In My Father's Shadow

by JL Paul

  His eyes darkened as he moved closer to her. “Let’s see Orlando top this,” he said as his lips met hers.

  She brought her hand up to his neck and played with the strands of his hair. He situated his body, never breaking the kiss, so that he was lying on his side and hovering over her so she wouldn’t have to twist or aggravate her ankle. She sighed into his mouth and brought her other hand around to his back, under his shirt, and she delighted in the shiver her touch caused.

  Conflicting emotions were waging a war inside her head – especially when he followed her lead and allowed a shy hand under her shirt, fingers brushing her side. One part of her wanted to continue, wanted him to undress her and touch her body. She wanted to feel their bodies come together, skin on skin, each exploring the other.

  But the other side of her brain urged her to slow down and rethink things. Not too long ago Cole was a friend – her best friend. Was she really ready to shift gears so quickly?

  Who cares? she thought as she grasped the hem of his shirt and tugged it up his body, breaking the kiss only to pull the shirt over his head. He trailed his lips along her jaw and her neck, making her shudder as her hands splayed across his bare back. She twisted, trying to get closer, and a bolt of pain shot up her leg so fast she couldn’t stop the cry of pain that escaped her lips.

  He pulled away, his breath heaving, and looked into her eyes. “Al, you okay?” he asked.

  She nodded and bit her swollen lip.

  He slowly came back to his senses and gently tugged her shirt back into place. He rolled to his back, fumbled on the floor until he found his shirt, and quickly pulled it over his head.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, voice holding in the pain she didn’t want him to see.

  He stroked her cheek lightly. “We need to stop, Al,” he said. She started to protest but he put a finger to her lips. “Let me get your pain meds.”

  She flopped an arm over her eyes and felt the bed give as he got up and padded almost silently into the bathroom. She mentally berated her ankle for acting up and ruining a perfect moment – even though she wasn’t quite sure if she should have continued.

  “Sit up a bit, Al,” he said, alerting her of his return. She sighed and propped her upper body with one arm while reaching for the medicine with her other hand. He waited while she finished the water and handed him the glass. He smiled weakly and took the glass to the bathroom.

  He came back into the room, located the remote, and perched on the edge of her bed. He shut off the movie and turned to face her.

  “I better go, Al,” he said.

  “Don’t leave, Cole,” she begged, clutching his arm.

  He smiled sadly, his eyes only meeting hers for a brief second. “It’s getting late, Jeana will be back soon and you need to rest.”

  She knew he wasn’t going to budge – he needed to put some space between them just as she did. She bit her bottom lip and nodded, bowing her head.

  “Okay. Thanks for the pizza and the movies,” she said, fighting pesky tears that seemed so close to the surface lately.

  He cupped her face and kissed her softly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Al. Rest that ankle, okay?”

  “Sure,” she said with a fake smile, already feeling woozy. “Goodnight.”

  He slipped out the door as she snuggled into her pillow, eyes closed. Things had escalated faster than she had anticipated but that’s what happened when you were in a relationship, right?

  She frowned. Her mother always told her there’d be plenty of time for sex when she was older, that she didn’t need to rush into a sex life at a young age. Ally had always agreed – hadn’t wanted to get into the whole sex issue while she was still in high school. But, she wasn’t sure that was the case anymore. There was a lot of fire between her and Cole – plenty of chemistry.

  “Mom always said sex was best if it was between two people who loved and respected each other,” she whispered aloud. “I love and respect Cole.” She opened her eyes and stared into the darkness. “I love and respect RJ and Jamie, too, and I don’t want to have sex with them.” As if to prove her point, a shudder ran through her.

  Maybe it was best that Cole left when he had. Although she knew she loved all three boys fiercely, she wasn’t quite sure how different that love for Cole was and if it was strong enough to survive a sexual relationship.

  She closed her eyes again as a solution popped into her head. She’d talk to Cole. She’d explain how confused she was and ask him what he thought. He’d be honest and they’d figure it out together.

