A Sister's Shame

by Carol Rivers

  As she brushed her hair, she wondered if he was married. He was an older man, so he was likely to be. Not only had she slept with a stranger but he could have a wife and family too.

  When she found the courage to go out, he was standing outside on the balcony. The French windows were thrown open allowing the cold winter breeze to flow in. His back was turned to her and she saw how broad-shouldered and tall he was against the bright winter light. He was dressed in slim grey trousers, one hand casually slipped in a pocket, his silver hair shaped smoothly above his pearl-grey shirt. He cut a very imposing figure. For a moment, Vesta hesitated. She didn’t know what to say. There were too many thoughts whirling around in her head.

  He turned and gave her an intimate smile. He had very blue, steady eyes and a long, lean nose. His mouth looked both cruel and attractive. She didn’t want to think of him kissing her with those sensual lips, but she knew that he had.

  ‘Did my clothes come back?’ she asked, looking around.

  ‘The maid hung them in the wardrobe. Come and have some fresh air first. It will blow the cobwebs away.’

  ‘No, I want to get dressed.’

  He narrowed his eyes and leaned back against the balcony rail. The cold breeze didn’t seem to affect him as he balanced a cigarette between his long fingers. Vesta had never been so close to anyone with such a sense of power and wealth around them. Despite feeling frightened, she was intrigued.

  ‘Have you thought about how you’ll get home?’ he asked. ‘And what you will say to Teddy? It is, after all, Christmas Day.’

  Vesta managed to stop herself from bursting into tears again. She had completely forgotten that! This morning she had intended to go back to Sphinx Street. She’d never been apart from her family on Christmas Day. At this thought, a tear trickled down her cheek. She was unhappy, confused and sick at heart.

  ‘Dry your tears,’ Bill said as he walked towards her and pressed a large white handkerchief into her hand.

  ‘Th-thank you.’ She blew her nose. ‘I wish I’d never come here.’

  ‘I’m afraid I have to disagree.’

  As she looked up into his eyes, she felt a little shiver. He was old, but still handsome, with skin that looked like a young man’s, and he smelled very expensive. Like the lotions in the bathroom.

  ‘You and I had a very good time.’

  She pulled away. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  He looked unruffled. ‘In that case, perhaps you’d better get dressed. And join me for breakfast.’

  ‘I don’t want any breakfast.’

  ‘Oh, yes, you do. Now, make yourself look beautiful.’ He pointed to the dressing table and closed the French windows. ‘You have no reason to be ashamed, Vesta. You are young and lovely and, I am sure, very talented. I shall be interested in hearing your reading voice.’

  Vesta felt suddenly like living again. She had forgotten he had asked her to read for him. He had said he thought that she might get a part in a play. ‘I . . . I . . .’ she began, her mind spinning.

  ‘I can see you are upset. We’ll talk later.’ He walked to the big door. ‘When you’re ready, pull this cord and the maid will come for you.’

  When he’d gone, she hurried to the wardrobe. To her relief, her dress was hanging inside it. All her underwear was arranged in white tissue paper on a shelf. She blushed. Did the maid know she’d slept with Bill?

  Her clothes smelled sweetly of fresh laundering. Her dress was as good as new, though she couldn’t remember spilling champagne over it. She checked in her purse, also on the shelf. There was no money, of course. Teddy had said she didn’t need any. But her cheap lipstick, and small white handkerchief, which suddenly looked old and worn, were still safely there. Ada had embroidered her initial, ‘V’, in the corners. The thought of Ada and home brought a lump to Vesta’s throat. She missed her family suddenly and wouldn’t be able to see them now. What would Ada say, if she knew she had slept with Bill? But then she remembered what Bill had said. What was it? She had nothing to be ashamed of. She was grown-up, an adult, and last night it had been Teddy who was at fault. Thinking of Teddy made her angry and sad at the same time.

  She dressed and then sat at the dressing table, using the silver-backed brush to tidy her hair. In one of the drawers were lipsticks, mascaras, powders and skin creams. Were these Bill’s wife’s?

  She felt ill again. Even so, she used them.

