Leftover Girl

by Bolick, C. C.

  Bailey chatted nonstop until we pulled into the parking lot of the Fun Connection.

  “Enjoy the movie, girls,” Aunt Charlie said as she watched Pade rise from the front. “Son, be careful skating.”

  Even though I knew Pade should be going to the movies, I touched the edge of crazy while waiting to see if his plans included skating. He certainly looked ready with his skates in hand. Maybe Bailey had our date all wrong.

  Chase stood inside the main row of doors, eyes coasting a room full of noises and people rushing by. After spotting us, he seemed almost relieved, at least until Pade eyed him and nodded.

  “Hey man, what’s up?” Pade’s voice was relaxed, but his eyes stayed on Chase.

  “Not much.” Chase shrugged, though his voice was cautious, like he’d been asked to believe a lie.

  Bailey pulled Chase’s arm, oblivious to the signals passing between them. An entire conversation, some kind of challenge, and maybe even a grudge had formed in six short words.

  I considered possibilities as Pade rented a locker to stow his skates. “Jessica Ray,” I said, under my breath. “Focus on your date.” Giddy warmth overtook thoughts of Chase as Pade held out his hand and smiled.

  Bailey and Chase stopped midway up the aisle for screen eight. Pade gestured up and I nodded, continuing to the top. I settled within a whisper of Pade, munching on the popcorn between us. He talked about a new action movie, maybe hinting at another date, while I wondered what to do next. Take his hand? Wait for Pade to make the first move?

  When I checked my phone, a whole hour of the movie had passed without Pade reaching for my hand. Below us, the shadow of Bailey’s head bent, merging with Chase’s shoulder. Jealousy of her success rippled through me.

  Pade leaned close, his breath a tickle of heat against my ear. “What are you looking at?”

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Bailey and Chase seem like they’re really into each other.”

  “Yeah.” I closed my eyes and slid lower in my seat, not wanting to talk about Bailey or Chase.

  Pade sighed and leaned back, once again focused totally on the movie.

  Reaching for my drink, I took a huge gulp, which was so not needed in my situation. As I replaced the cup, my fingers grazed Pade’s and I froze, electricity catching me by surprise. I needed to breathe. I needed to pee. Then his fingers slipped through mine.

  The most depressing part of that movie turned out to be the end. After sitting through all the credits and nearly dragging Pade alongside empty rows of seats, he finally released my hand at the door. We found Bailey and Chase outside, but my first stop was the bathroom.

  Bailey checked into the stall next to mine. “Oh my God, that was awesome!”

  “Yeah,” I said, sighing in relief. “The movie was cool.”

  “Please don’t tell me you actually watched that movie.” Bailey gagged. “Didn’t you have better things to think about?”

  For two hours, I’d banished thoughts of Dad’s illness from my mind. The feeling poured over my heart again, tearing me between laughing and crying.

  “Are you going to answer me?”

  “I didn’t watch the whole movie. Pade did hold my hand.”

  “Of course, I had faith in my brother.” She checked her makeup in the mirror and almost ran to Chase’s side.

  At the locker holding Pade’s unused skates, my hand touched his and Pade pulled away. “We should talk more.”

  Color faded from the world around me. “About what?”

  “You, me.” The inch between us became a foot. “If we’re going to be more than friends, we should at least talk about stuff. If you could ask me anything, what would it be?”

  I shrugged, able to think of only one question, but gutless to say the words. “What do you want to do after graduation?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I can see we’ve got to work on the opening up part.”

  “You said anything.”

  “Yeah, but I meant…” He sighed and yanked his skates from the locker. “I want to be something big with math like an accountant or engineer.”

  “No pro football?”

  “What are the chances of that happening?” Pade slammed the locker door, muttering under his breath. Without warning, he turned and smiled. “Did you like the movie?”

  I envied the confidence in his voice. “Yeah. I’m glad—”

  “Pade!” said a familiar voice. Tosh crossed the floor and stole a spot between us. “I didn’t know you were here.” She gave me a look of pointed daggers, but smiled at him with the sweetness of a candy store. “Come and skate with me.”

