Platoon F: Pentalogy

by John P. Logsdon

  “But—”

  “Exactly,” interrupted Sandoo, “the same butts as well. No more crazy giant love like you had at Merrymoon, for example.”

  “Yes, Merrymoon,” mused Jezden. “It was fun at first, before they started bringing out their devices.”

  “No more Earth witches.”

  “Never had anyone chant at me before while trying to rip my flesh off.” He was chewing his lip now.

  “And let’s not forget the numerous human women of all shapes and sizes that you’ve undoubtedly bedded down with.”

  “Fifty-three this year alone,” Jezden stated.

  “Pig,” said Hank.

  “No,” Jezden said, looking confused, “never did one of them. There was this one lady that was pretty large and loved rolling around in the mud. Literally. She had a mud pit. I thought it was kind of strange, but once you get into the scene it’s kind of fun.”

  The other five were staring at him with sour looks.

  “What?” Jezden said, looking up.

  Sandoo shook his head and said, “The good news is that you’ll not have to worry about any of that. You’ll have only three options to worry about now. Plus, you’ll get to compete for them, which I’m sure makes things more interesting for you.”

  “Compete?”

  “Certainly. There are numerous Jezden models out there who all enjoy the same things you do, and they’re all endowed the same way you are.”

  “But I’m number one.”

  “That just means you’re old,” stated Hank. “You heard how that kid talked to you earlier.”

  “I could kick that little shit’s ass from here to—”

  “You probably could,” Sandoo stated strongly. “That would cut down the number of Jezdens by one.” Sandoo let that sink in. “And that’s why I say you’ve got guts, Jezden. Three options for eternity, tons of competition, and being in a constant state of judgment and ridicule by the younger models? Pure guts.”

  Jezden sneered for a moment and then got up and walked over to the pods.

  Sandoo hated to play this game with the ensign, but the fact of the matter was that Jezden would be in exactly the situation that they’d painted. He would be in a mill of competition, and his, of all the androids, was the most competitive model.

  “Okay, I’m in,” he said, turning back and crossing his arms. “What now?”

  TAKEOVERS

  Liverbing brought out one of his soldiers, a gruff looking fellow by the name of Plock. Even though Plock was about half the size of Liverbing, not to mention very thin, there was something about him that made Harr uncomfortable. He just had that “I can hurt you” attitude about him, and the tattoos didn’t do much to assuage that image.

  “So let me get this straight,” said Plock to Liverbing, “I’m gonna fly one of the fighter ships out of one of them holes in the glass, seek out a bigwig military type and fly up his nose, take over his android brain, have him come back here and free these guys, take them to their actual ship—which you’ll have cloaked by the time I get there—and then reconnect with you?”

  “Very nearly, Mr. Plock,” answered Liverbing. “I will be flying The Ship—” the name that the little people—who were named “The People,” incidentally—gave the small model of The Reluctant “—past Station Command after we’ve put The Reluctant into stealth mode. I will use the holographic projector that Lief had helped us to build.”

  Liverbing went on to explain that Lief was the Mesozoic creature that the little guys had met when the GONE Drive vortex had brought them along on Platoon F’s Earthlings mission. They thought that he was a nice enough fellow once they’d gotten over his enormous size and his constant complaining about his short arms. Lief had taught the little guys all sorts of things, including stealth, holograms, wormhole generation, multidimensional travel, and how to catch what he had called an Anatosaurus…whatever the blazes that was.

  “Right,” said Plock. “So that’ll trick the tin cans…” he stopped and looked over at Geezer, adding, “no offense…into thinking that the big ship is gone, so that the actual big ship will be abandoned, so that it really can be gone.” He squinted for a second. “Right?”

  “Sounds about right,” said Liverbing.

  “Got it.”

  “Just to make sure we’ve got our parts down,” said Harr, “I’m going to ask to speak to Admiral Brekka…I’ll make up a reason. She’ll get here and Plock will overtake her. When we get back to the ship, Geezer will get back into engineering and get us moving. I’ll pilot the ship out of here to a safe location where we can then make new plans to retrieve my crew.”

