“No.” I shook my head rapidly. “Maybe that was part of my initial attraction to her. She gave me an icy-cold stare when I first approached her and then she wouldn’t even tell me her real name. But we’ve moved beyond that, developed something. I genuinely, unconditionally have feelings for this woman.” When I noticed the sly look on Mike’s face and his mouth open as if he was about to crack a joke, I continued, “And it’s not with my dick.”
“Ooh.” He winced. “She’s a dog then? Nice, but not attractive.”
“No, you nitwit. She’s hot as hell. I can’t keep my hands off her when I’m near her.”
“So what’s the problem? She’s not into you?” Mike picked up a red heart-shaped stress ball and started to squeeze it.
“Are you incapable of having a conversation without grabbing one of those things?”
“Ha,” he said, putting it back down on his desk. “Sharing an office with you is stressful.”
“Funny. To answer your question, she was into me. The most,” I searched for the right word, “magnetic attraction I’d ever had with anyone. And then—” How do I tell this part without revealing Lily’s secret? “Then I blew it. Now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
Mike chortled. “You’re such a jackass.”
“Thanks. You’re a big help, Mike. Remind me to come to you with all of life’s problems.”
“Sorry, bro.” He sincerely tried to put on a straight face. “It’s just classic you. When you finally get what you want, you blow it.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, and then I stopped. “No, I don’t want to hear it. Lay off with the Freud analysis, okay, and let’s focus. What should I do with this woman? How can I get her back?”
“Why are you asking me?” He mussed his hair again. “I don’t know shit about relationships.”
I tilted back in my swivel chair and stared at the horrible florescent lights mounted on the ceiling. At least Mike agreed with me not to use the office horror lighting and we had a couple of lamps in our office. “This conversation was a total waste of our time.”
“Wait, let me think,” Mike said. “Chicks like to feel special. They want to know you’re thinking about them. They like a big romantic gesture or something to show them you care.”
“She already told me to forget about her.”
“Nah, chicks love it when you show a little effort.”
“If I go after her after she told me to leave, is she going to think I’m some kind of obsessed stalker?”
Mike grabbed the stress ball from his desk and threw it at me. I caught it a split second before it hit my forehead.
“Only one way to find out.”
I threw the ball back at him and he caught it. “I’m bloody gormless to take advice from the worst womanizer on the North Shore.”
“I love working with an English guy. Gormless? What the hell does that mean? They swear way better over there than we do. What was I saying again?” He looked around the office as if trying to remember where he was going with what he was saying. “Oh yeah. There are plenty of scumbags worse than me. I’m always a gentleman with the ladies.” He threw the squishy heart stress ball into the air and caught it. “But if it does blow up in your face and she freaks out on you, be sure to tell me all the gory details.”
“I need a new office mate.” I looked up at the ceiling.
“Shut it. You’d be bored as hell with one of those other guys staring at their monitors for five hours without breaking eye contact. At least with me, we have fun.”
“We do?”
Mike’s mouth dropped.
“Kidding, man. I hope your advice works.” Standing up, I pushed my chair back. “I’m done for the day. And hopefully I won’t be in tomorrow.”
“Want me to tell Stan?”
“I’ll tell him.” My supervisor was cool with flexible schedules, which made him cool with me. “It depends what happens today.”
“Where you going?”
“The White Mountains.”
“What the hell are you going to do up there?”
“Try to get my girl back.”
Mike leaned back in his swivel chair and laughed. “Holy shit, Nico Bedrosian has turned into an utterly romantic sap. What’s the number for the news desk at the Globe?”
I tried calling Lily as I drove, on the off chance that she was back home. Straight to voice mail. She must still be up there.
I swung by my place to grab a backpack and some clothes from my bedroom. Then I grabbed some protein bars from the kitchen and a warmer jacket and gloves. Hell, I might need a blanket so I grabbed one I’d used for camping.
This time I drove up to the mountain. Enough bleeding buses! Aware I was flying over the speed limit, I reluctantly slowed down. No need to get pulled over and delay this anymore. I barely noticed the two hours or so of driving as I thought about what I’d say when I found her. If I found her.
Her car was in the same spot off the trails where she had left it. Therefore, she was still out there somewhere. I found her once. Perhaps I’d find her again. I followed the same paths, calling out to her, blind to all the splendor of the mountains around me. I wasn’t here to sightsee; I had one purpose and that was to find her.
A voice in the back of my head reminded me what happened last time—how she had asked me to leave—and it reminded me how stupid I was to come back for a second blow.
The hours went by and my feet grew weary. I called out to her again. Hear me, Lily.
Someone heard me, but it wasn’t Lily.
“You’re looking for someone?” a man said. He had dark wavy hair and was accompanied by a petite blonde woman with a ponytail.
“Yes. A woman. Have you seen one out here?”
“You called for Lily?” the woman said.
“Yes, you know her?”
“Are you the one?” she asked with a knowing smile.
