Rachel Takes the Lead

by Marilyn Kaye

  Miraculously, I did. Having Fifi snuggled next to me helped. Still, on Monday morning, I was all nerves. I almost asked Mom if she wanted to walk me to school one last time, but I managed to stop myself. I had to stay strong, to hang on to my goals. Independence. Confidence.

  Mami had already left for work in a flurry of “I love yous” and “Good lucks” and “Don’t be lates,” but I had a few extra minutes to spare at the dining room table with Mom before I headed out.

  “Do you want me to give you one of my pep talks?” she asked, smiling.

  I smiled too. “I don’t know. A speech in front of the entire seventh grade is a little different from a book report.”

  “You’re going to do great, Rachel.”

  I stood up to leave. “I know this isn’t easy for you,” I told her. “Letting me go off on my own. But deep in your hearts, you and Mami know I’m ready, right?”

  I could see that her eyes were brimming, but she held back the tears. “Absolutely, darling. Just…”

  “… be careful,” I finished for her. “I will.” And I gave her an extra-tight hug.

  My friends were all in front of the school entrance when I arrived, and I got the distinct impression from the way they suddenly went silent that they’d been talking about me. I was the focus of their attention.

  Ellie spoke first. “Are—are you okay?”

  “Of course I’m okay,” I replied. “I walked for twenty minutes by myself. It wasn’t a dangerous adventure.”

  Alyssa did her eye roll. “We’re talking about the assembly, not your walk. Are you ready to give a speech in front of the entire seventh grade?”

  Like I hadn’t been thinking about that for three days? But just hearing the words got my heart thumping and my stomach churning, and I could imagine my face going even paler than normal.

  Ellie could see how tense I was. “You look good,” she said encouragingly.

  “Thanks.” I’d made more of an effort than usual that morning. A little gel on my hair to tame the frizz. A green shirtdress with brown tights. Flats instead of sneakers. I actually own a headband that would have gone nicely with the dress, but no way—it would have looked like I was imitating Paige. I even dabbed on some lip gloss.

  Ellie, being the one who can best understand people’s feelings, changed the subject. ”Did you get any calls about Fifi?”

  That was something else I didn’t really want to think about, but fortunately I could give a positive answer—well, negative grammatically, but positive for me.

  “No, no one’s called. But thanks for asking.” I looked at my watch. “Listen, I’m going to go to homeroom early so I can look over my speech. I’ll see you all later.”

  “Want to practice on us?” Alyssa asked, but I pretended not to hear this and kept walking.

  I wished there was some way I could skip homeroom, where I’d have to see the two other candidates. Maybe pretend I had a little stomachache and go to the nurse? But no, that would be contrary to my goals. I had to deal with this head-on, in a mature and responsible way.

  Once I was in my seat, I opened a book and pretended to be engrossed in it as people came into the room. I didn’t have to worry about Paige—she was immediately caught up in her usual little clique. David Tolliver did catch my eye, but all he did was grin and give me a thumbs-up.

  “May I have your attention for the morning announcements?” Ms. Simpson’s voice rang out over the intercom. After the usual report on meetings and practices, Mr. Lowell said, “During fifth period, the seventh grade will report to the auditorium for an assembly. The candidates for seventh-grade representative will speak. Voting will take place tomorrow in homeroom.”

  I really wouldn’t have to fake a stomachache if I wanted to go the nurse, since I now actually had one. But I held on, and I went through the whole morning in a fog. Lucky for me, there were no pop quizzes and I wasn’t called on in any classes.

  I saw the sisterhood before English class, and Ellie told us we could have a spyglass session that afternoon. It was something to look forward to if I survived the assembly, I thought. At lunch, I told them I wanted to sit alone and read over my speech. Being friends, they understood. But when the lunch period was almost over, they cornered me.

  “You can do this,” Ellie declared. “You’re smart, you’re confident, you’re the best person for the job. No one is going to laugh at you.”

  Kiara nodded. “Because they know that if they do, they’ll get into a lot of trouble.”