  With the matter settled, she slipped into sleep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Cole drove home slowly, all alone, and mulled over his thoughts. The last few weeks had been interesting, to say the least, and he knew that he’d lost favor in Ally’s eyes. The pain in his heart hadn’t lessened in the slightest at his treatment over her, but he couldn’t help it. He thought about the night of the Fall Festival dance and ignored the thrill that encompassed his body and focused instead on the guilt. Things had escalated so fast that if her ankle hadn’t started hurting her, he knew what would have happened.

  Yes, he wanted her; that feeling hadn’t faded in the least. Every time he closed his eyes he remembered how her skin had felt under his fingers and how warm she’d been in his arms. He recalled every single moan that had escaped her lips and how she had clung to him. He knew that if he hadn’t stopped when he did, he would have taken her. And he hated himself for it. No matter what she said, he knew she wasn’t ready. He didn’t even think he was ready for that sort of step with the girl he’d grown up with – the girl who’d been his best friend his entire life.

  The problem was that he didn’t know how he felt about the way their relationship had shifted. He cared a lot about her – always had – and he was certain he loved her in that friend sort of way. But did he love her in the other sort of way? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about much of anything at this point. He just needed a little time to sort things in his mind.

  So, he’d taken the cowardly way out and cooled things between them. He ached for her every day but he just couldn’t trust himself around her. And he couldn’t even bring himself to tell her why.

  She was upset at his lack of attention he could tell. Actually, she was pissed and he knew it. But he didn’t know what to tell her – he didn’t know what to tell himself. Jamie and RJ hounded him at first but they finally slacked off as his moods grew darker and darker. He had told them he didn’t want to talk about Ally, he just wanted to concentrate on his dad’s wedding and once that was over, he’d figure things out. He had pushed his growing feelings for her to the side and focused on what was going on at home instead.

  He followed the winding drive through the sparse trees until the large, looming two story house came into view. He grinned. He loved his house with its large but cozy family room, huge basement with a rec room and a music room, and the gymnasium that his father had added on to the back of the house. And his room was pretty big with a great view of the grounds and his own private bathroom. No, they didn’t have all the acreage that Jay and Liz Jones had, but he didn’t think they needed it. They didn’t have horses like Ally.

  He parked in front of the garage and grabbed his bag from the backseat. He followed the flagstone path to the wide, stone porch and unlocked the front door. He shouted out for his father though he doubted seriously if Nate would hear him; he was probably goofing off in the music room or something.

  A tall, leggy brunette walked into the foyer and smiled, her bright hazel eyes sparkling. “You must be Cole.”

  Not only was she tall, but she was thin and curvy – sort of like the models that graced the swimsuit editions of the sports magazines Jamie regularly received. Her facial features were soft and what some men, himself included, would consider beautiful. Her hair was a deep, chestnut brown and it cascaded down her back in waves. Images of Ally briefly ran through his mind and he cleared his head.

  “And y
ou would be?” he asked, suddenly realizing he didn’t know her yet she was wandering through his house.

  “I’m Stephanie,” she smiled brilliantly, extending her hand. “I’m Stacy’s daughter.”

  He shook her hand. “Where’s my dad?”

  “He’s at the hall with my mom finalizing all the arrangements,” she said. She dropped her arm to her side and shrugged. “Nate told me to just make myself at home. I guess I should, huh, since I’ll be living here now.”

  “I thought you lived with your dad?” Cole asked, narrowing his eyes.

  “Well, things aren’t that great there,” Stephanie said with a pained smile. “Dad’s got this new girlfriend and I don’t think she’s a whole lot older than me.”

  He shrugged, dropped his bag, and pushed past her to head to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, grabbed a soda, popped the top, and downed half of it in one drink. He belched loudly and smirked.

  “That’s kind of disgusting,” she asked with a laugh.

  He grinned, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. “Sorry.”

  “My mom hates it when people smoke,” she said as they both sat at the breakfast bar.

  He laughed bitterly. “Yeah but it’s still my dad’s house – at least until after the wedding.”

