The crowd loved it. Some of them knew the poem and sang along once they caught the rhythm. I just wished someone else were here to listen. The woman who inspired me to write it and brought me to my knees. The woman I’d lost in the mountains. Who trusted me with her secret and I blew it, only realizing what a fool I was too late.
Perhaps the guys were right. Maybe I wanted Lily even more because she rejected me. And now I was idealizing her. If I had her, would I get bored because I had gotten what I wanted and the challenge was gone?
No, that wasn’t it! I saw her change into a fucking mountain lion! If there was any time I could take an out, that was it. My feelings for Lily were real. It wasn’t just some challenge. It wasn’t just some game. This wasn’t like anything I’d felt for a woman before. It was unequivocally the real deal. I needed her as naturally as I needed a heart to beat or lungs to breathe.
Too bad Lily didn’t realize it. Was she still in the mountains trying to figure out whom she was? How could I support her in that? Assuming she ever wanted to see me again, which according to the last time I saw her was not the case.
Would I ever see her again? Would she even want to see me?
Lily
Moving from a state of denial to one of acceptance unleashed a wave of questions I’d been harboring deep inside. For good reason—whom did I have to ask until now? Now that I met Angelo and Katrina and saw how normal they were, even though they were shifters, it was easier to believe I wasn’t as much of a freak as I’d always considered.
We were out in the garden area. One thing I noticed about Angelo and Katrina was that they spent as much time as they could outside. We were cleaning up weeds and stray brush that cluttered their garden. Although they were technically living on a dirt road in the mountains, they had enough of an area surrounding their house cleared of trees so they had plenty of open space in the sun.
“Ooh look,” Katrina said. “More crocuses popped up. Spring is finally here.”
“In a month we can start planting some vegetables,” Angelo said.
“You two garden?”
“We try to grow enough of our own vegetables to reduce the number of trips we have to take into town.”
Deep down I also envied their relationship because their closeness was clearly something special. However, they were both shifters, which simplified the cross-species dating aspect. I’d only dated humans because I only knew humans. I thought about how much easier it would be to date a shifter. Then I crossed the idea off my list.I didn’t think I’d want this lifestyle all the time. Truthfully I couldn’t think of any other man besides the one who came to find me here in the forest, who’d searched through the night to find me. Whom I told to go away and forget me.
Was that a mistake?
No, it was for the best. Nico and I had too many differences to make it work.
No, you don’t. You only have one.
Looking around the glorious mountain area with the trees lush with the greens of spring, I asked, “What’s it like living here?”
“Quiet,” Katrina said.
“Neighbors far enough they don’t get into your business,” Angelo added.
“Sounds like paradise,” I said. “I could get used to living like this.”
“People in the city always say that,” Angelo said. “But it’s also a lot of work being on your own out here. Things you take for granted living in a town could turn out to be a much bigger obstacle out here. There’s no store right down the road you can pop into to get something you need. Trips into town are carefully coordinated.”
Maybe he was right. As much as I enjoyed the tranquility of the mountains, once a month was enough for me. I’d lived in or near cities for too long and liked the convenience.
Time to stray away to the more difficult subjects. If I was going to learn about my nature, I had to start now.
“Can I ask you a question about shifting?”
“Shoot,” Angelo said.
“Can you change at will?”
“All the time,” he said.
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“The change? No. It’s no more different than thinking about moving your arm up and actually doing it.”
“It hurts for me,” I said. “When I change. I feel everything moving inside me. Bones moving, muscles contorting. It’s awful.”
“That’s because you fight it,” Katrina said. “It’s so much easier, so much smoother, if you just go with the flow.”
“Can you show me?”
“Of course.” Katrina took off her hoodie and then unhooked her bra. I tried not to stare as she undressed in front of me and revealed her breasts, her tiny pink nipples standing out on her tawny skin. She took off her clothes without any embarrassment, even when she removed her panties. How did she do that in front of a stranger in the light of day? Then I almost snickered remembering my actions during the drive back from Rockport with Nico.
When she was fully naked, she said, “Okay. First you need to remove your clothes if you don’t want them to end up in shreds. Second, take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Third, try to get your mind as clear and empty as you can, as if you’re meditating, and visualize yourself in your feline form. And then you just—do it.”
She transformed almost instantly. One second I saw a naked female, the next, she was elongating while folding down to all fours to become a mountain lion. Her body was lean and sleek with light-colored fur. Katrina’s curious green eyes stared out from the face of the feline.
“Holy shit!” I said. “That was crazy.”
Is that what I look like as a feline?
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Angelo said, rubbing her back.
In another instant she transformed back into human form.
“Easy,” Katrina said.
“Wow, that’s amazing,” I said. I turned to Angelo. “You can do it just like that too?”
“Of course.” He began stripping off his clothes. I couldn’t help but notice the tight muscles in his chest, sprinkled with dark hair on his tanned skin.
