by Erin Osborne
If I don’t get the fuck outta here, then I want you to make sure she moves on with her life. Sam needs to forget about me if I’m goin’ to spend my life here. I love that woman and little boy with my entire heart, and I’ll do anythin’ for them. Now, there isn’t a fuckin’ thing I can do for them in here.”
Shy takes a minute to think about everything I’ve said. Instead of understanding where I’m coming from, she shakes her head, and a tear slips free from her eye. If my dad finds out I made her cry, he’ll whoop my ass if I ever see the outside of these walls.
“Playboy, I love you. But, you’re making the biggest mistake of your life. Sam won’t be here when you get outta here. Because mark my words, you will be walking free. Are you ready to throw her away because you don’t think she can handle seeing you in here?” she asks me. “Think about that shit because that’s what’s going to happen. Sooner than you think. I’m going to see her, and I’ll let her know what you said, but I’m not going to make her stay here if that’s not what she wants.”
I nod my head and stand up. Shy remains sitting as I leave the visiting room. I don’t look back at her because I know she’s telling me the truth. I’ll be very surprised if Sam and Caleb are still here if I ever get out of here.
Lying down on my bunk, I place my hands behind my head and think of what Shy said to me. I sit up and grab a pen and paper to write her another letter. Hopefully, she gets to read it one day.
Chapter Six
Sam
FOR THE LAST week I’ve been putting applications in to find a job. There’s nothing in Benton Falls for me. I don’t have any qualifications, and my unfinished college education isn’t good enough. Even the hospital won’t hire me for a janitor position or deliver supplies and linen to the different floors of the hospital. There truly is nothing in Benton Falls for me anymore.
Playboy was my reason for staying, but he won’t have any contact with me anymore. I’m not sure what’s running through his mind, but I know what’s going through mine. It’s not good, and there’s nothing I can do to stop the thoughts racing when I have nothing to occupy me.
It’s even worse when Slim and Shy or one of the other club members make an appearance at the house. I visit, and I talk with them, but they’re painful reminders that they have contact with the man I love, and I don’t. Even Shy’s been to see him. She’ll be here soon, and I know she’s going to talk about him. I’m not looking forward to hearing anything about him. My heart will just break even more.
I’m sitting at the table with a glass of water in front of me, trying to decide what I’m going to do. Caleb is playing in his room. He’s been quiet today, and I know it’s because he can sense I’m going through something. Caleb’s a smart kid like that.
“Sam, I’m here,” Shy says, walking in the door.
“In the kitchen,” I respond.
Shy walks into the room, and Caleb comes running out of his room. He almost seems to deflate as he doesn’t see Slim with her. Or Rayven.
“Hi Shy,” he says, walking up to me.
“Hey, buddy. I’m sorry Papi isn’t with me today,” she says, knowing he loves seeing Playboy’s dad.
“I like you too,” he tells her, leaning into my side.
“Well, that’s good because I like you too, honey,” Shy tells him, leaning over to ruffle his hair.
Caleb makes a funny face at her and runs away to his room. We laugh at him because I’m pretty sure he has a little crush on Shy. He’s always trying to be around her, but he doesn’t want his Papi to know. Slim knows.
One day a few months ago, we were going to the clubhouse with Playboy, and Caleb picked the flowers I had just planted outside the house. Playboy sat down with him and asked him where he was taking the flowers. Caleb told him he was taking them to Shy because every pretty woman deserves to have flowers to make her happy.
I was eavesdropping on the conversation and shed a tear or two. I’ve always tried to teach my son to be a decent boy and then man when he gets older. Honestly, I’m wasn’t sure if he was listening to me as I talked to him, but apparently, he was. Caleb makes me so proud, and I’m so lucky to have had him. He’s the only bright spot in my life right now. Well, along with the baby, I’m keeping a secret from everyone.
“How is he?” I ask when I can’t stand the silence any longer.
“Not good, sweetheart. He’s so freaking torn about what to do with you. Playboy loves you so much, and he wants to be able to hold you and comfort you. He doesn’t want you seeing him like a caged animal. That’s where his head’s at,” she tells me.
I can’t help the tears from falling. I’m so tired of crying every single day. Never once did I believe he felt that way. Playboy is the best man I know, and I’d never view him as anything other than that. He’s a great man and for him to believe otherwise is absolutely ridiculous.
