The One

by Maria Realf

  After all the drama of the past few weeks, Lizzie was determined that this one was going to be stress-free – and though Thursday mornings didn’t exactly fill her with joy, at least she wasn’t filled with dread. She’d been in the office since 8am and had already finished a report that wasn’t due on Ella’s desk until tomorrow. Right now she was alert, organised and in control.

  At work, anyway. If only it would rub off on the rest of my life.

  It had been 12 days since the ball – not that she was counting – and she still couldn’t shake it from her mind. Thoughts of Alex stalked her at strange, random moments: in the shower, in the office, in her dreams. At least Megan was just about speaking to her again, which was a big relief. She wasn’t sure how she’d have explained to Josh that their sole bridesmaid had gone on strike.

  She was still feeling flashes of guilt around him, too, but she’d thrown herself into the wedding prep by way of penance, and they were finally starting to make some progress on that front. This week they’d managed to sort out their table plan, which had been easier than she’d thought. OK, so they’d have to keep Auntie Carole well away from Uncle Ken, and Megan wanted to be strategically seated next to Gareth, but apart from that all the other guests had fallen into natural groups: her family, Josh’s family, work colleagues, friends from school and uni, plus a few sub-human specimens from his football team, whom she’d purposefully placed as far back from the top table as possible.

  For extra conscience-cleansing, she’d also volunteered to take the afternoon off work yesterday to help out with his school sports day. It had been so sweet watching him with the kids: showing them how to take part in the various races, and consoling the wailing young boy whose egg simply wouldn’t stay on his spoon. Whether he was cheering on the children or running in the teachers’ relay, Josh seemed to have a limitless supply of energy and enthusiasm. It was clear that the pupils adored him – some even more than others.

  ‘Are you Mr Cooper’s secretary?’ one little girl in pigtails had asked curiously. She couldn’t have been more than about seven.

  ‘What makes you think that?’ asked Lizzie, amused.

  ‘My daddy has a secretary who helps him. She’s nice, too. Once she took me for ice cream.’

  ‘Ah, I see,’ smiled Lizzie. ‘No, I’m not his secretary. I’m actually his fiancée.’

  The little girl had scrunched up her face. ‘What’s a fear-say?’

  ‘It means we’re going to get married.’

  ‘Oh.’ She nodded approvingly. ‘I’m going to marry him when I grow up, too.’

  Lizzie managed to keep a straight face, but she couldn’t stop giggling when she told Josh on the drive home. ‘You’re quite the heartbreaker,’ she teased. ‘Do you have any other fiancées at this school I should know about?’

  ‘I think you’re quite enough for me,’ said Josh, overtaking a cyclist. ‘I can barely afford one wedding as it is.’

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘It’s wiping me out, too. But I promise I’ll make it up to you on the wedding night …’ She’d splashed out on a gorgeous basque and suspender set, which had set her back the best part of £100. At least Josh could save some cash there. He’d probably wear his lucky boxers.

  ‘I can’t wait,’ he said. ‘That’s really the only reason I proposed.’

  She laughed. Ever since they first met five years ago – on the night bus, of all places – he had a knack for making her smile. Admittedly, it wasn’t a conventional tale of love at first sight: she’d been glaring at him for chatting too loudly on his mobile, while he got the wrong end of the stick and thought she was giving him the eye. But within a few minutes of him introducing himself, there was something about his warm, unassuming demeanour that made her let her guard down. With him, it had been different: no drama, no tears. He had detangled her messy life, and she’d have to be mad to let this recent hitch with Alex tie her up in knots again.

  Since Josh was clearly in a good mood, Lizzie decided it might be the perfect opportunity to bring up her new career plan.

  ‘So, I was thinking about after the wedding,’ she said, trying to sound casual. ‘And I thought that maybe this would be a good year for me to have a go at my book.’

  ‘What book?’

  ‘You know, the novel I’ve always wanted to write.’ She took a deep breath. ‘It just feels like this might be the right time.’

