her fingers through her hair and lifting the hot, damp tresses from her neck.

  Nick’s dark eyes watched every movement and the muscles in his throat worked.

  ‘Why don’t you take a seat,’ Lucy said, sounding rather like a formal hostess as she pointed to a convenient boulder a few feet away.

  Nick, however, remained standing as if he was too tense to sit. He already had an unfair height advantage, but now he towered over her and, despite her somersaulting emotions, she couldn’t help noticing that he looked at home here in this alien landscape. In workmanlike blue jeans and with his long-sleeves rolled up to reveal naturally tanned, capable forearms, he looked ready for action and as in tune with the backdrop of melaleucas, bottlebrush trees and dazzling blue sky as he had amidst Cornwall’
s grey skies and cliffs and smashing waves.

  Scrambling to her feet once more, she felt a need to state the obvious. ‘You’ve come a long way.’

  Nick nodded. ‘As I told your mother, I’ve come to apologise, Lucy. I’m sorrier than you could ever imagine about sending you off the way I did. It was an unforgivable overreaction.’

  She’d resolved to remain calm and aloof. Now a flame of hope stirred, but she quickly snuffed it. There was no point in getting excited. She had made her decision.

  ‘I let the whole business of Simon and the army get in the way,’ Nick said. ‘When you arrived in Cornwall I was already in danger of letting it cripple me. But then, in those few days with you, I discovered that I wanted to get on with life and living.’

  He tried for a smile but didn’t quite manage it. ‘You helped me to see what it was like to be happy again. And the reason I’ve come is simple, Lucy. I’ve missed you.’

  Oh, help. She hadn’t been prepared for such an honest admission. And Nick looked endearingly nervous. A shimmer in his gorgeous dark eyes suggested he was as vulnerable as she was and the thought almost brought her undone.

  ‘I’ve missed your smile,’ he said. ‘Your warmth, your lively spirit. I missed you so much more than I could possibly have dreamed.’

  Lucy wanted to tell him that she’d missed him, too, but she didn’t dare. Somehow she had to find the strength to explain that she was no longer available – she had new commitments.

  ‘But I haven’t come here to make demands,’ Nick said next and the sincerity in his dark gaze caused a new hitch in her breathing. ‘I’m not asking you to leave the army. I came because I needed to talk to you face to face, to find out how you’re feeling now, whether there’s any chance – even though I don’t deserve a chance – of sorting something out.’

  Somehow, Lucy suppressed a whimper of despair. This had been her fantasy. Throughout the long journey on the plane back from England, she’d dreamed of an impossible scenario exactly like this, like something out of a romantic movie, where Nick chased after her to tell her he’d made a terrible mistake and he wanted another chance.

  And she would have given him that other chance. So gladly.

  Now, the impossible had actually happened and she wanted to hurl herself into his arms, to press her face into his massive chest. Desperately, she longed for him to hold her and to murmur gorgeous promises in his gorgeous English voice.

  But she couldn’t give Nick any sign of hope. Not now, not less than twenty-four hours after she’d committed herself to a future here. At Kalkadoon.

  ‘Nick, I’m sorry.’

  ‘I know I don’t deserve —’

  ‘It’s not a matter of deserving,’ she said quickly. ‘It’s just lousy timing.’ Tears threatened and she blinked madly. ‘I have another commitment, you see, and I’ve already given my word.’

  To her dismay the colour leached from his face. ‘What’s happened?’ Despite his pallor, his gaze was fierce. ‘Have you gone back to your boyfriend? You’re going to marry him?’

  ‘No. God, no. It’s not a guy, Nick.’ She felt sick and dragged in a gulping breath, hoping it would steady her. ‘It’s this place,’ she said. ‘I’m committed to this property.’ And then she hurried to explain. ‘Well, not immediately. I want to spend as much time as I can with my grandfather. He might look well enough to you, but he’s not at all well, really, and he’s leaving me Kalkadoon in his will, and I —’

  The enormity of it overwhelmed Lucy. She was trembling with the effort of holding back her tears, but she knew she had to get this over, make the cut quick and clean. Get it all out and crush Nick’s hopes now before he said lovely things that would break her heart again.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again and her voice was shaky and high pitched but she forced the words out. ‘I’ve given Harry my word.’

  Unable to bear the look on his face, she closed her eyes.

  ‘Lucy.’

  She opened her eyes but kept them fixed on the ground as she answered. ‘Yes?’

  ‘I think you’re right.’ Nick spoke with astonishing calm. ‘We need to sit down to talk about this.’

  ‘But there’s nothing to —’

  Fearfully, she looked towards him and he was already moving to the rock that she’d pointed out earlier.

  Feeling sick and shaken and completely bewildered, she lowered herself to her rock. What on earth could they discuss? Everything was decided.

  ‘I’d like to get this straight,’ Nick said, sounding surprisingly composed now. ‘You’re returning to Townsville, to the army.’

  ‘Yes. I want to apply for a discharge, but I have to give three months’ notice.’

  ‘And you plan to care for your grandfather?’

