by Isabel Morin
“Yeah? How’s it look?” Jesse asked.
“I don’t know, I haven’t watched it yet. You can come take a look if you want.”
“I want to see, too,” Matt said, sounding like a little kid afraid of being left out.
“What video?” Beth asked.
“I asked a friend to shoot some footage of the band about a month ago. I thought it’d be good to have some live video for promo stuff.”
“That’s a great,” Beth said, leaning forward. “You can put it on your website. You should have your own Youtube channel, too.”
Stu nodded. “Not a bad idea.” He looked around the table. “Anyone who wants to see it can come back to my room.”
Stu paid the check and got up and they all followed after him. Even Will, after a brief hesitation.
The few other people who’d been in the bar had long since left and the inn seemed deserted. They trooped together to Stu’s room a couple floors up and piled onto the king-sized bed. Beth sat on the rickety desk chair. She had to lean to the side to see Stu’s laptop, but that was a small price to pay to avoid all those male body parts.
It was good footage, better than other live video she’s seen of them. The band was tight, and Jesse was as charismatic as usual, working the crowd, singing his heart out.
“I remember that night,” Matt said, moving closer. “See that sweet piece of ass in the front? She came backstage after the show and gave me a–”
Jesse shoved Matt so that he fell into Brian.
“Dude, what the–” Matt started, then looked over at Beth. “Oh, sorry, Beth.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, amused. “You guys sound great. This is the perfect way to get some of the excitement of your shows across.”
“Speaking of which, I’ve got a new song I want Beth to try one of these nights,” Jesse said. “It’s called ‘Down by the River.’”
Everyone, Stu and Will included, seemed to take this in stride.
“Why don’t we run through it now,” Matt said. “We don’t have anything else to do.”
Jesse looked over at her. “What do you think?”
“Sure. The more practice I get, the better.”
“Get your guitars and do it in here then,” Stu said. He was doing something on his phone, but he looked up and caught Jesse’s surprised expression. “What? I want to hear it, too.”
“Why don’t you get the mandolin,” Jesse said to Matt, and they left the room together, Will at their heels.
Brian fell back on the bed and appeared to doze. He couldn’t play drums in the hotel, and sleeping seemed to be his next favorite activity.
Soon everyone was back in the room, tuning up and talking it through. Brian opened his eyes and offered a comment every so often. Beth mostly listened. The atmosphere in the room was so different from what it had been since she arrived on tour, but especially since Will walked in on her and Jesse. There was a camaraderie she’d never seen before, and she only hoped it lasted.
Maybe her talk with Will had really done some good, or maybe it had taken a near-death experience to bring them together. But now she was a part of it, for the moment at least.
Jesse played his acoustic guitar, Matt the mandolin, and Will played his bass unplugged. If there had been anyone in the adjoining rooms they probably wouldn’t have been too thrilled, but the hotel seemed pretty empty.
Jesse talked Matt and Will through the song first. Once they had their parts down she came in. She flubbed it several times during the first run-through, but the guys were patient with her, letting her take her time. By the fourth run-through her voice felt good, like she could sing all night.
Stu recorded bits and pieces on his phone, moving around the room for different angles.
“Another soundcheck or two and I think we’ve got it,” Jesse said, smiling at Beth.
This time she didn’t hem and haw. “I think so, too.”
His grin grew bigger. Then he was playing again, but this time it was the “Dukes of Hazard” theme song, which she’d only recently learned was written by Jesse’s hero, Waylon Jennings. Will and Matt grinned and joined in like they knew it by heart.
They moved from that to Johnny Cash, Charlie Rich, and early Elvis. Mostly she listened, but sometimes she knew the words, and when she did she couldn’t help but sing.
Then someone knocked on the door, bringing everyone to a sudden halt. Beth glanced at the clock and was shocked to see it was after midnight. Stu opened the door to a young hotel employee in a rumpled white shirt and dark tie.
“I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to stop playing.” He looked nervously around at everyone. “We’ve had complaints from the room above you.”
Stu made his apologies, assuring the man they’d stop. He shut the door and looked around. “All right, party’s over.”
“Wanna hit the bar again?” Jesse asked the room in general.
Stu and Beth declined, but the guys were all for it, even Brian. Apparently his nap had given him a second wind.
“I’ll see you boys tomorrow,” Beth said, getting up.
She left the room to a chorus of “’night, Beth,” and smiled all the way to her room.
Chapter Nine
After Jackson they played Salt Lake City, then left for Flagstaff, still debating whether to stop at Bryce Canyon, Zion National Park, or the Grand Canyon on the way.
“I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon,” Beth said. “We have to stop there.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Jesse said, stowing his bags in the car. “I’m just saying maybe it’s best to leave it for when you’ve got more time. We have half a day, and that’s really not enough to see much.”
She handed him a coffee and muffin, mulling it over. Once again he’d gotten up extra early so they’d have time to stop and sightsee, so she couldn’t complain. It was more that there was so much to see and not enough time to do it. What if she never got another chance to come back this way? And even if she did come back again, it wouldn’t be with Jesse.
