Trust in Tomorrow

by Carole Mortimer

  Jace had been wrong to keep such a thing from her, although she accepted that the last few weeks he had had a lot of other things on his mind, but she had been with Lucas constantly the last two weeks, and still he hadn’t mentioned his sister’s marriage to her father. So much for their agreement that there would be honesty between them! Lucas didn’t—

  ‘Chelsea!’

  She turned sharply as Lucas softly spoke her name, looking at him coldly. He looked as if he had dressed in a hurry, his shirt not quite tucked into his trousers, his hair only vaguely tidy. ‘Did you oversleep, Lucas?’ she said contemptuously, knowing he was usually up and dressed by the seven-fifteen it was now.

  His mouth tightened. ‘Let’s go outside.’ He looked pointedly at Camilla as she slept on. ‘I want to talk to you.’

  ‘And I don’t want to talk to you,’ she told him with slow emphasis.

  ‘Chelsea, Jace told me you now know about his marriage—’

  ‘I do now.’ She pulled on her jacket with angry movements.

  ‘Chelsea, let’s talk,’ he ordered firmly.

  Her eyes flashed deeply blue. ‘You had your chance, Lucas,’ she spoke the words at him in a venomous whisper. ‘You chose not to take it.’

  ‘It wasn’t my business to tell you—’

  ‘Not even when you knew I loved you?’ she accused heatedly, lowering her voice as Camilla stirred restlessly. ‘You didn’t tell me, Lucas, because you thought I was too juvenile to handle it. Well I’m mature enough to be happy that my father has found happiness, and I like Camilla very much. The only thing wrong with the whole situation is that it now means I have to be related to you!’

  His mouth thinned ominously. ‘You didn’t think that would be such a bad idea last night.’

  She blushed and then paled at the accusation. ‘Last night I didn’t know what a bastard you are!’ she snapped back.

  His mouth twisted. ‘Oh, you knew, Chelsea, you’ve always known. But you loved me anyway—’

  ‘Not any longer.’

  ‘—as I love you,’ he continued softly.

  ‘Love!’ She was too angry to care that he had just told her what she would have given anything to hear last night. How could he possibly love someone he wouldn’t even trust with the truth! ‘As you once told me, you have no conception of the word!’ she told him contemptuously.

  His expression became even more ominous. ‘I said I love you, damn it, and I do!’

  ‘You—’

  ‘What on earth is going on here?’ Camilla had roused completely from her sleep without either of them being aware of it, sitting up in bed to stare at them dazedly.

  ‘Welcome to the family, Camilla.’ She bent to kiss the other woman’s cheek. ‘I’m very pleased for you and Jace. Now if you’ll excuse me,’ she straightened, ‘I’m going out.’

  ‘You aren’t going anywhere,’ Lucas thundered.

  ‘Lucas?’ Camilla was obviously shocked by his behaviour.

  ‘Stay out of this,’ he instructed grimly. ‘This is between Chelsea and me.’

  ‘This does happen to be my bedroom,’ his sister reminded him frowningly.

  ‘In my apartment.’ His eyes were glacial. ‘And if I want to talk to Chelsea here then I will.’

  ‘Well Chelsea has a say in that, buster,’ Chelsea glared at him. ‘And she doesn’t want to talk to you here or anywhere else.’

  ‘She’s—You’re going to,’ he amended irritably. ‘If I have to keep you here all day.’

  ‘Lucas!’

  ‘Will you stay out of this, Camilla!’ he ordered impatiently.

  Chelsea looked at him challengingly. ‘As my step-mother I think perhaps she should hear this,’ she taunted, sitting down on the bed.

  ‘Not here, Chelsea,’ he glowered at her.

  ‘Well, I’m certainly not going to your bedroom,’ she scorned.

  ‘It’s a little late to start worrying about that, isn’t it,’ his mouth twisted. ‘And as I remember it, you didn’t need forcing last time!’

  She blushed at the accusation, glancing uncomfortably at Camilla. ‘I could hardly have forced you into anything,’ her voice quivered with embarrassment.

  ‘I remember differently,’ he taunted. ‘Last night—’

  She stood up abruptly. ‘Maybe you’re right, maybe we should go and talk about this somewhere else,’ she said shortly. ‘I’m sure Camilla isn’t interested in all this.’

