The Lady Who Lived Again

by Thomasine Rappold

  Jace touched her back. “They’re just words, Maddie. Words.”

  “But he’s right!” She spun toward him, her eyes glazed and wild. “I killed them. It was my birthday, my foolish idea to picnic in the most remote spot on the mountain.” She swiped at her tears. “It was my fault, don’t you see?”

  What he saw was the same survivor’s guilt that had plagued Kathy. The same desperation he’d been too busy, too arrogant—too heartless—to see.

  “It was an accident. You have to move on.”

  “I don’t have to do anything.” She lifted her chin. “I’m not going to the wedding.”

  The pain in her voice told him she meant it. In one morning, she’d been set back three years. His anger at Pastor Hogle returned full force. “Maddie—”

  “Leave me alone!” With that she shoved herself from the wall and fled the house.

  * * * *

  Jace had every intention of chasing after Maddie following her dramatic exit. Unfortunately, a medical emergency prevented him from getting any farther than the sidewalk, where he had been summoned directly to the Caldwell home.

  Broken bones took precedence over Maddie’s emotional crisis, and by the time Jace had returned from riding up to Taborton to set Asa Caldwell’s ankle, it was well after midnight.

  Maddie didn’t come to work the next morning either. Convincing himself she needed some time alone, he’d taken the coward’s way out and simply hoped for the best. The day after that, Jace’s practice opened officially. A steady stream of patients had kept his thoughts of Maddie at bay, but he’d decided that if she didn’t show up by day’s end, he’d ride out to check on her.

  Mrs. Cleary had brought Joey to the office that morning for the first of the weekly visits Jace had suggested they institute in the wake of his accident. Jace sat at his desk, scribbling notes in Joey’s file. Fortunately, the bleeding hadn’t resumed during the trip to Troy and the clot had held nicely afterward. The boy was luckier still that no infection had formed. Nail punctures—to the foot especially—often infected the tissues.

  According to Mrs. Cleary, Pastor Hogle had questioned the family about Joey’s treatment and his interaction with Maddie especially. Pastor Hogle might still blame Maddie for the wagon accident, but did the man actually believe she would attempt to harm an innocent child?

  The pastor’s grief for his daughter had poisoned his mind against Maddie. Whether the rift could ever be repaired, Jace couldn’t guess. He knew only that he would never allow Hogle to hurt Maddie again.

  This fiercely protective sentiment took him by surprise. He closed the file, leaning back in the chair. Somehow this woman had penetrated the barriers he’d placed between himself and his patients. Detachment allowed him to do his job. But the rules he’d lived by did not apply when it came to Maddie. Although he didn’t know how or why it had happened, he had to accept that it had.

  And he had to see her.

  Jace arrived at the Sutter house just before sunset. The housekeeper, Rhetta, led him to the parlor, where Maddie’s grandfather sat by the fire, reading the papers. The room was stiflingly hot. The old man was ill, but seemed to be holding his own. A glass of port kept him company. After a brief exchange of pleasantries, Jace said, “I’d like to speak with Madeline.”

  “That makes two of us.” Mr. Sutter adjusted the worn afghan on his lap. “I’m glad you’re here, doctor. I was considering sending for you tomorrow.”

  “What’s happened? Is she all right?”

  “My granddaughter has locked herself in her room and hasn’t left it in two days. She told me she’s not going to Amelia’s wedding, and I’d like to know what happened between the two of you that changed her mind.”

  Jace sighed. “Pastor Hogle stopped by my office the other day.”

  “That son of a—” He broke into a rattling cough that left him breathless.

  The man could barely vocalize his anger, let alone act on it. As Mr. Sutter caught his breath, Jace was struck again by how defenseless a target Maddie truly was. Her only ally in Misty Lake was a homebound invalid.

  Jace handed Sutter the glass of port on the nearby table.

  “I’d be happy to examine you sometime,” he said as the man drank.

  He waved Jace away. “Save your concern for my granddaughter.”

