The Lady Who Lived Again

by Thomasine Rappold

  A stab of guilt for his selfishness nearly pierced him in two. Because deep in the pit of his conflicting emotions, he didn’t regret a thing.

  Chapter 24

  Maddie closed the stall door behind her, then slipped on her gloves. Gathering her skirts, she bolted from the barn. She wasn’t certain she’d succeeded in healing the horse, but the animal definitely seemed friskier. So much so, that while reapplying the dressing above its hoof, she’d feared earning a kick in the head for her trouble.

  She hurried across the damp lawn. When she reached the side door to the hotel, she stopped for a moment to catch her breath, then slipped inside.

  “Miss Sutter?”

  Maddie froze. “Philip,” she said. “You startled me.”

  He stepped toward her, and the strong smell of brandy came with him.

  “I was just out for a breath of fresh air,” she said, tightening her wrap around her shoulders.

  He glanced toward the door behind her. “Alone?”

  She nodded.

  “If you were mine, I’d never leave your side.” The blunt words were disarming. As was the sincerity in his glassy eyes.

  “Philip…”

  “Forgive me.” He smiled, shaking his head. “I’ve had too much to drink.” He reached for her hand and kissed her glove. “Good night.”

  He strode away, no doubt embarrassed by his forwardness. A trickle of guilt coursed through her, though she wasn’t sure why. She’d done nothing to encourage Philip. It wasn’t her fault that he hoped for more than she wanted to give. And while she felt sorry for this sweet young man, she couldn’t squander precious time thinking of him now. Jace was waiting.

  It was well after midnight, and she was already late. Her body hummed with excitement, anticipating her imminent rendezvous. But first she needed to change her soiled shoes.

  How she hated lying to Jace. She’d come so close tonight to telling him her secret. In his arms—in the magic of that moment—it had seemed so right to share with him this thing she could never share. She’d almost convinced herself that he’d understand. That he would keep her secret between them, and perhaps help her make sense of it. He was so good at making sense of things.

  But he could not make sense of this. And he would despise her for it. Whatever they shared now would die a certain and terrible death in the wake of her revelation.

  When she reached her room, Jace was standing just inside the door.

  “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been waiting here for twenty minutes.”

  His angry tone took her aback. “I was detained by Philip downstairs.”

  Jace frowned. “Hurry up. Get inside before anyone sees us.” He urged her inside the room.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “We must talk,” he said, closing the door quietly behind them.

  The room darkened from the lost light of the hall. Behind them moonlight pooled in the center of the room. On the bed. “Talk?” Tossing her wrap to a chair, she walked slowly toward him. She had no intention of wasting time talking. “I was hoping we’d do more than talk.” She smiled, slipping her arms around his neck. In a flash, his tense shoulders relaxed, and his response whetted her appetite for more. Shadows and moonlight danced across his handsome face. “In fact, I prefer we don’t talk at all.”

  “Maddie…”

  “Jace.” She all but purred as she raked her fingers through his soft hair.

  He reached for her hands and lowered them to her sides. “We must talk.”

  She sighed, exasperated. “What is it?”

  His lips pursed, then parted, but nothing came out. She rolled her eyes, waiting impatiently as his lips pursed, then parted again.

  “Jace?”

  “I think you should leave Misty Lake.”

  She blinked, uncertain she’d heard him correctly.

  “You deserve so much more than…” He waved his hand between them. “This.”

  Her heart plummeted.

  “You deserve someone with whom you can start a new life. Someone in a position to take you away from here.”

  She narrowed her eyes, shaking her head. “What are you saying?”

  “Philip.”

  She stared, unable to speak. Unable to breathe. Moments passed before she could summon her voice. “You’re suggesting I pursue Philip?” The impact of hearing herself speak the words aloud was staggering. She turned away from him, grasping her hands together to keep them from shaking.

  “Just listen to what I have to say.”

  She squeezed shut her eyes. Her pulse pounded furiously at her temples.