  For a scary moment, I imagined Pade might follow Tosh, leaving me in disbelief. Instead, he pulled out his phone. “Sorry Tosh, my mom’s picking us up in a few.”

  “Fine,” she said, shrugging as if the world could end before she cared. “See you on Monday.”

  As Tosh walked away, weaving her tight jeans close to a group of guys who stopped talking to stare, I pictured her face against the floor, hair in knots between each of my fingers, with my foot pressing down on the back of her neck…

  “Don’t let her get to you,” Pade said.

  “I’m cool,” I said, shooting for indifference but cool felt like a mask.

  “What were you saying before she walked up?”

  “Nothing.”

  He sat next to me on the way home, though half the cheerleading squad could have changed outfits between us, and I welcomed the distance for the first time. While Bailey created an entire script to satisfy Aunt Charlie’s questions, I fought an urge to admit the movie was everything except one I’d see again. After pulling into the driveway next to the van, we climbed out of the car and Bailey followed Aunt Charlie inside. Pade remained lost to the night until curiosity snowballed into enough nerve for me to turn.

  In the shadow of the van, Pade leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. An edge of sweat and sweet cologne filled my nostrils, and I burned the scent into memory. Darkness mixed with moonlight in the cool air around us, making me want to scream above the pulsing in my head. Maybe Pade planned to kiss me deeper, but I didn’t move, fearful of opening my eyes to discover the whole date was no more than a lie in the space from midnight to dawn.

  When Pade stepped back, he spoke with a huskiness somewhere between wonder and torture. “Goodnight, Jes.” He crossed the path to his house without another word, but I still felt on top of the world.

  * * * * *

  Since I missed breakfast the next morning, my stomach growled before my feet hit the floor. While Bailey ran home to shower and change, I found Mom in the kitchen making lunch for the boys.

  Butter sizzled on the flat iron as she opened the bread. “I bet you’re starving.”

  “You’re making grilled cheese sandwiches?” I asked.

  “Do you want ham or just cheese?”

  “Ham, definitely.”

  Dad walked in, circles hanging under his eyes. He opened his arms and I fell into his embrace.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, a cold hand clutching my heart.

  He released me, confusion on his face. “Of course. Why?”

  “You look tired.”

  “Oh, that. Mrs. Greene stopped in and watched the boys while Mom and I went out.”

  “Since when do you guys go out without us?”

  “Didn’t you wonder why Charlie dropped you off and picked you up? Lorraine and I went to the movies.”

  I gasped.

  “Thought we’d see The Summer Show. You know, find out what all the fuss is about. Jessica Ray, is there anything you want to tell me?”

  “Dad, I…” My eyes zoomed to Mom.

  She laughed. “Justin Delaney, quit giving her that look.”

  Dad opened his mouth, but laughed before he could form another word. “I can’t believe you messed that up. She was about to rat herself out.”

  Mom handed me a plate with two sandwiches. “Parents shouldn’t know everything.”


  “Maybe not,” Dad said, still grinning as he lowered to the table. I watched as his face began to glow again, exhaling the weight of ten history books after realizing my mistake.

  “Alright, boys, I was thinking we could all go out tonight. How does the fair sound?”

  While Danny and Collin made a victory lap around the table, Dad looked at me. “How about it, Jes? Is fifteen almost sixteen too old to hang out with your parents?”

  I shook my head. It was going to be an awesome day.

  * * * * *

  Everyone piled into the van as a silly high set the mood for our trip to the Old Fairgrounds. Aunt Charlie sat on the floor between the boys, all the way fighting with Dad over top honor with the best joke, keeping the rest of us scrambling for tissues. Bailey and I filled the backseat with Pade wedged in between us. He held my hand when no one was looking and pretended to be teasing me when they were.

  Since we arrived in the parking lot four hours before dark, I prepared myself for the sunscreen lecture. Mom and Aunt Charlie climbed out with the twins, plastering a generous white film across their cheeks. Dad remained in the driver’s seat long enough to cake on his.