  She furrowed her brow as she studied him carefully. “You don’t want them to marry? I thought my mom said you were cool with it?”

  “Nah, I like Stacy. I like Stacy a lot. She’s good for my dad and makes him happy.” He slumped and dropped his cigarette into his soda can, listening to it sizzle as the smoke rushed out of the opening. “I’m just being a jerk. Sorry. It’s been a rough couple of weeks.”

  “Want to talk about it?” she offered, her eyes friendly, her smile warm.

  He sighed. “Thanks, but I’d rather not think about it right now.”

  ***

  Nate and Stacy came home a few hours later to the sound of laughter drifting from the kitchen. They looked at each other in confusion and pushed the doors open to find their children surrounded by empty soda cans and playing some kind of combination card/dice game.

  “Cole,” Nate asked, eyes wide in surprise.

  “Hey, Dad,” he said as he leapt to his feet and rushed around the table to jerk his father into a quick hug. He bent over to kiss Stacy’s cheek.

  “What are you doing?”

  Cole laughed, though it didn’t sound genuine. “I don’t know, really. I think Steph is making up the rules as she goes along.”

  “I did not just make it up,” Stephanie protested. “It’s a real game.”

  “Did you give Ally and Alec a ride home?” Nate persisted.

  “Nope,” Cole answered, not looking at his dad. “They rode with Jamie.”

  Nate nodded as if Cole had answered a silent question. “Oh, okay. Um, well, don’t stay up too late, all right?”

  Cole looked at his dad and flashed a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yep, no problem.”

  Nate grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “We have a long day tomorrow.”

  Cole snorted. “Don’t you mean you do? You’re the one getting shackled to the old ball and chain.”

  Stacy gasped, her green eyes wide. “Cole Nathan!” He laughed as she grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it at him.

  “I was kidding, Stacy,” he protested, laughing even harder.

  Nate shook his head at his son in amusement. “What happened to all that suave charm you used to have?”

  Cole shrugged as he cleaned up the popcorn mess. “I must have used it all.” He looked at his dad and Stacy. “Go to bed. I’ll clean this up.”

  “Thanks,” Nate told him as he steered Stacy out of the kitchen.

  “I’ll help,” Stephanie offered and as they cleaned together, Cole started to feel like he actually had a real family.

  ***

  “It was a beautiful ceremony, don’t you think?” Jeana asked Ally as she sat next to her.

  “Umm hmm,” Ally agreed, and it was. Nate and Stacy were married at the beautiful Garden of Eden hall, which had been decorated with gorgeous pink and teal roses. Stacy had been dressed in a simple, off-white gown with spaghetti straps and a skirt that extended to her feet. Her blonde hair was pulled back and adorned with pink roses. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkling. Ally thought she looked absolutely lovely.

  They had just finished a candle light dinner and were waiting for the DJ to start playing. Ally had hobbled up to kiss and hug Nate and his new bride, but had remained in her seat since. She’d stubbornly not greeted Cole, who’d been engaged in conversation with a member of Stacy’s family, nor had she the opportunity to be introduced to Stacy’s tall, beautiful daughter.

  So she pouted silently in her seat, cursing her broken ankle for keeping her from being able to float effortlessly through the crowd. The pain had diminished quite a bit in the past three weeks, as well as her bruises, but the cast still hampered her.

  The DJ finally made his way to the booth sitting high above the dance floor and announced it was time for the newlyweds to have their first dance. Ally smiled as Nate and Stacy made their way to the floor and Nate tugged her close, wrapping his arms around her. Ally always loved Nate best and her heart filled with joy at the happiness in his face. She’d always secretly feared that Nate was lonely – especially since Cole spent most of his time away at boarding school.

  Her smile slipped, however, as Nate and Stacy motioned for Cole and Stephanie to join them. Ally studied the ice in her diet soda after watching Cole lead Stephanie, by the hand, to the dance floor.

  Ally had been mesmerized by him during the ceremony as he stood beside his father. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and a teal tie. He was devastatingly handsome and she had yearned to touch him and demand that he tell her what she’d done wrong.