  “Well, maybe,” Ellie said, “but mainly because they’ll appreciate what she’s saying!”

  “And if you feel nervous,” Alyssa said, “just picture them all naked.”

  “Why?” Kiara asked.

  “I don’t know, I just read that somewhere. That way the audience doesn’t look frightening.”

  I drifted through fourth period, and then it was time to add a little lip gloss. As I walked into the auditorium in a line with my class, I followed the person in front of me into a row. Then, looking up at the stage, I saw Paige and David already sitting there with an empty chair between them. Where I was supposed to be.

  This meant I had to go back out to the aisle, murmuring “Excuse me, excuse me” as I bumped people’s knees. Then I went to the side of the stage, climbed the steps, and walked across the stage to my seat. I’m not sure how I managed this—I felt like I’d put my legs on some sort of automatic setting and they just took me to my destination without my even moving them.

  Once in my seat, I automatically looked down at the floor, like I always did in class. But then I remembered my goals, and I realized that looking down would make people think I didn’t want to be there, like I didn’t want to be seen. I wasn’t going to be invisible anymore. They’d all be looking at me when I stood at the microphone.

  So I focused straight ahead instead, and immediately I wished I wore glasses. Then I could take them off and everyone would be blurry. That might have helped me feel less nervous. Too bad I had twenty-twenty vision.

  Mr. Lowell came onto the stage and stood at the microphone.

  “Good afternoon, folks. Today we will hear from your three candidates for seventh-grade representative. This is a very significant position. Your representative represents you. This person will attend meetings with faculty and administrators. The representative will be invited to present ideas and suggestions and offer opinions about what we do at East Lakeside Middle School. Your needs and desires will be communicated. As these candidates present their plans, listen carefully to how they will fulfill this role, what they will do for you, and consider your choices well.”

  He put a hand in his coat pocket. “I have the three names in here, and I will pick one at random to speak first.” He took out a slip of paper. “Our first presenter will be Paige Nakamura.”

  There was clapping, and some cheers, but Mr. Lowell put up his hand.

  “Please hold your applause until after each presentation.”

  The noise subsided, but someone still yelled out, “Go, Paige!”

  With a big, bright smile on her face, Paige got up and went to the microphone. I had to admit she looked exceptionally cool today, in a short camel-colored skirt and matching ankle boots. A pink sweater with gold threads—I recognized it, the expensive sweater from the window at Tinsel! A headband, of course, the exact same camel color as her skirt and boots. But this time there was a little bow on the band, a pink knot that matched the sweater. I felt very sure that in the next few days I’d see many girls with bows on their headbands.

  “Helloooo, my people,” Paige said, drawing out the greeting as her smile got even bigger and brighter. “I’m so excited to be your next rep, and I can’t wait to tell you the great ideas I’ve got! You’re going to love them!”

  She went on to propose all the plans she’d described back in our homeroom. Changes to the dress code, new options for gym class, to which she now added an indoor swimming pool for low-impact aerobic exercise. And dances, of course
.

  “We could even have a prom, like they have in high school! Amazing dresses for girls, tuxes for the guys, and we’ll ride to school in limousines! Now, we all know that East Lakeside Middle School is the best middle school in the whole state. Vote for me to make it better than best!”

  There was applause again, and cheers, and even some whistles. As she returned to her seat, I felt myself becoming more and more terrified. Then David whispered in my ear.

  “Get over it.”

  And I had to, fast. Because the next name that came out of Mr. Lowell’s pocket was mine.

  My legs were trembling, but they got me to the microphone. I opened my notebook.

  “Hello. I’m Rachel Levin-Lopez. I’ve been talking to some of you this past week, asking you for your ideas about what you’d like to see here at East Lakeside. Many of you would like to have more extracurricular activities, clubs where we can share common interests with other students. A cooking club, for example. A chess club, where you could play games. A club for people who are interested in bird-watching, where you could go on outings together. Clubs for discussing books or movies.” Then, maybe because of Paige and her expensive pink sweater, I added something new that had just come to me.