  “Philip can take you away from Misty Lake. Think of it, Maddie. A whole new life in Boston, where people aren’t poisoned by all the nonsense and rumors that haunt you here.”

  “Philip?” she repeated, turning back to him. “You’re telling me to marry Philip?”

  “He loves you. Anyone can see that.”

  She stared at him, weak-kneed. Scalding tears burned her throat. She swallowed hard, nearly choking. For weeks, the thought of ending their time together had sliced to the bone, but this—his handing her off to another man—hurt so much more. She wanted to die on the spot. “And what about you?”

  His shoulders slumped. “I care for you. I hope you know that. What has occurred between us was my fault, and I can’t take it back. But I want only what’s best for you now.”

  She stifled a bitter laugh. She was a fool for imagining that Jace’s feelings for her might one day amount to more than an oddly incendiary combination of lust and pity.

  She lifted her trembling chin, her chest aching with the sobs she was determined to contain. “You’re forgetting about Grandfather.”

  “You needn’t worry. I’ll watch over him. I promise you that. He’ll be so pleased and relieved to know you’re well cared for in Boston. And you would know he is well cared for here.”

  “As usual, you’ve come up with a sensible solution for everything.”

  “Maddie—”

  “I appreciate your well-conceived plans for my future, but I will decide what is best for me.” She thumped her fist to her chest. “I will decide. Not you.” She took a deep breath for composure. “I’m not one of your patients, Doctor Merrick. You know nothing about what is best for me. No more than you know what is best for yourself.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you’re a coward.” She straightened her spine, hating him. “Perhaps someday you’ll find the courage to step out from that shield of common sense you hide behind. Until you see that logic and science don’t define everything in this life, you’ll never truly live.” She shook her head in disgust. “Good night.”

  He stared at her, looking abashed.

  “Good night,” she repeated.

  He turned and walked out the door.

  * * * *

  The next morning Maddie woke up with a headache. She’d cried herself to sleep as the endless night faded into dawn, and now she wanted only to pull the covers over her head and disappear. Jace didn’t want her. She squeezed shut her eyes but couldn’t block out the sight of his face.

  With a deep breath, she opened her eyes to the ceiling of the fine hotel room. She glanced to the large window, squinting against the bright cheeriness of the day. She rubbed her temples and counted to ten. The exercise soothed her and helped clear her head. The weekend was nearly over, and she would survive it. She would survive her broken heart. She’d survived far worse.

  After flinging the covers aside, she bolted upright. She’d get through this damn day, and then she’d never lay eyes on Jace Merrick again.

  Despite her fury, the thought devastated her. She’d miss him so much.

  There was also the agonizing knowledge that she’d caused this whole mess single-handedly. She’d pursued Jace right from the start. She’d seduced him. He’d tried to warn her—to stop her—from making what he knew would be a
terrible mistake.

  She snatched her bridesmaid gown from the tall armoire, then tossed it onto the bed, hating the very sight of it. Somehow she muddled through the movements, washing and dressing for the wedding.

  She hurried down the hall to Amelia’s room. Temporarily distracted from thoughts of Jace, she managed to smile her way through the frenzy of helping Amelia into her bridal array. Amelia looked lovely in the corded silk dress. Her red hair was beautifully arranged beneath a tulle veil. A simple bridal wreath of orange blossoms completed the piece.

  The ceremony went by in a blur. Amelia looked radiant, Lester looked happy, and Jace barely uttered a word. Maddie cried throughout the ceremony, though most of her tears were for herself. The couple was departing for their honeymoon to Niagara Falls immediately after the ceremony, and Maddie couldn’t wait to depart for home.

  She’d made it through the wedding and honored her promise to Amelia. No one could ask anything more of her. She missed Grandfather. She longed for the safety of her home—her room. And for distance from Jace. The man she loved.

  She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Then she wiped at her tears and offered a final wave to the newlyweds. The jubilant couple had just boarded the carriage that would carry them off to their new life, where they’d live happily ever after.

