Beast: Learning to Breathe Devil’s Blaze Duet

by Jordan Marie

  “Actually, I really would like to go. Are you sure I wouldn’t be in the way, Pastor?” I interject, mostly irritated.

  “Of course not. You know I always love our rides together, Hayden,” he admonishes.

  “Beast said you leave this house with no one but him, or without his orders. That means you stay right here, Hayden,” Crusher adds, and really, I get that Michael wants to protect me, but this man is just an asshole. Would Michael have left me with him if he knew how much he enjoyed putting Michael down? I’d prefer to be around the Pastor.

  “I’m sure he didn’t mean Pastor Sturgill. He’s a friend. I travel with him all the time,” I argue, unable to keep my aggravation out of my voice.

  “I’m just as positive that it includes the Pastor,” Crusher maintains, crossing his arms against his chest, like his words are final.

  “Whatever,” I mutter. “If you give me just a minute, Pastor, I’ll get the baked goods.” I walk up the steps, giving Crusher a mean look. “Do you mind?” I ask him, when it doesn’t seem like he’s going to let me by. Then he does, and I huff past his wife to go to the fridge. I take the container out. It’s kind of huge, because I did get carried away baking. I wasn’t kidding when I told the Pastor that baking helps me when I’m upset. When I turn around Crusher and Dani are standing between me and the Pastor as if they are protecting me. These two are so weird. I do my best to plaster on a smile, then I take the food to him. “Here you go, Pastor.”

  “You baked so much, Hayden, there’s no way the church paid you enough this time,” he says, peering through the plastic cover to look upon all the goods inside.

  “You’re always more than generous,” I tell him. “The church is lucky to have you.”

  “I’ve only been with the church for about five months now, but I’m starting to find my footing,” he answers with a smile.

  That surprises me. I assumed he had been here much longer. I guess we must have gotten into town about the same time.

  “If you will carry these, I’ll just get the box of cookies I have on the freezer and follow you out,” I tell him. Before I can get the cookies, Crusher walks in front of me and does it.

  “I’ll take them out. You stay in here, with Dani,” Crusher says. His face is tight and he looks nothing like the lunatic who was laughing and annoying me about Michael. In truth, he’s got a very serious vibe about him right now. I look over at Dani and I can even see tension there. Does he sense danger? I’m not sure what’s going on, but my gut tells me to hang back.

  “Fine. I’ll see you this afternoon, Pastor.”

  “This afternoon?” he asks, and he looks rattled. Of course, why wouldn’t he with the way Crusher is acting. I really need to talk to Michael about him.

  “I’m sure you’ll be at the hospital when we come by,” I remind him, and he nods his head.

  “Oh. Yeah, I’ll probably be there,” he says, and he looks upset. Before I can question him about it, he and Crusher leave the kitchen. The screen door slams behind them, leaving me alone with the beauty queen, Dani.

  Just great.

  81

  Hayden

  “They sure grow tall preachers in this town,” Dani mutters. Crusher followed the Pastor outside and I’m stuck in the kitchen with her.

  “He’s not real tall,” I argue, but he is. He’s shorter than Beast, but then most people are.

  “He is. He’s taller than Zander, though not by much. He just doesn’t seem like the preacher type.”

  “Do preachers have a type?” I ask her, at least glad she’s not talking about Michael anymore.

  “He just seems too laid back and he struts. I think I could see him in a bar, drinking a beer and shooting pool.”

  “I don’t think the Pastor drinks. I think that goes against his beliefs. I’ve never seen him drink.”

  “I’m just saying, he gives off that vibe. You don’t see it?” Her eyes crinkle at the corners while she waits for me to argue.

  I shrug, put off by her assessment of Pastor Sturgill. “I’ve never really thought about it. He’s been nice to me.” He has been so good about helping me. Buying my baked goods, giving me rides. He’s been good to me.

  “Hmm…” she muses.

  “Whatever. Shouldn’t it be about time for Michael to come back?” I try changing the subject. I don’t like the bad feelings she is putting in my head about the Pastor, he’s my friend.

  “Are you wanting to get rid of me and Zander?”