  “If you’re into fashion, maybe you’d like to learn how to design your own clothes. Maybe the school could hire an instructor and get some sewing machines. I’m sure there are a lot of us who love the clothes we see in shops, but they’re very expensive. Maybe we could start making our own!”

  I could have sworn I heard a buzz in the audience, like people were talking about this.

  “I’ve also thought about some complaints I’ve heard. Some people think certain classes are boring. Or you get assignments that don’t help you to understand the subjects. We could do class evaluations, where you could list your concerns. And also write about what you like. The teachers could read them, and maybe they’d be interested in your comments. These would be anonymous—no one would know who wrote what.”

  There was utter silence in the room now. At least no one was laughing.

  “And finally, I’d like to recommend changes in the ways students are punished for infractions. Right now, we have detention where we’re just supposed to sit around. But what does that accomplish?” I went on to describe my ideas for more productive ways we could spend that time.

  “If those are the kinds of changes you’d like to see around school, then please vote for me, and we can all work together on improving East Lakeside Middle School.”

  And then I was finished. I’d done it. I hadn’t fainted, or frozen, or thrown up.

  “Thank you,” I remembered to say, and went back to my seat.

  There was applause—maybe not as much as Paige got, but it was real, and loud. I felt good. And I think I was smiling—not as wide or as bright as Paige smiled, but definitely a more sincere smile.

  Then it was David’s turn. He got up and went to the microphone.

  “Hi, I’m David Tolliver. I signed up to be a candidate for seventh-grade representative. But after hearing what Rachel Levin-Lopez had to say, I’ve decided to withdraw my name from consideration. Because honestly, I can’t come up with anything better than what she presented to you. She’s got great ideas, and you need someone like her to represent you. I’m voting for her, and I hope you do too.”

  I heard Paige draw in her breath, but I wasn’t shocked. I knew David didn’t want the job. I didn’t know if his dropping out, or encouraging others to vote for me, would make any difference. But it felt wonderful, what he said. To hear that I’d impressed someone, that someone actually believed in me and took me seriously. And that was all I needed.

  The fog I was in before the assembly returned as soon as it was over. Or maybe I was just on a cloud. I was dimly aware of kids I barely knew who were saying nice things to me. I didn’t really start coming back to reality until we arrived at Ellie’s.

  For once, we didn’t go straight up to the turret. Ellie ordered us to sit at the dining table, and she disappeared into the kitchen.

  I hadn’t said much on the way home, and I must still have looked pretty dazed, because Alyssa asked if I was okay.

  “I can’t think of a word that can describe what I’m feeling right now,” I told them.

  Naturally, Kiara had several. “Ecstatic. Or maybe enraptured. Exhilarated?” She cocked her head to one side and looked thoughtful. “All e words. Interesting.”

  “Well, they all sound good to me,” I assured her.

  Ellie emerged from the kitchen with a big cake on a platter.

  “I made this last night, so we could celebrate,” she announced. As she set it on the table, we saw my name on the chocolate-frosted top in squiggled pink icing.

  We all swooned over it, but I asked, “How did you know we’d have something to celebrate? What if I’d been terrible at the assembly?”

  “Oh, I knew you’d be good,” Ellie assured me. Then she grinned. “Besides, if you’d been terrible, you’d have needed some comfort food. What’s better than chocolate for that?”

  “Not when it comes from Paige,” Alyssa muttered, and we all laughed.

  “You were much better than she was,” Kiara told me.

  “Thanks.”

  “But you still won’t win the election,” she added.

  “Kiara!” Alyssa and Ellie cried out in unison.

  “Well, you told me it’s a popularity contest, right? And I presume Paige is still more popular than you are, Rachel.”

  “A lot,” I agreed.

  “But a lot more people know who you are now,” Ellie declared.

  I guessed she was right, but I didn’t know how I felt about that. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to hide anymore. Maybe I wouldn’t be invisible anymore. It was a little scary. But maybe a little exciting too.

