by RuPaul
Techno Stretch suit
(pants or skirt)
a pair of black or blue jeans
a slim black tie or scarf
Don’t overpack
a red cashmere V-neck pullover
two plain white T-shirts
undergarments
socks or leggings
black workout top and pants
black swimsuit
black cross-training gym shoes
black flip-flops or ballet slippers
black scull cap
toiletry/makeup bag
Wear your wrinkle-free suit to the airport with a button-down shirt and leather shoes. In cold weather, wear an additional overcoat on the plane. Everything else will fit into one piece of checked luggage. The idea here is to have several clothing combinations that will accommodate every possible occasion without overpacking.
DESTINY IS MINE, ACROSS THE FINISH LINE.
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STYLE SUPERSTARS
I think it’s important to choose the men and women whose style speaks to you. Emulate and learn from them. There’s a reason Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn, and Jacqueline Kennedy are enduring fashion icons—they knew who they were and dressed the part. And their many incarnations were all slight variations on The Look that became their image and identity. These are the icons I have an affinity with—they’ve all helped me to define my own style.
* * *
DRIVER OF THE YEAR, CONQUER EVERY FEAR.
MALE FASHION ICONS
Tom Ford: That SOB is so effin beautiful and elegant! He has clearly dedicated his life to beauty and style. Cary Grant: TP, baby! The total package. The voice, the confidence, the silhouette. Everything he wore sang his praises.
Isaac Mizrahi: He dresses his body to fit his personality, which I love. Multilayered and textured. His style is classic and uniquely him.
John Galliano: Perfection, drama, humor, individuality. A true maverick. My hero.
Dolce & Gabbana: Even in jeans and a white button-down shirt, this dynamic duo look chic 24/7.
FEMALE FASHION ICONS
Ernestine Charles: Every time I get dressed I still hear her voice saying, “Always look your best, no matter what.” She taught me that less is more, and more is better. She was a seamstress and taught me to sew, as her mother taught her. My love of clothes and dressing up is one of the many gifts she bestowed upon me. Thank you, Mama.
Victoria Beckham: The fashion authority! The fiercest player in the game. Major style. You betta work! Nicole Kidman: She has absolutely amazing, impeccable taste. She chooses very wisely.
Sharon Stone: She’s very aware of what works and has a really good eye for color. A real movie star.
Dita Von Teese: She knows who she is and dresses the part. Marvelous!
Diahann Carroll: Very chic. Classic American sensibility. A striking silhouette.
Diane Keaton: Fantastic! She’s not afraid to transmit her own frequency. One of a kind.
six
Money, power, and success
HAVING IT ALL
Do you measure success as defined by your parents, your friends, or popular media? Can success still be defined as “having it all” and “making it big” if deep down you still feel empty?
As ridiculous as it may sound, I really believed becoming famous would fill the void—that emptiness I’d felt in the pit of my stomach for as long as I could remember. I thought if I could get the entire world to say, “We love you, RuPaul!” it would complete me and I’d live happily ever after. Like Dorothy with her sights set on the Wizard of Oz, I thought fulfillment could be found somewhere over the rainbow. Let me tell you something: I heard the world say my name and I’ve seen my face on the covers of magazines, and it didn’t fulfill me. If anything, becoming famous made me feel more alone and made the void seem deeper, more hollow. What had I missed?
The glaring flaw in the success-equals-happiness principle is that it measures everyone by the same superficial assumption that wholeness can be found in material things. Having money, power, and respect pacifies the ego only temporarily and does nothing to relieve the deeper feeling of emptiness. We’re all sold on this idea that wholeness can be bought, married into, or wished real hard for, but the more substantial definition of success requires a lot more than just worldwide recognition and acquiring things. On closer inspection, the void I felt was the spiritual part of me that I had forgotten to acknowledge from the inside out. Shifting my priorities from worrying about what other people think of me to fortifying myself with the truth of who I really am is how I constantly fill that void. The definition of real success includes digging deeper and maintaining fulfillment. Real success is an inside job.
Why is this lesson so hard to apprehend? Do our egos push us toward the thrill-drenched roller-coaster ride of self-doubt, instead of the calmer wave of self-acceptance? Is it possible to teach a fourteen-year-old kid the life lessons that a forty-year-old adult eventually learns on the bumpy ride to self-discovery? I often wonder if the trial-by-fire school of hard knocks is the natural trajectory. Could Dorothy have grasped the power she possessed on an emotional level without having to go all the way to Oz and back? When the Scarecrow asks the Good Witch why she didn’t tell Dorothy that she always had the power to click her heels three times to get back home, the Good Witch replies, “Because she wouldn’t have believed me.” I suppose we all have to earn the knowledge of our power.
ONWARD HO!
Real success is an inside job
Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of my journey through the mean streets of adversity, but I can’t help but be a little remorseful over the wasted time I spent paralyzed with insecurity and feelings of inferiority. As a kid, had I been given the processing tools to objectively recognize my Saboteur, I could have circumvented those arduous detours of self-doubt and cripplingly low self-esteem. Developing an objective view of yourself will ensure a personal system of checks and balances that will override The Saboteur.
