by RuPaul
I DIDN’T CHOOSE THE GAME. BOO…THE GAME CHOSE ME.
You need to be present
First off, if you want to be in the flow you need to be present. When introduced to people, firmly lock hands with them and make direct eye contact as you shake. It says not only how present you are but also that you acknowledge their presence. Weak handshakes never go unnoticed. It says the person is not in the moment.
In a social setting, pay attention to other people when they’re speaking, while maintaining an awareness of everything that’s happening in the room. This is tricky because you don’t want to appear to be like those Hollywood types who are always looking past your shoulder for someone more fabulous. Yuck.
Know that energy attracts like energy. You’ll want to attract people who resonate a certain vibrancy. No one can be drawn to you if you’re not consciously transmitting a flow of energy. If that flow is reciprocal, the exchange can be intoxicating. Really connecting with someone on an energetic level is like a drug. This takes a certain amount of comfort in your own body. And it takes risk, because some of what you attract won’t interest you.
TARDY TO THE PARTY
Being late is never clever, cute, or cool. I used to procrastinate till the very last minute to make it to appointments. Even when I had plenty of time. I was always speeding through traffic with my heart pounding and putting everyone on the road in danger—myself included. I knew being late all the time made me look bad and was completely disrespectful to the people waiting on me, but for some reason I just couldn’t stop it. Finally I had to ask myself: What payoff am I getting from being late all the time? We humans aren’t motivated to do anything unless there’s some kind of payoff. I got honest and the answer came. I was selfishly addicted to the adrenaline rush and the thrill of trying to beat the clock. Once I blew the lid off myself, I started enforcing a no-tardiness rule. I’d leave for appointments early, even if it meant I’d have to arrive early and wait in the parking lot. The amount of respect you have for others is in direct proportion to how much respect you have for yourself.
IT’S SEVERE UP HERE.
BEHIND THE CURTAIN, MORE WILL BE REVEALED.
THE SABOTEUR
Most of us have experienced hitting rock bottom. If you’re fortunate enough to live a long time, it can’t be avoided. Bottoming out forces you to ask the tough questions: How did I get myself in this position? Did state of mind contribute to my predicament? What am I getting out of being so negative? Sinking into negativity means your ego is looking to justify a multitude of sins, namely, the sin of laziness. Negativity is basically laziness. It takes a lot of hard work to remain positive, but positivity always pays off. This is where stepping outside yourself becomes important. Retrace the path that led you awry and it will lead directly to The Saboteur, your inner critic, aka your ego mind. The Saboteur has been practicing a strenuous workout regimen your whole life, but it’s never too late to counterbalance it with positive musculature.
Positivity always pays off
You can start by not putting other people down. Gossip and saying negative things about other people is a result of your self-loathing projecting outward. Don’t feed into it! When you see that tourist standing in baggage claim, the one wearing the misguided, Day-Glo tracksuit, cut them some slack! You criticizing them is really the same as you criticizing yourself. Accept that misguided Day-Glo tracksuit and you will dodge a lethal boomerang. What you find fault with in other people is usually what’s bothering you about yourself. It’s an endless cycle if you let yourself fall into that negative pit.
Similarly, if people are saying nasty, hurtful things about you, don’t allow your ego to co-opt the situation by taking what they’re saying to heart. Know that what they’re saying has nothing to do with you. Again, it’s them projecting their own self-loathing and fear. Say this out loud: What other people think of me is none of my business.
MAY THE FIERCE BE WITH YOU
Growing up, I always thought the sulking poseurs wearing all black and smoking filterless cigarettes had their shit completely together. They looked so rough and tough and bored with everything. Eventually, I realized how hard they were working to have me and everybody else assume that. It was a full-time job to appear that cool. But it was all superficial. A lot of people who feigned fabulousness, like Edie Sedgwick and Sid Vicious, never learned in life to transcend the inner demons that would eventually destroy them. Theirs was all confidence on the outside. Chip away at those flawless facades, and you often find a very scared child with an insatiable emptiness.
Today, kindness is the new cool. Being kind illustrates the highest level of consciousness and deliberate optimism. Being kind says: I know the material world is an illusion and I choose to recognize the beauty, innocence, and The Source in everyone. Pollyanna knew she had a choice between the dark side and the bright side, but she consciously chose the latter because joy is far more interesting than pain. And it takes a great deal of strength to maintain.
Kindness is the new cool
I feel confident today because I’ve learned how to step outside of my pseudoself (my ego) and remember the truth of who I really am. My power isn’t contingent on my bank account, the car I drive, or the rings on my fingers. My power comes from The Source, The Force, or whatever you want to call it. It’s me, it’s you, it’s all around us. It doesn’t stop where you start. By remembering that on a moment-by-moment basis, I’m able to have fun with colors and textures as a child would, and the importance of superficial things becomes laughable.
