To Love & Betray

by Shelly Ellis

  “It’s okay. We got it taken care of.” He closed his eyes, tilted back his head, and groaned. “That feels good, baby. Can you go lower though?”

  She shifted her hands from his shoulder blades and began to knead his lower back through the cotton fabric of his shirt. “So I’ve been meaning to tell you . . . Leila and I are supposed to meet up later this week . . . maybe for dinner in town.”

  He moaned again and rolled his shoulders. “A little to the left,” he said and she obeyed his orders, hoping that the massage was lulling him into submission, hoping that it would make him more open to hearing what she had to say.

  “Are you taking Nate with you?” he asked.

  “No, it’s a grown-up dinner, honey—no babies allowed. We’re supposed to meet at seven, and I should be back by ten at the latest. I was wondering if you could watch Nate for me. It would be Thursday evening. Can you work it into your schedule?”

  “Sorry, honey, I can’t. You know how my work schedule is. I might not get home until eight some nights.”

  “Yeah, I understand.” She forced a loud sigh. “Well, maybe we could get someone to watch Nate for a couple of hours. See if we can try a babysitter on a trial basis. I met this woman at the grocery store who was wonderful with him! She got him to stop crying, and she’s babysat children for years! I bet she’d be willing to do it.”

  Antonio slowly opened his eyes. He pivoted slightly on the bed so that he could face his wife. “You want someone you met at the grocery store to babysit our son?”

  “Don’t say it like that, Tony!” Paulette groused, dropping her hands from his back to her sides. “It’s not like I found her selling daisies at some intersection! We talked for a while. She even gave me a recipe to help with Nate’s teething—and it worked! She seems very reputable.”

  “Uh-huh.” He looked and sounded incredulous. “Baby, I’m not gonna leave our son with some random stranger who you—”

  “But you don’t want to leave Nate with anybody!” she shouted, throwing her legs over the edge of the bed and rising to her feet. She stood in front of him. “The only damn people you find acceptable to watch Nate is me and your mama!”

  “That’s not true. I’d be okay with Leila watching Nate, too . . . sometimes . . . maybe.”

  “Tony,” she began, pacing on the carpet in front of their four-poster bed and clenching her fists at her sides, “I cannot keep doing this! I’m alone in this house every day with Nate. I love being a mom, but I need a break every now and then. I’m human! I’m not saying she would have to keep him all day. I just want a little time for—”

  “If you want a break, why don’t you stop being stubborn and reach out to Mama and tell her you’re sorry for what you said?”

  “Because I’m not sorry! I meant every damn word!” She pointed at her chest. “Why can’t your mother call me and apologize to me for calling me a whore?”

  “She did not call you a whore. Stop exaggerating!”

  “It isn’t what she said outright, but you know damn well that’s what she meant. And it wasn’t like she was the perfect babysitter, either!”

  “But she’s my mother—and Nate’s grandmother!”

  “Oh, now she’s his grandmother? Funny . . . three months ago she was raising the question if that was even true!”

  Antonio gritted his teeth and slowly shook his head. “Dammit, when will you let that shit go? She didn’t mean it! She was hurt and angry and she wanted to hurt you, too. But we all need to move on! I know I have!”

  “I don’t believe that, Tony.”

  He shot to his feet. “Why the hell not? I have done everything to—”

  “Because if you really did move on . . . if you’d let all the stuff go from our past, you would trust me. You would trust me as your wife and you’d trust my judgment! You’d trust me to choose who the hell should watch our son! I wouldn’t have to feel like I needed your permission to make a decision on something like this!”

  Antonio fell silent. He grimaced. She took a step toward him, clasping her hands in front of her beseechingly.

  “Please trust me to do this! I swear you won’t regret it. If Miss Claudia doesn’t seem like a good match for Nate, then we don’t have to use her again. I’ll . . . I’ll even consider asking your mother for help.”

  She watched as Antonio swallowed, then scratched the back of his head. “Okay.”