  “I see where she gets her stubbornness,” Jace muttered. “It’s none of my business, but in light of what I’ve seen, I’m compelled to ask. Have you never considered sending her away?”

  “Every day.” Mr. Sutter’s eyes dimmed. “I damn near insisted,” he said. “When she wouldn’t leave me, I decided we would go together. Two years ago we were all set to depart for Boston.” He shook his head and gave a solid rap to his chest. “This damn ticker of mine had other ideas. Now I’m unable to travel any farther than the porch.” He shook his head. “And she refuses to leave me.”

  Maddie’s commitment to the ill man was commendable. Jace swallowed as he thought of his father. Perhaps if Jace had remained at home and not gone off to study in Philadelphia, he could have prevented the man’s eventual ruin.

  “May I speak with her, sir?” Jace asked.

  “You can try.” He pointed a bony finger to the ceiling. “Her room is the third one on the right. Forgive me for not showing you the way.”

  Jace gave a quick nod before heading up the wide staircase. The upper level was as impressive as the rest of the house. Each fine piece of furniture adorning the hall gleamed with freshly applied polish, as did the cherry wood floor.

  He knocked on the door to Maddie’s room. The sound echoed through the hollow silence of the long hall, but no answer. A prickle of fear crawled up his spine, a spike of panic he couldn’t control. He knocked harder.

  “I’m not hungry, Rhetta,” Maddie called from inside.

  He exhaled in relief, recovering quickly from his momentary lapse.

  “Open the door, Madeline.”

  “Jace?” The surprise in her voice was evident.

  He turned the door handle to no avail. “Yes, it’s me. Open up.”

  “Go away.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, so open the goddamn door.”

  The bolt sounded before she flung open the door. Her appearance startled him. Her disheveled hair hung around her gaunt face. Her eyes were puffy and red against her pale skin.

  “What do you want?” Her hostility took him aback.

  “I want you to be sensible.”

  “Of course you do.”

  He ignored her sarcasm. “Are you finished feeling sorry for yourself?”

  “Go to hell.” She moved to slam the door, but he wedged it open with his foot. With an exasperated sigh, she turned in surrender, then stomped across the room.

  Jace followed her inside. Gazing around, he saw clearly the carefree girl she’d been before the accident interrupted her life. Floral walls and pink curtains matched the frilly pillows adorning the brass bed and window seat. Above the stenciled dresser hung a framed painting of three kittens in a basket. He glanced at the untouched food tray on the small worktable in the corner.

  “When was the last time you ate?”

  “Why do you care?”

  He stared.

  “Honestly, Jace.” She shifted her weight, hands on hips. “Why are you here? I’ve promised already to let you study my case.”

  He frowned, alarmed by this side of her.

  “My astounding case, I believe you called it.” She spun toward the dresser and yanked open the drawer. “Here. This is what you want. Let’s not pretend otherwise.”

  He stared down at the journal she’d tossed to the bed. For a moment, he was tempted to take it and go. He could learn so much from the hell in those pages. A study inside the mind of not only a trauma victim but a sole survivor, as well.

  She shook her head as if reading his thoughts. “You see me as they do, no differently.”

  “That’s not true, and
you know it.”

  “I know no such thing. I all but threw myself at you, and you—”

  “I am trying to do the right thing!”

  “For whom?” She glared at him, chest heaving. Narrowing her eyes, she tilted her head. “Tell me about your father,” she demanded.

  He frowned. “We are talking about you.”

  “We’re always talking about me!” She threw up her hands. “Everyone talks about me!” Her voice broke on a sob as she turned away. “I’m so tired of it all,” she muttered. “So tired of shouldering all the blame.” She shook her head. “Every morning I open my eyes and, for that one brief moment between waking and remembering, I am happy. Then the memory returns before my feet hit the floor. I trudge through the days weighted by the burden of my own skin.” Her defeated slump conveyed her hopelessness. “I can’t go to the wedding,” she whispered.

  He stared at her back and the chaotic spill of knotted hair tumbling over her shoulders. He struggled to think of a useful response.