“What one?” I replied, confused.
“The one who she spoke about. The one who left.”
Feeling guilty, I said, “I was stupid. I freaked out. I came back. Twice.”
The woman smiled. “Good. But I’m sorry. Lily left.”
“Left? Where did she go?”
“Back home,” the man said. “To Massachusetts.”
Blast it all to hell!
“Was she here with you?” I asked.
“Yes,” the man said.
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine,” the woman said.
“Thank you for watching out for her. I need to go back to her.”
“Keep your mind open,” the man said.
“And take care of her,” the woman said.
“I plan to. If she lets me.”
Bloody, bloody hell! How did I miss her?
I trudged back to the car, kicking myself. I came up here for nothing. What a wasted trip. Once again, I’d leave the forest without her. A melancholy settled over my being as thickly as a cloak.
“Nico?”
Did I just imagine her here? Hearing her call me through the trees?
“Nico, it’s me. Lily.”
Spinning around, I saw her behind me.
“Lily!” I ran toward her to embrace her but then remembered how she had put on the brakes. “I heard you’d left.”
She wrinkled her brow. “Excuse me?”
“A man and woman. They said you’d left.”
Recognition spread over her face. “I did. Then I saw the Massachusetts plates on the car next to mine and looked closer, recognizing it was your car. So I came to make sure you’re okay. Have you been here all these days?”
“No. I went home. And then I came back.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because—because.” Ugh, why didn’t I rehearse what I was going to say better? “There’s no one like you, Lily.”
“Oh,” she said softly, closing her eyes as if taking in what I’d said. When she reopened them, she said, “That’s the problem. I’m dif
ferent. I’m a shifter, Nico. Not human and not suitable as a companion for a human.”
I had to be careful and not push her too hard, forcing her to retreat. “I came back because I care about you. And I’d like to give whatever we have a shot. At least at being friends if you don’t want anything more.” Watching her carefully for any signs of distress, I continued. “I’m so sorry that I left. I’ll never forgive myself for that.” I paused to reorganize my thoughts before continuing. “What I saw you do—change the way you did—it’s—if I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t believe it. However, I did, so I know it’s true. Crazy but true. Although I know I must be too narrow-minded since it’s hard for my mind to comprehend the idea of shifting humans, I will get past that. I’m here to listen if you want to tell me your story. And I’m not here because I’m interested in some freaky story. I’m here because I’m interested in you.”
She took two slow, long breaths before responding. “Nico, I care about you too. So much so that even though I want to be with you, I know you deserve better than someone like me. Someone who doesn’t have to run off to the woods once a month to change into an animal.”
I took a step closer to her. “No matter how different you think we are, we belong together. Don’t you feel it? I’ve never felt about anybody the way I feel about you.”
She looked down to the forest floor. “You’re so accepting of me. I don’t know if I deserve it.”
In another few steps, I was before her. I reached out and took her hand. She didn’t pull away but looked up at me, encouraging me to go on. “You’re such a kind, loving person. If there’s anyone who doesn’t deserve something, it’s me who doesn’t deserve someone as good as you.”
“Oh Nico.”
“What?”
“You make it so hard.” She wiped away tears forming in her eyes.
Realizing I broke through her defensive veneer, I gave her a naughty look to lighten the mood. “You make it so hard for me as well.”
“Not that! Don’t make me laugh. This is serious.”
“I know. Sorry. So what is it—besides a part of my anatomy—that’s so hard right now?”
Her smile reached her golden eyes and I swore I lost sense of time.
“Staying away from you,” she said.
All teasing aside, I took her other hand in mine and looked at her earnestly. “Then don’t.”
She threw her arms around my neck and I kissed her furiously. I explored her luscious mouth with the hunger of a man who thought he might never kiss those lips again. She returned my kiss with such ardency we tumbled onto the ground.
My hands touched, caressed, explored her, remembering the familiar peaks and swells of her sensuous body. “God, I missed you,” I whispered.
“I missed you too, Nico.”
“Give us a shot, Lil. This is too good not to try.”
She rolled on top of me, straddling me on the forest floor, and kissed down my neck. My erection was already so hard it ached against my jeans. “You have to stop now. I can’t take another minute without being inside you.”
She took off her shirt and bent back down to kiss me. “I’ve grown used to being naked in the forest.”
Having this brazen temptress seducing me sent another bolt of excitement through part of my body. I tore at her pants, pulling them down as quickly as possible. As soon as she stepped out of her panties, she pulled at mine. I helped her ease down my jeans, but then stopped to retrieve a condom from my back pocket.
“Looks like you were prepared in case things went well,” she teased with a glint in her eye.
“Always the optimist—especially when it comes to you.”
I eased the condom over my cock and she positioned herself above me, gliding herself against me. She then eased the head in her and slid down slowly, sending a flood of pleasure racing through me. She rode me slowly at first, taking her time and building up a rhythm. I watched this goddess above me, mesmerized by the look of pleasure on her face and entranced by the perfect way she tightened around me, sending more waves of excitement through me.