  She blinked. “Okay? Really? You mean it?”

  “Of course, I mean it! We’ll use her this week on a trial basis. After that, we’ll see.”

  Paulette beamed. She then threw her arms around her husband’s neck and kissed him.

  “Oh, thank you, baby! Thank you so much!”

  Chapter 16

  Leila

  “I’ll only be gone thirty minutes . . . forty-five minutes, tops, Mama,” Leila said as she cradled her infant daughter’s head. The baby was perched in Diane’s arms.

  Diane smiled and shooed Leila away. “Go on, honey. Enjoy your run. We’ll be fine. I’ll rock Angie for a bit and then we’ll sit on back and watch a Lifetime movie. Won’t we, Angel?” Diane tutted to her granddaughter, who was guzzling hungrily from her milk bottle, oblivious to her mother and grandmother.

  “Are you going to watch the movie, too, Izzy?” Leila asked her eldest daughter, who was lying on her belly at the foot of Diane’s bed. The young girl tore her eyes away from the game she was playing on her iPad. She stared at Leila like Leila had just lost her mind.

  “Uh, no, Mom,” she answered dryly. “I’m not watching that movie. I’m only a thousand points away from topping my highest score. I have to concentrate.” She then returned her attention to the iPad’s screen.

  Leila chuckled and leaned down to kiss Isabel’s dimpled cheek. “Well, good luck with that.” She headed to the bedroom doorway. “I’m gonna run, then take a quick shower, then come back here. See you guys in a bit.”

  A minute later, Leila was walking down the stone steps of Murdoch Mansion. She paused on the asphalt driveway to do her stretches and check the knots in her shoelaces. She then put in her earbuds and began to jog down the driveway toward the tennis courts.

  Leila hadn’t been running in months, not since Angelica was born. Paulette thought she did it to lose the baby weight.

  “Maybe I should start running, too,” Paulette had murmured a week ago before glancing down at her curvy hips. “Aunt Ida’s right. I am getting a bit thick.”

  But the truth was, Leila really jogged to clear her head. In the early days, when she had first arrived in Chesterton from San Diego, she used to go jogging around their old neighborhood twice a week. She had jogged to escape her worries about her vengeful ex, her mother’s foreclosure, and her ever-growing pile of bills. She no longer had those worries but had developed new ones. She worried about the state of her new marriage. She worried about whether Evan would have to go back to jail and about what would happen to her and the children if he did end up behind bars again. But those worries disappeared as they always did when she ran, as she basked in the warm sunshine.

  Leila ran the first mile humming with a few upbeat Beyoncé tunes playing on her iPod. She jogged past the tennis courts then a manmade pond. She took the asphalt path through the clearing into a line of trees. As she did, the world darkened around her. The sun that had been beating down on her head only seconds earlier was now cloaked by the tangled limbs and leaves of the oaks and maples overhead. Leila jogged another quarter mile, enjoying the scenery and the break from the summer heat under the shadows of the forest. As she reached the end of the line of trees and emerged into another clearing, she slowed her pace. She frowned. Even through her headphones she could hear the rhythmic thud of footsteps behind her. She tore her earbuds from her ears.

  Is someone following me?

  Leila came to a halt and turned in just enough time to see Michael jogging toward her, wearing only a pair of black jogging shorts. His bare chest and arms glistened with sweat. He smiled and waved. Wh
en Leila realized it was him, she fought the urge to roll her eyes heavenward.

  She had successfully managed to avoid being alone with Michael, at least since that night when he had hugged her and had given her that look. The look still unnerved her. He gave it across the dinner table while he sat next to Aunt Ida. He gave her the look when they passed each other in the hall in the morning as she headed to her office in the guesthouse.

  It was hard to explain just what she felt when his eyes landed on her: maybe embarrassment mixed with outrage. It angered her that he would look at her like that with her husband and his fiancée sitting only a few feet away. Leila felt violated. She felt like Michael was disrespecting Evan and Aunt Ida. She also got the nagging feeling that he was taunting her, as if he was enjoying her discomfort. She wanted to tell Michael to stop it, but she knew it would only make her look ridiculous, like she was overreacting. So she resolved that she would continue to pretend she didn’t notice Michael at all. Unfortunately, she couldn’t do that right now with him standing in front of her.