  ‘OK. Sounds fun.’ Everything was fun to Josh. She could have told him she was writing about depressed serial killers and he’d have sounded no less cheery. ‘But won’t you be knackered?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, that’s a lot to take on round a busy job.’

  ‘Actually, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I was thinking about going freelance for a while instead. That way, I could still pay the rent but have more time to write. Plus I’d be working from home, so I’d get to see more of you. No more late nights at the office.’

  ‘What?’

  It wasn’t going as smoothly as she’d hoped. She tried again. ‘I know it would be a change, but I’ve thought it through and I’m pretty excited about the whole thing. I can’t see any real reason not to give it a shot. Can you?’

  He stopped at the traffic lights. ‘Lizzie, I think it’s cute that you want to have a go at this. Really, I do. But I can’t support us both on my salary. And do you seriously think now’s the best time to be leaving a good job?’

  ‘Actually, I thought after the honeymoon would be better. I’ll be feeling all refreshed and I’ll be able to come up with lots of ideas and …’

  He didn’t wait for her to finish. ‘But then we’ll be starting our family, won’t we? So that’s something we need to consider.’

  ‘Whoa, go back. We’re doing what?’

  ‘You know, having kids.’

  Lizzie was stunned. She’d known for ages that Josh was keen to have children, and she’d always envisaged that in their future as well. She just didn’t realise he was expecting her to start popping them out the minute their plane touched down at Heathrow.

  ‘Look, you know I love kids, and you’re going to be an incredible dad,’ she said delicately. ‘But I was thinking we could enjoy married life a bit first?’

  ‘I dunno, Lizzie. I mean, the clock’s ticking …’

  Whaaat? He sounded just like Auntie Carole. ‘Excuse me?’

  Josh tried to hop out of the hole he’d landed in. ‘That came out wrong. Obviously I’m not saying you’re old or anything …’ The lights changed and he pulled away. ‘But we’re not in our 20s any more. I don’t want to be one of those ancient dads who can’t kick a ball about.’

  ‘I get that, but don’t you have things you want to do first?’

  ‘Sure. I’d love to be playing up front for Chelsea. But it’s not going to happen now, is it?’

  ‘So that’s what you think my plan is? Some silly pipe dream?’

  ‘I didn’t say that. But just think for a minute how many people want to write books. What are the odds of you actually making it?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ But I was hoping for a chance to find out. Lizzie fell silent as he turned into their road, trying to hide the disappointment on her face. Josh parked on the drive and switched off the engine.

  ‘Look, let’s just take one thing at a time for now,’ he said gently. ‘See how we both feel after the wedding.’

  ‘OK.’ Her throat suddenly felt dry. She unlocked the front door and headed straight for the kitchen, opening the fridge and pouring herself a glass of orange juice. The cold tanginess made her teeth tingle.

  ‘Hey, Lizzie …’ Josh called out from the hallway.

  ‘Yes?’ she said softly.

  ‘Could you grab me a beer while you’re in there?’

  She was still dwelling on their conversation when her telephone rang.

  ‘Hello, Lizzie Sparkes speaking,’ she said in her most professional voice, just in case it was Ella calling to check up on her.

&nbs
p; ‘Hey, Lizzie Sparkes.’ Despite the slight static, it was a voice she knew all too well. How did Alex get my work line? She tried to say something clever, but it came out closer to frosty. ‘Funny, I don’t remember giving you this number.’

  ‘You didn’t. I just called the front switchboard and asked to be put through.’

  Damn that new receptionist, with her cheerful demeanour and extensive phone directory. Was she really allowed to connect you to your past, just like that, without so much as a warning?

  ‘You shouldn’t be calling here,’ said Lizzie firmly, glancing around to make sure none of her other colleagues had arrived. ‘I’m glad we were able to finally clear the air a bit. Really, I am. But please don’t contact me again.’

  There was an uneasy hush on the other end of the line. ‘Lizzie, I know you’re engaged so I’ve been trying to give you some space, but I can’t just leave things like this. I wasn’t completely honest the other night. There’s still some stuff I need to tell you …’

  ‘Like what?’ She pressed the handset to her ear.