  “Dead on,” said Liverbing.

  Harr glanced over a Geezer who just shrugged.

  “Let’s do this, then,” said Harr, feeling a mix of excitement and doubt.

  If nothing else, it was better than just sitting around doing nothing.

  * * *

  “Stanley,” said Harr, trying to be personable, “open the door and come down to engineering. I think you’re going to like this.”

  “Go away.”

  “Please don’t make me bust down this door and drag you through the halls. That will be an embarrassment for both of us.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “Only if I have to,” Harr said.

  “Would you maybe call me names, too?”

  Harr furrowed his brow for a moment before he caught on. Actually, that was probably the best way to get Parfait out of the closet, in a manner of speaking.

  “You know what,” said Harr, “you can just stay in there. I’m going to head on down to engineering by myself. Just because Geezer hooked up a hot tub that a couple of fellas could hang out in while having a long talk doesn’t mean you have to join me.”

  “Did you say ‘hot tub’?”

  “I did. Plus, a sauna.”

  “Can’t wear clothes in a sauna.”

  “So I’m told,” called out Harr as he briskly walked away.

  * * *

  “Epsilon-7 ready for departure,” said Plock from the pilot seat of his fighter.

  “Epsilon-7,” answered the helm of The Ship, “you are cleared to depart. Safe travels.”

  “Back at ya, Ship.”

  Plock flew out of the main bay and made a few laps around the large robot in the room.

  His was one of ten fighters that The Ship’s engineer, Goozer, had built.

  It was an exceedingly small vessel that, hopefully, would fit up an android’s nose, though it’d probably take a bit of finagling to get it in there. It had robotic arms connected to it that would allow Plock to manipulate the neural pathways needed for him to overtake the tin can. He was also hoping the Controlling Androids For Little Idiots book he’d picked would be enough to allow him to successfully control the Synthetic Lifeform. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck inside the thing while it ran around in circles, hopped on one leg, and barked like a dog.

  The hole in the window was easily four times the size of Plock’s ship, so he zipped through it with relative ease.

  After a few exploratory checks of the area, including a couple of quick nasal opening calculations on android pedestrians, he settled the ship into a magnet lock on one of the posts by the Gift Shoppe.

  * * *

  “That’s what I’m telling you,” Harr was saying through the microphone that he’d been told he could use in the event that he or Parfait needed anything, “we have understood that by helping you we’ll be helping ourselves.”

  “Then feel free to tell me what it is you can help us with,” said the museum curator.

  “I told you, I’m only going to speak to Admiral Brekka about this.”

  “She is a very busy person, Captain Harr.”

  “Fine,” said Harr, “don’t tell her I have data that can help you figure out how to use GONE Drive. Doesn’t bother me if you don’t want to get the admiral. You’re the one that will end up suffering her wrath, after all. Eventually she’ll come down here
to talk to us anyway. Your call.”

  The curator seemed to hesitate.

  “Go on back to your Gift Shoppe,” said Harr, waving at him. “I’ll make sure to tell the admiral how helpful you were.”

  “You will?”

  “Of course not, you dolt! I’ll tell her that you weren’t any help at all and that it’s completely your fault that she doesn’t have the data she needs.”

  “Fine, I’ll get her,” said the curator with a grunt before walking away.

  * * *

  “That wasn’t nice, Captain,” said Parfait as he sat in a red robe over by Geezer’s desk.

  “Sorry, sir,” Harr answered as he waited for the admiral to arrive. “I had to get you out of there somehow.”

  “Tricky.”

  “Yes, but now you’ll have a chance to get back to your normal life, which would not have happened if you had stayed in there.”

  Just then Admiral Brekka walked up to the glass and crossed her arms. It was obvious that her level of disdain for Harr and Parfait was high, but it was also clear that she needed his knowledge or she wouldn’t have bothered to show up. That made Harr feel a little better since it answered his concern over whether they had figured out how to use the GONE Drive or not.

