The Last Days of Disco

by David F. Ross

  ‘It’s big tae, Bobby.’

  ‘Ah was near the front ae the queue when they were gettin’ gied out.’

  ‘Here, put this on.’ From the small slit pocket in her skirt, Lizzie pulled out a condom.

  ‘Christ, Lizzie, ah never even thought aboot a johnny.’

  ‘Jist as well one ae us is thinkin’ ahead then. Here, bring it ower.’

  Lizzie took hold of Bobby’s prick and, with her free hand and her teeth, tore open the packaging and then deftly placed it over the top of his cock, rolling it down the shaft with both hands.

  ‘Thank fuck ah went for a wank earlier.’

  ‘Eh?’

  Bobby had let that one escape from his inner monologue, but to cover this affront, he pulled Lizzie close and then lifted her up onto a small bass amplifier. He slipped inside her easily. He knew he wouldn’t have been the first, but at that moment it didn’t matter to him in the slightest. As his primal bucking and heaving got going, Lizzie made a lot of noise and, conscious of the close proximity of his parents, Bobby reached up to try and kiss her quiet. But she fought free of his mouth and screamed as though she was in pain. Bobby bucked harder and felt them both gradually sliding backwards off the amplifier box.

  With his cock still inside her, Lizzie’s arse slipped onto a much smaller, metallic box. Her legs had tightened around the base of his back, keeping them locked together. Bobby jerked as a blast of cold smoke came up between his legs from the box. Lizzie’s arse cheeks were slapping against the box, flicking the switch of the Heatwave Disco dry-ice canister machine on and off, blowing smoke – literally – up Bobby’s arsehole; not a totally unpleasant experience. By the time they both came, shuddering to a dramatic climax, the shed looked like it was on fire. Smoke had seeped out of the cracks in the door and was drifting freely across the school playgrounds.

  Sated, they lay there in each other’s arms on the blankets and tarpaulin sheets until about four a.m., when it started to get lighter. Bobby woke first and leaned awkwardly back, resting his head on his hand. She’s alright, he thought. They had had an inauspicious start to their relationship, but she was pretty cool. And – in Bobby’s mind at least – she’d stood up for him at The Anchorage in a way that few of his mates had ever done. Lizzie hadn’t told him about her history with Theresa and was enjoying the reflected glory of having taken on the Fat Franny troupe … and won.

  20TH MAY 1982

  ‘The House has before it the draft agreement, and I turn now to its main features. Article 2 provides for the cessation of hostilities and the withdrawal of Argentine and British forces from the islands and their surrounding waters within fourteen days. At the end of the withdrawal British ships would be at least 150 nautical miles from the islands. Withdrawal much beyond this would not have been reasonable, because the proximity of the Argentine mainland would have given their forces undue advantage. Withdrawal of the Argentine Forces would be the most immediate and explicit sign that their Government’s aggression had failed and that they were being made to give up what they had gained by force. It is the essential beginning of a peaceful settlement and the imperative of Resolution 502.’

  Mrs Margaret Thatcher, the Prime Minister, House of Commons Statement

  DISPATCHES

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  The English Channel

  13th May 1982

  Dear Mum,

  Didn’t get much chance to write yesterday. Sorry. The bus was late in leaving and there was a real panic on with the Command. Southampton docks was absolutely mental, though. It felt great to finally be going and everybody cheering and waving banners. It was like being one of the Bay City Rollers.

  Never ever thought I’d be on a cruise. I know it’s not like a holiday, but it’s really exciting. We should reach Ascension in a couple of weeks and then get new orders there. I’m in a decent bunk with three of my mates and even the officers are all mucking in and having a laugh with us. It’s been good on the boat with five Infantry, the Gurkhas and the Welsh lads.

  We were up early this morning at 06:30 hours for a run round the deck then breakfast. Weather was great, really calm seas, and for all of last night there was wee boats following us but they’ve all gone now.

  Hope you’re OK and give everybody my love.