  ‘On the contrary,’ the other woman settled back more comfortably on the pillows, ‘I haven’t been this well entertained in the morning for a long time,’ she smiled at them encouragingly.

  ‘I think I’m insulted by that remark, sweetheart,’ Jace strolled into the room, smiling at his new bride as he sat down beside her on the bed, his arm about her shoulders. ‘You may have returned to this bed so that you didn’t embarrass Chelsea—who incidentally wasn’t embarrassed at all,’ he added dryly. ‘But I can remember quite a few mornings when you were very entertained,’ he reminded huskily.

  ‘Of course, darling.’ She laced her hand with his as it rested against her collar-bone. ‘But you have to admit that this is something—’

  ‘Would the two of you mind postponing this little trip down memory lane until some other time?’ Lucas cut in icily.

  ‘Of course not, you two go right ahead,’ Jace invited graciously, causing Chelsea’s mouth to twitch with humour, recognising the devilment in him. And Camilla seemed to be as bad, looking at them interestedly!

  ‘We had just got to the bit where you told me you loved me,’ Chelsea prompted Lucas innocently, too angry with him not to enjoy his discomfort in front of their avid audience. He looked furious!

  ‘Now that’s interesting,’ Jace said as Lucas just glowered. ‘Do you realise, Camilla, that if their love affair reaches its natural conclusion—which I hope its going to,’ he looked questioningly at the other man. ‘Then my daughter will also be our sister-in-law, and that your brother will be my son-in-law and your stepson-in-law, and—’

  ‘God, this is turning into a damned farce!’ Lucas scowled at them all. ‘Well I hope you’re all very amused.’ He turned glacial eyes on Chelsea. ‘I’ll talk to you when you don’t want an audience of clowns!’

  ‘Oh no you don’t.’ She stopped him as he would have left the room. ‘You’ve walked out on me once too often, Lucas McAdams, this time I’m walking out on you!’ She strode past him, hearing Jace’s chuckle of delight and Lucas’s angry rebuke as she left the apartment.

  CHAPTER TEN

  THE past few minutes may have been amusing, but her humour faded as soon as she got outside, the smile she gave Mrs Harvey as she arrived for the day strained to say the least. She was more hurt than she cared to admit by Lucas’s refusal to treat her like a responsible adult. What had he expected her to do when she learnt of his sister’s marriage to her father, throw a tantrum!

  And he said he loved her. God, how she wished she could believe that were true. But everything he had done last night after Jace’s arrival had pointed to him merely wanting physical gratification; he had even told her that he didn’t love her.

  So what had happened to change his mind? Jace’s arrival. Was it possible that Lucas had said he loved her because he felt guilty about their lovemaking once her father arrived? It seemed to be the only explanation. And what a heartbreaking one.

  She had forgotten all about the reporters downstairs during her week of confinement to the apartment, walking into a barrage of cameras and reporters as questions were thrown at her from half a dozen different directions. She finally managed to push past them and into a cab, telling the driver to take her to the nearest park.

  Early December wasn’t the ideal month to be strolling through a London park at seven-thirty in the morning, the wind whipping about her bitterly chill, a frost on the ground. But at least it wasn’t snowing.

  She walked until she felt sure Lucas would have gone to work, squaring her shoulders as she stepped from the cab and int
o another barrage of questions, some of them too personal to ignore!

  ‘Of course we’re all shaken by mother’s death,’ she snapped at one callous young man as he questioned her emotion about the suicide.

  ‘But your father was recently remarried, we believe,’ he persisted scornfully.

  ‘He was divorced from my mother,’ she said coldly, finally pushing her way inside, never so relieved to see her father as she was at that moment, Jace stepping out of the elevator as she went to get into it.

  His arms were protective about her as they went back upstairs. ‘Security called and said you were being hassled,’ he explained grimly.

  ‘Some of those people,’ she shuddered. ‘What business is it of their’s that you’ve remarried? You and Mom had been divorced for months—’

  ‘They think her death was my fault, Princess,’ he told her gently.

  Chelsea shook her head. ‘It was mine,’ she choked. ‘I should have been there. I—’

  ‘Let’s wait until we get inside,’ Jace suggested softly. ‘I think we have some things to sort out.’

