by Sharon Booth
Jed raised his glass in appreciation. 'Thank you kindly, young man,' he said, as if he were ancient. 'No, I don't miss it. That is, I miss playing music, but my guitars are at Dad's, and I'll be picking them up again real soon. The other side of it — no thanks. From now on, music's gonna be purely for pleasure. No business involved.'
Eden noted the brief glance he gave Beth, and the hint of a smile she gave him in return. Something about the way they looked at each other made her sit up and take notice. Hmm. Interesting. Not that anything could come of it, of course. Beth was far too loyal and too timid to go against Fuller. Sadly, she would be in his clutches forever.
'This champagne's delicious,' Beth said. 'It was kind of Cain to send it.'
'You're not drinking it?' Jed shaded his eyes as he peered up at Eliot, who was halfway through a pint of beer.
'Not keen on it,' Eliot admitted.
'Tha's drinking women's stuff,' Mickey sneered, nodding at Jed's glass of champagne. 'Tha should try some of this ale. Make a man of ya after all them years in foreign parts.'
Jed laughed. 'Thanks, Mickey. I'll bear that in mind.'
'Nowt like a pint of ale on a sunny day,' Adey said, smacking his lips together appreciatively.
Eden's finger slowly circled her glass. 'I hope you're not getting too fond of it,' she told him.
Adey looked startled. 'Eh? What do you mean by that?'
'Well,' she said, 'the other day! Dragging Eliot off to Camacker for a pint at The Shepherd's Crook. What was wrong with Beckthwaite if you had to have a drink?'
'Told you,' Eliot interjected, 'he's partial to Lusty Tup beer and they don't serve it at The King's Head.'
Adey's mouth dropped open as he looked from Eden to Eliot. 'Eh?' was all he seemed able to manage.
'T'other day,' Eliot said, sounding irritable. 'When we bumped into Mrs Edwards in Camacker, remember?'
'Oh. Oh, aye.' Adey took another gulp of his beer. 'Forgot about that. Sorry, Eden. I'll not do it again.'
Eden watched him through narrowed eyes. It was what she'd suspected, as Eliot mumbled his excuse to her when she told him about bumping into Mrs Edwards. She hadn't even been asking why he was in Camacker, she'd merely mentioned it out of interest, but his weird reaction had set her mind racing, and she hadn't believed a word about Adey wanting to drink a particular beer. There was no doubt that Adey knew nothing about Eliot's trip to the village, and Mrs Edwards hadn't mentioned seeing him anyway.
Slowly, she sipped her champagne. The question remained, what was Eliot doing in Camacker? And, more importantly, why was he lying to her?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Beth replaced the receiver and picked up her notepad. Running a line through the last name on the list, she heaved a sigh of relief. Thank goodness that job was over. There had been a lot of unhappy people who had fully expected to be returning to Thwaite Park for the annual open day in August — owners of fairground rides and attractions, food vendors, and local dignitaries particularly. Mr Edwards had seemed most put out, although he'd been somewhat soothed when James had assured him there would be a hefty donation to the local charities who usually benefitted from the event.
Thwaite Park was a beautiful Regency mansion set in acres of sculpted lawns, neat paddocks, and well-managed gardens. Carefully decorated and furnished in keeping with its age, it was known throughout Skimmerdale as probably the grandest private residence in the area. The family at the big house were expected to contribute to local life, and for many years they had. There was no longer a large team of servants working in the house and grounds, but apart from Mrs Ketley there was still a handful of gardeners from Beckthwaite and the surrounding villages who helped to keep the outdoors in its neat and tidy state. More than that, the family hosted many charity events throughout the year, and the open day was the pinnacle of Thwaite Park's year.
A donation to charity wasn't the same as bringing a whole community together for a day of fun, festivities, and fundraising, and Beth cursed David Fuller for his arrogance and posturing. It wouldn't have cost him anything to allow the open day to go ahead, but last night he'd dropped the bombshell that he didn't want visitors in his grounds, and that the open day was to be cancelled for the foreseeable future. In her view, it was simply another way of demonstrating who was boss.