  “I’m a busy person, Captain Harr,” she said while tapping her foot. “What is it you have to tell me?”

  * * *

  Keeping his camera zoomed in, Plock saw that Geezer had flipped on the little green light. That indicated that the android who was standing in front of The Reluctant exhibit was his target.

  He dropped the magnetic lock and reengaged the engines, heading for a fast drop that took him near the ground. Pulling up the nose at the last second gave him an extra boost of speed that he used to cut across the floor until he reached his destination.

  Once there, he pulled back on the flight stick and slammed back into his seat.

  Targeting her nasal passage, Plock engaged his afterburners and slipped inside.

  * * *

  “You brought me all the way down here just so you could tell me that the GONE Drive was—GLUCK!”

  Harr barely saw the tiny ship that zoomed into her nose, but she bent and spun for a second, trying to knock it back out. This went on for about a minute before she suddenly stopped and slowly turned to face them again.

  “It’s me,” said Plock-Brekka. “I’m hooked in and driving this tin can…no offense, Geezer.”

  “Check to see if she has keys or something to open this door,” said Harr.

  Plock-Brekka’s hands shot out and punched the glass. Fortunately it didn’t break, but it caused Harr and Parfait to jump backwards.

  “Sorry. Gotta get used to these limbs.” He worked at it for a couple of minutes and finally tamed them. “Okay, got it. I guess I’ll put my finger on this spot here.”

  Suddenly the door slid open and Parfait leaped out with a big smile.

  “Freeeeeeeedom,” he said in a very operatic voice.

  “Excuse me!” said the museum curator, running over. “What’s going on here?”

  Plock-Brekka looked at Captain Harr as if he should answer the question.

  “Uh,” said Harr, “Admiral Brekka is taking us in for questioning.”

  “No, no, no,” said the curator. “My job is to keep them inside of this exhibit. You can’t just take them away without proper authorization!”

  Plock-Brekka grabbed the guy by the collar and pulled him in close. “I’m an Admiral, numbnuts: my title alone is proper authorization.”

  “Oh, right, yes. Well, that’s fine, then. But when will they be back?”

  Plock-Becka let the curator go. “Whenever I bring them back. Now go away before I have you arrested and reprogrammed as a plant holder or something.”

  “I…what?”

  “Scoot,” Plock-Brekka said, pushing her hands at him. “You’re irritating. Go. Get. Leave. NOW!”

  The curator sped away, looking over his shoulder a few times in the process, and then he hung firmly by the Gift Shoppe door as the team walked away.

  * * *

  “President Liverbing, sir?” said the Helm, whose name, surprisingly, was “Helm.”

  “Yes, Helm?”

  “Reports show that Goozer has completed the stealth component on The SSMC Reluctant. It’s ready to be cloaked, sir.”

  “Excellent,” said Liverbing, rubbing his hands together. “Have we heard yet from Mr. Plock?”

  “He’s reported that the mission is a go. He’s taken control of Admiral Brekka and is heading toward the main bays with Captain Harr, Senior Diplomat Parfait, and Geezer.”

  Liverbing nodded and checked over the logs. The bay doors were all opened. Obviously they’d need to be shut again and the area would have to be pressurized for Harr and Parfait before they came in, so it was time to move.

  “Take us to a position directly outside of The Relucant.”

  A blink later the visual screens showed the bay room.

  “Goozer?”

  “Yeah, pres?”

  “Whenever you’re ready, please align the hologram of The Reluctant with the actual Reluctant, and then set the stealth on the actual Reluctant. Got that?”

  “You got it, boss.” A moment later, “Done.”

  Liverbing didn’t even notice a blip in the visual of the ship. The only difference was that the holographic Reluctant didn’t have any graffiti on it.

  “Let’s fly ourselves out of here, Helm.”

  “Aye, aye, sir!”

  BACK TOGETHER

  Commander Sandoo had nearly completed going over the plan of escape when an alarm sounded.