  “You’re stronger than you realize, Maddie,” he said finally. “I’ve dealt with soldiers who couldn’t cope with their traumas as well as you have. Besides, you can’t hide away in this room forever. You’ve come too far. Amelia is your friend. Think of her.”

  She turned to face him. “Think of her?” She gave a bitter laugh. “Perhaps if Amelia had given a thought to me, I wouldn’t be in this position.”

  Jace stared, surprised by her tone.

  “She was one of the Fair Five, just like me. Only she was fortunate to have left for England before the accident.” Maddie’s voice dipped as she lowered her head. “But she was still one of us.”

  “She never returned?”

  She shook her head. “They will all welcome her with open arms when she visits.” She lifted her chin. “A part of me hates her for that.”

  Her honesty was unnerving. As was her pain. The way in which she punished herself was too familiar for comfort.

  “You don’t hate her, Maddie. You miss her.”

  Maddie’s troubled eyes welled with tears. “I needed her.” Her voice broke on a sob, but she swallowed it back. “She left me here—alone—while she traveled the world. While she went on with her life. She’s getting married, and she’ll quickly disappear again.” A tear slid down her cheek. “She’s the only friend I have left.”

  “That’s not true,” he said, taking her hand. “You have me, too.”

  She glanced up. A soft blush crossed her pale cheeks as she met his eyes.

  “If only you were my doctor back then.” A small smile trembled on her lips. “You would have made them see that I’m not an abomination. That I’m the same person I was before the accident.”

  “Only you can do that.”

  “How?” Heart-rending desperation filled her eyes. “How do I make them forgive me?”

  She stared up at him, pleading for answers he didn’t have. Tears glistened on her dark lashes. He felt so damn useless, so helpless, he could barely breathe.

  “I don’t know,” he said, moving closer. He stepped into the subtle scent of her. Lilacs and rain. He pushed a lock of hair from her face. “But I think you must start by forgiving yourself.”

  Chapter 9

  Maddie appeared at Jace’s office the next morning to finish the book work she’d started before Pastor Hogle had paid his visit. Jace was filled with relief at the sight of her. When she strode to the desk and got down to business as if the incident with Hogle had never happened, he felt more than relief. He was proud of her. This woman never ceased to surprise him. She was vulnerable but resilient. And Jace admired the hell out of her.

  In a yellow dress and matching hat, she filled the room like sunshine. The light of her presence touched everything around her, illuminating every nook and corner inside the dreary room. Inside him.

  Christ Almighty.

  He was so full of nonsense he didn’t even recognize himself. He was obligated to maintain a polite distance from colleagues and patients so that he could make clinical decisions objectively—and without the personal feelings that might cloud a physician’s judgment. He was not heartless, but random emotions had no place in his profession, which meant they had no place in him.

  With a shake of his head, Jace forced his emotional control to click back into place, and with it, his reasoning. He suspected his failure with Kathy was the direct and only cause of this silly infatuation with Maddie. As soon as he helped Maddie reclaim her old life, his desire for her would fall away naturally. If only the people of Misty Lake weren’t making his job so damn difficult.

  The wedding was fast approaching and the upcoming weeks would be challenging, no doubt, but he was determined to succeed. For his sake as much as Maddie’s.

  Shaking his head again, Jace retired to the examination room without a word to prepare a headache snuff he’d promised to Mr. Linton. A short while later, Jace made his way back to the office, with both the snuff and Mr. Linton’s file in hand. Maddie looked up from the books when he entered.

  “Here’s another file.” He dropped the papers onto the desk, then turned to leave.

  “Jace.”

  He stopped and turned to face her.

  “I wanted to thank you for coming to see me last evening.”

  His chest tightened against the sincerity in her dark eyes.

  “Don’t mention it.”

  She frowned at his dismissal. “Of course not, Doctor Merrick.”

  His brow rose at her nettled tone. “Is there something else you wish to say, Madeline?”

