Her Leading Man

by Maggie Dallen

  Gregory gave a snort of disbelief. “There’s no way that will go through in time. Not without some influence.”

  Ben fell back into his seat. If there was one person who had influence, it was Gregory. “That works both ways. It’s stuck in red tape purgatory at the moment, which means it’s fair game. But one word from the right person could either push it through or keep it mired in red tape long enough for a deal to be made and construction to be underway.”

  Gregory took a sip of his drink. He wasn’t offering up his assistance, but they’d been friends long enough to know that Gregory wouldn’t have brought it up if he hadn’t been willing to help. Although it would probably be for a price—a cut of the action, no doubt.

  Gregory leaned forward then and reached out for the file that Ben had been studying. “So are you telling me you really think there’s a way that property could make some real money in its current state?”

  Ben shook his head. “It would need a new owner, obviously. One with the means and interest. But yeah, I think it could work.”

  Gregory’s smirk was really starting to irritate him. “But it wouldn’t bring in as much as this.” He waved the file folder.

  Ben let out a lough exhale. “No.” No matter how many times they’d crunched the numbers or gone over the options, this was the solid winner.

  They sat in silence for a while, and Ben was dimly aware of the fact that Gregory was studying him as he made a point of checking his e-mails and replying to his assistant.

  “You should have told her right off the bat,” Gregory said.

  Ben stiffened. He’d thought they’d moved on from that topic of Caitlyn. He was certainly ready to move on. Granted, he’d been sitting there stewing about what was going on right now. Had they kissed? Had they done more than kiss? What if the guy was being too forceful?

  He checked his phone for the tenth time. She would have reached out if she needed help.

  Okay, so maybe he’d been thinking about her all evening. That didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to talk about her. But Gregory did not get the hint.

  “The longer you wait to tell her, the harder it will be.”

  Ben frowned at his phone. “I know that. Which is why I meant to tell her yesterday. There just was never a good time. I’ll tell her soon.”

  “Tonight?”

  Ben tossed his phone down. “What is with you? Why are you so obsessed with this?”

  Gregory grinned. “Just because my own love life is in shambles doesn’t mean I want you to experience the same.”

  Oh for the love of… “How many times do I have to tell you that it’s not like that between us?”

  And he’d made sure that it would stay that way.

  Gregory looked nonplussed by his angry reaction. “So you’ll tell her tonight?” he asked mildly.

  Ben’s fingers clenched against the couch. “I can’t tonight. She’s…on a date.”

  Gregory’s hand paused with his drink halfway to his lips. “She’s what?”

  Ben licked his lips and rubbed his hands against his jeans. “She’s on a date.”

  “Why would she be dating someone else?”

  Ben couldn’t even let himself think about what Gregory meant by that. Clearly his friend was hoping to find something between them that just didn’t exist. Why was she dating someone else? He cleared his throat. “Because I set it up.”

  Chapter 13

  “It could not have been that bad.” Meg was frowning at her over the counter, her big baby belly making her task of wiping down the bar an awkward event to watch.

  “Are you even allowed to be back there in your state?” Alice asked. She was watching her sister work with a frown of disapproval as she and Caitlyn sipped their drinks on the other side of the bar.

  “I’m pregnant, not an invalid,” Meg said.

  Caitlyn and Alice watched her try to reach a glass at the far end of the bar, her belly blocking the way so the glass was just out of reach. Meg looked like she was about to pop at any moment. “Surely you have people here who can clean for you,” Caitlyn suggested.

  Meg tossed aside the rag with a heavy sigh and gave up on trying to reach the errant glass. “Stop looking at me like that, Alice. It’s not like pregnancy is contagious.”

  “Thank God for that,” Alice muttered into her drink.

  Caitlyn hid her laugh by taking a sip. Meg was glaring at them both and an angry, hormonal Meg was a bit frightening.

  “Stop changing the topic,” she ordered. “I want to hear what was so horribly wrong with the handsome doctor who saves the lives of small children.”

  “Well when you put it like that,” Caitlyn said, causing Alice to give a snort of laughter and Meg to scowl at the two of them like disobedient children.

  “He wasn’t bad,” Caitlyn clarified, “he just wasn’t…” She struggled to find the right word. He just wasn’t…

  “Ben,” Alice finished. She emptied her glass and set it down loudly, cheersing her own statement.

  Caitlyn gaped at Alice, ignoring the frown that Meg was directing at her.

  “Is that true?” Meg asked. “Have you gone and fallen for the fuck buddy?”

  “No.” Yes.

  The air rushed from her lungs with a whoosh. Oh God, had she fallen for Ben? No, that was ridiculous. Then why was she comparing the doctor to him? And why did she miss him when she wasn’t with him? Like right now. There was no denying the fact that she’d suffered several pangs of something scarily close to homesickness in the short time she’d been away from him.

  Staring into her drink, Caitlyn had to face the fact—she’d gone and fallen for her fuck buddy. Her mind came to a crashing halt with that realization. Some form of nerves or fear or excitement—or maybe it was a combination of all three—had her breathing a little too quickly, her hands clutching at the edge of the bar as if that could help her find solid ground. Because this feeling, whatever it was—this was not stable, consistent, or safe. This was not what she’d been looking for. This…whatever it was she was feeling—it was terrifying. And exciting. Like a new world just opened up in front of her—breathtaking but risky.