THESE HAVE ALWAYS BROUGHT ME LUCK.
two
Give me body
DOES THIS DRESS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
THE DRAG QUEEN DIET
I used to joke that I was on the Supermodel Diet: a Tic Tac for breakfast, a Tic Tac for lunch, and for dinner, a glass of water—no Tic Tac. Truth is, I’ve never been a big food person. My weaknesses are sugary things and crunchy things. I have to be very careful with them because once I start eating those things I can’t stop. I gravitate toward food that will give me energy without making me feel sluggish. Combining food is a great way to ensure your digestive system doesn’t get slowed down by foods that don’t digest at the same rate. These are not new concepts. “Fit for Life” and “Somersizing” are two of the many food plans that use this philosophy.
My secret weapon is to eat small portions and to eat at home as often as possible. And I always eat (at home) in advance of going to a dinner party. That way I won’t be tempted by the party food. Another trick is to carry roasted unsalted almonds in my bag just in case I get a dip in energy while running errands. Don’t get me wrong—it’s not a crime to have food drenched in salt, sugar, and enriched flour every now and again. The problem is it triggers me to crave more of it. And that’s an endless cycle I’d rather not be on.
Breakfast
I don’t eat anything after the sun goes down, so by the time I wake up in the morning I’m ravenous. Breakfast is literally breaking the fast of the night before. By setting up a morning eating pattern, your body will know it’s okay to burn fat while you sleep because there will be food upon awakening. I never get bored with old-fashioned oatmeal for breakfast. I put cinnamon, Splenda, dried cranberries, and rice milk in a bowl of dry oatmeal and cover it with plastic wrap. Then I put it in the microwave for two minutes and fifteen seconds. While it’s cooking, I’ll drink a glass of water and put the coffee on.
FRUIT MUST BE EATEN BY ITSELF.
When I’m in drag I won’t eat in public
When I’m traveling, I order an omelette with vegetables, bacon, and cheese, and black coffee. I have them replace the potatoes with tomatoes, and no toast or fruit. Fruit is a lovely breakfast, but it must be eaten with no other type of food (I break this rule by having dried cranberries with my oatmeal). I’m also a big fan of burned whole grain toast and black coffee for breakfast, but the toast must be eaten dry or with vegetables, but nothing else. No oil, butter, jam, or meat.
&
nbsp; Lunch
Grilled fish or chicken with vegetables or salad or a cheeseburger with no bun. Sometimes I’ll have soup. Room-temperature bottled water.
Snack
A yogurt or some almonds or sunflower seeds. If I have some fruit, it’s never with other foods.
Dinner
Grilled fish or chicken with vegetables or salad or a cheeseburger with no bun. Sometimes I’ll have a steak. Room-temperature bottled water.
My Cheat Food
Burned toast and apricot jam. But again, the problem is it triggers me to crave more of it.
When to Eat
When I’m in drag I won’t eat in public. When I’m out of drag I prefer to not eat in public. Ever been to a dinner party where a guest insists on standing and talking as they eat? Ew, gross! Food flying out of their mouths! Or on the subway when somebody whips out some Chinese takeout and it smells up the entire car? Double gross! Food should be eaten deliberately at a table. I like to think of my appetite as a fire that constantly needs wood. Eating small portions of minimally processed food every three to four hours is best. That regimen sends a message to your metabolism that it’s okay to expel fat. I also stop eating before I get full. I really can’t stand that uncomfortable feeling of being stuffed.
Workout
I go to the gym five days a week. I do some core training and light weights, but my favorite thing to do is the cardiovascular workout on the machines. I bring my iPod and get my heart rate pumping to some serious boom-boom BPMs. Regulating my food intake keeps me from getting fat, but working out gets my metabolism going. I never forget to do extensive stretching before and after the workout, and throughout the day. If time permits, I’ll also add another physical activity to my day, like biking, hiking, country-line dancing, or roller-skating.
MAINTAIN CLARITY SO THAT YOU CAN HEAR STAGE CUES FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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THROW YA HANDS UP
When I’m filming, I change my nail color for every outfit—blue, pink, red, black—I love it all. Those long dagger nails are still a sign of status in some communities, but everywhere else it’s just about having nice oval or square-filed nails and a strong color that looks modern. And the drugstore brands are as good as the expensive ones. If you don’t have the time to do your nails—and this applies to men and women—make sure you have a manicure and pedicure and keep your hands and feet looking clean and smooth, even if there’s no polish. Keeping your nails looked after is a true sign of self-love!
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Don’t Smoke Cigarettes
I smoked for nearly thirty years, and it’s been six years since I quit. Kicking the addiction to nicotine was the easy part. Stopping using them as an emotional pacifier was the most difficult part. Looking back, I realize how much I used smoking to block my feelings and put up a wall around me. Today, I want to feel my feelings. I want to be here for the experience. I’ve learned how to process the sensation of feeling frustrated, which used to be a trigger for me to light up. I still get frustrated and I still get triggered, but now I talk myself off the ledge, so to speak, by retracing the emotional steps that led me there. It’s usually a misperception on my part that triggers me to want to get lost in a cloud of smoke. I’ve learned to remind myself to breathe and that I have options. I remind myself I am not that scared little boy anymore, and that whatever is making me feel trapped (traffic jams, computer malfunctions, book deadlines, etc.) is negotiable. I don’t have to burn the school down just because I didn’t do my homework.