  The apartment was strangely silent except for the sound of Mrs Harvey working in the kitchen, Jace and Chelsea going in to the lounge, the housekeeper entering with a tray of coffee almost immediately.

  Chelsea sipped the hot brew gratefully, the chill morning seeming to have entered her bones. ‘Camilla and Lucas?’ she questioned quietly, putting her cup down.

  ‘Let’s not worry about them for the moment,’ Jace dismissed. ‘I want to know what you meant just now when you said you were responsible for Gloria’s death.’ His eyes were narrowed questioningly.

  She shuddered, her arms clasped about her knees. ‘I was supposed to have gone home that—that evening before I went bowling,’ she told him stiltedly. ‘I only decided not to at the last moment. I did call the house, but—but there was no answer…’ she choked back the tears as she at last admitted her guilt.

  ‘You were supposed to go home that evening?’ Jace repeated slowly, frowning heavily.

  ‘Yes,’ she said shakily.

  ‘And Clare said your mother had called her to ask her to come over and collect some sewing that night too.’

  ‘She did?’ Chelsea looked puzzled.

  ‘Mm,’ Jace nodded, deep in thought. ‘Clare also telephoned when her car wouldn’t start and received no answer.’

  ‘But couldn’t the sewing have waited until the next day?’ Chelsea frowned.

  ‘Exactly what Clare thought,’ he nodded. ‘Especially when it looked as if your mother had gone out. And then we come to my own delay.’

  ‘You were supposed to visit that evening, too?’ she gasped.

  ‘Yes,’ he sighed. ‘Your mother called me and told me she had to talk to me, that it was urgent. I thought she had told you about my marriage to Camilla and that you had taken it badly.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Mom knew you were married to Camilla?’

  ‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘And I thought at the time that she had taken the news very well. It wasn’t until just now that I realised she tried to manipulate me because of it.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Don’t you see, Chelsea, your mother had a let-out to taking those pills—’

  ‘You realise that I know Mom committed suicide?’ she gasped.

  ‘I’ve had a lengthy chat with Lucas since you’ve been gone,’ he admitted grimly. ‘I was a fool to try and keep such a thing from you but—’

  ‘You were protecting me, I know that,’ she assured him gently.

  ‘Lucas tells me that you don’t need protecting, that treating you like a responsible adult would have saved a lot of heartache and confusion.’

  ‘He should talk,’ she bit out angrily.

  Jace gave a half smile at her vehemence. ‘We’ll talk about Lucas in a moment, right now I want to clear up this situation with your mother. As I was saying, your mother had ensured that she had a let out to taking those pills,’ he repeated harshly. ‘She believed you were coming home, called Clare to come over, called me for the same reason, believing one of us would get there before it was too late.’

  ‘And we all let her down,’ she said dully. ‘She killed herself because none of us were there to talk her out of it.’

  He shook his head. ‘Because none of us were there to bring her out of it. Don’t you see, Princess, your mother didn’t intend killing herself, she just wanted to punish me for marrying Camilla, probably hoped that you would blame me for her desperation, too. She didn’t want to die, expected to be found by at least one of us. But you went out straight from work, Clare couldn’t get to the house because her car wouldn’t start, and I was delayed at the studio.’

  ‘So we did let her down,’ Chelsea insisted.

  ‘No! Well in a way. But I should have realised when I saw how beautiful she looked, her make-up perfect, the blue nightgown—’

  ‘It was your favourite colour on her,’ Chelsea realised dazedly.

  ‘Exactly,’ he nodded. ‘She did exactly the same thing last time she wanted to punish me—’

  ‘Last time?’ Chelsea gasped.

  ‘Your mother took pills when you were twelve, too,’ he told her quietly.

  ‘I never knew. I—Was that the time you told me she had gone into hospital to have her appendix out?’ Chelsea realised incredulously.

  ‘That’s it,’ he confirmed.

  ‘I wondered why Mom would never show me her scar! I thought it was because she couldn’t bear the blemish on her body… Why did she do it?’ Chelsea groaned. ‘Was it something that I did?’