One helpful technique I use is to look at old pictures of myself and remember the “conflama” (conflict and drama) that was going on when the photo was taken. In hindsight, those issues seem small and inconsequential. Looking back, I can see the many options I had open to me, options I could have acted on had I had the processing tools to work through my debilitating insecurities.
Fast-forward to today, and I apply the same technique. Only now I imagine myself in the future looking back at myself as I am today. I see how smart, beautiful, and fortunate I am, and all the many options I have open to me. I bring that loving perspective into the present moment and seize all those options in the now. This technique gives me an objective view of the moment by overriding the distorted view of my Saboteur. It’s like jerry-rigging my consciousness. By adjusting my perspective, I’m able to reparent myself in a positive way. With practice, the time it takes me to catch myself from straying too far off course becomes shorter and shorter. Fulfillment isn’t found over the rainbow—it’s found in the here and now. Today I define success by the fluidity with which I transcend emotional land mines and choose joy and gratitude instead.
LIFE AFTER OZ
Every seven years, life presents very significant benchmarks. On your twenty-eighth birthday, Saturn returns to the exact same position it was on the day you were born, causing major upheaval in your life for the year leading up to its return and sometimes the year after as well. The year leading up to the occurrence runs parallel with Dorothy’s odyssey. The tornado, the uprooting of her home, and the drama-filled journey down the yellow brick road are all characteristic of the year leading up to the return of Saturn. The moment Dorothy pulls that curtain back to reveal the truth about the Wizard and the subsequent death of her dream is like the very moment Saturn completes its rotation.
DO YOU WANNA SIDE?
THE RACE IS ON.
READY! SET! GO!
Little is said of what happened to Dorothy after Oz, but my guess is that she went home and rethoug
ht her entire belief system. Eventually, she stopped thinking altogether and started using her instinct and intuition. I bet she took some time to regroup and find her true voice—her frequency. I imagine Dorothy doing these things because when my Saturn returned, that’s exactly what I had to do. I had some soul-searching to do. I had to sit out a few dances and catch my breath. I had been a local star in Atlanta, an afterthought in Manhattan, and then homeless in Hollywood with no one interested in my career but my eleven-year-old niece.
After licking my wounds, I created new dreams. I planted more seeds. I had begun to understand that my ability to change my perception and reinvent myself was my trump card. I reemerged on the other side of twenty-eight with arms of steel and newfound determination. The darkest night of my soul was over and I felt invincible. Nothing could be worse than what I had already gone through. What’s worse than searching for the key to your destiny and not knowing you’re already holding it? So I went for it with all my strength. Regardless of winning or losing, I was a success in the truest sense because I had picked myself back up. I was back for more. I had learned to transcend my skewed limitations by changing my perception. Understanding that process on an intellectual level is the beginning. Practicing it on an emotional level is success.
I created new dreams
STAGE DIRECTION
Over the past ten years, I’ve nurtured a consciousness that lovingly guides me on a day-to-day, sometimes minute-by-minute, basis. I recognize this guidance as a kind, loving voice. It suggests that I keep kindness in my heart, that I go to the gym, or even that I order a grilled chicken salad instead of the supersize enchilada combo. It sounds like stage directions from the universe. My part is to clear a signal for that consciousness to come through. Meditating or going on a hike helps to facilitate the communication.
YOU BETTA WORK
Whatever your job may be, do it to the best of your ability. Make it the most important job. I often come into contact with employees at different businesses who have no interest in being helpful or fully committed to their job. It seems they’re just biding their time until they get “discovered” or get their “big break.” It’s as if they feel they’re too good for the work. What they don’t know is that by being fully committed, their day will breeze by and they’ll find pleasure in their job because their spirit showed up. And because they allowed their spirit to enter the building, the spirit of everyone they come into contact with will meet them halfway, creating a flow of energy that creates more energy. The job will no longer be a drain; it will be energizing. The people who grudgingly show up for work are making the work much harder than it is. The work can actually give you energy and create opportunities at the same time. By bringing your spirit into the mix, you’ll be creating opportunities for your next job. You never know where that next big idea is coming from. Stay open, because your purpose is standing right in front of you.
You’ll be creating new opportunities
STAYING INTERESTED
The biggest challenge in my career is staying interested, which I do by diversifying. From the very beginning of my career, I understood that my talent is in being me, and nobody does me better than me. My energy, my unique take on life, is what I bring to the party, whatever the party may be. I know how to be me in front of a camera, onstage in front of thousands, on my morning-drive radio show, or on the pages of this book. So the key to staying interested is putting yourself into many mixes. And yes, there are special technical aspects of every profession, but they can be learned in a relatively short amount of time. The biggest element is the part of you that you bring to the table. Know thyself and share it with the world. The day I’m no longer interested is the day I need to walk away and find something that does interest me.