  Meg and Alice were sisters who looked absolutely nothing alike—except for this moment when they shared the same exact look of disbelief mixed with pity.

  “Oh crap,” Meg muttered.

  “This is not good,” Alice agreed.

  Caitlyn could feel telltale heat creeping into her cheeks. Their words brought her crashing back to reality. There was no new world opening in front of her like a scene from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. She was sitting at a bar on planet Earth. And they were right. This was not good.

  They had an agreement. He didn’t want anything more than sex. He couldn’t have made that any clearer. And she hadn’t, either. When had that changed? Frustration and fear had her stomach twisting into knots. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. They were wrong for each other. They were opposites in every way. This was just supposed to be about sex, for the love of God. Why did she have to go and fall for a guy who didn’t want to be with her…again? Unless maybe he did want to be with her, too. A flicker of hope raced through her but it wavered and died in the face of logic. True they’d been having fun together, but they’d agreed that they could never be more than friends. Besides, hadn’t he just set her up on a date? Not exactly the act of a man in love. Her next words came out on a wail. “What am I going to do?”

  “Tell him how you feel,” Meg said.

  “Don’t tell Ben,” Alice said at the same time.

  “Thanks, you guys are a big help.”

  The sisters shared a look, and Caitlyn had the funny feeling they were communicating silently. Great, her friends were telepathically gossiping about her.

  “And what have the two of you decided?” she asked when they turned back to her once more.

  “Tell him,” they said in synch. Their talking in unison would ha
ve made Caitlyn laugh—or be slightly creeped out, perhaps—if she wasn’t so disturbed by the verdict.

  Tell him. Could she really do that? Should she do that?

  What if she was wrong? What if they were terrible for one another and this was just an emotional hangover left over from the intimacy of sex? “How do I know if what I’m feeling is real?”

  Her friends stared at her in amazement. For a brief moment, Caitlyn thought perhaps she’d stunned them with her incredible emotional insight. But then Meg said, “Are you kidding me?” She and Alice shared a look and shook their heads at her apparent idiocy.

  “If you’re feeling it, it’s for real,” Alice explained to her as though she was a child.

  “Besides, we saw the two of you together,” Meg added. “It’s for real.”

  “But—” What if it didn’t last? What if he broke her heart? What if he rejected her? She couldn’t put those fears into words just yet. Instead, she settled for, “We don’t want the same things.”

  “No offense, hon, but I’m not sure you know what you want,” Alice said in a surprisingly gentle tone.

  Meg nodded her agreement. “You can’t go for what sounds good in life. You should be going after things that feel good—that feel right.”

  “Things that excite you,” Alice added for extra measure.

  Caitlyn stared at her friends in amazement. Were they right? Was she one of those people who had no idea what they really wanted? Maybe she’d been chasing the wrong things this whole time.

  Mind blown.

  At what point had she decided that the man of her dreams had to be a predictable snooze? She almost laughed out loud at that. This realization was more earth shattering than realizing that Robert had done her a favor by breaking up with her. The anxiety she’d been feeling was replaced by a lightness that made her dizzy. She’d been acting like her perfect man had to fit a certain mold. He had to be Cary Grant. But the Cary Grant she knew was fictional… He was an amalgam of roles. Perfect, charming, wonderful roles. Even Cary Grant wasn’t perfect. What was that famous quote Cary Grant had said? “Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant.” Her dream man wasn’t reality. Ben was reality.

  And their reality was perfect.

  She said good-bye to her friends and dove into the snowy night. Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she asked herself over and over what she really wanted. What felt good. What felt right.

  Ben. Nights at home with Ben felt right. Nights out with Ben felt amazing. Sex with Ben was better than anything she had ever experienced before. Why was she letting it go without a fight? Or without even admitting that she wanted it, at the very least.

  She was a fool. Trying to figure out what she was going to say was too nerve-wracking, so instead she continued to play the game “what feels good?” Knitting, obviously. Publishing her patterns. It was a challenge and it could be a huge flop—but it felt right. It felt like she was moving forward in life and not just settling.

  And it was Ben’s idea. For all his talk about how bad he was for her, he was the one who’d encouraged her to take the next step with her knitting—and she’d never even thanked him. She smiled as she rounded the corner to her apartment. She could think of an excellent way to say thank you.

  But first, they had to talk. Her hand hovered over the doorknob to the apartment. He was home, she was sure of it.

  * * * *

  Ben jumped out of his chair the moment she walked through the door. “You’re home early.”

  He looked anxious. Was he worried? Jealous?

  Now he was peering at her, studying her face as she peeled off layers of winter wear. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.”

  “Did he make a move too soon? Fucking doctors.” Ben looked ready to strangle the Ken doll.

  “No, he was fine. He was nice.”

  Ben’s scowl deepened. Please say he’s jealous. Ben made a point of looking at the clock over the kitchen counter. “So you had a good time then.”

