by RuPaul
With the hose securely up my poop chute, I eased onto my back, feet flat and knees up. Warm water entered through a canal in the hose, and after a few minutes, waste was extracted through another canal in the same hose. Mounted on the wall near my feet, there was a backlit monitor with two tubes that showed what was going in and what was coming out. I decided to not look at the monitor, but May did as if she were reading my future, and clearly my past.
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TUCK EVERLASTING
Tucking is exactly what the name implies. After putting on a tight spandex G-string, push and flatten your penis and testicles in the direction of your anus. Simultaneously, hike up the G-string to hold your bits and pieces in place. Duct tape may be used, but first the area must be prepped by shaving. This is referred to as a “duct tuck.” You too can achieve a fierce and flawless tuck depending on the amount of junk m’ lady is packing. Tucking is not for the faint of heart. It can be very painful, so be careful crossing your legs. See you at the pool!
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ON THE BEVEL
Dancers and models all know how to pose and arrange their bodies to maximize the beauty of their silhouette. The bevel is the secret to looking great onstage and in front of a camera and when you know you’re being observed. Any time you see me onstage, I’m doing it. Frank Gatson, who is Beyoncé’s choreographer—he also works with Britney Spears and Mariah Carey—will always remind his clients to “bevel while you’re standing onstage!” The bevel is achieved by positioning your feet in the shape of the letter T. The left foot (or top of the T) is used to support the body. The right foot (or stem of the T) is purely ornamental. You draw the heel of the right foot into the arch of the left foot: your basic beauty-pageant stance. It contorts the body so that it looks good at every angle. If you’re left-handed, reverse the stance. Throw your chest out and put your back into it. The Supremes transformed beveling into high art, and it became vernacular to great runway superstars like Linda Evangelista and Pat Cleveland.
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I had…a rootie-tootie fresh-and-fruity bootie
May gently massaged my stomach and key pressure points on my arms, legs, and neck, while always reminding me to breathe. I focused on releasing my past and letting go of old resentments. It felt wonderful and there was absolutely no smell or leakage whatsoever.
Forty-five minutes later, it was done. My stomach felt flat as a board and my body felt light as a feather. I had finally achieved a rootie-tootie fresh-and-fruity booty! I started to fantasize about having a high colonic system installed in my house. I pictured myself backing that ass up every day, whenever I wanted. Holla! I asked if I could schedule an appointment for tomorrow, but May said to come back in three weeks. I can’t wait until my next visit.
I was very proud that I had jumped a massive hurdle in my quest to eradicate shit shame from my life. Now I’m looking forward to eliminating shame (and shit) from other areas of my mind, body, and spirit!
PICTURE-PERFECT POSING
Trial and error is the only way to become a pro at posing for pictures. By doing several test shots in front of an unforgiving digital camera, you can scientifically deduce which side of your face is most photogenic, find your most flattering angles, dissect your facial symmetry, and most important, learn what not to do in front of a camera. If you want to use your body to its optimum performance level, you must know what your weaknesses are. Study your pictures and learn from them. Study other people’s pictures and learn from them as well. I’ve been known to cut out my favorite photographs from magazines and bring them to photo shoots for inspiration and composition ideas. I will also have a full-length mirror set up next to the camera so I can really work my best angles. Research the great masterpieces of art and sculpture to learn how to hold your body in a position that’s pleasing to the human eye. Pushing your shoulders down and keeping your neck as elongated as possible is a great technique used throughout the ages. Of course, body composure is important, but equally as important, if not more, is what you have going on behind the eyes. I like to imagine the camera lens is one of my close friends or someone I have a crush on. Being conscious of your lighting is also a major factor in having gorgeous photos taken. Legend has it that Marlene Dietrich got up on a ladder herself to properly position her lights.
DRAG RACE TO DISCO MOUNTAIN
I SAW IT IN THE WINDOW AND JUST HAD TO HAVE IT.