  I’ll try and write as much as I can but, you know me … I’m not the greatest with the words.

  Don’t worry about me.

  Love

  Gary x

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  At Sea

  14th May 1982

  Dear Hets,

  How’s it going? Things are great here. The weather’s brilliant and even I’m getting a tan. You should see me now. No white pale skin anymore … now I look like Michael Jackson! Hope the exams are going OK and that you spoke to Dad about your art highers.

  Don’t worry about all the stuff on TV and in the papers. This is probably going to be over by the time we get there. The Argies have only got a few catapults and three air rifles …

  I’ll write again soon but it’s time for lunch now.

  All my love,

  Gary xxx

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  At Sea

  16th May 1982

  Dear Mum,

  I went for a run around the deck on my own yesterday. Ten times round the upper deck, which is about four miles. It’s really warm now so I was sweating like a pig and totally knackered by the time I stopped. Had a quick shower then some of the other boys had a wee birthday thing for Benny, one of my mates. It was his nineteenth and he was a wee bit down because there was no letters or cards from his mum and dad.

  I don’t know if you’re sending me anything but a lot of the boys have been complaining that their post is getting censored. I really hope this gets to you soon.

  The bunks are now getting piped music and the BBC World Service, which is good. None of that rubbish that Bobby likes but we think it’s alright. It’s air conditioned as well, so it’s really comfortable. Apart from the noise of soldiers running round the decks above us – and there’s a medical training film getting shown constantly next door to us.

  Have to go now. Inspection’s coming.

  Love you, Mum. Say hello to Dad.

  Bye for now.

  Gary x

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  At Sea

  20th May 1982

  Hi Bawface,

  Been at sea for a week now and I’m bored fucking rigid! Haven’t seen land since the day after we left Southampton. There’s bugger-all to do but run round the bloody boat. I could beat Steve Ovett and Sebastian fucking Coe running in a relay!

  How’s things with you anyway? Still nicking that Lizzie one? What about Dopey Joey? Still spouting all that Bruce Kent shite?

  We all watched Knight Rider last night. It’s fucking brilliant, that programme. I seriously want a car like that when I get back. Maybe Hammy’s old man could sort me out, eh?

  I missed the end of it though cos’ Kenny my mate started spewing and I went back to the bunk with him. The waves were a bit crazy last night. You don’t really feel it most of the time because this liner’s bloody massive, but even I had to admit last night was a bit rough.

  Still don’t know what the plans are and nobody tells us anything, but there’s rumours we’re all going straight to the Falklands now rather than Ascension Island. News came through last night about the twenty Special Forces boys that died in the Sea King crash. The mood here’s beginning to change a bit. Not as much laughing and joking.

  Sorry you didn’t get the money together to go to Spain. I wish I could’ve helped you.

  Anyway enjoy the Cup Final. I’m assuming you and Joey are in the Rangers end? Tell him I hope Aberdeen hump them …

  I miss you, mate.

  G

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  South Atlantic

  21st May 1982

  Debbie,

  Sorry it’s taken so long to write. To be honest, I’m not great at writing le
tters and especially a letter like this one. It was great to see you at Southampton. I know I told you not to waste your day off coming all the way down there, but I’m really really glad you did. Things are beginning to get pretty serious now but I think the Navy have got it well covered so far. Last night we heard that the United Nations talks had failed. We’re hearing a lot on the World Service, but that’s really the only place we get told anything.

  I hope you’re not worrying about me too much. I still don’t know what the actual plan is, but it looks like we’ll be landing at San Carlos in about a week. I still find it incredible that I’m actually here. I’ve never been abroad before and here I am on the QE2 in the South Atlantic, eight thousand miles away from home … and you!

  I wonder what you’re doing, and if you’re thinking about me as well. I’m feeling a bit lonely now. Mates are good company but everybody’s a bit depressed at the minute. There’s been no post since we left so I’m not even sure if this letter will get to you.