The open day was very much James's project, and she had no doubt that David was reminding him that, now that he and Deborah were back, things would be done their way, not his. She felt a pang of sympathy for her husband, quickly followed by another enormous stab of guilt. Running her hand over her eyes, she tried to push it away, but failed. How could she be happy with Jed when she had this dark cloud hanging over her? How could she be so selfish, so cruel? She'd had no idea this was the sort of person she was, nor that she was capable of such deception, so many lies.
Was this, she wondered, how James had felt when he was involved with Jemima? Did it cause him as many sleepless nights as her affair with Jed was causing her? Did the guilt eat away at him, too? She could almost feel sorry for him, knowing now how hard it was. Was it worth it?
The answer came to her before she'd even finished asking the question. Being with Jed was worth anything. She knew there was going to be a huge price to pay for their relationship, but she also knew, deep within her soul, that she would pay it willingly. She wished she didn't have to hurt James at the same time.
As if her thoughts had drawn him near, she looked up to see her husband walking towards her, a half-smile on his face. 'Have they given you a rough time?'
'Sorry? Oh!' She glanced down at the notebook and shook her head. 'Not really. Well, most of them were okay. There were bound to be some who took it badly. They'd got used to being here every year, hadn't they?'
'I know. It's going to make it bloody difficult to get them back next year,' he said, sitting down beside her. 'That's if we go ahead next year,' he added gloomily. 'The way it's going, we might never hold the event again.'
Beth put down her notebook. 'You think your parents will stay then?'
'I can't see them going anywhere,' he admitted, sounding far from pleased about it. 'Father's definitely got plans ...' His voice trailed off and he stared into the distance, clearly worrying about something.
Beth reproached herself fiercely as it crossed her mind that, if David Fuller was planning to hang around, her relationship with Jed was a real blessing. She would need something — someone — to get her through life at the house. That's if she stayed, of course. For a split second, she imagined herself and Jed, living far away from the Fullers, but she dismissed the image. Jed had never suggested anything permanent, and, anyway, how could she abandon her husband to this dreadful life with his awful parents? It was impossible.
'I need to talk to you, darling.'
Beth blinked, dragged back to the present as James took her hand. 'Don't tell me your father's done something else,' she said, trying to ignore the inclination to throw off his grasp. What on earth was wrong with her? She was struggling to endure his touch lately. She was a horrible person, she really was. She peered up at him. 'What is it? You look dreadful.'
Whatever he wanted to say she could tell it wasn't pleasant. She had a brief panic that he knew about her and Jed but dismissed the thought. He wouldn't be holding her hand if he did, now would he?
'This isn't easy for me,' James said, and she had a sudden flashback to the moment when he'd finally admitted his affair with Jemima, on the day she'd died. It had probably been the worst day of her life.
'Why don't you tell me?' she said, trying to sound calm. Whatever it was, it couldn't be as bad as that day. Nothing could.
'It's about George.' His grip on her hand tightened, almost as if he knew she wanted to pull away from him. She forced herself to stay still, waiting. 'I want to see him. I want to be part of his life.'
His voice seemed to echo from far, far away. From that day, over four years ago, when he'd informed her that he had a child. A tiny baby, four weeks old.
A poor, motherless scrap of humanity, born into a dreadful, terrible mess.
'You can't,' she murmured. 'You can't do that.'
'He's my child,' James said, his voice wheedling. 'I don't want to hurt you, Beth, really I don't, but —'
'It's not about me,' she said, her tone rising in panic. 'What about Eliot? What about George? You can't do this to them!'
At the mention of Eliot, she saw his face darken. 'Harland has had my son for over four years. Don't you think it's time I got to see him? For God's sake, who does he think he is? He won't even let me visit the boy. What right has he got to —'
'He's got every right,' she snapped. 'Where were you when George was left without a mother? You didn't want to know! Couldn't be bothered. Where would George have been if Eliot hadn't put aside all the terrible things you'd done to him and taken that poor little boy in?'