WORKER BEES
It is said that in the workplace, women would rather be liked than be revered. That may be true in a general sense, but is it possible to have it both ways? We’ve all seen movies where the mean bosses are tyrants and get what they want without any serious repercussions. It seems that people in our fear-based society respond to and respect fear as a motivator. I personally don’t react well to tyrants. Life is too short, and nothing is that important or serious. Whenever I’ve been in charge of a team or employees, I keep the boundaries firmly in place while maintaining a comfortable, nonstressed atmosphere. I don’t do tension and stress. I like to think I manage with a soft glove, but when the obvious needs to be said, I’ll say it. They say you can catch more bees with honey, but who needs bees? Bees are annoying and sting. Just give me the honey and I’ll give you a sweet bonus come Christmas.
AUTHENTICITY
If you say you’re gonna do something, then by George, you better do it. Being true to your word is important because you don’t want to lose trust in yourself. Lying is despicable, and when you can’t even trust yourself it’s the worst. It goes back to the concept that there’s only one of us here and we are all one. Where you start and I begin is an illusion. No one benefits more from doing what you say you’re going to do than you.
WE TAKE LEAD FROM OUR DESIRE TO BE FREE.
STICK-WITH-IT-NESS
When I started out in the business, there were hundreds of other starstruck kids who had moved to the city with dreams of making it big and seeing their name in lights, many of them smarter and more talented than I was. But I believe my ambition, stick-with-it-ness, and willingness to roll up my sleeves and get to work gave me the edge needed to go the distance. Many people see the glamorous aspects of being in the spotlight, but few realize the commitment to research, rehearsal, discipline, and focus it takes to earn the right to stay in that spotlight. It’s been said of the greatest stars that they didn’t step on people to reach the top; more accurately, they stepped over people. Many of the people I started out with were their own undoing. Inner demons left unprocessed insidiously sabotaged every opportunity that came along. You know the ones who identify with the problem and not the solution. If you try to offer a solution, they won’t hear of it. It becomes very clear that the crank calls are coming from inside the house. Either get out of the house or immediately condemn that property.
FINANCIAL STATUS
I didn’t make any real money until my early thirties. Up until then I had been living from hand to mouth working in nightclubs. My first bit of real coinage came when I got an advance on my recording contract. The money was used to produce the album and I used whatever was left over to live on. Most record deals at that time were basically high-interest loans, with the record company getting their investment back from building an awareness and potential record profits later. Luckily, the album did ok, but I don’t remember making any direct profits from it. My profits came from building my name brand.
In recent years, the record business has changed drastically, but back then, very few acts with recording deals made their money from record sales. The big money came from touring, and I did my fair share of that, and still do. The album was thought of as an advertisement for the live performance and also branding the name. My brand began to attract endorsement deals with large companies who wanted me to endorse their products. In 1994, I signed a contract to be the first face of M.A.C cosmetics and that’s when it all paid off.
I grew up hearing all the stories of the Motown stars who had squandered their fortunes and were left penniless and I was dead set on not becoming another show business statistic by following in their footsteps. Of course that’s easier said than done, having been raised by backwoods people who’d had no real experience with money. The odds are very high that the cycle of poverty will repeat itself. I knew at least to save what I had and not spend it on flashy crap meant to impress other people.
I bought a condo in Manhattan’s West Village because I knew it was safe to invest in real estate that wouldn’t depreciate and I did some safe mutual funds and money market accounts. For the most part, I wasn’t very extravagant at all—I saved my money. Having been in show business for twelve years at that
point, I knew it could all come crashing down at any moment. I just kept working and saving. Oh, and paying my taxes, which were a little under a third of what I brought in each year.
I wasn’t tempted to try and “bling it out” because I had already experienced “the finer things in life” when I was a teenager living with my sister and brother in-law (who have since divorced). My brother in-law had big dreams and a golden-tongue that allowed him to acquire big-ticket items with little or no capital. He could talk anyone into anything. At just twenty-two, they were driving Mercedeses, Porsches, Rolls-Royces, and Jaguars while living in a multi-million-dollar home in the hills. In reality, the cars and house weren’t owned by them, but that didn’t matter, they were in possession and it felt real. I lived with them from the time I was fifteen until I was twenty-one. Cash poor, but rich in appearance. It was completely empty and not satisfying. I had no interest in trying to re-create that scene when I hit it big. My wealth would not rely on what other people assumed about me. True wealth is having a healthy mind, body, and spirit. True wealth is having the knowledge to maneuver and navigate the mental obstacles that inhibit your ability to soar.
I focus on projects that get me excited
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTIES
Creatively, I focus on projects that get me excited and feed my desire for beauty, laughter, and love. Financially, I focus on intellectual properties that will bring revenue without me having to physically be there to collect the cash. Musical compositions, published materials, patented concepts and ideas, film royalties, and endorsement deals all generate revenue without having to show up every day to collect. Owning rental properties can generate cash but not without their fair share of headaches created by dealing with tenants.