  Lucy nodded. ‘We have no idea how long he has.’

  ‘Of course.’ Looking at ease now, with the sun glinting on his black hair, Nick leaned forward with his elbows casually resting on his knees. ‘But, in due course, you plan to return here to Kalkadoon.’

  Lucy nodded. ‘Under the terms of the will, I won’t be able to sell the property for four years, and I’ve told Harry that I’ll come here and have a darned good crack at running it.’

  ‘I see.’ To her surprise Nick still didn’t look the slightest bit concerned.

  ‘What do you see?’

  ‘That if I decided to stay in Australia I’d be courting an heiress.’

  She gasped. Had he really said those words stay and courting?

  Keep your head, Lucy. Don’t drop your bundle now. ‘I’d be a very busy heiress with responsibility for several thousand head of cattle.’

  Nick nodded rather solemnly. ‘And I suppose this responsib­ility would involve living out here in this wonderfully wild country? Perhaps riding horses and camping out under the stars, or helping to muster all those thousands of cattle? Possibly wrestling the odd crocodile or two?’

  ‘All of the above, I imagine.’ She chanced a smile. ‘Well, maybe not the crocs.’

  Beside them, a dragonfly flitted across the water like a miniature bronze helicopter.

  Nick sat a little straighter. ‘Could you possibly see me fitting into that picture?’

  The really crazy thing was that she could see Nick here, but she felt compelled to protect herself from yet another round of hurt and disappointment. ‘But you’re English,’ she said. ‘You’re used to green fields and sea cliffs and bluebells – and London and everything – and this place is so remote. It’s not looking too bad just now after the rain, but there could easily be another drought, or a cyclone and floods.’

  ‘Your grandmother was English, but that didn’t stop her from having a happy life out here.’

  So true. A corner of Lucy’s heart was overjoyed by Nick’s persistence, but in the interests of her emotional security, she felt compelled to throw hurdles in his path. ‘Don’t you have to look after Penwall Hall?’

  ‘I’ve done my bit for the Hall and, as I think I told you in Cornwall, with a good manager in place, it can look after itself now.’

  ‘I – I see.’

  The water in the creek was so still she could see their reflections. Dressed alike in jeans and sitting on their rocks with a backdrop of khaki bush and blue sky, they looked like a photograph in a glossy magazine. An ideal outback couple . . .

  ‘I’m not proposing we rush into anything, Lucy. We both have things to sort out and you need to care for your grandfather. But I thought, perhaps – if you wanted – I could come back and spend some time here and help you.’

  Lucy’s heartbeats were racing, but she did her best to sound calm. ‘You’d like to help me run Kalkadoon?’

  ‘I’d like that very much.’

  She knew he was speaking the truth. In England he’d dropped several hints about his fascination with the Aussie outback, and he was a man of enterprise. He would probably relish a new business challenge like Kalkadoon. There was every chance that he would love it here.

  ‘Would it
be a kind of trial run?’

  ‘That’s what I’m thinking.’ His brown eyes now held a heady mix of tenderness and desire and hope. ‘A trial run for both of us.’

  For the first time since he’d arrived, Lucy felt the knots in her stomach and shoulders loosen. A trial run for both of them. She smiled. ‘I think that might be a workable plan.’

  ‘Good.’ Nick was on his feet now and closing the gap between them. He reached for her hand and his fingers were warm and strong around hers. Their touch was all she needed. With a glad cry, she leaped into his arms.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ Such a relief to tell him at last.

  ‘I felt wretched when I sent you packing.’

  ‘I’ve been miserable.’

  ‘Poor Lucy. You know I’m in love with you.’

  ‘Oh, Nick.’ It was too soon to be talking of love. This was only a trial run, after all. They had both been burned and were cautious about second chances and yet she felt a wonderfully deep-rooted confidence in this new decision. It felt right. Gloriously perfect.

  Winding her arms around his neck, she whispered, ‘You know I’m mad about you.’

  He pulled her close then and kissed her. Not the fast and hungry kiss she expected, but a slow and very thorough kiss, a deeply satisfying kiss that took a lovely long time.

  When at last they drew apart, he was smiling.

  ‘Not a bad start for a trial run,’ she suggested.

  ‘Not bad at all.’ Then he gave her a cheeky grin. ‘I can’t wait for the real thing.’

  __________

  Ro and Harry had finished their cups of tea, and Ro was sitting on the verandah while Harry rested inside when she saw her daughter and the delicious Englishman emerge from the line of trees that fringed the creek.

  Instantly anxious to read their body language, she noted with relief that they both looked relaxed as they strolled across the paddock, dark heads close together, clearly deep in conversation. Every so often Lucy would give an animated wave of her hand as if to emphasise a point she was making. Then Nick must have said something that made her laugh.

  They laughed together, almost doubling over, their faces alight and glowing with unmistakable happiness. A moment later, Nick slipped an arm around Lucy’s shoulders and dipped his head to whisper in her ear. Quite possibly, he even nibbled at her ear. Her daughter looked radiant.