by Janice Lynn
“Excuse the lack of furniture. I sold most of what I had in Boston, rather than move it. Carrie and I are working on buying furniture as time allows. It’s our weekend project to put our home together piece by piece.”
“Let me show you my room!” Carrie grabbed Natalie’s hand and led her through the mostly empty house.
When she pushed open a door, Natalie expected little more than a bare room with a bed, or perhaps a cot. Instead, it was as if she’d stepped into a fantasy.
The opposite wall from the door housed a painted wooden floor-to-ceiling castle with a stairwell leading up to a tower with only a small peek hole. The walls were painted in a fairyland motif, complete with another far, far away castle, unicorns and other friendly-looking animals, puffy white clouds, blue skies and rainbows, and even a waterfall.
“Wow,” Natalie breathed, taking in the room. “Just wow.”
“I know,” Carrie agreed, sounding a bit breathless herself.
Natalie walked over to the bed, with its pink comforter and sheer white drapes that gave it a mystical tent appearance.
“Don’t you just love it?” Carrie whispered, clasping her hands together.
“I want to move in here.” She turned to Matthew. “You did this?”
“Carrie found photos of what she wanted. We picked out the key pieces of furniture and I hired a decorating firm to make it happen. My mother oversaw the work while Carrie and I were wrapping up in Boston.”
“Is the decorator doing the rest of the house?”
“We may enlist her help again,” he admitted, “but for now I had her to do my room, Carrie’s room and the kitchen.”
“You have castles in your bedroom, too?”
He shook his head. “No castles or unicorns. Not even a princess.”
“You have me,” Carrie reminded. “I’m a princess.”
“That I do,” Matthew agreed, touching the top of the girl’s head. “And that you are.”
“And you’d have a dog if you’d just get one.” Carrie’s eyes were huge and fairly puppy-like as she regarded him.
Natalie suspected Matthew’s big house would be filled with the sound of barking before long. Carrie seemed to have a way of getting people to do what she wanted with a flash of her big brown eyes and precious smile.
After all, Natalie was at Matthew’s house, and who would have ever thought that possible?
CHAPTER NINE
“HOW’S OUR GIRL this morning?”
Natalie jumped at the sound of Matthew’s voice behind her. Straightening from where she’d been examining the tiny baby in the special ICU bassinette, she faced him.
“So far, so good.”
“Her color is good.”
It was. The baby’s skin was a nice pink. If everything held course, they’d start removing some of the lines later today, and continue to monitor the baby’s progress closely over the next several days.
“Thank you for your help with her.”
He gave a half-smile. “You’d have gotten the valves to work if I hadn’t been there.”
He was right. She wouldn’t have stopped until she’d done all she could for the baby. He’d just made it easier.
And taught her a new technique.
Had they not had an affair, she might have liked him.
He smiled at her and her heart fluttered.
Ha. Part of her still liked him.
A lot.
Good thing there was that part of her that didn’t like him, else she might be in trouble for having inappropriate thoughts about her boss. Her boss whom she’d slept with before he was her boss, and before she’d known what he was doing for a little girl who could have easily ended up in foster care, as Natalie had.
Not wanting to have empathetic thoughts about him, she turned back to the baby, taking another listen to her tiny heart.
“Thank you for going with Carrie and me last night.”
“I shouldn’t have.” Her response was automatic, the truth, but a part of her didn’t regret having gone, having seen that uncertain part of him that wanted to do right by Carrie so desperately, yet didn’t seem to know quite how.
“I didn’t expect you to,” he admitted from where he stood next to the bassinette.
“She’s hard to say no to.”
He gave a low laugh. “Tell me about it. I’m going to have to learn, though, or I’ll have her spoiled rotten. It’s so difficult not to give her everything she wants to try to make up for all she’s dealing with.”
Natalie could only imagine. She barely knew the child and she’d found herself drifting off to sleep thinking about puppies.
“Including getting stuck with me.”
“She seems to be a good kid, overall,” Natalie mused.
“She is. The best. She’s...” His voice trailed off. “Sorry, I know you don’t want to hear about Carrie. Or anything to do with my personal life. Sorry she roped you into last night, but I do appreciate your going with us.”
Natalie swallowed the lump in her throat. Yeah, she shouldn’t want to hear anything about Carrie or his personal life, but part of her was sorely disappointed he’d stopped talking, that he’d felt the need to.
Which was ridiculous. She understood and embraced that need to halt anything even slightly personal between them. It was how it needed to be.
Just as she needed to put some distance between them because last night had her all mixed up.
“Have you made a decision about the Harris case?”
His question jolted her back to reality. Focusing on the baby rather than looking up at him, Natalie nodded. “I’m going to operate.”
“I’d like to be in surgery with you.”