Stand up straight
WORK THE RUNWAY, SWEETIE
You have to stand up straight to even begin to develop a strong walk. And oddly enough, it doesn’t come naturally to most of us. It’s important not to dumb yourself down, not to scrunch down, not to do anything down. Breathe when you walk, and you’ll be present, like in yoga. It sounds so simple—but very few of us know what it means. No one knows more about walking than runway models. Carmen Kass, Beverly Peele, Naomi Campbell. Yasmeen Ghauri, a supermodel from the nineties, had the most gorgeous walk. She would swing her left hand out when she sauntered down the runway—it looked like she had a ball-bearing swivel to her hips. Go online and study fashion shows if you really want to perfect a great walk. A good trick is to film yourself practicing: it will give you the data on where to improve.
RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR
Men can enhance their walk by being conscious of their chest while maintaining great posture. Don’t do it like a WWF wrestler; make it natural. Keep your hands by your sides and imagine you’re holding a pencil in each hand. The pencil should be pointing straight out in front of you. If it is, that means your chest, back, neck, and shoulders are all in position, showing off your muscles to their best advantage. When an animal sticks its chest out, it’s dominant. We can learn a lot from animals. After all, we’re animals too.
PAINT A SMILE UPON MY FACE.
HEAD TO TOE, LET YOUR WHOLE BODY TALK!
THE IMPORTANCE OF POSTURE
Walking tall with your chest out and your head held high says you have earned the right to stomp and pummel this particular piece of real estate. Straighten up and fly right, baby. Be conscious of your posture at all times. Even when no one is watching. Heels force you to walk more deliberately, prompting you to align your body and improve your posture. This is one of the reasons runway models have such great posture. Positioning yourself in the best possible presentation sends an instant message that your relationship with your body is healthy. Slouching shoulders and a hunched neck says you are ashamed and would rather fade away. Yoga and Pilates help immensely with posture.
SITTIN’ ON A SECRET AND EVERYBODY’S IN ON IT.
ARE YOU A PADDED QUEEN?
If you want that curvaceous look, I’ll meet you at the foam-rubber store. The foam rubber is trimmed down with a knife or scissors for the correct roundness and size. Some of the more industrious girls use a power sander! Work! It’s generally carved into the shape of continental Africa. The pads are then worn underneath support hose to accentuate hips and buttocks. I wear a body shaper that’s made out of girdle material over the pieces to secure and smooth my pads. For a little something extra, add a pair of panties with the booty pads built in! You can find those online.
In the real world, men love curves!
STARRBOOTY, BABY
You don’t see many examples of truly curvy beauties in fashion magazines because the truth is that magazine editors and fashion designers know clothes present better on those “hanger bodies.” But in the real world, men love curves! The women we consider the sexiest are Beyoncé, Eva Mendes, Jennifer Lopez, Scarlett Johansson, and Jessica Biel. All of these knockouts have real curves. And they aren’t afraid to show them. Don’t hide your curves! That 34-26-34 ideal of the bombshell shape is what biologically hypnotizes men. One of the best ways a woman can really highlight her curves, besides using a push-up bra, is by wearing a corset or a waist-cincher. You can buy corsets and waist-cinchers online or at shops like Frederick’s of Hollywood and Trashy Lingerie, and not only do the sight of these secret weapons turn men on
to the extreme but they also finesse your waist and hips into the stuff dreams are made of. Remember: big bust + small waist + sexy hips = goddess!
FACE—FACE—FACE—I GIVE FACE, FRECKLE FACE!
three
Wake up to makeup
I DON’T CARE IF PEOPLE STARE.
THE RU ROUTINE
My friend told me that when she mentioned to her coworkers that she’d had lunch with me last week, they all asked if I had come in drag. Of course, she told them no, and that I’m only in drag when I’m being paid. Her story didn’t surprise me. I hear it all the time. People assume I live my life in drag, but I don’t. I think it’s a lot easier for them to grasp full-time drag than part-time job. My guess is that people want to put you in a box with a pretty little bow because the reality is far more complex than they’re willing to comprehend. I always thought it was quite obvious that my approach to drag is more wink-wink than the “look-and-feel-of-real.”