  When she was ready she pulled the cord. Her hands were still shaking as the tall, slender-as-a-reed maid arrived seconds later, dressed in a black dress, her dark hair coiled on top of her head.

  ‘Follow me, please,’ she said, and Vesta felt frightened again.

  ‘Where to?’

  ‘The dining room. Breakfast is served.’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  ‘No, but Mr Dearlove is.’ The maid gave her a sharp look.

  Vesta had no choice but to follow. As she was led through the big house, she could hardly believe all she saw. A series of high-ceilinged, magnificent rooms were furnished with antiques and oil paintings. Vesta wished she could stop and gaze around, but the maid was hurrying on down a purple carpeted staircase. The curve of the long, smooth banister led them into an entrance hall. It was as big as a room itself. Christmas decorations had been strung across the walls and glittered like jewels. Was this the way she and Teddy had come in last night? She couldn’t remember. It was all so strange and unfamiliar this morning, when last night it had seemed like a magical palace.

  The next set of doors led into the dining room. Here, the light streamed in from a row of tall windows. A roaring log fire glowed under an ornate mantel. Bill sat at a long, polished table, his attention taken by a newspaper in front of him. On the table’s surface were silver dishes and starched white napkins folded beside plates the size of frying pans. The smell of fresh coffee filled the air; not the cheap, bitter kind that Vesta was used to smelling at the stall on the market, but something far richer and more enticing.

  ‘Ah, you’re here.’ Bill looked up and put aside the paper, patting the elaborately carved chair beside him. ‘Sit beside me.’

  ‘I’m not hungry,’ Vesta insisted again as she sat down.

  ‘No matter. Some fresh orange juice, coffee or water perhaps?’

  Vesta drank the water he poured for her. Then, without speaking, he served himself with sausages, eggs and bacon from one of the dishes.

  ‘Thank you,’ he told the hovering maid. ‘That will be all.’

  ‘Are you sure I can’t tempt you?’ he asked after the maid had gone. Vesta closed her eyes at the sight of all the food.

  ‘Then try this,’ he said as he stood up. Taking a bottle from a silver bucket, he poured a little of the bubbling liquid into a fluted glass. ‘When I was your age, I suffered dreadfully with hangovers. However, I soon discovered that a few sips of the hair of the dog is unequalled for settling the stomach.’

  He placed the glass at her side. Then he drew his fingers down her arm. She jumped, but he only chuckled again.

  ‘Where am I?’ she faltered, shrinking away from his touch. ‘What is this place?’

  ‘Don’t you know?’

  ‘Teddy said we were going to somewhere in the country to a party given by Wally and Leo.’

  ‘You could say that.’ Bill resumed his seat.

  ‘But this place don’t belong to them?’

  He smiled. ‘No, it’s called Ossmingley Manor. An extremely wealthy friend of mine owns it, as you may guess. He lives abroad and is happy for his friends to use it.’

  ‘Are we the only ones here?’

  ‘No. Some other guests left earlier and some have gone out walking in this beautiful countryside.’

  ‘Are we far from London?’

  He chuckled softly. ‘Didn’t Teddy tell you where you were going?’

  She looked away. She couldn’t remember.

  ‘This is Surrey.’

  Vesta didn’t understand. Why had Teddy left her here, so f
ar away from home? She began to panic. ‘What was Teddy doing with that girl?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh, so you do remember.’

  ‘A bit. What were they doing?’

  ‘What your boyfriend does best – enjoying himself. As we were.’

  Vesta felt close to tears. ‘Teddy’s not interested in other women.’ But as she said it, she knew the words didn’t ring true.

  Bill raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that what you think?’

  Another tear trickled down her cheeks. She didn’t want to hear anything bad about Teddy. And yet she had seen it with her own eyes. Even now, she was remembering the way he looked at women, the hushed whispers she’d caught through the evening and the dark-haired beauty in his arms . . .

  ‘Vesta,’ said her host patiently, ‘I’m not in the business of telling lies. The truth hurts sometimes, but you must wake up to the fact that you are leading a very precarious life, by virtue of the fact that you are living with someone like Teddy.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Then all I can say is, if you choose to stay with him, you will learn very fast.’