  It was only last night when I couldn’t sleep and all sorts of weird things started going through my mind … I got really irritated.

  It’s not until a time like this when you’re not here and I don’t know when I’ll see you again that I realised how much I love you.

  I hope you feel the same Debs.

  I love you and I’ll write again tomorrow …

  G xxx

  25TH MAY 1982: PRIME MINISTER’S QUESTIONS, HOUSE OF COMMONS

  ‘In view of the confident assertion yesterday – some people might think over-confident – that the days of the Argentine garrison are numbered …’

  Mr Martin Flannery, MP for Sheffield Hillsborough

  ‘They are.’

  Mr Nicholas Winterton, MP for Macclesfield

  ‘… may we now have a cessation of hostilities? I know that the bloodthirsty hooligans on the Tory Benches do not want that, but could we not discuss future sovereignty of the Falklands under the aegis of the United Nations, especially in view of the fact that the Tory British Nationality Act has deprived at least a third of the islanders of British nationality? What shall we do with those islands once we have them? Are we to have a permanent fleet on a vast scale there indefinitely, and are we to have an army down there indefinitely to protect them?’

  Mr Martin Flannery, MP for Sheffield Hillsborough

  ‘That is about seven questions. I wonder which to start on. The Hon. Gentleman referred to the phrase in my right Hon. Friend’s speech that the days of the Argentine garrison are numbered. Does the Hon. Gentleman not want those days to be numbered? We wish them to be numbered. He then called for a ceasefire while the invader was kept in occupation. We totally reject that. It would leave the whole paraphernalia of tyranny in place. Perhaps two answers will be enough for the Hon. Gentleman.’

  Mrs Margaret Thatcher, the Prime Minister

  ‘Is my right Hon. Friend satisfied with the flow of mail to and from the Falkland force, because I have received one or two complaints from my constituents about delays, and mail is important for morale?’

  Miss Janet Fookes, MP for Plymouth Drake

  ‘I am sure that everything possible under the circumstances is being done to get mail both to the Armed Forces and from them. I recognise the importance of mail, and I am confident that everything is being done.’

  Mrs Margaret Thatcher, the Prime Minister

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  At Sea, South Atlantic

  26th May 1982

  Dear All,

  A lot seems to have happened in the last few days. We have continued to head south towards the islands and the weather has been good. A Hercules flew over yesterday and dropped mail and I got all your letters so I’m feeling really good now. Hope mine are getting through to you.

  The whole ship is blacked out at night and on the way back to the bunk I fell over one of those bulkhead steps at the door. I rattled my shin off the edge of it and it’s come up in a big welt this morning. Hettie, you would have killed yourself laughing at me.

  A couple of nights ago we had a good church service up on deck. I know you won’t believe this, but I really enjoyed it. I even went to communion afterwards. There were loads of soldiers who turned up for it and all the Welsh lads chose the hymns.

  We were all allowed to have drinks after the service. The drink’s incredibly cheap here … Dad, you’d love it. It’s cheaper than the Masonic. I bought a round of four vodkas and it cost me 86p! I couldn’t believe it!

  Anyway, better go now. We’ve got the cinema tonight. It’s a film called Porky’s which sounds like it should be a good laugh … but then we’re up at 07:00 hours for emergency drills. Not looking forward to that …

  Lots of love to everyone, and I’ll write again soon.

  Gary

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  At Sea, South Atlantic

  28th May 1982

  Dear Mum,

  I miss you and I hope you’re coping with all the news coming from the Islands. I’m fine and everyone here is really calm. There’s a real feeling that it’s all coming to an end now and that Galtieri’s going to give up any day. I think that by the time we land at San Carlos in a couple of days there’ll just be time to swap jerseys with the Argies before coming home again …

  I hope Hettie told you about my girlfriend Debbie. I can’t wait to bring her up to Killie and for you to meet her. She’s really great.

  Mum, don’t worry about me in the next few days. I know you will though, but I’ll be fine.