People assume I live my life in drag
My workday on RuPaul’s Drag Race actually starts at 4 A.M., when I wake up. I have breakfast, then I shower and shave my bits and pieces. Then I drive to the soundstage where we tape the show. Mathu Andersen, who has done my hair and makeup for the past twenty years, meets me at the set. He and I both get there at 6 A.M. Music is chosen. I’ve been doing “DJ Shuffle” with my iPod—music is highly important to my transformation ritual. My dressing room at this point has already been outfitted with the makeup and the wigs. Our lighting system is jerry-rigged—it’s like the MacGyver style of lighting rigs. We’ve usually talked the day before about what costume I’m going to wear and the corresponding hair. Mathu usually preps the wigs a day in advance, because they take so friggin’ long.
I start with a clean face and moisturize under my eyes only. Next, I swab the areas of my head and face that will be taped, using a special alcohol that’s formulated for toupee tape. I prefer toupee tape (double-sided tape) rather than spirit gum to attach my lace-front wig and temporary face-lifts. Then I apply sticky side A of the toupee tape to the areas on my hairline that a lace-front wig will be attached to; sticky side B will be peeled back and exposed later when it’s time to attach the wig. I apply the tape to my temples and to my widow’s peak area to avoid wig slippage. My hairstyles are heavy as hell and always consist of two wigs. And yes, bruising, welts, and some scarring can occur after five weeks of fourteen-hour days in drag. I thought you knew—drag ain’t for sissies!
I use Mark Traynor temporary face-lifts to shape and smooth my face and eyes. They’re clear plastic tabs that adhere to your face. They have little holes for attaching an elastic pulley, which then gets tied at the back of my head. I adhere the Mark Traynor elastic tabs to my cheek with toupee tape. My whole career is based on an intricate system of pulleys and lifts, smoke and mirrors! Essentially, I’ll be yanking my midcheek area to the far ends of the Earth. And voilà! Instant face-lift. I also attach them under my ear to help define my jawline. With the tapes securely in place, it’s time to apply foundation.
NOTE: Elastic pulleys don’t get attached and tied back until the makeup is finished, and right before the wig is put on. Also, a powder puff is placed at the back of my head (like a yarmulke) to cushion the pulley and allow for a supply of blood to reach certain parts of my brain. Just enough to ensure I won’t black out and hit my head on the floor.
Voil! Instant face-lift
When I’m filming the show, I shave my eyebrows off completely. That way I don’t have to worry about concealing my bushy brows with a glue stick, which is what I do when I’m not filming and I’m on the road with my nightclub act. You know, I really wish someone had told me when I was younger, “Hon, shave those damn eyebrows off!” My career would really have taken off a lot sooner if I had. Unfortunately, when you commit to shaving off your eyebrows, you can easily look like a mental patient when you’re not wearing makeup. Shaved brows offstage are not what I call “man-catcher.” If you do not want to shave your eyebrows, tweeze out the density of hair, so they will lie flat. Then get in there and cover them with some glue stick, getting them as flat as possible with a toothbrush and letting them dry. Then you apply full-coverage foundation over them.
I’D RATHER BOOGIE THAN TRY TO FIT IN.
Drag ain’t for sissies!
Now we start on the face. Silicon primer comes first. It fills in pores and acne scars and gives a smoother appearance to the skin. Then I apply an anti-shine matte crème on the areas of my face that tend to get oily, like the bridge of my nose and my brow bone.