  He handed me the tube. “You’ll thank me for making you wear this one day.”

  I applied the thick substance. “Yeah, whatever.”

  “The sun can be harsh, so don’t make fun of skin protection.”

  I forced a frown. “Does that mean when I’m thirty I’ll look like I’m twenty?”

  He laughed. “Next time I’ll go for the vanity angle first.”

  Bailey stood at the end of a long row of cars. I ran to catch up, wiping my sticky hands on my jeans. “What should we do first?”

  She pointed to a double Ferris wheel. “Rides.”

  Mom looped her arm in Aunt Charlie’s. “That sounds great.”

  “Yeah,” Aunt Charlie said. “Just like when Daddy used to take us.”

  Dad left with Danny and Collin, amazed as they argued about where to start. Mom and Aunt Charlie bought a ticket for everything Bailey and I rode. The Himalaya was my favorite, with music beating as we screamed on a grounded rollercoaster. Second favorite was the Gravitron, although I couldn’t feel my legs. Only three rides went upside down, but I refused to get in line for those.

  Excitement crammed the air around us as the sun dropped behind the trees. Flashing lights came on, seamless rows of neon purple and green outlining the rides. Dad returned with Danny and Collin, both pouting over all the rides they couldn’t get on until they were taller.

  “Sorry boys,” he said. “Your mom was always short for her age too.” He put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “There are advantages to being the oldest.”

  “Nothing useful.”

  “Don’t bet on that.” He handed me a twenty. “Why don’t you and Bailey try some games?”

  “What should we play?” I yelled as voices fought music along the outer section.

  “No one’s lining up to collect those dusty toys,” she said, pausing at a booth boasting the largest stuffed animals. Bailey grabbed the tail of a monkey hanging from the tent above our heads. “Look at this.”

  I stared across row after row of old coke bottles and the frenzy of rings flying from every corner of the booth. “You’ll never win that.”

  “No,” she said. “I spent my money already. But you could.”

  “I don’t think so.” Then I spotted Bailey’s true motive. A guy with tattoos was working our side of the booth.

  He smiled as if Bailey and I hovered on the brink of college. “Five dollars buys you twenty rings.”

  “Go on,” she said, shouting in my ear.

  Deciding on a tiger above his head, I laid the twenty down.

  Bailey reached in the box he handed over. “What are you waiting for?”

  “I’m watching how people aim.” I lifted a ring, molded from thick red plastic, and tossed it across the booth. The edge bounced off a bottle and fell out of sight.

  “You’ll never win that way. Hey, can you show my friend how to play?”

  “Sure.” Tattoo guy tossed a ring, landing it on the neck of a bottle, probably for the hundredth time that day. “That’s how you win.”

  I was down to my last two when Pade walked up.

  “Having fun?” he asked.

  “Maybe if I could land a ring on one of these bottles,” I said.

  Pade lifted a ring, turning it in his hand. “I don’t see how it can fit.”

  Tattoo guy cleared his throat. “All games are completely winnable, that’s our rule.”

  Bailey stepped closer. “He’s right Pade, Jes and I saw him ring one. There’s no reason why you can’t win.”

  I tossed the ring in my hand and watched, helpless as it disappeared into the abyss between two rows of bottles.

  “Last one,” said tattoo guy, as he leaned against the counter.

  Pade cut his eyes to me. “What are you trying to win?”

  I pointed to the tiger and Pade nodded. His face tightened as he stared across the sea of green glass. He lifted his hand and aimed, tossing my last ring with a gentle flip. To my amazement, the ring landed perfectly around the neck of a bottle.

  Squealing, I gave Pade a high five. Bailey hugged her brother and bounced as if we all stood on a trampoline.

  Tattoo guy grinned. “Great shot, man. What’ll it be?”

  “Tiger,” Pade said, calm at the center of our excitement.

  “Alright, ladies’ choice.”

