He blinked at her as though not comprehending and she hurried on. “Your Christmas party is a dinner, right? Which is perfect because the party won’t start until later, and it will go on until late in the night so we can show up late.”
A heavy silence hung between them as she waited for Ben to return to normal. She hated seeing him so tense.
His deep inhale had her rising up and down against him. “Caitlyn, we need to talk.”
Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. What else could be bothering him about a party? With a small smile, she said, “Are you dreading the idea of dressing up? So is Jake! God, why are guys so weird about costumes?”
His answering smile was strained. “I, uh, I have to tell you something….”
She waited patiently for him to continue, that uneasy tension starting to return as the pause lengthened. Finally, she prodded, “What is it?”
She felt his heavy exhale as he pulled her even closer. “I invited my friend Gregory to join us for the movie tonight.”
Surprise had her stilling in his arms. That was what he wanted to talk about?
Before she could respond, he continued. “He’s one of my oldest friends and his girlfriend left him. For good this time, God willing. He’s a bit of a wreck and I just thought it would be good for him to—”
She cut him off with a kiss. She couldn’t help herself. He was just too cute when he was being thoughtful. She pulled back long enough to say, “I think that’s a great idea.” Then he pulled her back in for another, far more thorough kiss.
Chapter 11
“Are you actually telling me you prefer musicals to non-musicals?” Caitlyn couldn’t help but laugh. Ben’s friend Gregory looked like such an alpha male, she would never have expected that little revelation to come from him. After seeing Vertigo at an uptown theater that showed old movies once in a blue moon, their conversation had revolved around Jimmy Stewart. As the threesome walked farther uptown to a bar Ben wanted to check out, she and Gregory had gone back and forth on their favorite Jimmy Stewart movies. The shocking revelation had come when she’d said her favorite was The Philadelphia Story, because it co-starred Cary Grant, obviously, and he had claimed that he preferred the musical adaptation, High Society.
She turned as if to study him further. “I would never have taken you for a musical man.”
He lifted one brow and feigned a condescending tone. “I’m a Sinatra man.”
She burst out laughing at that one. She’d been wary of Gregory at first—he’d seemed too stiff, too stuck up. But the more he talked and joked with her and Ben the more she liked him. He was charming in an old-school debonair kind of way. Ben had told her he came from money and it showed. He was confident and classy, but not entitled. This Gregory was a nice change from the sullen man they’d met before the movie.
Ben had told her all about his friend’s breakup before they arrived and her heart went out to him. But he was in good company. If there were ever two people who understood how awful breakups were, it was her and Ben.
“I definitely like the classic movies better than modern,” Gregory was saying as they sat down at a booth in the back. “I just don’t think there’s a market for them. They’re never going to be as popular, and a theater needs to diversify if they want to stay open in this day and age.”
She shared a look with Ben and he muttered, “Don’t tell Tamara that.”
“Who?” Gregory asked.
Caitlyn turned to Gregory. “Oh, my friend who runs a classic movie theater downtown. She’s a purist. She thinks there should be a place in the city devoted entirely to old movies.”
Gregory and Ben exchanged a look that made Caitlyn wary. “What?”
Ben shook his head quickly, but she could have sworn he gave Gregory a warning look before flashing that sexy grin her way. “Nothing. Gregory’s just a cynic, that’s all.”
“I prefer realist.” Gregory stuck his nose in the air and sniffed, making Caitlyn laugh.
Leaning over as if to tell Gregory a secret, she said, “I’ve got to know. How did someone like you”—she waved her hand to take in his clean-cut, well-groomed appearance—“ever become friends with someone like him?”
“Hey!” Ben pretended to be outraged as he reached for his beer. The men did look like polar opposites, though, there was no denying it. Ben’s face was scruffy and unshaven, his hair was mussed as always, and he sported jeans and an untucked button down that had seen one too many washings.
She and Gregory ignored his protest and Gregory leaned toward her, so they were both pretending that Ben wasn’t there and couldn’t hear every word.
“We met in college, actually. He’s a Neanderthal, obviously, but he has a tendency to grow on you.” He took a sip of his beer. “Like a weed.”
Caitlyn matched his serious expression and added, “Or a fungus.”
“You two are hysterical.” Ben shifted so his arm brushed hers and when she instinctively leaned in toward him, Ben’s arm moved to wrap around her shoulders.
She caught the flicker of surprise on Gregory’s face before he covered it. For a moment she wondered just how much Ben had told his friend about their relationship. In her mind’s eye she could see how they must look from his point of view.
Like a couple.
But of course they weren’t. She shifted beneath his arm, wriggling a bit to adjust. Amazing how comfortable she’d become around this man in such a short period of time. And that’s what this was—short-term. An uncomfortable nagging feeling made her lungs feel heavy, like she had to fight for air.
She shook her head at her own overreaction. So it was short-term, that was the point. She’d never been good with good-byes and separation—probably half the reason her relationship with Robert lasted as long as it did.