  “Whatever gave you that idea?” I respond, and I can’t keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice. Dani has to have heard it, but instead of getting mad she laughs.

  “Okay, okay, your claws can go back in. I admit that I’m a bitch.”

  “At least you own up to it,” I mutter.

  “I do. It’s just Beast was really decent to me at a time when I was hurting. He’s a special person and he’s been through so much pain. I wanted to make sure whoever he finally chose to take a chance on…realized they were getting a great man.”

  My eyes soften on her. “You think he wants to take a chance…on me?”

  “I absolutely do. I don’t think he’d be here if he didn’t. I know he wouldn’t be so protective of you,” she says, and I search her face, wanting desperately to believe her.

  “He’s just trying to protect the baby. Michael is a good person. He just wants Maggie safe.”

  “Maybe, but he also wants Maggie’s mother,” she grins.

  “I don’t think—”

  “His eyes follow you, constantly. You said you made him laugh. Beast doesn’t laugh. I’ve known him for years now, and I’ve never heard him laugh, Hayden.”

  “Years?” I ask shocked. The thought of Michael never knowing joy, of having been without happiness for years hurts my heart.

  “Years,” she confirms and it’s probably pregnancy hormones, but I feel the tears gathering in my eyes.

  “He loved Annabelle so much,” I whisper, feeling a tear fall.

  “He told you about Annabelle?” Dani asks, her voice sharper than before.

  “Not a lot, but from what he said, I knew he loved her completely.”

  “Well of course he would.”

  “Yeah—”

  “Hayden, I’ll need you to come with me,” the Pastor interrupts, pushing through the door so loudly that I jump when it slams against the wall on the inward swing.

  “Pastor Sturgill? Is something wrong?” I ask alarmed, wondering what on earth is happening.

  He’s got the strangest look on his face. It’s full of anger…and maybe fear. Sweat is beading across his forehead.

  “Where’s Zander?” Dani yells, moving back away from the Pastor and taking me with her.

  “He’s fine. He’s just outside. I need you to come with me, Hayden. We must hurry now,” he urges.

  “Why?” I question him, once more.

  “Why didn’t Zander come back in with you?” Dani asks too, and I’m getting a really bad feeling about all of this—about him.

  “Let’s go, Hayden,” the Pastor says again, and his voice goes harder.

  “She’s not going anywhere with you!” Dani reiterates, her voice going high.

  “She is,” the Pastor says, and he takes the few steps toward us and reaches out to grab my hand.

  Dani moves really fast and barrels into the Pastor, knocking him down.

  “Run, Hayden!” she cries, but if she thinks I’m going to leave her alone, she’s crazy.

  Ignoring her plea, I instead try and pull her with me. The Pastor was momentarily stunned by Dani’s surprise attack, but he recovers quickly. He grabs her by the hair and throws her away from him. She lands hard, crashing against the sink. Shit. Shit. Shit.

  I grab Dani, who seems dazed from the hit she took, pulling her with me, even as the Pastor advances on us. I need to quit calling him Pastor…I have a very bad feeling that he’s not a pastor at all. I don’t know who he is, but I’m thinking he’s not good—and I mean really not
good. He grabs me by the hair, yanking my head back and pulling me away from Dani.

  “Run Dani!” I urge her, “Go find help!” Pastor—fake Pastor Sturgill, tightens his hold. I cry out from the pain.

  Dani has grabbed a skillet that Michael used this morning to fry bacon in, and charges at him. I let my body go slack so that when he yanks at me, I fall back against him, surprising him. Dani connects with the skillet at almost the same time I bring my hand back and connect with his balls. He lets out a guttural yell but he goes down. He hasn’t let go of my hair though and no matter how hard I try I can’t get away from him. I fall backwards into him.

  “You fucking bitch!” he cries out.

  “Does that sound like something a preacher should be saying?” Dani yells and she comes at him again with the skillet.

  I shuffle to get up now that he’s let go of me. I stand up, and I might accidently on purpose be pushing my knee into his manly area as I get up. He shoves me hard, to move me out of the way. I land on my side, with my hands wrapped around my stomach, right as Dani slams him again with the skillet.

