The One

by Maria Realf

  She hung up and knocked on the door again, trying to work out where he might be. Maybe he’s gone to see the doctor after all? She wanted to believe that, but she knew she wasn’t going to feel at ease until she saw him with her own eyes. She would have to wait here until he came home.

  A sudden gust of wind made her shudder, and she realised too late that she’d left her denim jacket on the bus. Damn! That’s my favourite as well. Annoyed and chilly, she decided to go round to the side of the cottage and see if Alex had left his spare key under his gran’s old garden gnome. He won’t mind me waiting inside, will he? I don’t want to seem like a stalker. She decided to chance it. Everyone had warned Alex not to keep a key outside, but if he was going to keep doing it anyway, she might as well wait in the warm.

  As she approached the other entrance, she looked for the colourful figure and caught sight of something unusual. His cheery face was blocked by what appeared to be a piece of paper. That’s weird. She bent down and realised it was an envelope – and that it was addressed to her.

  Oh Alex … what have you done?

  With a shaking hand, she tore it open, and slowly removed the note inside. Alex’s distinctive handwriting leapt off the page:

  Dear Lizzie,

  If you’ve found this letter, you’re probably wondering where I am. Truth is, by the time you read it, I’ll be halfway round the world, missing you more than I know how to say.

  I never thought that we’d break up, but maybe it’s for the best. I’m going to Thailand to help with the relief effort and I don’t know when I’ll be back. I wish things were different and you could come with me, but that would be wrong when you’ve got your exams and whole future ahead of you. You have made my life better in so many ways, but one day you will wake up and realise you deserve more than me, so I think it’s kinder on both of us if we just admit that now.

  I promise I’ll never forget you, but you should forget about me.

  Alex xxx

  Lizzie let the piece of paper fall from her fingers and flutter to the floor. She felt numb, like someone had sucked all the emotion out of her with a giant vacuum. So he’s gone? Just like that? Her brain struggled to process this information. She and Alex were meant to move in together, to start a family together, to grow old together. Surely this is some kind of mistake?

  The gnome looked up at her pityingly with his big unblinking eyes. ‘Screw you!’ she snapped suddenly, throwing him against the cottage wall and smashing him into a hundred pieces as her heart shattered into thousands more.

  She began to cry then, harder than she ever had before. She cried for all the broken dreams and promises; for the wedding that would never take place. She cried for herself; for the parents who’d abandoned her; for the family of her own she might not ever have. She cried for Connor. And most of all she cried for Alex, poor mixed-up Alex, who hated his life so much he’d left it all behind.

  23

  2 weeks to go …

  Not long now …

  Lizzie was walking back from the station, her blazer strewn over her arm. It had been a scorcher of a day, which would have been perfect if she was relaxing by a pool with a good book on honeymoon, but was way less fun when she was stuck in that sauna of an office. She couldn’t wait for a fortnight in Sorrento with Josh, scoffing seafood and sipping limoncello and exploring the stunning Amalfi coast, with its pretty candy-coloured houses set into dramatic cliffs. I might never want to leave.

  As she crossed the road by the off-licence, her phone began to beep. She fished it out and realised it was a text from Alex.

  Can you talk? x

  Is he OK? If he was messaging on a Friday evening it might be important. She pulled over under the shade of the empty bus stop and called him back.

  ‘Hey.’ He sounded flat and distant. She immediately began to worry.

  ‘What’s happened? Are you at the hospital again?’

  ‘No, I’m at home, just sitting in my old room.’ She wondered if his parents had redecorated, or if it still had the same dark blue walls. She tried to picture him in there now and couldn’t.

  ‘OK. What’s up?’

  ‘Are you free tomorrow?’

  ‘As in tomorrow, tomorrow?’

  ‘What other kind is there?’ He couldn’t resist teasing her.

  ‘No … I get it … I just wasn’t expecting you to say that.’ A bus pulled into the stop and the driver let a woman with a pushchair get off. He waited for Lizzie to board, then looked baffled as she waved him on.

  ‘I know it’s short notice,’ said Alex. ‘But I’ve got to go in for a few more tests, so I don’t think I’ll get another chance to see you until after your honeymoon.’