  I can’t wait to get back for some of your lentil soup …

  I love you, Mum.

  Gary xxx

  Queen Elizabeth 2

  At Sea

  29th May 1982

  Dad,

  I know we haven’t spent much time talking together over the years and I’m really sorry about that now. I never ever thought I’d be any good at writing letters … or anything else for that matter … but since I started writing a couple of weeks ago, it’s got a lot easier.

  I know Mum will be worried but I’m not sure what to write to make her feel any better. We all watched the TV footage showing the 2 Para attacks at Goose Green and Darwin. Some of our officers knew H. Jones and it’s really shocked a lot of us here. It brought it home to me that in a few days I might actually be fighting in a war. Everybody’s really quiet now. My three mates spend all of their free time writing. I’ve even started a sort of diary. Hettie would be proud of me …

  We’re due to sail to San Carlos Water on Tuesday but it’s too dangerous to take this liner in further so all the battalions are getting disembarked at different times. At the minute, it looks like we’re going to be last. The 5th Brigade are going on the Canberra tomorrow. We’ve still to be briefed but I think we’re going on the Intrepid. We saw a couple of Mirage fighter planes last night so the Argies know we’re here.

  I’m actually scared, Dad. It’s not that I wish I hadn’t signed up. It’s just that I’m scared I panic and do something stupid or I let somebody down. I’ve been thinking back to all the stupid things I did as a kid, and that I now wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d told you how I felt more and that I hadn’t caused you as much heartache.

  I hope you’ll be proud of me, whatever happens … and that we can go for a pint together down at the Masonic.

  I love you, Dad.

  Bye.

  Gary

  Bluff Cove Base Camp

  Falkland Islands

  5th June, 1982

  Debs,

  I love you and I miss you so much. I won’t get the chance to write again for a while. We landed at Bluff Cove this morning. There’s been Skyhawk fighters all over the place and we’ve had to move everything pretty quickly. We were due to wait for the Galahad but orders were changed and we went ahead of the Welsh Guards.

  We’ll be moving towards Stanley in a few days time. The weather’s taken a turn for the worst. It’s freezing and it’s been raining since we landed.

  I hope you’re fine
and not worrying too much about me. Hope you’ve been getting my letters.

  Can’t wait to get home to you, and to cuddle you again.

  I love you …

  Gary xxx

  14TH JUNE 1982

  HOUSE OF COMMONS, PRIME MINISTER’S QUESTIONS

  ‘On a point of order, Mr Speaker. May I give the House the latest information about the battle of the Falklands? After successful attacks last night, General Moore decided to press forward. The Argentines retreated. Our forces reached the outskirts of Port Stanley. Large numbers of Argentine soldiers threw down their weapons. They are reported to be flying white flags over Port Stanley. Our troops have been ordered not to fire except in self-defence. Talks are now in progress between General Menendez and our Deputy Commander, Brigadier Waters, about the surrender of the Argentine forces on East and West Falkland. I shall report further to the House tomorrow.’

  Mrs Margaret Thatcher, The Prime Minister

  ‘Hear, hear!’

  Hon. Members

  ‘Further to that point of order, Mr Speaker. First, may I thank the Right Hon. Lady for coming to the House to give us the news, particularly because the news is so good for all concerned, especially because it appears from what she has been able to tell us that there will be an end to the bloodshed, which is what we have all desired. There will be widespread, genuine rejoicing – to use the word that the Right Hon. Lady once used – at the prospect of the end of the bloodshed. If the news is confirmed, as I trust it will be, there will be great congratulations from the House tomorrow to the British Forces who have conducted themselves in such a manner and, if I may say so, to the Right Hon. Lady. I know that there are many matters on which we shall have to have discussions, and perhaps there will be arguments about the origins of this matter and other questions, but I can well understand the anxieties and pressures that must have been upon the Right Hon. Lady during these weeks. I can understand that at this moment those pressures and anxieties may have been relieved, and I congratulate her on that.