“Uh—you really don’t have to do that in front of me.”
“Oh. Does this make you uncomfortable?” He motioned to his naked torso.
“Um, well, you don’t have to strip in front of me. That’s okay.”
“Lily, you’re a shifter,” Katrina said. “We often run in packs. Males, females. So yes, we’re naked. It’s not a big deal for us. Embarrassment about nudity is definitely a human thing.”
I felt stupid. Of course they were right, they were animals. No, wait, we were animals. You never saw an animal self-conscious about any private parts showing.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. Go ahead.”
Angelo continued taking off his clothes and I tried not to look. When he said “Ready,” I looked up to see a glorious nude human male right before he transformed into a mountain lion. He was bigger than Katrina was and his fur was a darker shade, much like his olive skin. His eyes had lightened though. They weren’t so dark and intense anymore.
“Your eyes—they changed color. They’re more golden than they were.”
“Closer to your color,” Katrina said. “Maybe a shade darker.”
“What’s with the eye color then? Is it a shifter thing?”
“Yeah,” Katrina said. “Similar to the ones you find on full mountain lions. But with some human eye color mixed in. We get the best of both worlds.”
Imagine that. Looking at shifting as having the best of both worlds. I hope that someday I would think like that.
“You both make shifting from one form to another look so easy.”
“Just relax. And give it a try,” Katrina said.
I took off my shirt first, trying to brush off feelings of human self-consciousness. “Angelo, can you stay in that form, please? It’s easier for me to undress if you’re not watching me as a naked man.”
He nodded in his mountain lion form.
I removed the rest of my clothing and s
tood naked with Katrina. “Just close your eyes, try to block out everything else and picture yourself in your feline form,” she said.
I did as she directed, but nothing happened. I tried again.
“Does it take awhile?” I asked.
“It takes practice to clear your mind and get your body in sync, yes.”
I tried a few more times, but still nothing.
Katrina said, “Maybe having an audience is making you nervous. Come on, Angelo, let’s give her some privacy.” Directing her attention back to me, she said, “Just remember to stay calm and not think about anything else.”
She transformed back to a mountain lion and they ran off into the woods.
I watched them bound away as light and playful as two very large kittens. Then I tried again. Just think and do. When it didn’t work, I took deep breaths to clear my head. Focus. Stay calm. I sat down in cross-legged yoga-style and focused on my breathing the way Ally taught me to do. In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Once I slowed down my breathing, I felt calm enough to try again. Standing up I then visualized myself in my mountain lion form. Before I knew what happened, I had changed. No pain, no slow changes, just like that.
I was so excited I wanted to find Angelo and Katrina. Picking up their scent, I followed in their direction.
Chapter Eleven
I found Angelo and Katrina playing around a stream. I didn’t know how to communicate to them in this form, but in my head I said, Angelo, Katrina, it worked!
They noticed me. I heard them say Cool and We knew you could do it, only it wasn’t actual words I could hear, but in my mind.
You can hear me? I was stunned; we were in mountain lion form. Since I’d never communicated to anyone—or anything—in this way before, I didn’t know what forms of communication were possible.
Yes, they both replied.
I walked closer to them, examining them with my feline eyes. I’d never looked at my kind through these eyes before. Sure I’d seen them last month, but back then I was on the defensive. I was more wary to see if they’d be hostile. Looking at them now, they appeared more like individual mountain lions than they did with my human eyes. I didn’t just see two animals in front of me of different size and shading; I saw two creatures who were clearly different from each other and recognizable to me as Angelo and Katrina.
Can you read my mind or something?
Not exactly. It’s not as invasive as that, Katrina replied.
Then how are we communicating?
Not really sure, Angelo said. The same way animals do, I imagine.
This is weird.
I walked up to each of them to get a better idea of their distinctive scent, making them easier to identify, even in the dark.
Katrina shifted back to human form and Angelo followed soon after. I changed back myself just by thinking it. Amazing how it was almost effortless now. Even though we were naked, I didn’t feel the embarrassment as I did earlier.
“You know something—not only could I get a better idea of your scent, but you looked different when I was in that form.”
“I know what you mean,” Katrina said. “Trust me, you’ll never look at another feline the same way again.”
“So mountain lions look more like individuals when you’ve shifted?”
“Yes,” Angelo said. “You can still see remnants of the differences in your human eyes once you’re aware of them, but it’s not as pronounced as when you have that vision.” As I watched him speak, I was aware that he was a fine male without clothing, but I wasn’t as affected or as curious as I was earlier. My new discoveries had demanded too much of my excitement.
“It’s incredible,” I said. “What about true mountain lions? Does the same thing happen?”
Katrina shook her head. “We don’t know. We’re different than they are.”
“You have to remember,” Angelo said. “We aren’t human and we’re not mountain lions—we’re shifters. It’s an entirely different species if you think about it.”