  Disappointment poked her in the ribs. That’s over a month away. But now that she actually thought about it, she wasn’t going to get much free time before then. She and Josh had the hired suits to collect and the Euros to order and the honeymoon packing to do. She was lucky if she was even going to make it to the wedding on time. Still, she did want to see Alex before his next round of tests.

  ‘OK,’ she said, trying to figure out how she was going to fit everything in. ‘Josh is off to Dublin for his stag do tomorrow, so I was going to drive him over to Gatwick first thing in the morning. Then I’ve got to come back and pick up my wedding dress while he’s away. And then after lunch I’m supposed to be having some sort of seaweed facial.’ She stopped, anticipating more teasing. ‘Don’t laugh. Megan booked it for me as a present.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to laugh,’ he said, though she couldn’t read him as easily over the phone. ‘It sounds busy. I don’t want to get in the way of all that seaweed and shuttling.’

  ‘Well, maybe we could do something in the evening instead, give me something to look forward to?’ She briefly considered inviting him over to the house, but something about that felt slightly inappropriate. ‘I could meet you at Waterloo, grab a bite down by the South Bank?’

  ‘Look, it sounds like you’re going to be rushing around all day, so why don’t I come over to you?’ he offered. ‘We could meet at those gardens you like. I’ll bring us some dinner if you don’t mind crisps and sandwiches.’

  She had a flash of déjà vu to the amazing picnic he’d laid on for their first anniversary. It seemed like another century. At least we’re still able to be friends, she thought. It’s better than not being in touch at all.

  ‘Sure, sandwiches and crisps sound perfect. I’ll be ready for that.’

  ‘OK. Just don’t eat all the seaweed and spoil your appetite.’

  ‘I won’t.’ She smiled. ‘See you tomorrow.’

  When she arrived home, she found Josh upstairs in their bedroom, his overnight bag open on top of the quilted throw. He held out two shirts for her inspection.

  ‘Do you like the blue shirt or the checked one?’ he asked.

  ‘Doesn’t matter,’ said Lizzie. ‘Ten minutes after you arrive they’re going to dress you up in some silly costume and you’ll just have to wear what you’re given. Look what happened to me.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess you’re right. I may as well just take the blue one.’ He stuffed it into his bag. ‘So, what are you going to do tomorrow while I’m away?’

  For a split second, she reconsidered whether she should tell him about Alex before the wedding after all. Josh trusts me. He’ll understand.

  ‘Um, actually—’

  ‘Do you think I should take shoes or trainers?’ he interrupted.

  ‘What? Oh, er … shoes. Some bars are funny about trainers.’

  ‘OK. I’ll grab them.’ He shot out of the room, and she could hear the sound of his size 11s pounding down the stairs. ‘Hey, where’d the black pair go?’ he yelled.

  ‘They were in the kitchen last time I saw them,’ she called out. Why, I’ll never know.

  Moments later, he was back in the bedroom, shoes in hand. ‘Got them. Thanks. What were you saying about your weekend?’

  She bottled it and opted for a safer version o
f events. ‘Oh, not much. After I drop you at the airport I’m going to a spa for a facial. Nothing as exciting as you.’ She didn’t like to think what kind of lewd activities the lads had planned for Josh. As long as he came back with both his eyebrows and no broken bones, she’d try not to think about it.

  ‘That sounds like a good idea,’ he said. ‘You have seemed kind of distracted lately. Maybe you should take this weekend to chill out.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’ She peered down at her bare feet, noticing the chips in her nail varnish.

  ‘Are you going with Megan or your mum?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘To the spa?’

  ‘Oh, neither. I’m just going by myself. Megan’s got some family wedding and Mum’s getting her highlights done before ours.’

  ‘Won’t you be bored on your own?’ asked Josh. ‘I’m sure my mum would love to go if you want some company. She could drive down and stay over.’

  ‘No!’ Lizzie shouted, a little more forcefully than she’d intended to. ‘Er, I mean, these things get really booked up on a Saturday, and they could only just squeeze me in. I doubt they’ll have any slots left for your mum.’ She hated herself for not being completely honest, but a visit from Celia Cooper was anything but relaxing. Plus it would definitely put paid to her picnic with Alex.