She’d thought he might. Perhaps that had been part of her hesitation in making the decision, but her window of opportunity was quickly passing. If the Harris baby was going to have her vessels repaired in utero and have time to heal prior to entering this world, the operation had to take place soon.
“You planning to take over again?”
His gaze narrowed. “Is that how you saw what happened?”
No, it wasn’t. Her comment had been unfair and unwarranted. Matthew had been nothing but kind since his arrival in Memphis. So why had she snapped at him?
She knew why. The same reason her insides were twisted into knots. Last night—seeing him vulnerable when she’d thought him invincible, seeing him giving up so much to try to take care of his best friend’s daughter.
And then there was Miami.
She couldn’t look at him and not remember how his lips had felt against her body, how his body had felt against hers, how they’d laughed together, played together, how she’d let loose and relaxed with him because she’d thought she’d never see him again.
That was the reason she’d been so relaxed with him, wasn’t it?
Yet here he was in Memphis.
Driving her crazy. Mentally, emotionally, physically.
“You can do as you please,” she assured, trying not to let too much of her unease come through. “It’s not as if I have the authority to say no.”
She made the mistake of looking up, catching his light blue gaze darkening as he studied her.
“Is there someone you’d rather have in this particular surgery with you than the surgeon on staff who has the most in-utero surgical experience?”
She took a deep breath, then glanced beyond him to make sure no one was near enough to overhear their conversation.
“Of course I don’t want you in surgery with me.” Only, she did. Which annoyed her all the more. Then again, she’d admired his skills long before she knew just how far they extended.
“Explain.”
“We had sex,” she whispered.
“So what?” He kept his voice low. “That has nothing to do with this.�
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“It has everything to do with this,” she assured. “If I’d known there was even the slightest possibility that I’d someday work with you, we never would have.”
With one last look at the baby, she walked away, ducked into a dictation room for a moment’s privacy to calm her racing heart. She should have known Matthew would follow her.
“Our having sex is in the past,” he said matter-of-factly, filling the doorway to the small closet-like room. “We can’t change the past. But how we proceed in the future is something we do have control over. I let you dictate the animosity between us from the moment I arrived on the Memphis scene because I agreed that keeping our distance was for the best. But I was wrong. The reality is, we can’t keep enough distance to avoid the truth.”
“What truth?”
He raked his fingers through his dark hair. “You want me.”
Three simple words spoken softly but they echoed around the tiny room.
“You’re mistaken,” she denied.
“You want me as much as I want you,” he clarified, causing her breath to lodge in her throat. “You want to know if we made love again if it would be as intense as in Miami.”
“You’re crazy.” Natalie shook her head. She didn’t want to know that. If it was she’d never be able to maintain a professional relationship with him.
She had to maintain a professional relationship with him.
“But my working here complicates things. My being your boss complicates things. I get that. Especially as making this cardiology program everything it can be is important to me.” He took a long breath, raked his fingers through his hair again. “I won’t let you or anyone keep that from happening. I need this position to work. For my sake and for Carrie’s.”
Natalie winced.
“If you think it’s impossible to work with me because of our physical attraction then we need to figure this out before it compromises the program.”
“I’d never do anything to compromise the program or any patient,” she adamantly denied, ignoring the rest of what he said. She’d devoted her professional life to Memphis Children’s Hospital. How could he question her loyalty?
“Great,” he said as if he’d just won a major argument, his entire demeanor relaxing and an easy smile flashing across his handsome face. “Then you’ll be fine with the fact that I’m assisting on your surgery this afternoon on the Givens baby, who’s being flown in right now.” His expression grew a little more serious. “I will also be in on the Harris case.”
* * *
Natalie could almost forget that Matthew stood across the operating table from her. Almost.
Okay, so not really.
Thus far, he had assisted, but otherwise hadn’t pushed for a more controlling role in the Givens baby’s surgery.
Andy Givens had been born in an outlying community hospital that morning and had quickly gotten into distress and been transported via helicopter to Memphis Children’s.
Being the surgeon on call that day, Natalie had been assigned the case and had shifted her clinic schedule to perform the repair of the baby’s tiny valve and vessels.
With Matthew working right along beside her.
It would be easy to get distracted by the efficient movements of his hands, of the skill with which he worked, but she kept her focus on the repairs rather than where Matthew worked on the baby’s tiny heart simultaneously via the robotic device that allowed such fine manipulation.
When they’d finished, Natalie scrubbed her hands, ignoring that Matthew joined her. He made a few comments, but she brushed them off.
Surgery with him was getting to her. Spending time with him was getting to her. His earlier claims were getting to her.
She didn’t want anything about him to get to her.
Her insides felt raw, her mind raced, her heart ached. She needed to be alone, to assimilate the evening’s events. The last thing she wanted was to get caught in conversation with him, but he seemed to have other ideas as he fell into step beside her. “You okay?”