My face is now ready for full-coverage foundation. Mathu uses no fewer than five different shades of full-coverage foundation to re-create my face. The shades are all in the tone of my natural coloring, but vary from darkest to lightest. He uses the lighter shades of foundation to bring forward and emphasize certain features of my face, and darker shades of foundation are used to create depth and drama. This is your basic shadows-and-light story line. Keep in mind that it’s not about brands; it’s all about color tones, textures, and coverage. I require my full-coverage foundation to have warmth of color. Too many full-coverage foundations and powders for brown skin end up looking gray on camera. It’s a good idea to do some experimentation with your foundation and powder using a digital camera with both flash and sunlight.
Welcome to my home
Brushes are used to apply the foundation, and then sponges to soften the edges for a seamless gradation. My whole face is reshaped and contoured to force the camera’s eye to see what Mathu wants it to see, depending on the lighting. The overall concept is to nudge the proportions of my face so that it appears more feminine, softer, and more vulnerable.
Did you know the facial proportions scientifically determined to look “feminine” are the same proportions of a child’s face?! We’re hardwired to have that “ah” response to both beautiful women and to children. That look is disproportionately large eyes and a heart-shaped face with a wider forehead and a smaller chin—that’s what we respond to. Both Marilyn Monroe and Rita Hayworth had electrolysis at their hairlines to achieve this facial proportion.
With our foundation and contouring in place, we powder and set it. This amount of foundation must be set well. We use lighter-colored powder on the highlighted areas and darker-colored powder for the contoured areas.
Now my face is ready for eye shadow, blush, lashes, and lips!
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MY WHOLE FACE IS RESHAPED AND CONTOURED TO FORCE THE CAMERA’S EYE.
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EYES
The general rule is when playing up the eyes, keep the lips neutral. And vice versa: when showcasing a juicy, puckered lip, simplify the eyes. It’s a cliché for a reason—it works. The freedom of drag allows me to break the rules and have both at once. If I want to have an important mouth and outrageous eyes, then so be it. Mathu prefers to avoid shine or shimmer on the brow bone, an aesthetic he picked up while working with Thierry Mugler. By keeping the brow bone consistent with the matte foundation, Mathu keeps my face from looking like a mask. Shaving my natural eyebrows gives me way more eyelid for shadow.
CHEEKS
We just add a glaze of color to the cheekbone to warm it up. We also put a little bit of shimmer highlight dust on the peak for drama. The earlier foundation contouring does most of the work. People generally need less blush than they think they do.
YES, I’M HAVING A THOUGHT.
KICKIN’ BACK, RELAXIN’, AND LOOKIN’ GOOD.
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LIP SERVICE
My lips are overdrawn to compensate for my crooked mouth. When I grin, I tend to lose my top lip. So Mathu overdraws the top lip so it can be seen on camera. We use a cocoa brown lip liner. It’s my version of a nude mouth, but on other people it would be very strong. And it’s a gradational lip: it goes from dark on the outside to lighter on the inside. Like most makeup, it looks best with a good key light.
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TWENTY LASHES WITH A WHIP
Before Ma
thu starts on my false eyelashes, I curl my natural lashes with an eyelash curler, followed by black mascara to the top and bottom. Mathu then chooses a pair of black false eyelash strips that will best compliment the overall look I’ll be pumping. Each strip is then cut evenly into four pieces. A very small button-size dab of eyelash glue is then squirted onto the plastic case the lashes came in. Using an old pair of tweezers, he dips the spine of the lash piece into the glue and blows on it until the glue gets sticky. He always starts with the longest piece first, which is applied to the root of my real lash at the outer corner of my right eyelid. He repeats the same steps on my left eye, and then back to my right eye to apply the next longest lash piece. Alternating between each eye helps to maintain a symmetric balance. Gradually, from longest to shortest, he applies all of the four cut pieces to the root of my real lashes. This procedure is repeated with an extra pair of lash pieces if he wants to stack lashes for even more volume. The same technique is used to apply lower lashes. It’s important to correctly position the outer lash pieces so as not to let them dry droopy. If the curvature of the lash droops below the outer corner of your eye, gently push it up for the coveted cat-eye angle.