Whatever she was, however she transformed from one shape to another, was beyond my understanding. My perplexed thoughts were distracted by her escalating pace and louder cries of passion. I grabbed her hips and pumped up against her as she built to her climax. She called out as she shattered around me. Her muscles tightening around me and slicking me with her fluids shot me to the stratosphere and I followed her into the void, grabbing her shoulders as I pulled up against her and released my energy into her. Then I fell back onto the forest floor and she lay down upon my chest. Our hearts raced so rapidly I didn’t know whose was whose.
“I’m glad you came back,” she said.
Although I was beyond ecstatic to have Lily in my arms again, a voice in the back of my mind nagged at me about where we stood.
She never answered your question about trying to work it out.
After we made love on the forest floor, we dressed and leaned against a couple of trees.
“So you sure you want to hear this? You won’t freak out?” Lily asked.
“Promise. I will remain open and non-judgmental,” I said solemnly.
“I was born up in New Hampshire, in the Lakes Region. I lived with my mom. I never knew my dad. My mom met him at an organ concert at Hammond Castle. She was working as a lifeguard on a beach down in Cape Ann for the summer and he was working on the fishing docks in Gloucester that summer. They fell in love and talked about getting married in the fall.
“But then there was an accident on one of the ships. I don’t know what happened exactly, my mother either didn’t know or didn’t want to tell me. But he died in some sort of tragic accident. My mother was devastated. She didn’t think she’d ever recover. Then she found out she was pregnant with me and, knowing that I was a part of him, she found the strength to go on with her life.”
“I’m so sorry, Lily,” I said. “For your mother, for your whole family. For you.”
Blinking tears aside, she put on a brave face. “When we found out I was a shifter, it was a shock. I was twelve and scared out of my mind when my body changed. It hurt so much and I tore up my bedroom. My mother didn’t know what to do. She sat outside my bedroom door all night. The next morning I changed back and we tried to figure out what happened.
“We never heard of anything like that in my mother’s side of the family. So we figured it must have been on my father’s side. We searched for some of his relatives—some of my relatives—but we never found them. Family came from out of state to retrieve his body after his death, but my mother never met them. She never even knew if they had a funeral. After she found out she was pregnant, it was too late. They were gone. She tried to track them down back then, but she didn’t even know their names. Whoever they are, they are tough to find. Extremely reclusive.”
“And so you faced this change all alone each month?”
“No. My mom was very supportive. She figured it was best to get me away from people, both for their safety and mine. When there was a full moon, we drove up to the White Mountains so I could change in nature and be cloaked by the forests.”
“Did she stay with you?”
Lily shook her head. “She tried. But I’d run off into the woods as soon as I changed. So she’d get a hotel room nearby and pick me up in the morning. I always came back to the spot we parted. Eventually we moved up to the mountains permanently.”
“Did you ever meet others? Like you?”
“No. I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one. But I didn’t really look, to tell you the truth. Must be part of the mountain lion in me. Mountain lions are solitary animals that usually live on their own.”
“It must have been very isolating. To be alone in this.”
She nodded slowly. “I got used to it.”
“Have you ever thought about looking for your father’s side of the family now that you’re older? I’m sure they’d be both surprised and thrilled about you.”
“Perhaps you should give them a chance; find out who they are.”
She clucked her tongue while appearing to contemplate it.
“I’d go with you to find them, if you’d like.”
“Oh.” She moved a piece of hair that had fallen onto her face. “I’d have to think about that.”
Knowing I had to be careful, I broached the subject of us being together once again. “What about a mate? I hope you can find some room in your life for a companion. Someone like me?”
She watched me carefully before answering. “It’s been a week full of new discoveries. I find I’m more open to new experiences.”
“Even with a human?”
“Only with this human.” She leaned forward and kissed me.
“So you’ll do it? You’ll give us a try?”
“What do we have to lose?” she said. “Except our hearts.”
I took her into my arms and kissed her like the crazy fool I was. “You make me so happy. Do you know that?”
When she laughed, I caught sight of her even, pearly teeth. How amazing was it that they extended into the sharp points of a predator. “You’re nuts!”
“I know.” Pulling back, I said, “Do you know something, Lily?”
“What?”
“After I got over the shock of seeing you as a mountain lion, I realized how beautiful you were. In both forms, you are nothing short of extraordinary.”
“Oh stop, Nico. That’s not true.”
“It is though. It’s magical.”
Her shoulder twitched so slightly I wasn’t sure if it was a shrug.
“I’d love to see you like that again. And really see you. Not behave the way I did last time.”
“Are you sure?” She raised her eyebrows.
“Yes.”
“Because I learned how to control it. How to change at will.”
“You did? When?”
“I’ve decided to be more open to my other nature, not fight it anymore. While I’ve been up here, I learned I can change at any time. Not just at the full moon.”
My mouth dropped open.
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