  Vesta sniffed back her tears. She reached for the champagne. It was the only thing that helped.

  ‘Are you married?’ she asked on a stifled sob.

  Bill’s lips twisted wryly. ‘No, my dear. I am not. Thrice spliced and thrice divorced.’

  ‘You’ve been married three times!’

  He grinned. ‘Yes, for my sins.’

  ‘Why did you do what you did last night and—’ She gulped, unable to say the words.

  ‘Why did I make love to you?’ His smile was not unkind. ‘You refused to leave here with your errant lover. I took you under my wing and you were not unwilling to enjoy my company. It was quite natural for us to end up in bed. And you seemed to enjoy yourself very much, which rather dispels any illusion of loyalty on your part to Teddy.’

  Vesta drew in a bitter breath. ‘But I love him.’

  ‘Then how do you explain waking up beside me this morning and not Teddy?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she choked. ‘It’s all a muddle and a mess.’

  At this his face hardened. A pair of steely blue eyes fixed her with clear contempt. ‘Vesta, please stop this. You’re no naive virgin. Indeed, you proved very satisfactory in bed. Whether schooled by this young man or others, you made the most cooperative lay. Be proud of your accomplishments, not ashamed of them.’

  Vesta’s heart almost stopped. She jumped to her feet, pushing her hands over her ears. She hadn’t slept with other men! ‘I don’t want to hear any more!’ Hot tears of humiliation scorched her cheeks. She hated this Bill! What right had he to accuse her of being a loose woman?

  ‘Sit down,’ he told her abruptly.

  ‘No.’

  ‘You’ll do as you’re told. Do you want to leave this place looking a wretched fool? Or do you want to keep your pride and regard this as one of life’s helpful lessons? With a little discussion between us, you might find this experience very enlightening.’

  Vesta glared at him. She snatched a napkin and sat down heavily.

  Slowly pushing away his cup and saucer, Bill leaned his elbows on the table. ‘Your childish behaviour, Vesta, is unacceptable. Remember, we came to know each other quite intimately last night. You were a willing young woman between the sheets. And despite your dramatics this morning, I find you quite charming. I like you, Vesta. You are refreshing and have spirit. Therefore I would rather you leave here not as a silly schoolgirl, but rather a woman knowing what she is about and, most importantly, who her friends are. Believe me when I tell you, there is nothing more important in this line of business than your friends.’ He paused, eyeing her with caution. ‘Now, dry your eyes. Put on a pretty smile and I shall be happy, knowing my lovely companion is not here under duress but is eager to learn – as all must learn who enter the entertainment industry.’

  Vesta stared at him. Did he mean, if she tried she could really go on the stage? She could see that he was a rich and powerful man. He had rich and powerful friends. Even though she hadn’t understood half the words he’d used, she realized he was trying to help her. He wanted to be her friend. Was that what she wanted too?

  Teddy had left her. She couldn’t get home without money. She was in the middle of Surrey, miles away from home, on Christmas Day. There was only Bill.

  He held up his glass and raised an eyebrow. ‘A toast to new friendships, Vesta. To your undoubted fame in a very lucrative and exciting world.’

  Vesta felt breathless. Her tears all seemed to dry as he spoke those words. She reached for her glass. Gazing into his eyes, she felt a curl of excitement inside her. Taking a deep breath, she said nothing and sipped the champagne.

  He smiled approvingly. ‘Now, when I take you home, as I most certainly will, I shall tell Teddy that a room was arranged for you here last night. And only for you.’ He raised his eyebrow again. ‘How does that sound?’

  Vesta found herself nodding.

  ‘Then presumably Teddy will offer you his apologies for leaving you in the wilds of Surrey, and you will offer yours for embarrassing him in front of his friends. A lovers’ quarrel. A tiff. And soon over.’

  But although Vesta nodded again, she wasn’t as certain as Bill that she wanted to make up with Teddy. He had hurt her and hurt her deeply. What kind of future could they have together if he was always going off with other women? Even if it was his job, could she put up with that?

  ‘Good,’ said Bill happily. ‘Now try a little scrambled egg with your champagne. Very important to have the right balance in life.’