  “There was,” she snapped. “But it’s obvious my gratitude makes you uneasy.”

  “That’s because it’s unnecessary.”

  “Nevertheless, I wanted to thank you for going out of your way to help.”

  “I’m a doctor. It’s what I do.”

  She lowered her eyes. “Yesterday, you claimed to be my friend.” She met his gaze, tilting her head. “Or was that claim merely a white lie to make me feel better?”

  She looked more embarrassed than angry, and he felt like a cad.

  “I am your friend,” he said quietly.

  “Then please stop acting like we just met at a train station! You can be both a person and a doctor at the same time, can’t you? Many other physicians manage it. And most people accept thanks when it has been offered to them. Some even enjoy saying ‘you’re welcome.’”

  He couldn’t help smiling in the face of this little speech.

  “You’re welcome,” he said, holding his hands in front of him. “And in addition, I formally surrender.”

  She nodded triumphantly.

  “Now, may I get back to work, madam?”

  “Yes, doctor,” she teased.

  He shook his head, chuckling in spite of himself.

  “I’m going across the street to take this to Mr. Linton,” he told her.

  She glanced at the clock on the mantel. “But it’s almost ten o’clock.”

  “That’s why I must hurry. If any patients arrive before I return, please have them wait.” He shrugged on his coat. “I know Mrs. Elden is coming in this morning, just make her comfortable until I get back.”

  “Would you like me to deliver the snuff for you?” she asked.

  The unexpected offer pleased him. And not solely because it would save him some time. Maddie rarely ventured outside the office while in town. Another small step on her road to self-guided redemption.

  “I’d appreciate that,” he said. “Tell him to take no more than an occasional pinch. On second thought, I’ll write it down for him. His memory has been slipping.”

  She stood, waiting as he scribbled down the dosing instructions. Her subtle scent was annoyingly distracting. He handed her the note. Her slender fingers grazed his, the brief contact sending a pulse of heat through his veins. She offered a small smile before leaving him alone with his lust.

  Jace ran a hand through his hair as he
strode to the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee. He sipped his breakfast, wondering how much longer he could go on like this, but soon thoughts of Maddie were chased off by the sound of footsteps in the hall.

  “Hello,” someone called from the parlor.

  Jace rose to greet the petite young woman standing in the patient waiting area.

  After six weeks in Misty Lake, Jace now recognized most of the town’s residents. This stylish woman was no local and more likely a summer visitor. “Good morning. You’re my first patient today. Have a seat, and I’ll be with you in a moment.”

  “Oh, I’m not a patient, Doctor Merrick.” She shook her head, red curls bouncing around her freckled face. “I’m Amelia Strope. Madeline’s friend.”

  “Ah, the lovely bride to be. Do come in, Miss Strope.”

  “Amelia, please.” Dimples graced her cordial smile as she glanced around. “Is Maddie here?”

  “She’s making a delivery to a patient across the street, but she should be back soon.”

  Amelia stepped toward him, lips trembling, her owlish eyes brimming with tears.

  “Oh, Doctor Merrick,” she sobbed. “I…I…”

  Jace wasn’t sure what was happening.

  “Are you all right—?”

  “Congratulations!” the girl cried. She threw her arms around him.

  He somehow managed to maintain his footing against the sudden weight clinging to his neck.

  “I heard the news of your engagement. Forgive my dramatics, but I’m just so happy for Madeline.” She hugged him tighter.

  Aside from the curse he bit back, he didn’t know what to say. It was up to Maddie to set her friend straight about their charade. Rolling his eyes, he patted Amelia’s back in silence and waited for the uncomfortable moment to pass.

  “So happy.” She sniffed.

  Jace sighed. Other than a few mumbled acknowledgements, this was the first genuine offer of congratulations he’d received on their engagement, and it was a lulu.

  “She’s a wonderful girl, as you’ve obviously discovered, despite all the gossip.” Amelia released Jace and wiped at her eyes. “I’m a good judge of character, Doctor Merrick. Maddie is lucky to have you.”