  He did not sound pleased. Caitlyn’s heart warmed and her smile grew. This was good. This was very good. He was jealous and she had psyched herself up. It was now or never. “We need to talk.”

  Panic gave Ben a slightly dazed look. Oh crap, maybe she shouldn’t have started the conversation with that particular phrase.

  But he was already recovering. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?” He moved past her to grab a wineglass and pour her a drink.

  Good. Wine. Yes, wine would be very helpful right about now.

  She spoke to his back as he opened the bottle. “I think maybe we should give us a try.” Oh God, was that her voice? The words had come out on a rush of air, and it sounded like she’d just inhaled helium.

  His back was still to her. She craned her head a bit trying to catch a glimpse of his reflection. His hands never faltered as he opened the bottle, but several seconds had passed and the only sound in the kitchen was the wine opener working its magic.

  Turn around, please turn around.

  When he spoke, his tone was joking. “The date was that bad, huh?”

  Caitlyn’s heart fell. There was her answer—but the masochist in her couldn’t let go. She started it; she had to see it through. “I’m serious, Ben.”

  He turned around then to face her, the open wine bottle in one hand and a sad, almost pitying smile on his face. “Caitlyn.” Her name sounded like a gentle warning.

  He was turning her down without even giving her a chance to make her case. Unshed tears made her chest ache. He wouldn’t even consider that maybe, just maybe, they could be good for each other.

  “We talked about this,” he said. “We agreed—”

  “Yeah, I know.” She hated how defensive she sounded, like an angsty teen. “I’m just saying—I just thought…” Her voice gave way to a shrug. Was she really going to explain to this man the reason they should be together? She hadn’t even believed it herself until her friends had forced her to face what was really going on between them. But just because she now knew what she wanted—him—that didn’t mean he had to feel the same way. She couldn’t force him to want something he clearly didn’t want. Her voice was small when she finally finished her sentence. “We have fun together.”

  He rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw in a gesture she was coming to know well. “Cait, we agreed this would be just sex, remember? No emotions, no strings attached. We agreed, right?” He sounded like he was on the verge of begging her to agree with him.

  He was going to leave her. That thought rang out above all the others that were racing through her brain. She had ruined everything. She had been having the most fun she’d ever had in her whole life and now she’d gone and destroyed everything. She forced herself to respond. “Yeah, we agreed.”

  He seemed slightly relieved now that she acknowledged that they had, in fact, agreed.

  But I’ve changed my mind.

  “You wouldn’t want to be stuck with a jackass like me. Not when you can have a guy like Dr. Nick.” The forced joking tone was almost too awful to bear. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he quite literally nudged her in the ribs as he edged past her toward the living room.

  Self-preservation seemed to kick in as anger temporarily overtook heartbreak. “Why won’t you even consider it?” she asked as she followed him into the other room. “We’re having fun together, right? And the sex is awesome, right?”

  He looked like a deer in headlights as he rushed to reassure her. “Of course the sex is awesome. And yeah, we’re having fun, of course we are.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  He gave her a look that told her she was being crazy. “The problem is—” He stopped with a bit of a huff.

  The problem is, you don’t want me. Don’t make him say it.

  He raked a hand through his hair and the look in his eyes was pleading. “We agreed it wouldn’t work, that it would be a bad idea.” He was looking
for confirmation, for her to tell him it was all right, that he hadn’t broken her heart.

  She gave a little nod. “Yeah, I know. It’s just that—” He was looking around the room, looking at anything but her. He was about to run away and the moment his condo became available, he would be out of her life.

  Anything she needed to say, she had to say it now. It was now or never. Pride be damned, this could be her one and only chance to speak the words that had been clamoring to get out ever since she’d fallen asleep in his arms the night before. If she was being honest with herself, she’d known last night that he was the one responsible for this change in her. He had brought out the best in her. It may have taken her friends to wake her up to the fact, but deep down, this feeling had been growing for weeks. Now it was time to put it into words.

  “I thought I was falling in love with you.”

  Her heart broke even as the words slipped out. This was not the way it was supposed to go. The next time she fell in love, it was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to be reciprocated, at the very least.

  How had she hoped he would respond? With a kiss, maybe. Or that he would draw her into his arms and gaze in her eyes and admit that, despite his best intentions, he’d gone and fallen for his fuck buddy roommate.

  Instead he looked like he’d been slapped across the face. “Oh shit.”

  Yup, she was an idiot.

  * * * *

  Ben was living his worst nightmare. His worst fear come true—he’d gone and hurt Caitlyn, the one person he never wanted to see in pain.

  But she was standing before him now and pain was clearly written all over her pretty features. He’d done that. Way to go, asshole.

  She was waiting for him to say something. Anything. But for the life of him, he couldn’t think of anything to say. Nothing sounded right. His brain had temporarily shut down along with the rest of his body, and he stood there in the center of the kitchen like he was shell-shocked. Because he was!

  The L-word. She’d used the L-word. That was all he could think, over and over, as the paralysis spread. Why would she do that? They weren’t supposed to feel anything for one another. Friendship, maybe, but not this. And why the hell would she want a relationship with him?