“I mean, we can change from one form to another at will,” Katrina continued. “It’s beyond what most humans could comprehend. While this transition is as natural to us as breathing, to humans it’s supernatural, almost magical. Some might fear it and react violently, others might try to exploit it for their own gain. For these reasons, as well as many others, we have to keep our abilities a secret.”
I nodded slowly. The more I learned, the more my thirst for knowledge grew. “Are there other shifters? For other species? You mentioned werewolves. Do they exist?”
“Of course,” Angelo said. “We know of each other’s existence and we’ve seen each other. However, we don’t generally mingle. We leave them in peace and they leave us alone.”
“Everyone’s happier that way,” Katrina said.
My world was opening up to an entire new realm of possibilities. The only thing I could say was, “Fuck me senseless.”
Too bad it wasn’t a classier response.
While I stayed with Angelo and Katrina over the next two days, I peppered them with questions about shifters. They answered my questions patiently, but I could sense they weren’t used to having company. Not wanting to be a houseguest who overstayed her visit, I thanked them and told them I’d be returning to Massachusetts later that day.
“You know how to reach us if you ever have questions. Or want to return,” Katrina said.
“Yes, thank you. Thank you so much. You don’t know what a difference you’ve made in my life. I can’t thank you enough.”
“No need,” Angelo said. “Like we said, we noticed you awhile back.”
“And we waited for the moment to approach you.”
Before I left, I wanted to talk to Katrina alone. I asked her to come out with me for a moment.
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Sure.”
Where did I begin? “I’m wondering if—um—you feel—sexier than human women.”
She looked at me questioningly.
“What I mean is—uh—from what I know about human women and what I know about myself, I feel like a—um—major horndog, to put it one way.”
She laughed. “Oh, that’s what you mean.”
“The only person I’ve ever talked to about it was my mom because she knows what I am and she figured it’s part of the cat in me. Like a feline going into heat. But I never wanted to get into the details with her because, um—she’s my mom!”
Katrina laughed again. “Of course not. Yes, she’s right. We definitely have that mating instinct that makes us horny as hell. Not that I’ve ever heard any guy complain about that.”
“So this is normal? To think about sex—a lot? And to really, really want it?”
“Yeah, of course. Guys do it all the time, right? Some women are highly sexual too. It’s completely natural.”
“Thank God you said that. Since I hit puberty, my hormones have wreaked havoc on my life. One part of me is dying to go out there and find a mate while the other part is fighting to stay on my own and away from others.”
“The drive to mate is pretty tough to overcome.”
“That brings up another one of my questions. What about mating? I mean, how does it work? My mom was human and we assume my dad was a shifter and that’s how I ended up being a shifter. Is it a dominant/recessive gene thing, like whether you’ll get blue eyes or brown?”
“Lily, that is something I don’t know the answer to. We came from a community of shifters. I don’t know of any offspring between humans and shifters, besides you.”
“So if I have a child…” my voice trailed off.
“Who knows?” Katrina shrugged.
“Okay. I’m going to go out for a walk before I leave,” I said. “Be back in an hour or so.”
Nico
Enough brooding about her. I was sick of writing damn songs and screaming them out onstage. What good was it doing? It wasn’t doing a damn bit to help me win her back. She migh
t not want to see me again. She might turn me down flat and tell me to bugger off. Nevertheless, I couldn’t go through the motions of my job anymore. I had to take action.
I slammed my fist down on my desk in the office.
“Bro, what’s up?” Mike asked. “Is it some code again? I’ll take a look if you want.”
“No, it’s that woman, dammit! I can’t get her out of my head and it’s driving me utterly insane.”
“Back up, dude. Tell me what happened.”
I snorted. If only I could. Imagining the look on Mike’s face when I got to the part about her being a mountain lion. I said, “Ha!”
“Ha what?”
“Never mind. It’s complicated.”
“Nah, I bet it’s not. Doesn’t it always come down to boy meets girl, boy loses girl, yada yada yada?”
“What do you know about relationships? When’s the last time you had one more than three weeks?”
“Hey, I’m in my prime.” He mussed up his hair, which was already messy as usual. “I still have my hair and I’m in a rock band. It’s the dream. Who knows how long this gig is going to last? There’s time for settling down later. Before I go bald like my pop. For now, I’m going to score as much as I can with the hottest women I can. They’re just as complicit anyway. How many of them would actually be all over me if I weren’t Chee Keydood, guitarist in a rock band? If they knew me as Mike Harvey, software engineer, would I be getting this action?”
“Hell no. But still. Don’t you think you overdo it?”
“I think you underdo it myself. You’re the singer. Think how much pussy you could get. That’s what’s insane—being caught up in one woman. Especially a woman who’s driving you nuts.”
You don’t know what she’s like. You don’t know how she makes me feel. There’s no one else like her.
“Speaking of which,” he said. “So is it what we’ve guessed—you want her because you can’t have her? It’s the challenge, isn’t it?”
Was it?
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