  Pastor Sturgill—or whoever the hell he is, goes out this time, falling against the floor, unconscious.

  “Take that fucking-mother-fucker!” Dani exclaims out and spits on him for good measure. She’s not looking so much like a beauty queen now, more like a wrestler from a Wrestle Mania cage fight.

  The door slams open again, and I prepare for another battle, thinking I hope I get the skillet this time. When I look and see that it’s Michael who comes through the door, I don’t stop to think, I simply run to him. The minute I hit him, his arms go around me and his head burrows into the side of my neck.

  Nothing has ever felt so good.

  82

  Beast

  It’s that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and that burning at the back of your neck that makes you feel like something is wrong. The nervous jitters you get when you feel like time isn’t on your side. It’s all of those combined that tells you something is fucking wrong. That’s the way I feel during the drive back to Hayden’s. I find myself breaking the speed limit and racing to get to her. I’m so much on edge that I feel like I can’t breathe. I knew I shouldn’t have left her. I should have taken her with me to meet with Victor. If anything is actually wrong, I may kill Crusher.

  I pull into the driveway and that feeling I have, only intensifies when I see the preacher’s car in the driveway. I told him not to come around, that I was putting the house on lockdown. He kept whining about picking up some baked goods that Hayden baked for the church, and I even made it clear that I would drop them off this evening at the church—myself. Something about that asshole rubs me the wrong way and him being here is setting off a lot of internal alarms. I grab the gun I keep in the console, jumping out of the truck the minute I throw it into park. It rocks from the sudden stop, as I slam the truck door. I’ve only taken a couple of steps when I hear Hayden crying out as if in pain. I pick up my pace, running to the door. Out of the corner of my eye I see Crusher lying on the ground. Fuck. I grip the gun tighter, throw open the kitchen door, prepared to end that fucking preacher’s life.

  What I see throws me completely. There’s Dani standing over the preacher, wielding a deadly looking…skillet. My eyes zero in on Hayden. I expect to find her in the corner, scared and maybe in the midst of a panic attack. Instead, she’s standing there looking at me. Then she takes off towards me, literally jumping into my arms. The minute my arms wrap around her, the fear eases. I hold her close, burrowing my head into the side of her neck, taking in her scent, feeling her close to me. It calms me.

  “What’s going on, Beauty? Are you okay?” I ask her softly, still drinking her in.

  Dani comes out of her trance though and drops the skillet with a large clang, as it lands on the wood floor.

  “Where’s Zander?” she sobs, and I remember I seen him laying outside.

  “Fuck,” I growl, letting go of Hayden—mostly. I’m still holding her hand. One more quick glance at the preacher tells me he’s out. “He’s outside,” I tell her, and we walk out there to find him. “Stay right here,” I order Hayden when we make it outside, insisting she stay at my side. If there are any further surprises in store, I want her at arm’s length. I squat down and check Crusher for injuries. There’s no obvious wound. But I can see a swelling on the side of his head. My best guess would be he was knocked out with something.

  “Zander, honey,” Dani says, touching his face and lifting him up. “Cowboy, are you okay?” she questions. Putting his face in her lap as she manages to slide under him.

  “Let’s get him loaded in my truck and take him to the hospital,” I tell her.

  “We should call an ambulance,” Dani argues.

  “As slow as they are, Michael could have him at the hospital sooner,” Hayden says, mirroring my thoughts. I stand up, getting ready to bend down and pick Crusher up when he moans.

  “Thank God,” Dani whispers, her tears dropping down on Crusher’s face almost as fast as she tries to wipe them off it.

  “Quit crying, Hellcat, it takes something harder than a fucking rock to bust my head open,” he mutters, sitting up and holding his head. “Tell me you put a bullet in that sack of shit.”

  “Not yet,” I tell him. “Your girl knocked him on his ass.”

  “That’s my woman,” Crusher says proudly, even while in pain.

  “I had help. Hayden wouldn’t run even when I told her to,” Dani says, going into Crusher’s hold, hugging his side.

  I look over at Hayden and I might be glad she didn’t give into a panic attack, but right now I’m pissed.