  ‘I can’t really go into it over the phone.’

  ‘Fine, don’t,’ she sighed. ‘Let’s not go into it at all.’

  Right then Phoebe appeared and made the universal gesture for coffee. Lizzie gave her a thumbs-up and lowered her voice. ‘Look, Alex, I can’t sit and chat all morning. I’ve got to go. Have a nice life.’

  ‘Lizzie, wait!’ There was an urgency to his voice that she’d never heard before, and she found it strangely unsettling. ‘I really do need to talk to you. Then, if you still don’t want to speak to me after you’ve heard everything I’ve got to say, I promise I’ll leave you in peace. For good.’

  She hesitated. ‘You swear?’

  ‘Scout’s honour.’

  ‘You weren’t in the Scouts.’

  ‘True. But will you meet me? Please?’

  She took a deep breath while she agonised over his proposal. Part of her was tempted to meet him, she had to confess, if only out of curiosity. She hadn’t exactly given him much chance to talk at the ball, and she wanted to have the one thing that was still missing from her life: closure. If I hear him out now, then I can shut that door for good and start married life with a clean slate.

  On the other hand, she knew that if Josh – or possibly worse, Megan – ever found out, she was going to have some serious explaining to do. ’I’m not sure …’ she said reluctantly. ‘Your timing couldn’t be worse, you know.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘What do you mean, what do I mean? I’m getting married in six weeks, Alex. And I’ve still got a million things to do. I don’t have time to drop everything and meet up.’

  ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘I could come to you?’

  ‘No!’ she shrieked, slinking down into her chair as more people began to file into the office. ‘That’s definitely not an option.’

  Even over the phone, Alex could read her like a book. ‘Don’t worry, Lizzie. I meant come up to town, not to your house. I don’t exactly want to bump into your fiancé, either.’

  ‘It’s not that …’ she protested feebly, though they both knew she was fibbing.

  ‘Look, I understand. Believe it or not, Lizzie, I didn’t come back to ruin your life. But I think we need to talk while we’ve got the chance.’ Sounds like he’s going back soon, then. She felt a twinge of regret. Or was it relief? She wasn’t quite sure.

  ‘So can we meet?’ he pushed. ‘Please?’

  She knew that the sensible answer was no. She knew that if she asked Megan, or her mum, or that nice agony aunt in the Sunday paper, they would all advise her to turn him down. She felt like she was trapped in one of those after-school specials: Just. Say. No.

  ‘Oh … alright then.’

  ‘Thanks, Lizzie.’

  ‘It’ll have to be this Saturday afternoon, mind.’ Josh was going to the match with Freddie then, so she could slip away without anyone noticing.

  ‘Fine. Where do you want to meet?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ A dull headache was beginning to build in her temples. First Alex had caught her by surprise, and now she was paranoid Ella was about to spring up at any second. ‘Um, let me think.’

  ‘Somewhere public or private?’

  ‘Public, obviously,’ she coughed. ‘But, you know, not too public.’ If she was heading for her own funeral, she didn’t need it attended by anyone she knew.

  ‘OK, so somewhere privately public …’ He had some nerve, mocking her. ‘How about Richmond Park?’

  ‘Too busy. Hold on a sec.’ Phoebe returned with a cup of strong coffee and Lizzie gave her a grateful smile, gesturing to the phone. ‘Journos, eh?’ she mouthed, and Phoebe wandered off. ‘Alright, I’m back. Where were we?’

  ‘You were trying to think of somewhere besides Richmond.’

  ‘Yeah, OK. I was thinking a bit more like …’ She tried to rack her brains for somewhere low-key. ‘Like Ravenhall House. Do you know it?’

  ‘No, but I can look it up.’

  ‘Just give me your number and I’ll text you the address.’ She keyed it into her mobile and hit the save button, anxious to wrap up this conversation before Ella appeared. ‘When you get there, there’s an old bandstand just past the main house. I’ll meet you there.’

  ‘Alright. How about three o’clock?’