“You’ll see it some other time,” he said, as if reading her thoughts. Or some of them, anyway. “Now that you’re in Vegas there’ll be nothing to it.”
“So what do you suggest?”
“Zion’s beautiful, in fact I like it better than the Grand Canyon, but it’s better if you have a couple days to see it. Bryce is amazing, and you can see it in a few hours.”
Beth acquiesced, still wishing she could see it all. But even with that night off, there was no way to do more. So Jesse took the wheel and they headed south on highway fifteen, stopping once at a gas station in the middle of miles of nearly barren landscape. Beth pumped gas while Jesse stretched beside her. They had their routine down now, a place for everything in the car, a system to how they picked the music.
“It’s so empty out here,” she said, looking around at the rocky land on all sides, the mountain ridges breaking the skyline here and there. “I still haven’t gotten used to it.”
“It’s pretty great, though, isn’t it? Gives you space to think.”
“You’re right, it does. I wonder if I’ll miss it when this is over.”
“I will,” Jesse said. “As much as I love Austin, I need to get out of the city every so often.”
“That’s how I felt in Gulliver. Not that it’s a big city, but there’s lots of farmland around it. I used to go for long drives in the countryside to clear my head. Especially right before I moved.”
“Nothing like a relationship going bad to get you on the road,” Jesse said, looking like he’d been there himself.
She put the gas cap back on and went inside to pay and use the bathroom. Jesse came back to the counter with Smartfood and M&Ms, her two favorites. After so many days on the road together, they knew each other’s preferences and peccadilloes. He knew her better than anyone but Cheryl, which made it all the harder to imagine saying goodbye.
***
“It’s like we’re on a
nother planet,” Beth said, her eyes wide in amazement.
They were at the bottom of Bryce Canyon, surrounded by formations of red rock carved by wind and water. Some looked like giant chess pieces in the middle of a game, some like castles, others like nothing else on earth.
Pulling out his phone, he took pictures of her peering up at the formations, her eyes bright with amazement.
“Hey, what are you doing?” she asked, catching him in the act.
“Just taking a couple pictures. Maybe I’ll put them on Facebook.”
He hadn’t actually been planning to do that, but it seemed like a good excuse. Better than telling her he wanted to be able to see her face after she was gone.
“No one wants to see me up there.”
“Sure they do. You’re the big mystery.”
“Let’s keep it a mystery, then. They only care about me because they think I’m sleeping with you.”
As soon as the words were out she bit her lip like she regretted saying anything. He should have been good and kept his mouth shut, let the moment pass, but he couldn’t stop himself.
“Maybe. Too bad they’re not right.”
He let that sink in before turning away, like he found something fascinating to look at. The canyon had amazed him the first time he saw it, and it did this time, too. But it was Beth that blew his mind. Beth he couldn’t stop looking at.
He caught up with her a few minutes later and they pretended nothing had happened. That was his life now, acting like he wasn’t burning alive.
She held the phone up and snapped a picture of him. “There, I posted it with a note about the show tomorrow.”
“You really think anyone cares about me sightseeing?”
She gave him a look. “Jesse, people love this kind of thing. It makes them feel like they know you. Besides, all the women are in love with you and want to know everything. If you ever looked at your page you’d see what I mean.”
“I did look once, and it was terrifying,” he said.
“Someone’s going to need to do it when I’m gone.”
He hated when she said things like that. “We’d better get going,” he said, heading toward the trail out of the canyon.
She insisted on driving the rest of the way to Flagstaff, so he pulled out his notebook and worked on some songs. He wanted to go into the recording sessions with more material than he needed in case some songs didn’t work. He was still obsessing over one lyric when the light started to go. Looking out his window he caught the sunset burning up the western sky.
Beth’s face was serene in the warm light, a little smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Gone was the clenched two-handed grip she used to keep on the steering wheel. One hand rested loosely on the wheel, the other tapped out a rhythm on her thigh as she sang along with Gillian Welch. She was still hitting the gas, too. He watched as the speedometer needle crept higher, topping ninety.
He’d never been one to tell a woman to slow down, and he wasn’t about to start now. Not when she’d finally forgotten to worry and was flying down the highway like a woman set free.
She’d changed since that first day. She was more sure of herself, easier in her skin. She didn’t seem to be trying to disappear anymore, either. Along the way she’d picked up new clothes to wear while performing, and they were sexier and flashier than what she’d worn at the beginning. She still looked classy, but she wasn’t afraid to show what she had anymore.
Then there were those boots. Was it weird that seeing her in them made him hard? Like, every day?
The song ended and she seemed to come out of her thrall, glancing over at him like she was remembering he was there.
“Your friends are coming tomorrow night, right?” he asked.
“Yes, Cheryl, her fiancé, and another couple. I can’t wait to see them, but I’m pretty nervous about performing in front of them.”
She pulled off the highway, following the voice commands of the GPS. The streetlights came on as they headed through downtown Flagstaff and into the suburbs.
“You should have seen me the first time my parents came to one of my gigs. I wanted so bad for them to be proud.”