“Ecstatic.”
“No regrets?”
Without slowing her pace, she cut her gaze toward him. “Regarding?”
“My being in there with you.”
“It’s not what I would have chosen, but everything seems to have gone well, so...” She let her voice trail off as she punched the elevator call button.
“Is my being in surgery with you that big of a problem, Natalie?” he asked as they stepped into the empty elevator.
She pressed the button for the floor where her office was located and wished he’d push another button indicating he was headed to another floor. Any floor but hers. Which wouldn’t make sense since his office was located down the hallway from hers.
Staring at the elevator floor indicator and wishing it would hurry up, Natalie said, “The surgery went well. That’s what’s important.”
The elevator dinged then the door slid open. Matthew stood back, letting Natalie exit first. Not that he had a long wait—she practically leapt out. They headed down a long hallway and entered the cardiology center, where an office complex was located. It being late in the evening, the corridor to their offices was eerily silent, and to get to his office they had to walk past hers first.
Sensing Matthew standing behind her, she punched in the security code that would unlock her office, and when the door clicked open she drew in a deep breath.
“You planning to stay here tonight?”
Without turning to face him, she nodded. “I’m on call, so I planned on going to the computer lab to work on the Harris case. Plus, I want to be close if there are any changes on the Givens baby.”
“Call if you need me.”
A million thoughts ran through her mind. None of which had anything to do with her cases. Heat flooded her and she was glad he couldn’t see her face. But he must have sensed what was on her mind, because when he spoke his voice was low.
“It’s moments like these where I have to remind myself that I promised to leave you alone on a personal level, because right then I almost turned you to face me, Natalie.”
Her breath caught and she squeezed her eyes shut as if that would somehow stop the onslaught of emotions hitting her.
“For the record, I don’t find not touching you easy.”
Neither did she, which was why it was so important they keep a distance.
His words from before struck her. Was he right? Was there no distance great enough to stop her from wanting him?
She did want him, hadn’t stopped wanting him. He was here, right behind her, alone in this private section of the hospital office complex. All she had to do was turn, reach out and touch him, and...and then what?
Her heart pounded in her chest. Her hand fell from the code pad and she turned, met his pale eyes.
He stared at her, seeing what she wasn’t sure because she couldn’t label the confusion swirling within her. She wanted him to disappear, to have never met him, for him to be back in Boston performing his miraculous surgeries.
But even more she wanted him to touch her, to take charge and take what he wanted—what she wanted.
So why wasn’t she reaching out to touch him?
Because if she touched him she had to acknowledge that everything he said was true, that maybe she couldn’t work with him day after day and ignore what was between them. Because pretending she didn’t want him, that Miami had been one big mistake, was a lot easier than acknowledging he was a part of her daily life, and that scared her.
Her lips parted. To say what, she wasn’t sure, just that so much emotion churned within her she needed to let it out somehow. Or maybe she’d been offering a subconscious invitation.
Regardless, Matthew’s gaze didn’t soften—instead it took on that dark and dangerous look that made her wonder how she’d ever thought him v
ulnerable the night before.
“Goodnight, Natalie,” he said. “Great job in surgery today. If there are any unexpected changes, let me know.”
With that, he opened her office door, practically pushed her inside and walked away without a backward glance.
* * *
Dr. Luiz’s retirement party was a huge success. The hospital’s CEO had given quite the toast to the man early on in the evening. Hospital staff, along with VIP members of the medical community and from Memphis’s social and political scene, had been slapping the retiring doctor on the back all evening, and still came up to do so every so often.
At the moment, a couple had interrupted Matthew’s conversation with the older surgeon to tell him how missed he would be at the hospital. Matthew let Dr. Luiz explain that he was only semi-retiring and would still be around the hospital, just significantly scaling back on his duties and no longer overseeing the department.
His semi-retirement was one of the things that made the position work for Matthew. With Dr. Luiz still there part-time and with a second-in-command of Natalie’s caliber, Matthew’s workload wasn’t near as heavy as in Boston. Which gave him more time to spend with Carrie, for them to figure out this new life of theirs.
Maybe he’d get used to the idea of working less and parenting more. Maybe he’d get better at it. Hopefully. His sister had Carrie tonight, and the little girl would have a good time with her cousins. Would be in a home where the adult in the household knew what she was doing.
Something Matthew wondered if he’d ever figure out.
The couple were still chatting with Dr. Luiz, and Matthew spent the time glancing around the crowd, wondering if Natalie was there yet. Sweet and sassy Natalie, who was determined to keep him at arms’ length. Which he should be grateful for. He didn’t need to risk anything—anyone—messing up his new life in Memphis.
He’d gotten a whole lot wrong over the past few months, but moving to Memphis had been right—the best decision he’d made in a long time.
There had only been one negative: Natalie and their strained working relationship.