The One

by Maria Realf

  Josh didn’t push the point further, and she was grateful – until he came out with an even trickier question. ‘If that’s all true, why didn’t you just tell me you were meeting up with him?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ She flinched, and he shook his head. ‘I came close a couple of times, but then I got a bit nervous about how you’d react, so I thought I’d wait till after the wedding. I didn’t want you getting stressed before.’

  He raised his brows. ‘You think finding out like this isn’t stressful?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said sheepishly. ‘I should’ve told you. I was just all upset and confused and I was worried you might—’

  ‘Confused about what?’

  She stared at him blankly. ‘Sorry?’

  ‘You just said you were confused. About what?’

  Lizzie didn’t know what to say. ‘I … er … that came out wrong,’ she stammered.

  Josh was back on his feet now, pacing around in front of the widescreen TV. ‘Are you still in love with this guy or something? Is that what you’re telling me?’

  ‘I didn’t say that!’ cried Lizzie, jumping up. ‘I love you, Josh. I’m marrying you.’ She stood directly in front of him, forcing him to look at her. ‘Listen to me: the reason I agreed to meet Alex in the first place was because I wanted a clean slate for our wedding. And then he dropped this huge bombshell on me and I feel terrible for him, OK? But that doesn’t change things between me and you. I just need you to trust me, and talk to me, instead of going through my phone while I’m upstairs.’

  Now it was Josh’s turn to look guilty. ‘I’ve never done that before, Lizzie – but you’ve just seemed so distant these past few weeks and I couldn’t figure it out. I was afraid you might be having an affair.’

  Realising how much she’d hurt him made Lizzie feel awful. She wished that she could go back to that day in the bridal shop and do everything differently.

  I should never have kept secrets from Josh in the first place. I’m a terrible, horrible person.

  ‘No, I’m not having an affair. I was hoping that maybe Alex and I could be friends, but …’ She tried to choose her words carefully. ‘I’m not sure that’s going to happen.’ Even just saying the sentence out loud made it seem more final, and she tried to ignore the cold grip of sadness squeezing her heart.

  ‘I’m sorry he’s sick,’ said Josh. ‘Is he in hospital?’

  ‘Not at the moment, but it’s not looking good.’

  ‘Now I know why you’ve seemed so sad lately.’ His voice was calming down a notch. ‘But I still wish you’d told me sooner.’

  ‘Me too.’ She reached for his hand. ‘I promise I won’t keep anything from you when we’re married.’

  ‘So you still want to marry me?’ He looked vulnerable, unsure.

  ‘Yes, of course.’ For a second, all she could feel was relief. But Josh couldn’t quite let it lie.

  ‘And absolutely nothing happened between you and this other guy?’

  ‘No … well …’ The word escaped from her mouth before she could catch it, and she immediately wished she could stuff it back in. But it was too late.

  ‘What do you mean, well?’ asked Josh, pulling away. ‘Well, what?’

  ‘Look, it … it was nothing. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.’

  ‘About what? Lizzie, what’s going on? Have you been sleeping with him?’

  ‘No! Of course not.’

  ‘Did you kiss him?’

  She couldn’t lie now. ‘Yes. But nothing else happened, I swear! We were both very emotional and it just sort of …’ Lizzie cut herself off as his face began to turn a peculiar shade of purple. ‘I should have told you, and I’m sorry. Really sorry. You have to believe me.’

  ‘I don’t have to do anything!’ yelled Josh. ‘How can I believe a word you say now? We’re supposed to be getting married this week and you’ve been messing around with some other guy!’

  ‘Josh, please! I know you’re mad at me, but let’s sit back down and talk about this,’ she urged. ‘I made a mistake, and I’m trying to apologise.’

  ‘A mistake? A mistake? A mistake is like forgetting to buy a birthday card. It’s not forgetting you’ve got a fiancé while your tongue’s wedged down some guy’s throat!’

  ‘It was a kiss, Josh! That’s all.’ She was almost hyperventilating now. ‘It’s not going to happen again.’

  ‘It shouldn’t have happened at all!’