The air she’d been struggling to breath came in a rush at that heady realization. Like a lens had been removed from her glasses, she had a glimpse of what her relationship with Robert had really been. What it would have looked like to an outsider. And it wasn’t pretty.
Images of their day-to-day life together passed before her like she was watching a movie of her life. They never laughed. She couldn’t remember ever laughing till she cried, not even in the early days. Not like her and Ben.
And when had he ever taken an interest in her knitting? Oh, she’d always accepted his lack of interest as his male prerogative, but it was important to her. Shouldn’t it have been important to him?
And when had he ever challenged her? To get her out of her comfort zone or to meet new people or to turn her passion into a lucrative business? Never.
She was dimly aware of Gregory and Ben carrying on a conversation without her, but she couldn’t focus long enough to contribute. Now that she’d seen the truth, she couldn’t deny it. She and Robert hadn’t been good together.
Not like her and Ben. She shook her head quickly at that thought. They might make a great couple for the moment, but they were certainly not long-term. That was the deal. Besides, they made great friends-with-benefits, they’d never even tried to be a couple, and they never would. But still, this time with Ben had been exactly what she’d needed to see the truth about her relationship with Robert.
Thank God he’d broken up with her.
Ben shot her a questioning look as she choked on her drink. “You okay?”
She nodded quickly, unable to stop the wide, possibly crazy-looking smile that spread across her face as a new lightness filled her. For the first time since the breakup, she could honestly say she was happy it had happened. Not only that, it was for the best. She was better off for it.
Her breath was coming in short, excited gasps. She needed a moment alone to compose herself. Ben must have noticed her odd behavior because he turned to her with narrowed eyes. “What’s up?”
She couldn’t help it. Overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for her temporary roommate, she leaned in and planted a quick kiss on his scruff
y cheek.
That earned her a cute, boyish grin as he turned toward her. “What was that for?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. I don’t know, just in a good mood, I guess.”
Ben and Gregory were both staring at her like she’d lost her mind, so she cleared her throat and scooted toward Ben, gently nudging him out of the way so she could exit the booth. “Excuse me, I’ve got to run to the bathroom.”
Once alone in the bathroom she threw a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound of her laughter. She was over him. After a year of grieving, she was over him…just like that. Well, it had probably been happening for a while but the realization was so sudden, so startling, it felt like an instantaneous event.
And she owed it all to Ben. Without him, she would never have gotten this new perspective. She wouldn’t have had the comparison to draw on or the boosted confidence to see that Ben had been right this whole time. She deserved better. She deserved love—real love—and a relationship that made her happy.
* * * *
The moment Caitlyn disappeared from view, Gregory’s carefree demeanor slipped and he leaned toward Ben with an urgency that was alarming.
“What are you doing with that girl?” his friend demanded.
Ben’s mouth fell open but nothing came out. Finally, he said, “What do you mean?”
But he knew exactly what Gregory meant. And he didn’t want to hear it.
“You know what I mean,” Gregory said, his voice dangerously close to a growl. “Whatever you two have going on… She’s going to get hurt.”
A stab of pain in his gut had him shifting in his seat. He hated the overprotective way Gregory was talking, as if he knew Caitlyn better than he did.
“She’s an adult,” Ben started.
“She’s naïve.” Gregory didn’t say it in a mean way but there was no doubt in his voice. “She’s a sweet kid. Too sweet.”
Too sweet for you. His friend may not have said the “for you” part, but he didn’t have to. He was right, and they both knew it. He avoided a response by taking a large gulp of his beer. He couldn’t bullshit Gregory. His friend was one of the few people who knew his track record with women and the vow he’d made to avoid getting into a relationship with someone like Caitlyn. But this wasn’t a relationship, dammit. He had it under control.
Gregory’s glare didn’t let up, and Ben felt compelled to defend himself. “Look, we’re just having fun. We both needed that after…everything.”
His friend flinched a bit and he knew he was thinking about his own breakup hell. If anyone would understand, it should be him.
“We’re helping each other,” he continued.
Gregory made a grunting noise in disbelief. “I can see how she’s helping you. But how exactly are you helping her?”
A nagging guilt gnawed at his insides at the insinuation that he was taking advantage of her. He wasn’t. So what was with the guilt then?
“Does she know this isn’t real?” Gregory crossed his arms in front of his chest, and Ben had a fleeting glimpse of what his friend would be like if he ever had a daughter.
“Of course she knows,” Ben said. It came out sounding more defensive than he’d intended. Relaxing back into the booth, he struggled for nonchalance. “Look, I know she seems all sweet and innocent—”
Gregory raised a brow.
“And okay, yeah, she is,” Ben added. “But she’s a grown-up and she knows what the deal is. Believe me, she doesn’t want a relationship with me any more than I want one with her.”
Greg’s eyes rounded. “You don’t?”
“Don’t what?” Ben took another swig.
“Don’t play dumb.” Gregory’s disbelief morphed into a smirk. “Are you honestly trying to tell me that you wouldn’t date that girl?”