  ‘Alright, I can take a hint,’ laughed Josh. ‘It was only a suggestion. Go by yourself if that’s what you want.’

  I wish I knew what I did want, she thought. Because some days, I don’t have a clue.

  Lizzie pulled into the car park outside Ravenhall House and slowly made her way to the gardens. Alex had texted her instructions to meet at the bandstand at 8pm, and unless her watch had stopped she was ten minutes early. She was glad she didn’t have to rush: it was another hot and humid evening, the air thick and sultry against her bare arms. As she stepped through the gate, she noticed the grounds were largely empty by now; she guessed most visitors had gone home for a cold beer or a cool shower. Her strappy sundress clung tightly to her warm skin.

  When she approached the bandstand, she noticed Alex had beaten her to it yet again; this time, he had decked it out with a red and white blanket, and was just unpacking some plastic cups and paper plates.

  ‘I thought I was early,’ she said. ‘What time did you get here?’

  ‘A little while ago,’ he replied. ‘I wanted to get it ready for you. Here, have a seat.’

  She sat on the blanket and stretched out her legs, feeling a light breeze on her face. ‘How was the seaweed thing?’ asked Alex.

  ‘Erm, interesting. Do I look slightly green to you?’

  ‘No, you look great.’

  She watched him pour two lemonades, wondering what else was in the cool bag. All that rushing around had left her famished. ‘What have we got?’

  ‘Well, I didn’t go mad because I don’t have the car this time, but we’ve got some sandwiches and some crisps and a pack of chocolate brownies for dessert. Do you want the chicken sarnie or the LBT?’

  ‘You mean BLT?’

  ‘Yeah.’ He fished it out for her inspection.

  ‘Ooh, I’ll have that please.’ She peeled off the wrapper and sank her teeth into the soft bread and juicy tomato. ‘Mmmm … so good. I’ve been looking forward to this.’ She devoured the first one ravenously. ‘I don’t know what it is, but sandwiches always taste so much better outside.’ She looked over at Alex, who was picking at his chicken. ‘Are you OK with that? I’ll swap the other half of the pack if you want.’

  ‘No, it’s fine,’ he said. ‘I’ve just lost my appetite a bit lately.’

  ‘That’s not like you,’ she said, thinking about that afternoon at the café. She bit into her second sandwich and glanced at him again. He did look slightly tired tonight. I knew I should have met him somewhere nearer the station. ‘You alright? Can I do anything?’

  He didn’t reply, but gave her a thin smile and changed the subject. ‘So, did you manage to pick up your dress this morning?’

  ‘Yeah, just about. It might look all light and floaty, but that thing weighs a ton. I had a right job getting it up to the loft.’ She finished the last bite of her BLT. ‘Still, at least it’s out of the way now before Josh gets back. If he sees it that’s meant to be really unlucky.’

  ‘He seems pretty lucky to me,’ said Alex. Lizzie didn’t know how to respond to that. He was in a strange mood this evening.

  ‘Do you want some crisps? Or maybe a brownie?’ she said, leaning over him to the cool bag. ‘I’ll get them.’

  ‘No, wait …’ he said, but he didn’t move fast enough to stop her. She reached her hand into the bag and pulled out what she thought was a box of treats. Instead, she realised it was a parcel, wrapped up neatly in silver paper.

  ‘What’s this?’ she asked.

  He let out a long breath. ‘It’s your wedding present,’ he said eventually. ‘I was going to give it to you later, but I guess you can have it now.’

  ‘Alex, you didn’t need to get us anything,’ she said quietly. It felt odd to be getting a wedding gift from the man she once thought she’d be marrying.

  ‘Well, it’s really more for you.’

  ‘Should I open it now or later?’ She could feel his eyes on her, watching her closely.

  ‘You can open it now, if you want.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ The suspense was starting to get to her.

  ‘Yes.’

  Lizzie prised away the shiny paper, letting it fall on the blanket to reveal a smart blue case. She opened it slowly and blinked hard. Inside was an antique copy of Wuthering Heights, in near perfect condition.