  Even though she hadn’t spoken them out loud, these three words made her tears fall harder. In the midst of the crowd, she felt so alone. Everyone cheered as the carriage rolled from the drive and toward the road. People chased it, calling out their farewells. The carriage disappeared down the road, and the quieting crowd began to disperse.

  Philip stepped into view and gave her a nod. She returned a small smile, quickly looking away. She hadn’t the strength right now to deal with Philip. She stiffened as she noticed Pastor Hogle and Daniel huddled nearby. Behind them, Mr. Belden led his horse from the stable.

  They all turned their attention to Maddie, and a shiver of impending doom crawled down her spine.

  Pastor Hogle’s hostile eyes bore into hers. He pointed his finger at Maddie. “There!”

  She flinched, her heart pounding.

  The meandering crowd parted as Pastor Hogle charged toward her. Gravel crunched beneath each angry step. “Look what she’s done!”

  Jace took a step forward. “What is it now?”

  Pastor Hogle pointed to the horse. “She healed that animal!”

  “I saw her!” Gertrude yelled. “I saw her sneaking out of the stables last night. Lucinda and Dolly saw her, too!”

  “We did. We saw her!” Lucinda cried.

  The pastor’s chest swelled as each girl substantiated his claim. “You said yourself, Doctor, the horse would have to be put down. What have you to say now?”

  Jace shook his head at the man’s ranting. “That this latest attack against my fiancée is perfectly ridiculous.”

  Pastor Hogle turned to the crowd, addressing his audience, as if from his pulpit. Fire blazed in his tone. “We all know what she did to my niece.” He gestured toward Dolly, who lowered her eyes. “She laid hands on the girl, and we all saw the result.”

  Maddie shook her head. “That was an accident!”

  Pastor Hogle spun to face her. “Another accident caused by you!”

  Maddie gaped as the crowd inched closer.

  “This is nonsense!” Jace stepped toward the pastor, fists clenched. “And it’s slander. She didn’t go near that horse.”

  “Oh, yes she did!” Gertrude cried. “Just look at these shoes!” Gertrude held up the pair of soiled shoes she must have confiscated from Maddie’s room. “They’ve been in the stable for sure.”

  Maddie felt faint, too faint to run.

  “You took her shoes?” Jace stared incredulously. “Good God, this has gone far enough.” He turned back to Maddie. “Let’s go.”

  “Reveal yourself and admit your tricks,” Pastor Hogle shouted at Maddie. “Admit the wicked things you’ve done.”

  Fear trapped in Maddie’s chest. She couldn’t move. Her eyes darted across the row of shocked and expectant faces.

  “Maddie, let’s go.” Jace wrapped his arm around her, as if that might help. But his protection was fruitless. She had no defense.

  She shook her head, consumed by her rioting panic. “I—”

  “Miss Sutter!”

  Everyone turned toward the approaching rider in the drive. Dust and stones scattered as the rider skidded to a halt. “Miss Sutter!”

  Maddie craned her neck over their heads toward the familiar voice in the distance. Gil jumped from his mount, then pushed his way through the crowd.

  The tense silence stretched to eternity. Maddie’s pounding heart now thundered with dread.

  “Step aside.” Red-faced and breathless, Gil shoved past Pastor Hogle. Gil’s grim expression turned her blood to ice.

  She felt Jace’s grip on her arm, steadying her trembling knees. She clutched his arm for support. “What is it, Gil?” she croaked. “What’s happened?”

  Gil took a deep breath, compassion suffusing his face. “Come quickly, Miss Sutter,” he said. “It’s your grandfather.”

  Chapter 25

  Maddie ran through the house to her grandfather’s room, and Jace followed on her heels. Mr. Sutter lay in the large bed, his vacant eyes fixed toward the ceiling. She gripped her grandfather’s hand as Jace swiftly examined him. Jace peered into his eyes but knew what he’d see. “He’s unresponsive, Maddie.”