  “Hey, Leila!” the young man called out as he drew to a stop in front of her and started jogging in place.

  “Hello, Michael,” she answered flatly.

  “You’re on your morning run, too?” He wiped his sweaty brow with the back of his hand. He licked his lips.

  There’s that look again, she thought. He was gazing at her like he had just endured a three-day fast and she was the plate of prime ribs he’d just spotted.

  Leila turned away from him and stared longingly at Murdoch Mansion, which sat a half mile in the distance. “Yeah, and I was just heading back.”

  “Maybe we can finish the rest of the run together.”

  “No thanks. I prefer to run alone. I’m a slowpoke anyway. I wouldn’t want to hold you up!” She tucked one of her earbuds back into her right ear. “So I better get—”

  She was stopped short when she felt Michael grab her forearm. She instantly yanked her arm out of his grasp.

  “Don’t do that!” she shouted, feeling panic rise within her.

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Just don’t . . . don’t grab me like that. Okay?”

  “I wasn’t grabbing you. I was only trying to get your attention.” He reached for her again, but she took a cautious step.

  Suddenly, the secluded trees that had offered her cover from the hot sun didn’t seem quite so comforting anymore. Leila realized that anything could happen out here. Michael could do anything to her and no one would be the wiser.

  “What did I say? Don’t touch me! Didn’t your mama teach you to keep your hands to yourself?”

  His smile widened into a full grin. “My mama taught me a lot of things, honey, but I guess that wasn’t one of them.”

  “Don’t call me ‘honey,’” she said through clenched teeth.

  “Well, excuse me!” He held up his hands in mock innocence. His green eyes twinkled with merriment, only making her angrier. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I’m just being friendly.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want a friend like you. Maybe you need to stay the hell away from me!”

  He chuckled.

  “What is so goddamn funny?” she snapped.

  “You! You and all your huffing and puffing.” He looked her up and down. “I love a woman with some fire in her though. I think it’s cute!”

  Cute?

  So he was getting off on this, she realized. He was taking pleasure in her uneasiness, but Leila refused to be toyed with.

  “Look, I don’t know what type of relationship you and Ida may have, but I’m a married woman, okay? I don’t—”

  “Oh, come on! You can save the speech. You aren’t fooling anyone!”

  “Excuse me?”

  “From what I’ve heard, wedding vows don’t mean much to you.” He took a step toward her, making her take another step back. “From what I’ve heard . . . Evan was already married when you two hooked up. So were you.”

  Leila was struck speechless. It took her awhile to regain her voice.

  “So you’ve . . . you’ve been talking about me? Researching me?”

  He chuckled again and shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it research. I just keep my ears open when people are talking. It’s a skill I’ve learned over the years.”

  Leila slowly shook her head. “Well, I don’t care what you’ve heard or what you think you know about me, but you don’t know me—and you’ve got some big balls to presume that you do! Who the hell do you think you are?”

  “I’m the man who can help you, Leila. I can be your friend . . . your confidant.”

  “I don’t want or need a ‘friend’ like you. I told you that already!”

  “Yes, you do! Because I know you, sweetheart. I know you better than you know yourself. I’ve met a lot of women like you who are sad and lonely. You’re no different. I see you with your kids and how you try to smile and look happy, but your face falls when you think no one’s looking. I see how you walk up and down the halls at night because you can’t sleep. But he doesn’t notice any of that, does he?”

  She stilled.

  “Admit it—that husband of yours doesn’t pay you enough attention. He doesn’t treasure you like he should—after all that you’ve done for him, after all that you’ve sacrificed.” He drew close again. “I know what you’re thinking. I know what question plays in your mind on an endless loop: ‘Does he still want me?’ But the question you really should be asking yourself is, ‘Do I still want him?’”