  ‘No, Princess, no. Don’t even think it, your mother loved you very much,’ Jace soothed. ‘I asked your mother for a divorce so that I could marry Camilla. Her answer was to swallow a bottle of pills,’ he sighed.

  ‘You loved Camilla even then?’

  ‘Yes,’ he admitted heavily. ‘I’ve loved her for a very long time. But your mother wasn’t strong, she—’

  ‘She blackmailed you with the threat of suicide into staying with her!’

  ‘She wasn’t a bad woman, Princess, she just—She loved me, and she didn’t want to let me go.’ He shrugged. ‘I agreed to stay with her if she would move back to the States with me. I thought it best to make a clean start, where I wouldn’t be tempted to go to Camilla,’ he admitted heavily. ‘Your mother agreed, and we continued to live together.’

  ‘You mean you sacrificed years of your life to a marriage that you knew was dead!’

  He sighed. ‘There was you, Princess.’

  ‘And just how much influence did I have in your decision to stay with Mom?’ Her voice was shrill at the years he had given up.

  Jace grimaced. ‘I couldn’t bear the thought of my daughter possibly having to face the belief that I had been responsible for killing her mother.’

  ‘But she never attempted it again, not even when you finally did divorce.’

  ‘Because she never really believed in the divorce,’ he explained gently. ‘I realise that now, I realised it when I told her I had married Camilla. I fooled myself into believing she had accepted it, but she was too calm. When she killed herself I felt as guilty as hell for not realising the state of her mind. You can guess what it did to Camilla and the life we were trying to make for ourselves. I have to admit I didn’t try to help her, was too caught up in my own guilt. In the end she couldn’t take it any more, thought I blamed her for your mother’s death.’

  ‘That’s why she came here. And that’s why Lucas was so angry with her.’ And why he had accused her of tying him up in the same knots her parents had the rest of his family!

  ‘Was he?’ Jace frowned. ‘Well, it’s all over now. I went back to the States to close up the house after Camilla left me, Clare came over to help. That was when I found out that Clare was suffering the same guilt that I was. The three of us, you, Clare, and myself, can all stay on this guilt trip if we want to, but it’s going to achieve nothing. None of us, and I mean none of u
s, could have lived our lives in constant fear of your mother not liking something that we do and downing another bottle of pills!’

  Chelsea was frowning. ‘Why did you look at me like that when you said “none” of us?’

  He sighed. ‘I always suspected it was your mother’s possessiveness that broke up your engagement to Randy.’

  ‘But Mom had nothing to do with that,’ she protested. ‘He—Mom said—’ she broke off, pained confusion flickering across her pale face. ‘Randy always said he didn’t touch Mom, that she made it up,’ she said dully. ‘Do you think he was telling the truth?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Jace shrugged. ‘I do know that your mother didn’t want you to get married and leave her. I suppose I could have interfered and tried to sort out the problem, but it could have harmed your relationship with your mother. Was I wrong not to have forced the situation?’

  ‘No,’ she said heavily. ‘Mom must have been a very unhappy woman.’

  ‘When I first met her she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,’ Jace’s expression softened. ‘And she never lost that outer beauty. But inside,’ he shook his head. ‘It was as if her love became a sickness. She became so possessive that I had to tell her my every movement. When she became pregnant with you I feared, really feared, that she would resent you. But when you were born her possessiveness extended to you too. Maybe it was my profession that made her the way she was, or maybe she just didn’t believe that I loved her, but something ate her up inside. And it slowly, but surely killed my love for her. I still cared for her, but I could no longer love her as she needed to be loved.’

  ‘You should never have stayed together.’

  ‘I couldn’t do that to her,’ he shook his head. ‘Because if I had left I would have taken you with me, and then I might as well have shoved the pills down her throat. But my love for Camilla wasn’t something I welcomed; I already had enough problems in my life without falling in love with another woman. But I couldn’t stop my love for her, and she felt the same way. So I decided to risk asking your mother for a divorce. I’ve told you what happened. Camilla was as shaken as I was by what happened, and we accepted that we had to part. But after two years we couldn’t stand not being able to even see each other. By the time you reached eighteen I couldn’t stand any more, and your mother was surprisingly agreeable to the idea of divorce this time; I think the fact that you chose to stay with her helped. Camilla and I were married as soon as was decently possible after the divorce.’