  She swallowed hard. “What does that mean?”

  “He’s dying.”

  Her mouth quivered open, but she formed no reply. Shaking her head, she turned back toward the bed. She sank, bowing her head against the man’s chest. Her slender shoulders racked with quiet sobs.

  “We’ll keep him comfortable, but there’s nothing more we can do.” Jace straightened the man’s bloated legs, then placed a pillow beneath his knees.

  “I never should have left you, Grandfather,” she uttered. “Forgive me.”

  Jace touched her back, but she shrugged him away.

  “Leave us alone!” She shook her head. “Just leave us alone.” She pressed her grandfather’s fragile hand to her cheek. Murmuring softly, she brushed back the hair from his face.

  Jace watched, deflating in powerlessness. Of all the emotions he experienced as a physician, this sense of impotence was the worst. Unlike his father, Jace could accept the disheartening and frustrating limitations of medicine. But it never got easier.

  He turned his efforts to keeping the patient—Adam Sutter—comfortable as he passed from this world. This good man, whom Jace had grown to like and admire, would be the first person he’d lost in Misty Lake.

  He would leave the room for Maddie’s sake, but he would not leave them alone. Adam would die soon, and he didn’t need Jace. Maddie would. She would need him then to help her through the grief of her loss. And he would be here for her when she did.

  * * * *

  The hours passed slowly as the distance between Grandfather’s labored breaths grew longer. Each sound he made became weaker. Maddie knew, as she always had, that she could not help him. Why had she been given this ability to heal if she couldn’t help the one person in her life that she loved the most?

  Memories of her grandfather’s life filled the silence, floating like shadows before her blurry eyes. The savvy businessman, the strong man who’d carried his granddaughter atop his proud shoulders, the handsome charmer who’d made women swoon.

  She glanced to the photograph of her grandmother and parents on the mantel. Like her, Grandfather had lost much. And yet, even during the years of his declining health, he had never complained.

  Jace sat in the corner of the room behind her. She’d insisted earlier that he leave, but he hadn’t gone far. Sometime during the fog of her grief, he’d returned to the room, and she hadn’t the energy to order him out. She told herself that Grandfather might need him, though she knew deep in
her heart, this wasn’t true. She might need him.

  Grandfather made small sounds, not sounds of pain, but little sounds that told her he sensed her presence. From someplace deep inside his withered body, he knew she was there. She clasped his hand between hers. “I’ll be fine, Grandfather,” she whispered into his ear. His fingers twitched, and tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’ll be fine.”

  A long breath of air whooshed from his chest, and then he went still. Maddie gulped hard as she shot to her feet.

  Jace rushed to check Grandfather’s pulse. He pressed his stethoscope to Grandfather’s chest, then drew back, his eyes brimming with sorrow. “He’s gone.”

  She sank to the chair. Covering her face, she sobbed into her hands. She slumped forward and rocked on her knees, crying for all she was worth. She cried for Grandfather, the man she loved so much. The man who had raised her after the death of her parents, the man who had done his best for her. And she cried for herself. Because despite all her unanswered prayers and fruitless hopes, Grandfather was gone.

  And come tomorrow, she’d be alone.

  * * * *

  She felt as though she were living in a dream when Jace finally led her to her room. She sat in the chair by the window as he spoke quietly to Rhetta out in the hall. A few minutes later, he returned to her side. He handed her a small glass of brandy. Without a word, she drank it down, welcoming the bitter taste and soothing haze that flowed through her.

  She sat numbly in the window seat, staring out as the day turned to dusk. They didn’t speak. There was nothing to say.

  Jace urged her into bed. He pulled up the quilt to cover her, and she settled onto her side. Facing the wall, she buried her face in her pillow and sobbed like a child. A lost, frightened child.

  The mattress slumped with Jace’s weight as he lay down behind her. Gathering her into his arms, he nestled against her back. He held her in silence, his body molded to hers. She calmed inside the cocoon of safety and warmth.