MEDIA DIET
Be very careful of what you allow to infiltrate your consciousness and subconsciousness. When you watch too much television, you’ll start to feel inferior from all the commercials hard selling the idea that you’re not complete unless you buy their product. It’s the only way they can get you to buy something you don’t need. The ad agencies appeal to your fear of not being wanted or loved. It’s the same with the local news. They get you to stay tuned with a constant stream of fear tactics. I once heard a local news teaser say, “Coming up on the news at five: find out how your carpet could be killing you.” It’s as if our culture is addicted to fear and the flat screen is our drug dealer. Don’t allow that crap into your head! It only supports the idea that the world is out to get you. The world is not out to get you, but your ego’s appetite for fear is. My advice is to not watch the news at all. Read the news on the Internet or in the newspapers (remember them?). That way you can avoid all the fear hysteria the TV news is so keen on inducing.
RU-DIMENTARY
BEAUTY
Your state of mind eventually shows up on your face.
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THE CLOCK ON THE WALL
Everyone’s obsessed with not aging in our culture, and quite frankly the whole subject is a complete bore. Yes, this body will fall apart and really embarrass you in the process. But you can be proactive and not smoke, eat food that is not so damn processed, and stop holding grudges. Illness in the body is the result of negative thoughts manifested. To give you an example, when I think of biting into a juicy Florida orange, my mouth begins to salivate. All thoughts manifest in the body and on your face eventually. Be mindful of your thoughts. Think peaceful and forgiving thoughts and be beautiful. If you can’t manage that, then by all means, get your mug pumped and pulled, poked and resurfaced.
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1. Love yourself and be kind. Allow other people to love you.
2. Don’t smoke. It’s the single healthiest choice you can make for yourself.
3. Make love, exercise, dance, hike, and bike. Energy creates energy.
4. Take good care of your teeth. Floss and brush after every meal.
5. Drink water, not soda pop.
6. Moisturize all over. A moisturizer with sunscreen is even better.
7. Get regular full-body massages.
8. Meditate. Connect to The Source.
9. Get enough sleep. Your body will let you know how much you need.
10. Create a mature relationship with food. Make time to explore the grocery store and farmers market.
11. Use an eyelash curler, unless your eyelashes curl naturally.
12. Be of service. Volunteer. It is the key to happiness.
BEAUTY
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HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
They can put a man on the moon, but they still can’t figure out a painless way to make hair stop growing! I use a disposable razor to shave the areas on my face where the hair hasn’t been electrolytically removed. Yes, I’ve had two and a half years’ and twelve thousand dollars’ worth of electrolysis, and I still have to shave my face. Electrolysis works, but it takes forever to finish an entire face. I’d love to do more, but I’m on the road too much to allot the recovery time needed. Did it hurt? Yes, but not as much as laser hair removal. I couldn’t tolerate the laser.
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AS A KID, I FELT LIKE THE LITTLE BOY WHO FELL FROM EARTH.
STYLE BEGINS FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
MY FIRST COLONIC
My colonic irrigation was a complete success! Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty, I’m free at last!
Before my colonic irrigation appointment, I imagined it would be done in some seedy dive with live chickens roaming around a backroom featuring overhead fluorescent lighting. I imagined the technician as some illegal alien with yellow dishwashing gloves and a two-year-old toddler on her hip. She’d come out from behind raggedy curtains and scream, “Who next!” Then the lady-poo technician would lead me to some smelly, damp hole in the wall with a TV in the corner blaring The People’s Court.
I had imagined she’d stick a long metal prong thing up my ass, like the ones they use to do liposuction, and aggressively scrape the walls of my lovin’ oven. Or even worse, she’d fill me to the brim with cold sudsy water using one of those high-powered hoses from the do-it-yourself carwash! Unable to hold it in, my bowels would explode all over the room—leaving me humiliated and emotionally scarred for life. Oh, the h
orror!
I’m free at last
Add to all of that the embarrassment our culture has with anything to do with bodily functions. Yes, I’m talking about “shit shame.” I’m pretty sure that shit shame is what kept me (and most people) from doing a “high colonic” before. But it was the promise of erasing my past from the inside out that kept me intrigued. Who could blame me for wanting to get rid of all the chewing gum I swallowed as a kid? Chewing gum that was presumably still stuck in the nooks and crannies of my intestinal lineage.
Instead of the horror story I imagined, the facility was a clean street-level medical office with holistic touches here and there. New Age music and incense created a calm, sanctuary-like feeling. A serene Asian woman named May led me to a room that was not unlike a doctor’s examining room, except the lights were dim. Everything was very clean. May’s energy made me feel very safe, comfortable, and relaxed.
After I changed into a hospital gown (no sequins or beads), May returned and explained what was going to happen. She showed me the never-been-opened, sealed-in-plastic sanitized hose that would be used. I got on the table and lay down in a semi-fetal position on my left side. She then instructed me to insert the tip of the hose into my rectum. Well, I’m no stranger to ass insertion. “Just the tip?” I asked. I think May was very impressed with my unflinching finesse. She had me stop at only three inches! “That’s all?” I said. I told her I could barely feel it! (Wake me when you’re done….)