  She did as she was told, forcing down the hot food, slowly beginning to feel better now that Bill seemed to be clearing up the dreadful mess she had landed herself in.

  She glanced at him as she was eating. Everything about his movements was graceful and well-mannered. He might be an older man, but there was something about him that, although she didn’t want to admit it, she felt attracted to in a strange sort of way.

  On Saturday, Marie went to the market with Ada. The fogs and mists of the previous month had left and the last weekend of the year was unseasonably mild.

  ‘This is for you,’ said Ada, returning from the jewellery stall. Marie stood watching the tradesmen selling off the last of the year’s wares; the fruit and veg were rock-bottom prices.

  Marie gazed at the silver locket that Ada placed in the palm of her hand.

  ‘A gift to celebrate your engagement, love.’

  ‘It’s lovely, Mum.’

  ‘It was only cheap.’

  Marie unfastened the clasp. ‘Help me to put it on.’

  Ada put down her bag and, pushing her daughter’s hair gently to one side, linked the chain around her neck. ‘You can keep a picture of Bing inside.’

  Marie knew that Ada was putting on a brave face. There had been no word from Vesta, not even a Christmas card.

  Marie hugged her mother. ‘Yes, I will.’

  Ada looked wistful. ‘I’m glad you’re not working tonight.’

  ‘So am I.’

  ‘Have you changed your mind about finding fame and fortune?’

  ‘I’ve changed my mind about a lot of things.’

  ‘You’re growing up fast.’

  Marie smiled. ‘I’m older and wiser now.’

  ‘I wish your sister was.’ Ada lifted her bag and slid her arm through Marie’s. ‘If only I could see her, talk to her, I might be able to persuade her to come home.’

  Marie glanced at her mother’s thin, apprehensive face and the faint spark of hope in her eyes. Though Vesta had fallen in love and left home, there was no excuse for not sending word to Ada. A letter or card would have given them all peace of mind.

  On Sunday, Bing took Marie to see Ivy and Johnny. Ivy had cooked a special roast with apple pie and cream for afters, to celebrate their engagement. But all the time she was enjoying herself, Marie thought of Ada at home, missing Vesta deeply.

>   Chapter 28

  Rose, Shirley and Sal all had long faces as Marie walked into the dressing room on Monday. Although it was New Year’s Eve, the club was half empty. The few who had turned out were drinking heavily and rowdy.

  ‘It was a waste of time turning up,’ said Rose as she pulled on her costume, barely giving a glance to Marie.

  ‘And we ain’t been paid,’ agreed Sal, as she tried and failed to replace a broken feather in her headdress, then threw it aside in disgust. ‘This place is bad news. No one appreciates our dancing, they only shout abuse. The rate this goes on, we might not ever get our money.’

  ‘And there’s no use hoping for tips,’ continued Shirley. ‘The drunks out there wouldn’t give us the drip off their noses, let alone a quid or two.’

  Rose gave a cackle of laughter. ‘Suits me, as I don’t want none of their filthy paws grabbing me and trying to kiss me.’

  As Marie changed into her costume, she listened to the conversation with interest. But no one said anything about the Blue Flamingo.

  As usual, they did their routine without receiving a word of appreciation. The punters looked fed up and miserable, stringing out their drinks, ignoring the dancers as they left the stage.

  ‘Ignorant sods,’ announced Rose as they filed back to the dressing room. ‘Anyway, I’ve got meself another job, so what do I care?’

  The other girls looked at her in surprise. ‘Doing what?’ asked Sal, frowning.

  ‘I’m going somewhere I’m appreciated.’

  ‘Where’s that?’ Shirley asked suspiciously.

  ‘Never you mind. But it’s good pay.’

  Sal gasped. ‘You ain’t going on the game, are you?’

  Rose looked indignant. ‘Course not. If you must know, Pedro gave me this posh geezer’s name up West. A friend of Wally’s. All he wants is someone to take out and dance with. It’s money for old rope.’

  Shirley poked her in the arm. ‘Christ, Rose, you ain’t falling for that old chestnut, are you?’