  The tiger, overstuffed orange and black stripes in my arms, dragged the ground around my feet. As I grabbed the tail, Pade’s eyes met mine. Under his gaze, my heart pounded, each pulse a floored accelerator as the games disappeared. Every funnel cake and laughing face and old metal bell blurred around me. I longed to rewind time and amend the day I said our kiss meant nothing, clearing the way for me to drop the tiger and throw my arms around Pade’s neck.

  Bailey’s voice pierced the fog. “I’m going to catch up with Rachelle.”

  Pade put an arm through mine. “You’re welcome.”

  Minutes passed as we walked the rows of games, maybe hours, before Pade spoke again. “Homecoming is four Fridays away. What will you be doing that night?”

  My breath caught. “Hopefully, same as you.”

  “You mean before or after I throw the winning play and get every coach in the Southeast on a plane to Credence, begging me to sign for their school?”

  I pushed him away. “Obviously, I’ll be dancing while you’re passed out in the locker room.”

  He laughed and recaptured my arm. “Can’t you let a guy dream?”

  “I thought Bailey said your dad’s already planned for a college in Colorado.”

  The sparkle in his voice withered and died with the happy lines of his face. “Next year I’ll be eighteen. He’ll be done choosing my life for me, and if he’s not, I’ll make sure he understands what ‘legal’ means.”

  The amber glass of a beer bottle rolled beneath my feet and I stumbled with a goofy ‘ouch’, nearly falling.

  Pade grabbed my shoulders. “Are you okay?”

  Before I could answer, he shoved me into the shadow between two tents. His lips brushed mine, softly at first, but urgent with the next touch. The smell of canvas surrounded us, reminding me of a camping trip before Atlanta. Warmth flowed all the way to my stomach, like when I gave in at a party once and drank a shot of flaming red liquid.

  “Go with me to the dance,” he said.

  I searched for his eyes. “You can’t take me to Homecoming, not really take me.”

  “I can take whoever I want.”

  “No,” I said, biting my lip. “You can’t pick me up.”

  “I’ve got a license. Mom will let me borrow the car.”

  “That’s not what I mean. You can’t tell your mom who you’re taking. You can’t meet me at the bottom of the stairs and shake Dad’s hand. We can’t arrive together; people will make puking noises behind our backs.”

>   “Don’t you think you’re taking this ‘related’ thing a little far? Besides, this is Homecoming, not Prom. We’ll just meet up after the game and hang out on the dance floor.”

  “Hang out?”

  Pade took my hand, pulling me back to the fair. “We’ll figure something out.”

  We spent the next hour checking out the fair, side by side, with no other mention of the dance. He looped his arm in mine again, but this time kept a safe distance. Only when Mom and Dad walked up from behind did Pade release my arm. Their loud voices tipped us off.

  Dad never said if he saw us together.

  * * * * *

  Unsteady feet sent my body lurching forward. The sound of the hall beneath my bare toes echoed as I followed breadcrumbs in the form of my father’s voice. With a trembling hand, I jerked the edge of my nightgown from its trailing spot on the floor. For a terrifying instant, he was lost to me. My feet bolted toward his anxious sound, the only sound. No longer worried he might send me back alone, I needed the security of his arms around me. Maybe I could stop him, make him turn around. Whatever his reasons for leaving, my heart didn’t doubt his love. If only he would slow down.

  Around the last corner of the hall, a narrow door rose to my right. I stood on my toes and stretched both arms to reach a square handle. Because of my change in height, the dream began to feel contradictory—happening both in the present and in the past. Both real and unreal. Even more unreal came when the door opened.

  Before me was a spaceship, complete with flashing lights and swirling engine noises. The outside, shaped like a racecar, glowed under the lights, but the mass of metal could have overflowed a garage. Seams from a door drew my attention to a stairway spiraling to the floor. Between my feet and the stairway stretched a lighted path of metal, some kind of bridge, and to each side dark water, pooling below the platform in battered waves. The same waves of wind caught my hair and threatened to force me back.

  I tripped on the edge of my nightgown as the ceiling split. Darkness hovered outside, glittered with stars, causing my head to float ten feet above my body. A voice called from behind, above the fully charged engine. I closed my eyes and pictured myself at the top of the stairway.