  ‘It’s not a first edition or anything, but it is a collector’s item,’ he said. ‘I thought maybe it would inspire you to get going again.’

  She ran a finger over the beautiful cloth cover, her heartbeat accelerating. ‘Alex, I can’t keep this. It must have cost a fortune.’

  ‘Of course you can. It’s up to me what I want to get you. And anyway, it’s rude to give back a wedding present.’

  ‘Not when it costs the price of a car, it’s not.’ This was not the kind of present you casually gave to an old friend. It was a gift that had been sourced with care; a gift that really meant something. She knew suddenly, shockingly, that his feelings for her ran deeper than she’d realised – and worse, much worse, that she was surely falling back in love with him.

  No, no, no … The thought was as ludicrous as it was obvious. She had moved on, met Josh, made promises to him that she couldn’t possibly break. And yet …

  This can’t be happening now.

  She placed the book gently back in its case, her hands trembling, and returned it carefully to the cool bag. ‘It’s unbelievably generous of you, but I can’t take that,’ she whispered, staring down at the blanket. ‘I hope you understand.’

  ‘You have to take it.’ His voice was firm, insistent.

  ‘Really, I can’t …’

  ‘You can,’ he said, his jaw set. ‘It’s important to me. I want you to have something to remind you.’

  ‘Remind me what?’

  ‘Of me.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’ she said, her emotions swirling. ‘Has something happened?’

  ‘No,’ he said uneasily, hauling himself up and striding to the edge of the bandstand. ‘Forget I said anything.’

  ‘Alex, what’s wrong?’ She jumped to her feet and followed him. The sun was just starting to set now, turning the sky a dramatic shade of red. ‘Please, talk to me.’

  He rested a hand on one of the pillars and tilted his head towards her. ‘I wasn’t going to tell you this before the wedding, but I’ve been having a few problems … headaches, mainly, and sometimes with my words.’ He inhaled sharply. ‘Then I had a pretty bad seizure at home last week. The doctors did another MRI scan and they’ve decided they want to operate soon.’

  ‘How soon?’

  ‘Probably while you’re away.’

  ‘But
that’s a good thing, right?’ She was struggling to keep up. ‘Doesn’t that mean they’ll remove most of the tumour?’

  ‘It means that it’s growing,’ he said bluntly. ‘They’ll take out what they can and then I’ll have some radiotherapy, but I don’t know how long it’s going to buy me.’

  What? Lizzie was aghast. ‘That doesn’t make … you seemed to be doing so—’ Tears began to pour down her face as the magnitude of what he was saying sank in. ‘What if we researched more treatments, or raised money? There must be something we can do to help you?’

  ‘I wish there was,’ he said, sweeping her into a hug. ‘But I need to be realistic about this, Lizzie. It’s not just going to go away.’ He was crying as well now, his salty tears mingling with hers until she couldn’t tell whose were whose. ‘I wish things had turned out differently.’

  ‘Me too.’ They stood like that for a while, just clinging on to one another, like they might drown if either one let go. She could feel his chest rising and falling, his breathing as ragged as her own.

  He lifted his hand gently to her wet face, softly wiping her cheeks. ‘You’re beautiful even when you cry, you know that?’ he said eventually.

  ‘No, I’m not,’ she sniffed. ‘Megan says I look like a panda.’

  Alex attempted a smile. ‘Pandas mate for life, apparently.’

  ‘No, they don’t. You made that up.’

  He took her hand and squeezed it softly. ‘Well, they should. Maybe they’re just searching for their soulmate.’

  She locked her eyes on his, and in that moment she could see only the old Alex, the one she’d been so sure of before everything fell apart around them. Still holding her hand, he leaned in and gently brought his lips down to hers, the urgency building as she surrendered and kissed him back with a passion that surprised her. She hadn’t felt that way for years, not even with—

  Josh.

  What am I doing?

  ‘Wait …’

  She thought it was the voice in her head, but in fact it was Alex, pulling away. ‘I don’t want us to do something you might regret.’

  Confusion rained down on her like a cold shower. ‘I’ve no idea what I’m doing any more,’ she confessed.