'If Harland hadn't wanted him, then of course I'd have —'
'Would you? Because I don't think you would! You can't turn up out of the blue and decide you want to have access to him! What about George? Have you even thought about him in all this? He thinks Eliot's his father! Oh, for God's sake!'
James glared at her. 'I let Harland keep George to himself for your sake, not mine! You were far too fragile and unstable to ask you to bring another woman's child up, let alone Jemima's. What was I supposed to do? It was you or my son, and I chose you. I put you first.'
'How big of you,' she muttered.
'Yes actually, it was,' he said, his voice angry now. 'I knew I couldn't have both of you, and you were the one I decided to focus on. And haven't I spent the last four years trying to make you happy?'
She couldn't deny it. He had.
'Trips to New York, cruises, a new car, anything you wanted you got. Now, didn't you?'
'Do you really think that's all it takes? Holidays, possessions! Do you think that puts it right?'
'For God's sake, Beth, what more could I do?'
'You could have done the one thing I wanted you to do,' she said, tears running down her face. 'You refused to try IVF again, or even look into adoption, yet here you are demanding rights to George.' She choked on a sob as the injustice hit her, along with the realisation that she had been weak. She should have forced the issue, not let him move along at his own pace, which had been practically stationary. She should have been tougher, demanded that they investigate other options or else.
Or else what? Would she ever have left him? She didn't know the answer to that question. All she knew was that something had changed irrevocably between them, and there was no going back.
Maybe it was down to Jed and the way she felt about him. Maybe it was finally growing up, seeing things the way they really were, rather than the way she wanted them to be. Maybe it was the threat of hurting Eliot and George, destroying the Harlands for what? Because James wouldn't take to George, not really. He'd never shown any interest in him before. Whatever his motives now, she couldn't sit back and allow him to throw a grenade at Fleetsthorpe. She just couldn't.
'Not this again,' James said, scrambling to his feet. 'For God's sake, it always comes back to this. I was talking about George, not some mythical baby that we may or may not ever have. Right now, I have a son, and I want to be part of his life. Are you going to help me or not?'
She stared up at him through blurry eyes. 'Help you?'
'You're friends with Harland,' he pointed out. 'You could pave the way, make him see that this is important to me.'
'Oh no.' Beth shook her head. 'I won't help you in this, James. I can't. And if you go ahead, I'll —'
He frowned. 'You'll what?'
She let out a strangled sob. 'It will be the end of us. Can't you see that? I'm sorry but —'
He sat beside her and grasped her hand again. 'All right, all right.' His voice was soothing, and she detected a trace of fear in it as he stroked her wrist with his thumb, making her cringe inwardly. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It all got out of hand.' He leaned back on the sofa, his face ashen. 'If it worries you that much, we'll forget it. At least for now. I'll back off, think it through properly, okay?'
She blinked away the tears, feeling another vicious wave of guilt. She couldn't see a way through this mess at all. James wanted to be part of George's life, and she'd already stopped him from doing that for four years. How could she deny him it even now? Yet she knew that if he pursued this, it would destroy Eliot and turn George's world upside down, not to mention Libby's and Ophelia's who had no idea that George was only their half-brother. How could she please everyone? How could she make everyone happy?
She could almost hear Jed's soothing voice, murmuring to her that it wasn't her problem, that she wasn't responsible for other people's happiness. He was always so understanding, and he always knew how to lift the burden from her shoulders. Yet, somehow, she didn't think he could help her this time. How could he, when her love for him was yet another huge burden she had to carry, along with everything else?
****
Dark clouds were gathering above Fleetsthorpe as Beth entered the yard that afternoon. She thought how appropriate that was. With the mood she was in and the events that had taken place that morning, she wouldn't have been in the least surprised if it was pouring down with rain, and lightning was ripping the sky in half, at the very least. In the distance, she could hear the girls giggling and calling to each other from the paddock. They must be riding Flora.