  She sighed and glanced up, but her heart fell when she caught him smiling at Stephanie as they danced. They made such an attractive couple and she had a hard time fighting the jealousy that was filling her insides. Stephanie had long legs and was nearly as tall as Cole. Her hair was gathered elegantly on top of her head with a few tendrils hanging down. The dusty rose colored dress she wore clung to her waist and hung tastefully below her knees. Yeah, she was a knockout and she made Ally feel extremely shabby.

  The past three weeks were threatening to overtake her emotions and she quickly gulped at her drink. At first, she’d been confused by his coolness, thinking maybe he was a little embarrassed at how far they’d gone the night of the dance, but then her confusion was replaced with anger as he continued to ignore her.

  “Hey, Ally! Wanna dance,” Jamie asked, sliding next to her. She turned to glare at him and he drew back at the emotion in her eyes. “Are you okay, cuz?”

  Ally smiled weakly, keeping her eyes off the dance floor. “Yeah. How come you’re not out there hitting on all Stacy’s nieces?”

  “Because I noticed my cousin sitting here all alone,” he answered.

  “Jeana was just here,” Ally said in confusion, glancing around, trying to locate Jeana.

  “Jeana’s been on the dance floor for the past two songs,” Jamie said with a frown.

  Ally shrugged, noticing that the music had changed from slow and romantic to fast and furious. “I’ve just been sitting here thinking, I guess.”

  “No,” Jamie said. “You’ve been sitting here moping about how moody Cole has been.”

  “I have to use the restroom,” she said as she got up and snatched her crutches. She’d become much more agile with the things and got through the crowd with ease.

  The restrooms were located near the entrance hall and she groaned when she noticed the crowd congregating by the doors, blocking her path to the bathroom.

  “Excuse me,” she bellowed and smiled broadly as her Uncle Ethan turned around and grinned.

  “Hey, princess,” he said as he pulled her into his arms. Her crutches clattered to the floor but she didn’t notice as she hugged his n
eck. “How are you feeling?”

  “Better,” she said as Jay picked up her crutches and handed them back to her. She kissed her Aunt Caroline on the cheek and noticed her older cousin, Megan lurking behind her parents. “When did you get in?”

  “Just a little bit ago,” Ethan said. “Have you seen my other daughter?”

  Ally pointed out Jeana on the dance floor and talked to Megan for a few minutes. She was aware of Cole standing nearby with his dad, but she didn’t look his way. She finally excused herself and hobbled off to the bathroom.

  She paused by the mirror to study her reflection. She’d actually gone shopping with Jeana and picked out a bright blue dress with a modest neckline, a fitted waist, and a long flowing skirt. Once she’d tried it on, Jeana had insisted that she buy it, saying it brought the blue out in her eyes. She’d allowed Jeana, who had been staying at her house that weekend, to apply faint traces of makeup and help her do her hair. She forewent her usual pony tail and let it fall down her back. Jeana had added a few curls on the ends and Ally had grudgingly admitted that she’d liked it.

  Now, though, she thought she paled in comparison to Stephanie’s glamorous model looks. She groaned, disgusted with herself, and left the bathroom to head back to her seat, hoping she’d spot one of her friends and they’d keep her company for a little bit. She sank down in her chair and propped her crutches nearby, scanning the room for signs of RJ or Jamie. Then, she spotted them both, along with Cole, standing at the bar, talking excitedly to Stephanie. She turned away and fought off the threatening emotions, the jealousy aching to consume her. She knew she should just get up and go join them and introduce herself, but she couldn’t bear it.

  “Hello! Do you mind if I sit down?”

  She lifted her eyes and found herself gazing into the smoky gray eyes of a very handsome guy, not much older than she. She smiled at up at him. “Sure, have a seat.”

  ***

  Cole rested his back against the bar and watched the guests laughing, dancing, and enjoying themselves. The ceremony had turned out pretty cool and his dad seemed really happy. Overall, Cole thought the whole day had been perfect.