  ‘Make it five. I’ve got some wedding jobs to do first. But if you’re late, Alex, I’m not hanging around. I mean it.’

  ‘I’ll be there,’ he promised.

  She put down the phone, trying to get her head around what had just happened. Is this a terrible idea? She still wasn’t sure, but at least this time she would be the one calling the shots. And if Alex wasn’t there on time, she certainly wasn’t going to give him another chance.

  I wasted too much of my life waiting around for him, she thought. And I’m certainly not going to wait any more.

  Lizzie reversed into a parking bay, locked the car door and walked up the narrow street towards Ravenhall House. It was a beautiful Georgian building, white and well preserved, with landscaped gardens open to the public at weekends. When she’d first moved to west London, it was one of her favourite spots to visit for some peace and quiet, a little oasis amid the buzzing metropolis of the city. I forgot how much I loved this place, she realised, admiring the elegant architecture. I really must remember to bring Josh here after the wedding.

  As she stepped past the wrought iron gates, which were already open, she noticed that the sprawling grounds were fairly empty. A young father kicked a ball to an overenthusiastic toddler, who tottered unsteadily after it in delight, his blond hair bouncing in the breeze; an elderly couple sat beneath the big oak tree, reading in relaxed silence, and two teenage girls stretched out on the grass, their vests rolled up to expose their tanned midriffs, trying to soak up the final few rays of sun before it set for the evening. None of them even glanced in her direction as she made her way down towards the walled gardens. Good, she thought. I’m not going to run into anyone I know here. Well, except for the obvious. If he even shows.

  She looked at her watch. It was just before five. I’ll give it ten minutes, she reasoned. If he’s not turned up by then, I’m off.

  As the outline of the bandstand became discernible in the distance, Lizzie was surprised to spot Alex already sitting at the top of the steps. He was dressed in grey jeans and a white linen shirt with the sleeves rolled up, clutching a single white rose. Her stomach gave a sudden lurch.

  It’ll be fine. You don’t have to stay long. Just hear whatever he’s got to say and then you can put all of this behind you.

  When he saw her approaching, Alex stood up, holding the flower out in front of him. The gesture totally threw her. Should I greet him with a kiss, a hug or a handshake? In the end, she hung back awkwardly and did nothing, fiddling with the pockets on her skirt.

  ‘Alex, you didn’t need to do that,’ she said softly. She couldn’t quite bring herself to look at him
up close, like trying not to stare at direct sunlight. ‘This isn’t a date.’

  ‘I know,’ he said. ‘Think of it as a peace offering. I owe you one of those, at least. And an apology.’ He held out the rose again and she took it instinctively, its petals even paler than her sunlight-starved hands.

  ‘So what, no sky lanterns this time?’

  ‘Nope. I’ve gone off them. Apparently they’re not so great for the environment.’ He gestured to the concrete steps. ‘Do you want to sit down? Best seat in the house.’

  Lizzie shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. I’ve got loads to do this weekend. I can only stay for a few minutes.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I promise I won’t bite.’

  She let out a long breath. ‘I’m just really busy at the moment.’

  ‘I forgot what a different pace of life it is back here,’ he said slowly. ‘Everyone’s always rushing around. Makes people uptight.’

  His words stung, and she flinched. Even though she had no intention of ever seeing him again, she did not want his final impression of her to be someone with a stick wedged up her arse.

  ‘That’s not fair,’ she said defensively. ‘I’m not normally this wound up. It’s just that things have been complicated since you came back.’

  ‘Look, the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘Why don’t we start over?’ He held out his hand. ‘I’m Alex. Alex Jackson.’

  He caught her off-guard, and she gave a small smile. ‘Lizzie. Lizzie Sparkes. Uptight is my middle name.’ His palm seemed surprisingly cold to the touch, or perhaps she was just feeling flushed. It was hard to tell.

  ‘Well, Lizzie Sparkes, do you want to go for a walk or something?’

  She nodded. A quick trip round the grounds would do her good. She was starting to feel a little faint, perhaps because of her stuffy car, or the fact that her nerves had sabotaged any attempts at eating lunch.