“Woman,” Ben corrected. “And no. She’s not my type. You know that.” Irritation laced his voice. He wasn’t even trying to hide his frustration. Because Gregory knew. He knew Ben too well to think that was a good idea.
Gregory let out a snort. “Oh yeah, because your type has been working out for you really well so far.”
“Like you’re one to judge,” Ben shot back.
A silence fell between them and Ben instantly wished he could take it back. Gregory was obviously still in the first stages of suck, and it was too soon to be using his bad taste in women against him. “Sorry,” he muttered.
One corner of Gregory’s mouth lifted in a poor attempt at a grin. “Don’t apologize, you’re right.”
The silence was even more awkward after that, so Ben threw back the rest of his drink and slammed his bottle down against the table. “We’re a poor excuse for two single gents out on the town.”
Gregory gave a half laugh, but his gaze was focused on something over Ben’s shoulder. Ben turned to see Caitlyn sashaying her way back to their table, an enchanting, smug little smile giving her a glow that left him breathless.
He could hear Gregory shifting in the seat across from him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Caitlyn. What had happened to make her so happy? He couldn’t wait to find out.
Gregory’s amused voice cut into his thoughts. “We’re a poor excuse for two single men because one of us isn’t single.”
Ben’s eyes shot to his friend. “What the hell does that mean?”
But Caitlyn had almost reached them so Gregory just said, “I think you know. Just promise me one thing. Be honest with the poor girl before she gets hurt.”
Ben opened his mouth to retort—I would never hurt her, maybe, or you have no clue what you’re talking about, but then Caitlyn plopped down next to him with a knockout smile. “So, what did I miss?”
“Nothing,” Ben said a bit too quickly. He could practically feel Greg smirking across the table from him but he ignored it, keeping his focus on Caitlyn for the remainder of their drink. Caitlyn, who was glowing for some reason, which made him unbelievably curious. And turned on.
They left shortly after that. In fact, Ben probably was a tad rude trying to hustle Caitlyn into finishing her drink so they could get out the door.
She greeted every attempt on his part to rush her with a quizzical smile. “What’s your hurry?” she asked as she took a bigger sip at his request.
“Yeah, Ben, what’s the rush?” Gregory echoed. But Ben could hear the judgment in his friend’s voice and see it in his eyes every time Caitlyn cuddled up against him or referenced an inside joke.
It wasn’t like that! They weren’t a couple and that was what they both wanted. Wasn’t it?
Oh God, now Gregory’s paranoia was contagious. Of course she didn’t want a relationship with him. Hadn’t they already established that he was not her type? She deserved someone who would treat her right, who knew how to be a proper boyfriend, and—most importantly—who wanted the things that she did. A future, and a family, and…well, love. Everything he avoided like the plague.
That was why he and Olivia worked together, because they’d had no future.
He paused with his drink poised just in front of his lips. Huh. He’d never thought of it that way before. He’d never had any reason to overanalyze or doubt his motives for being with Olivia or hers for being with him. They were having fun—that was what he’d always told himself about their relationship. They were lucky because they had someone to sleep with every night but none of the headaches of a typical relationship. But now that he’d gotten some distance, it seemed utterly and stupidly clear.
He’d been with her because there was no future. And she’d probably felt the same way about him. They’d been drawn to each other because it wasn’t real—there was no hope of letting one another down or being tied down for the long haul. They’d never once talked about the future. Her ambivalence about that particular topic was one thing he’d always liked about her. It made being together easy when there were no expectations. No one so invested that their hearts were at stake. No chance that he could hurt someone wh
en she didn’t truly care. And there was no way he could be hurt by someone he didn’t love.
Sure being cheated on sucked, but it had been a blow to his ego, not his heart.
The realization had a funny effect. While on one hand he felt free, finally seeing the relationship for what it really, he also had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. God, he really was messed up. What kind of person sought out toxic, go-nowhere relationships?
Someone who didn’t know how to love or someone who didn’t want love. Either way, someone who was too messed up to be part of a proper couple.
In short, him.
It was no wonder Gregory wanted him far, far away from Caitlyn. He barely knew her but even he could see that she was too good for Ben. That she deserved so much more.
“You okay?” she asked, her nose wrinkled up in concern. She and Gregory were both watching him with interest, and he realized he must have not heard something they’d said.
“Oh yeah, just lost in thought I guess.”
Neither of them seemed to buy it but they let it go. Before long Caitlyn had finished her drink, and he ushered her out of the booth and into a waiting taxi as quickly as he could, willfully ignoring Gregory’s knowing smirk all the while.
Once home, they settled into their usual routine in front of the TV, but he realized they were both too caught up in their thoughts to pay much attention or to hold a conversation.
She’d stopped drinking for the night, but Ben needed another whisky to dull the thoughts that were racing through his brain thanks to Gregory’s little lecture. It wasn’t that he thought he was right, but still his friend’s criticism unnerved him nearly as much as his own realizations about his last relationship. It wasn’t until he had two more that the mental game of ping-pong subsided.
Her Leading Man Page 13