  “You should have run.”

  “What? I couldn’t leave Dani alone to face him, Michael,” she says, her eyes wide with surprise.

  “You could and you should have. You needed to take care of Maggie.”

  “I do take care of Maggie, but I wasn’t leaving Dani alone,” she says stubbornly.

  I grunt, because there’s not much I can say to that.

  I sigh, changing the subject. “We need to figure out what to do with the preacher.”

  “I don’t think he’s a preacher, Michael,” Hayden whispers, and Crusher almost laughs, but his pain makes the sound into something else.

  “What are we going to do with him?” Dani asks, moving her hand delicately over Crusher’s wound.

  “I’ll call Victor. I got a feeling he’ll lead us to Blade.”

  “He’s how Blade knew about Maggie and why I called her a girl…” Hayden says, quietly, more to herself than to the rest of us.

  I don’t answer, instead helping Crusher get to his feet. Then I capture Hayden’s hand. There’s really nothing to say in response, because I’d lay odds that she’s right. There’s a connection between the would be preacher and Blade.

  I feel it.

  83

  Hayden

  “I owe Charlie so much, Michael. What if she doesn’t know how much I loved her? I thanked her, and she knew I cared about her, but I can’t remember ever telling her I loved her. I should have done that. I should have,” I whisper against his skin.

  It’s late. Probably close to midnight. Michael and I are lying in bed after an exhausting—both physically and emotionally—day. All the lights are out in the house and the moon shining through the bedroom window is the only light visible. The house is quiet. Dani and Crusher are spending the night in Michael’s barn, but there’s two other men in the house. Michael said they were part of Diesel’s crew. They seem nice enough. It’s still hard for me at times to get used to having other people in my home. Tonight, after we came back from the hospital—the hospital where I had to say goodbye to Charlie, there was a point I had to fight down a panic attack. We picked up a bucket of chicken and sides from town and my small kitchen with Michael and two other men in it, seemed to get smaller. They were talking and laughing with each other, and I was busy trying not to freak out and embarrass Michael. I tried to hid
e it, but Michael was watching me like a hawk. He didn’t say anything, but I know he saw. He grabbed our plates and ordered me to follow him into the bedroom where we ate on the floor in silence. I hate that I can’t be stronger for him. I really am trying. I’m getting better…most days.

  “She knew, Beauty. She never told you either, but you knew, right?” he whispers back. He’s got my hand in his, and his thumb is brushing back and forth against the inside of my palm.

  “I knew,” I tell him, closing my eyes and letting a few silent tears escape. I’ve cried so much tonight. I don’t want to give into another crying jag. Poor Michael has had to endure my tears most of the evening.

  Michael turns onto his side and pulls me even closer into him. He kisses my forehead, while wrapping his hand in my hair, letting my head rest on his shoulder. “Come on, Beauty. She wouldn’t want you hurting like this. She wanted you happy. She made Victor promise to protect you from the moment she first met you. You need to make sure you honor that and actually be happy,” he says.

  I think over his words, and I know he’s right, but there’s just not a lot to be happy about tonight. “Do you think she blames me, Michael?”

  “Blames you?”

  “If it wasn’t for me, she’d still be alive,” I tell him, my confession is quiet, shaky and full of guilt.

  “That’s bullshit. You are not to blame for that,” he rumbles, his voice vibrating in the darkness full of emotion. “That son of a bitch Blade is the only person to blame for this. He’s the one person who needs to feel the guilt. He needs to choke on it, right before he takes his last breath,” he adds, and his words are harsh and full of anger. They could almost scare me.

  “Michael, you don’t—”

  “He’s going to die, Hayden. His fate is sealed. If I don’t do it, Victor will. It’s just a matter of time.”

  I don’t know what to say in response to that, not really. Anything I could say would make me a hypocrite, or make me sound like a horrible human being. So, I don’t respond, at least not for a few minutes. I think back over the night and the pain that I saw etched on Victor Torasani’s face. He loved Charlie. She always spoke of her ex and how she missed him, I mostly assumed he had died, so meeting Victor was a shock.