  ‘I know that!’ Her eyes blurred with guilty tears. ‘But didn’t you ever do something and then wished you could take it back?’

  Josh thought for a second before he spoke. ‘Yeah,’ he said bitterly. ‘I bought you an engagement ring.’

  ‘Don’t say that,’ she whispered. ‘We can still get past this.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ He screwed up his forehead. ‘I need to get out of here.’ He stomped into the hallway, swiping his wallet and keys from the console table. Lizzie followed him, her legs unsteady.

  ‘Where are you going?’ she cried. ‘What about the wedding?’

  Josh began to laugh hysterically. ‘Are you off your head? There’s not going to be any wedding now. How can I marry you after this?’

  His words took the wind right out of her. ‘You don’t mean that …’

  ‘Yeah, I do,’ he said, snatching the jacket he’d left strewn over the banister. ‘Don’t you get it? It’s over. The wedding. Us. All of it!’

  This can’t be happening.

  She placed a hand on his arm, but he shook her off coldly and reached for the latch. ‘Get out of the way.’

  Her heart froze. ‘Please don’t, Josh. You can’t just leave like this …’

  ‘Watch me,’ he said loudly as he stormed out into the darkness, slamming the door behind him.

  26

  3 days to go …

  Lizzie lay on the couch eating Frosties out of the packet with her fingers, a few falling from her grasp and clinging stickily to the duvet. She had been lying there for most of the night, after giving up her futile attempts to sleep and crawling back down the stairs to numb her mind with TV repeats. Since then, she had only moved three times: twice to shuffle to the bathroom, and once to fetch the cereal. She wondered how long someone could survive on Frosties alone if they were stranded in space with nothing else to sustain them.

  She tried to turn her focus to the telly, where an old episode of Friends was playing. Ross and Rachel were having one of their famous arguments about being on a break. Is that what Josh and I are doing? Or are we broken up for good?

  He was fuming with her when he’d marched out yesterday, that much was certain. Not that she blamed him. She had been so caught up in her feelings for Alex that she’d never really stopped to consider Josh’s.

  She glanced down at her phone for the hundredth time that morning. Still nothing. Where are you? Lizzie didn’t know what to do or who to call. She couldn’t try reaching him at the school because of the summer break. If she phoned his mum and he wasn’t there, Celia was going to fly into a tizz and assume he’d been run over or kidnapped. Then she’d have to try to explain the situation, and she didn’t really want to confess that they’d had a blazing row over her ex-boyfriend.

  She briefly considered calling her own mum, but the thought of having to tell her that the wedding was off filled her with dread. Can’t deal with that yet. The most obvious person to call was Megan, but it had only been three short days since she’d told her the wedding was definitely on. Plus she’d come straight over and ask 20 questions and make Lizzie do things like change out of her pyjamas. Not ready for that, either.

  In the five years that she and Josh had been dating, she had never seen him as angry as yesterday. And he’d never stayed out all night before without at least telling her where he was going. Did he head to Freddie’s? To a bar? Home with some other girl? The thought made her feel nauseous. He wouldn’t do that, would he? She wasn’t sure any more. Maybe he wanted to hurt her the way that she’d hurt
him.

  What if it was even worse? What if he really was hurt? Anything could have happened to him in that state. What if he’d got into a fight? Or had an accident? She was starting to sound like his mother now. Not good. She tried to snap herself out of it, but those two scary words refused to budge from her brain: what if, what if, what if?

  Loneliness wrapped itself around her like a dark veil. The first boy she had ever loved was dying, and she couldn’t imagine a world without him in it. The second guy she had fallen for was hurting, and she didn’t know how to fix it. There was no fairy godmother to offer advice on how to deal with this kind of situation. She felt like her heart had been sliced in two before both sides were fed through a shredder.

  So much for happily ever after.

  She flicked channels absent-mindedly, desperate for something to distract her from the miserable thoughts racing round her head. A screechy singer murdered a Michael Jackson track on a US talent show. She hit the button again. This time a badger poked its head out of a hole on a nature documentary, then swiftly retreated back into its sett. Lizzie didn’t blame him. Right now she wanted to burrow underground and hide for at least the next 12 months.