  Attention all personnel. Attention all personnel. The SSMC Reluctant has escaped from Station Command. Ships have been dispatched to capture the vessel, but it has been seen heading toward Segnal Prime. All personnel must report to capture stations. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill.

  And just like that, all of the androids were gone, leaving Sandoo, Moon, Middleton, Curr, Ridly, and Jezden sitting alone in the room with the four pods.

  “Well, I guess that makes things easier.”

  “Agreed, Ensign Middleton,” said Sandoo, jumping to his feet. “If The Reluctant got away, that probably means they’re going to look for us.”

  “Keep dreaming, Sandoo,” said Jezden with a grunt. “If they have any brains at all, they’ll high tail it outta here.”

  “Captain Harr wouldn’t do that,” said Hank. “He’th honorable.”

  “Yeah, okay,” Jezden said, rolling his eyes.

  They padded down the corridor until they found the exit, and then they headed across the field and up into the shuttle station. Jumping inside, Hank grabbed the controls while everyone else jumped into the back. Within two minutes they were through the atmosphere, dodging New Segnalian ships, and heading for Station Command.

  I’m taking us to Station Command, thir, Hank said to Sandoo.

  Why there?

  Call it a gut feeling, I guess. Captain Harr said that everyone has those, and, well, I’m having one now.

  Sandoo had heard Harr talk of those feelings quite often. It made little sense to an android like Sandoo, but since his commanding officer put a lot of faith into the idea, he decided to follow suit.

  Roger that, Lieutenant Moon. Proceed.

  * * *

  In an effort to speed their walk to the hangar bays, they had loaded Geezer into a cart and were pushing him along. Unfortunately, the only cart they could find set the robot in a position where he was laying on his back with his feet facing Parfait, who was pushing him along.

  “This is really embarrassing, honcho.”

  “Nobody is paying any attention to you, Geezer.”

  “Who’s da widdle baby?” said Parfait, making smoochy faces.

  “Seriously?” Harr said with a grimace.

  “Just acting the role in case someone gets suspicious,” Parfait defended himself.

  “Right, because a one-ton,
shiny, silver robot laying on his back, in what looks like a makeshift stroller, who’s walking with Admiral Brekka and two humans, while being treated like a baby, wouldn’t be suspicious at all.”

  Parfait harrumphed.

  They arrived at the bay doors and peered inside. The Reluctant appeared to be missing, but Harr knew that was simply because the stealth technology had been engaged. The reality was that Lief, the Mesozoic creature, held some incredible smarts. If Platoon F actually survived this trip, Harr may have to pay another visit to that era and see what other bits of information they can learn from the intellectual beast.

  As the final ship exited the bay, Plock-Brekka opened the door to the control room.

  “Lock down the bay,” she commanded, “and set pressurization.”

  “Yes, sir,” said the soldier at the console. “May I ask why, sir?”

  “No.”

  “I only ask,” continued the soldier, “because my CO will want to know.”

  “Tell him you did it because Admiral Plock said so!”

  “Admiral who, sir?”

  “She meant Admiral Brekka,” said Harr helpfully.

  “Right, that’s what I meant.”

  “Oh, okay. I’ll tell him that, sir.”

  The room was sealed and set as Plock-Brekka pushed her way in, followed by Harr and Parfait, who was pushing Geezer. They headed over to the location where The Reluctant had been housed. As they got closer, Harr could see a faint silhouette of the ship.

  “Now what?” asked Plock-Brekka.

  “Command them all to shut off the cameras and turn their backs. Tell them it’s top-secret stuff.”

  Once this was done, Harr felt for the access button to The Reluctant’s ramp. It dropped and they walked carefully inside. As they stepped past the main entryway, the ship became visible again…on the inside.

  “Get Geezer to his platform so he can get to engineering,” Harr said to Parfait, who nodded and pushed the cart down the hallway. He then turned to Plock-Brekka and said, “Can you do something to disengage your host there or cause some kind of unconsciousness so that you can join us?”