She wondered if Eden was in the barn or the house. She decided to try the house first and knocked at the door, her stomach churning, the familiar feeling of guilt swirling around in there along with nerves as she contemplated telling Eden what had occurred at Thwaite Park, and the anticipation that she might see Jed. It was a most uncomfortable mixture, and she felt quite sick as she stood there, wondering how she was going to break the news.
Of course, she'd considered not telling anyone what James had said. It would be easier to believe that he meant it when he said he wouldn't pursue the idea of seeing George, and it would make sense for her to stay out of it. She was, after all, married to James, and it wasn't fair to ask her to be involved. Even so, as she'd sat there on the sofa, long after James had wandered off to do something else, it had finally occurred to Beth that she couldn't keep this news quiet. Whatever his promises, she had to give Eden some warning, just in case. She couldn't bring herself to tell Eliot, but Eden would surely know what to do for the best.
As the door opened, Beth felt her stomach practically take off and fly out of her mouth, as Jed stood there, his face split by an enormous smile at the sight of her. 'Hey, you.'
'Hi,' she murmured, almost shyly. She realised she was smiling, too, and felt bad. She wasn't here to enjoy herself. She had business to conduct. Important business. 'You okay?'
He glanced behind him then his eyes scanned the yard. Seeing no one, he pulled her to him and kissed her gently, his fingers lightly twisting her hair. She allowed herself to put all thoughts of George and James and Eliot aside for a few glorious moments and lost herself in his kiss.
'I've missed you,' he murmured against her lips.
She almost pointed out that he'd only seen her the day before yesterday, but she didn't. The truth was, she'd missed him, too, and every hour she wasn't with him hurt. His eyes fixed on hers, expressing all the love and longing that she returned, and she melted against him, wanting nothing more than to stay in his embrace forever. 'I missed you, too,' she whispered.
He gasped and held her tightly, seeming unable to bring her close enough to him. She could feel him hard against her body, and her own desire for him heated up to boiling point. As his lips pressed against hers again she forgot about everything except the comfort of his arms around her, the fresh, clean scent of him, the softness of his beard against her chin, and the way his kiss made her feel as if she was falling through space, unaware and uncaring of anything else.
'Who is it, Jed?' Eden's voice calling from the kitchen plunged them back to reality a
nd they pulled apart, breathless.
Jed exhaled deeply. 'It's Beth,' he replied.
'Oh, come in, Beth!'
Beth wasn't sure she could move. Her legs felt distinctly shaky. Jed stroked her cheek. 'You'd better come in,' he whispered. 'But, hey, I need to see you. Properly, I mean.'
'I know.' She felt a shiver of delightful anticipation at the thought. 'But when?'
'How about I book us a room at The Paradise?'
Beth's eyes widened. 'You're serious?'
'It's not right, all this hiding in barns. We deserve better. You deserve better. I want to spend some time with you — real, quality time. I want us to enjoy being together properly. What do you say?'
Beth could hardly say a word. The thought of enjoying Jed was making her speechless. She merely nodded, and he smiled. 'Come on, we'd better go in or she'll wonder what we're up to.'
Dumbly, she followed him into the kitchen, where Eden was preparing dinner, or tea as the Harlands called it. 'There you are!' she said, smiling as they entered the room. 'I thought you'd changed your mind and gone home.' Her smile died. 'Are you okay? You look ever so flustered.'
Beth blushed as Jed strode over to the sink and filled the kettle with water. He'd already learned that the first thing anyone did upon arrival at Fleetsthorpe was drink tea.
'I'm — I'm fine, thanks.'
'Are you sure?' Eden frowned. 'You don't look right.'
Beth took a deep breath. It was as good a time as any, she supposed. 'I have some news for you, Eden, and you're not going to like it.'
Eden put down the potato peeler and Jed turned off the tap. They both stared at her in concern. 'What is it?'
Beth sank into one of the chairs and tapped her fingers on the table, considering where to start. In the event, she decided the best way was to be brutally honest. It was no use sugar coating the pill. 'It's James,' she said, aware that Jed had straightened and was now staring intently at her. 'He told me this morning that he wants access to George.'