  What am I supposed to tell everyone about the wedding? Her parents were going to go ballistic. Guests would have sorted hotels now. And outfits. And presents. Then there were all the suppliers to cancel: the venue, Peggy, the photo-cab firm, the DJ. It had taken more than a year to plan the whole thing; now she was going to have to unpick it in less than a week. She lay back on the sofa, threw the duvet over her head and wished again that she was a badger.

  Will Josh ever forgive me? She didn’t know. Is anyone going to speak to me after this? Hopefully. Her parents would calm down eventually. Megan would think she was mad, but she’d always had her back. The girls at work wouldn’t treat her any differently after the initial gossip had subsided. It might seem awful now, but it wasn’t as though her whole life would literally end.

  Not like Alex.

  She thought again about what he must be going through, but couldn’t even begin to wrap her head around it. How do you cope with something like that? She wished that she could do more to help him. There was something about Alex – always had been something about Alex – that seemed so alive. The thought that he might die young was incomprehensible.

  Even now, there was part of her that felt connected to him in some way. That feeling had never really gone away, even when they were on different sides of the planet. It was like an invisible string had been wrapped round her heart and was tugged on from time to time – only now it felt like it was being yanked so hard her heart might fall out altogether. She knew that if Alex hadn’t come back, she wouldn’t be in this mess with Josh. But she also knew that if she’d cut all ties completely, she would never have had the chance to say goodbye.

  Whatever happens, I can’t regret that.

  Besides, it wasn’t really Alex’s fault that she’d screwed things up royally with Josh. If she’d just told the truth from the beginning, then he might have been more understanding about it. Sure, he could be a little immature at times, but he wasn’t mean. He’d probably even have invited Alex over to watch the football.

  I’ve made a total hash of this, haven’t I?

  The house felt empty without Josh. She missed his laugh, and the way he bounced out of bed in the morning, filling each room with noise and energy. She’d got used to his little quirks – like the weird way he loaded the dishwasher – and sharing her life with someone again. She was even just about used to him leaving his shoes all over the place. Her eye fell on one lone trainer sticking out from under the armchair, looking lost without its other half.

  Lizzie pulled the duvet back down and glanced at her phone: 11.20am and still no word. She debated whether to call Josh again, but decided not to. If he hadn’t got back to her four previous voicemails, a fifth wasn’t likely to make much difference. Feeling miserable, she shovelled another handful of dry Frosties into her mouth. Maybe she’d just lie here for days and comfort-eat, surrounded by wedding memorabilia, like a hungry Miss Havisham.

  Just then, she heard the key turn in the lock, followed by heavy footsteps in the hallway. ‘Josh?’ she croaked.

  He stuck his head around the living room door. He looked rough, with bloodshot eyes and tufts of hair sticking out at weird angles, but the sight of him filled her with hope. He squinted, like he was trying to adjust to the light after a deep sleep. Not that he looked like he’d had much.

  ‘Why’d you kip in here?’ he asked.

  ‘I didn’t. I couldn’t.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘I just kept thinking about how I screwed everything up. But I wasn’t having some sordid affair, I promise. I just didn’t handle the situation well. I’m sorry.’

  ‘I’m sorry, too,’ he said finally.

  ‘You are?’ He came into the lounge and she could see that he was holding a bouquet of flowers from the local petrol station.

  ‘These are for you,’ he said sheepishly. He’d forgotten to take off the yellow £4.99 sticker, but to her they seemed priceless.

  ‘I thought you were furious with me?’

  ‘I was,’ he admitted. ‘I’m still not thrilled about it. But then I tried to put myself in your position and imagine how I’d feel if one of my ex-girlfriends turned up and said they were dying. I’d want to see them, I guess. I just like to think I’d have told you.’

  ‘You’re right, I should totally have told you.’ She sat up and swung her legs round, making room for him on the couch. ‘I did think about it, more than once, but then it all just got so … so complicated.’