  We ate a lot of cake and then went up to the turret. Ellie headed for the spyglass.

  “I’ll bet I see Rachel with a crown on her head,” she said. “Queen of East Lakeside Middle School!” She positioned the spyglass so she could look through it. And then she fell silent.

  “You see a vision?” Alyssa asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “What?” we chorused.

  She turned toward us, and she wasn’t smiling.

  “Rachel, you better come see.”

  She moved the eyepiece to me and I looked. I saw snow on the ground, and someone walking.

  It was Paige.

  Holding a lead.

  And on the end of the lead was Fifi.

  “MAYBE IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING,” ALYSSA said.

  “The visions always mean something,” Kiara told her.

  They’d all had a look in the spyglass, and now our happy celebration had suddenly turned sour. Joy became despair.

  Ellie tried to come up with an acceptable explanation. “Well, sometimes it shows feelings. Like, maybe Paige wants a dog. It could be a vision of next winter, when she has her dog. A dog that looks like Fifi.”

  I shook my head. “That was Fifi. And I think the vision could be showing last winter. When Fifi belonged to Paige.”

  “You don’t know that for sure,” Kiara argued. “Did you ever see Paige with a dog?”

  “No. But I never see Paige except at school.” I got up. “I need to find out if Fifi is Paige’s dog.”

  “No, don’t!” Alyssa cried out. “Look, if Paige asks you directly if you’ve found her dog, okay, I guess you’ll have to tell the truth. But if she doesn’t ask you…”

  “A lie of omission?” I shook my head. “Not this time. I have to go.”

  I walked home faster than normal. It wasn’t because I was anxious to do this. You don’t want to go to the dentist when you need to have work done, but you make the appointment for a time as soon as possible. Because you want to get it over with. I was going to lose my beloved Fifi. Maybe I could put this off for a while, but that wouldn’t make it any easier. I had to do it now, quickly. And then cry for a very long time.
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  I opened my front door. Fifi came running to me, and Mom came out of her office.

  “Hi, honey! How was school? How was your speech?”

  “Fine, Mom, absolutely fine, I’ll tell you about it later. There’s something I have to do right away.”

  I went to my room, took The East Lakeside Middle School Student Directory from my bookshelf, and looked up Paige’s address. Then I collected Fifi’s lead.

  “I just took her out a half hour ago,” Mom told me as Fifi followed me back to the door.

  My expression must have betrayed my feelings. I had to tell her about this or she’d worry.

  “I think I’ve found Fifi’s owner. I’m taking her there now.”

  “Who is it? Did someone call you?”

  “No. I think it’s a classmate.” I didn’t have to lie. “A friend saw her walking with Fifi a while ago.”

  “Oh. Where does this classmate live?”

  “Hopkins Terrace.”

  “That’s way across town! Do you want to wait till Mami comes home with the car and we can drive you? Or I could walk with you.”

  “No thanks, Mom. I need to do this on my own.”

  “Okay. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m okay, Mom. But I’ll probably cry when I get back.”

  “So will I,” she said.

  “Our last walk, Fifi,” I whispered as I fastened the lead to her collar. She looked up at me, and I thought I saw sadness in her eyes. But maybe this was just a reflection of my own sadness.

  She wasn’t easy to walk that afternoon. She kept stopping, and I had to tug on the lead. It was like she knew where she was going.

  Of all the people in the whole wide world, why Paige? Would she be any nicer to a dog than she was to people who weren’t in her group of friends?

  We finally arrived at the address. It was in the fanciest section of Lakeside, the neighborhood where Alyssa’s family lived. Paige’s house was as big as Alyssa’s, though not as modern. It was white brick, three floors, and there were columns on either side of the door. What looked like rosebushes lined the front of the house. They were bare now, but they were probably beautiful in the summer. Would Fifi be punished if she dug in the ground around them? I wished I could see the backyard. Were there trees? Would there be squirrels for her to chase?