“So what happened? Did you mess up?”
“Naw. I’d been playing those songs so long by then, I could have done them in my sleep. Your body remembers what to do. Even your voice does. You just need to trust it.”
“I think I get what you mean. I think that’s what happened the first night I performed. But I still don’t trust myself completely. My strategy’s always been to work at things until there’s no possibility of failure.”
“I guess that’s one way to do it,” he said.
“Maybe, but it’s exhausting.” She pulled up in front of a blue ranch house, the windows lit up and welcoming. “This must be it.”
They were staying the next two nights with friends of Stu’s, a professional couple in their forties who’d offered their guest bedroom and finished basement to the band. Beth was taking the extra bedroom.
The car ticked as the engine cooled and the car held them close in the quiet night. It was so similar to the way he used to pull up in front of a girl’s house after a date when he was younger, that dark anticipation when the intimacy of the car pulled them together. Because when a girl lingered in the car and looked at him with soft eyes, she wanted to be kissed.
“This was a pretty great day, wasn’t it?” Beth asked, her voice not much more than a whisper.
He could have told her that every day he spent with her was a great day, better than it could have been without her in it. But that was off limits, so he just smiled. “Yeah, it was.”
Beth sighed, a flutter of sound and air that chased over his skin. Then the front door opened and a man and woman came out onto to the steps, ready to greet them.
Sometimes the girl wanted it but wasn’t ready. And sometimes her dad opened the door and spoiled everything. Beth hadn’t been waiting for a kiss, not really, but she was as reluctant to leave their little world as he was.
Sean and Myra had dinner ready, and the four of them sat down for the first home-cooked meal he’d had since he’d last visited his parents in May. Afterward he and Beth showered in the giant bathroom. He let Beth go first, hoping he might catch her walking by in nothing but a towel. Instead he had to content himself with the moist heat of the bathroom after she’d gone and her damp footprints on the bath mat.
The rest of the band showed up soon after and they all sat around drinking good wine and whisky and entertaining their hosts late into the night with stories from the road.
Myra and Sean called it a night first, Beth following on their heels. He and the rest of the guys headed into the basement and called dibs on the pull-out couch and air mattresses. There was a TV down there and they found a movie to watch, falling asleep one by one. Jesse turned the TV off and opened up his notebook. He had a new song in mind, one Beth could never hear. It started with a woman asleep behind a door he’d never enter.
***
“We’re here!” Cheryl sang into the phone, the others calling out hello in the background.
Beth raced outside the club to find the four of them waiting on the sidewalk out front. Cheryl flew at her and then they were laughing and hugging like they’d been parted for years.
“How was the drive?” Beth asked.
“Jason was all manly and wouldn’t let anyone else take over, so it was easy.”
“Let me see that ring of yours,” Beth said, grabbing Cheryl’s left hand and holding it up so the sun lit the diamond, fracturing it into countless points of light.
“It’s perfect.” She turned to Jason, who stood smiling just behind Cheryl. “Congratulations on being a very smart man,” she said, throwing her arms around him in a fierce hug.
Jason was blushing when she pulled back, and it was so adorable she almost couldn’t stand it.
“She’s missed you,” he said, his eyes going straight to Cheryl. The two of them locked gazes and beame
d at one another like no one else was in the room.
“They’ve been like that all week,” Emily said, coming over to give Beth a hug. “You get used to it.”
Cutter smiled and bent down to whisper something in Emily’s ear. Emily made a face at him. “I did not,” she whispered, laughing.
Beth had only met Cutter once before, but he gave her a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks for the tickets,” he said. “I can’t even remember the last time I went to a show. I think I must be getting old.”
“Aren’t we all,” Jason laughed.
“Not tonight we aren’t,” Cheryl declared. “Tonight we party.”
“Are you guys hungry?” Beth asked. “I saw a couple places down the block that look good.”
She’d already set up the merch table and rehearsed “Down by the River” with the band, so she had over an hour before she had to be back.
“We’re all pretty hungry,” Cheryl said, grabbing Beth’s arm as they headed down the street.
They picked a Chinese restaurant that looked good. Even before they’d ordered they were peppering her with questions. Cheryl and Emily wanted to know what it was like working with Jesse, whether she missed Ohio, what it felt like to be onstage. Jason and Cutter said less and were more interested in logistics, like whether they were recording the shows and how the tour was funded.
Beth answered as much as she could without going into her feelings for Jesse, and eventually she managed to move the conversation away from herself. By the time they got back to the club a line had started at the doors, so she led them in through a side entrance and into the main room. A long bar ran down one side and tables were scattered along the walls. The floor in front of the stage was clear so people could crowd in front.
“I’d better get going,” she said after they’d settled at a table. “You guys have fun and I’ll come and get you after the show and bring you back to meet everyone.”
Cheryl gave her another hug and Beth headed backstage, a huge smile stuck to her face. As weird as it felt to have her worlds collide, it was also wonderful. Besides, tonight wasn’t just about her. She was only singing two songs. They were going to see Jesse live, and that was an experience she thought everyone should have before they died.