  He came and sat beside her, on top of the duvet. He smelled like he’d been drinking. ‘Is it still complicated?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Are you in love with him?’

  He looked at her with his tired red eyes, and she gave the best answer she could. ‘I love you, Josh.’ That much she knew was true. As for Alex, she would have to let her feelings for him go, filed under another lifetime.

  ‘And you’re never going to keep stuff from me again, right?’ Relief softened his features.

  ‘Never. I promise.’

  He leaned across and kissed her deeply, hugging her so tightly she could barely move. His mouth smelled of morning breath, but she didn’t care. He was home, she was forgiven – and this time next week they’d be Mr and Mrs.

  She pulled back a little, her nose still pressed to his. ‘So we’re still on for the weekend, then?’

  ‘What’s happening at the weekend?’ he smiled.

  ‘I thought we had something to go to …’

  ‘Is that right?’ His eyes twinkled mischievously. ‘I’d better check my save-the-date card.’

  ‘You do that,’ she said, beaming back at him. ‘Because this is going to be one wedding you definitely don’t want to miss.’

  27

  1 day to go …

  Josh and Freddie were already waiting outside the church doors by the time Lizzie, her parents and Megan arrived for the wedding rehearsal. Lizzie had shipped Josh off to his best man’s last night so that she could get all her bridal gear ready without him seeing it. ‘It’s bad luck otherwise,’ she warned him. ‘You don’t want to jinx things, do you?’ Earlier this afternoon, her parents and Megan had dropped everything round to their hotel before getting dressed for the run through. After changing her mind a couple of times, Lizzie had finally settled on a cornflower blue shift dress, topped with a white mohair shrug. She was already starting to regret the latter, which was moulting little hairs all over her, but it was too late to turn back now.

  Josh had clearly made an effort as well, looking smart in a grey blazer and what she knew were his best black trousers. ‘Hey, handsome,’ she called out as she walked up towards the chapel. ‘Someone scrubs up well.’

  He tapped his watch. ‘Someone’s ten minutes late.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Freddie. ‘We’ve been here ages.’

  She
ignored him and kissed Josh on the cheek. ‘Sorry, bride’s prerogative. We got to the hotel a bit later than planned. Turns out Mum’s the slowest driver in the world.’

  ‘I can hear you,’ said Mrs Sparkes huffily.

  ‘I know,’ said Lizzie.

  ‘Well, I’ve never loved driving in town, Elizabeth – especially not when it’s busy. I was hoping your dad would do it but …’ She leaned in and lowered her voice. ‘He’s been drinking.’

  ‘What?’ Her dad had never been a big drinker. ‘Since when?’

  ‘Since he got nervous about tomorrow and helped himself to two large glasses of whisky. Straight after breakfast!’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Exactly.’ She moved past Lizzie and gave Josh a welcoming hug. ‘Hello, son. Can I call you son, yet? Not long to go now!’

  ‘Call me whatever you like, Lynda,’ said Josh. ‘I must say you’re looking lovely this afternoon.’

  ‘Oh, this old thing?’ Her mum beamed. Both she and Lizzie knew that she’d spent two hours getting ready. ‘You don’t need perfect hair and make-up today,’ Lizzie had tried to explain. ‘It’s only the rehearsal.’

  ‘But it’s the first time I’ve met the priest!’

  ‘So? I very much doubt he’s an expert on women’s cosmetics.’

  ‘That’s not the point, Elizabeth.’ Her mum shook her head like she was explaining something to a four-year-old. ‘You never get a second chance to make a first impression.’

  ‘Well, you’re not going to make a very good impression if we’re half an hour late, are you?’ Lizzie had pointed out, before her mum finally got a move on and started shepherding everyone down to the car.

  As the group stood greeting one another outside the church, the wooden doors swung open and Father Brenner emerged. He was a small man with a friendly demeanour, the fine lines around his eyes creasing when he smiled. Lizzie and Josh had tried to work out his age once, but it had been impossible to guess; he had one of those timeless faces that could have been 55 or 75. He also had a very thick Irish accent that made him sound like he’d stepped straight out of Father Ted.