  Her breath caught in her throat. Where had he gotten all of this? Who had told him? She hadn’t even shared some of these doubts with her mother.

  “You’re too good for him, Leila. You know it and I know it.”

  “I don’t . . . I-I never said . . .” she sputtered helplessly.

  “You didn’t have to say it! He deserves some rich bitch, some prima donna who will spend all his money and doesn’t care if she sees him once a week or once a month. But that’s not you! You’re not a rich bitch, Leila. You weren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You’ve had to fight for everything you’ve ever gotten. I know it because I’m just like you! You and I are self-starters. We’re fighters.”

  Now there were mere inches between them, but this time she didn’t take a step back. She was almost mesmerized by the sound of his words and the intensity of his green eyes.

  Michael was giving voice to feelings and worries she was too terrified and even ashamed to say aloud. And now they were all flooding out of his mouth, overwhelming her like a surging tide.

  “You’re a special woman, Leila. A beautiful, sexy woman, who shouldn’t be left alone all the time. No, not a treasure like you.” He cupped her face. “I can see it, Leila. He can’t. But I can.”

  He then slowly lowered his mouth to hers. Just as their lips were about to touch, Leila jerked back. She furiously shook her head, coming to her senses. Whatever spell she had been under had been broken. She realized what Michael was trying to do, what they both had almost done.

  She roughly tugged his hands from her face.

  “Don’t ever touch me again,” she ordered, shoving away from him.

  She then turned and ran in the direction of the mansion. She kept running, not pausing to look behind her to see if Michael followed.

  * * *

  Later that night, after she had put Angelica down in her crib and Isabel and her mother had fallen asleep, Leila lay awake alone in bed, thinking of what had happened during her morning run. She had almost let that man kiss her—a perfect stranger and a sleazy one at that!

  What has gotten into your head, girl?

  She dropped her face into her hands.

  Leila wanted to blame it on momentary insanity, but she knew better. Michael had been right: she was lonely and sad and obviously doing a poor job of masking it. She missed Evan’s companionship so much that it hurt, but he didn’t seem to notice. Her new marriage was starting to look startlingly, eerily like her old on
e: sitting up in bed at night while she waited for her husband to come home, only to drift off to sleep and wake up alone. Something had to change, or this marriage was doomed to end like the first one. Leila needed to draw up her courage and confront her husband.

  A few minutes later, Leila knocked on the study’s imposing oak door. The baby monitor was clutched in her hand.

  She knew Evan was in here. He was always here when he wasn’t back at the office.

  “Yes?” he called out, and she pushed the door open. She found him sitting at his desk, as usual, and staring at his laptop, as usual. When she entered the room, he didn’t look at her.

  “Evan,” she said, “I know you’re busy, but . . . I . . . I think . . . no, I know we need to talk.”

  “Can we do it tomorrow, baby?” he said, not looking up from the laptop screen. “I’m a little busy right now.”

  “No, we can’t do it tomorrow. I need to talk to you now, Ev.”

  He loudly sighed. “Okay, fine,” he said as he continued to type on his keyboard. “What do you wanna talk about?”

  I want to talk about you phoning in our marriage, she thought. We waited so long and fought so hard to be together, and now it’s like I don’t even matter to you anymore! I want to talk about why I can’t get more than an hour alone with you. I want you to know I almost kissed another man today.

  But instead, she said, “Can you at least look at me?”

  “Huh?” he answered again distractedly, pissing her off even more.

  “Goddamnit, look at me, Ev!”

  Finally, his dark eyes darted up from the laptop screen. For the first time, he really was looking at her, and he frowned. “Why are you shouting? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m shouting so that you can finally hear me, since that seems to be the only way to get your attention! And what’s wrong is that you stay in this damn study all the time! I feel like I have to make an appointment to see you! You don’t talk to me, and when you do, it’s only in three-word sentences or monosyllables. You have longer conversations with our infant daughter than you have with me!”