“Shy, he’s the best man I know. I don’t want him thinking that of himself in that way. I’ll leave him alone and not do anything to make him feel like that again,” I say, my heart breaking.
“Honey, it’s his issue, not yours. You keep doing what you’re doing, and we’ll be here for you. No matter what,” she says, placing her hand over mine on the table.
“I still won’t do anything to hurt him more than I already have. This is my fault, and no matter what you guys say, I know it’s my fault,” I tell her.
“Playboy said a few more things. The first is he loves you both. He wants you both in his life, no matter what. Secondly, he wants you to use the money you’ve been ignoring in the account from him to finish schooling,” she says matter-of-factly.
“That’s his money, not mine. I’ve touched very little of it for something, and I’m going to pay him back for it,” I tell her. “Here, take this.”
Getting up from the table, I walk over to my purse on the counter and grab my wallet. Pulling out the card Playboy gave me, I walk back to her and hand it over. Shy looks from the card to me and back. She’s not sure what to do, and I’m not going to take it back. That’s Playboy’s money, and I’m not going to use it; not anymore.
“I’m not giving this to him,” Shy says.
“Then give it to Slim and have him give it back to him,” I say, not backing down from this. “Please don’t leave this with me anymore.”
Shy puts the card in her pocket, but she’s not happy. The look on her face is one of censure and her being upset. There’s nothing I can do about that. I’ve made a few decisions, and there’s nothing anyone is going to do to change my mind.
“Can you do me a favor?” she questions as she stands up.
“What’s that?” I ask in return.
“Don’t give up on him and don’t make any moves without really thinking hard about it,” Shy tells me.
“All I’ve been doing is thinking. And it’s hard not to give on him when it seems as if he’s already given up on Caleb and me,” I say honestly. “You have no clue what’s been running through my head and what I’ve been thinking about.”
“Well, don’t make any decisions without talking to someone first,” she says.
Shy pulls me in for a hug and holds onto me for a few extra minutes. It’s almost as if she knows what I’m about to do. I don’t think she truly knows, though, because I’m not even sure what’s going on just yet. We’ll just see what’s going on in the next few days as I continue to decide things.
After she leaves, I begin packing the few belongings Caleb and I have. I’m not taking anything Playboy bought me. I’ll take the toys he bought my son, but that’s for my son because I know if he doesn’t have them, he’ll be even more upset than he already is about not seeing Playboy.
Within two hours, all of our things are packed. I sit down to write one last letter while I’m here. Well, two letters. I’ll write one to Playboy and one to whoever is the next one to come to the house to ‘check’ on me. They’ll find it and know I don’t want to leave, but I have no choice at this point.
I’ve
done a lot of thinking, and if Playboy doesn’t know I’m pregnant, I don’t want anyone else here to know either. I’ll start showing sooner or later, and then I won’t be able to hide it anymore. I’m not going to flaunt my pregnancy while Playboy is in there and wants nothing to do with me. So, my only option is to move away. If I hear he’s gotten released, I’ll let him know what’s going on. Or, I’ll say something to his dad once I’ve left Benton Falls behind.
“Mama, we leaving?” Caleb asks me.
“Yeah, honey, we are,” I answer him.
Caleb slinks back to his room, and I know this is going to hit him hard. I pick the pen up and write the letter to whoever comes here. I’ll write Playboy’s when Caleb and I stop for the night. It will give me something else to focus on. For now, I just need to get out of here and help Caleb deal with all the feelings he has running through him right now.
My heart breaks because I don’t know if this is the right decision to make or not. Deep in my gut, I feel as if it’s the best solution for now. Things may be different when Playboy gets released because I have to believe he will. If I think of him spending the rest of his life behind bars, my heart shatters, and I can’t breathe. This isn’t what I want for him.
When I’m done writing the letter, I get Caleb and pack up the remaining toys he has in his room and grab the bag with some clothes and other necessities in it for us. Once we’re in the car, I turn on the music, and Best I Ever Had by State of Shock is playing. Instead of connecting my phone for music, I leave the song playing because Playboy is the best man I know, and we could have made something amazing together. We have made something amazing together.
Leaving our little home, I keep glancing in the rearview mirror until it disappears from my sight. Tears silently fall as I think of everything we’re giving up by leaving. Maybe we’ll be back one day. That’s my hope, at least.
Chapter Seven
Playboy
IT’S BEEN A few days since my visit with Shy. There’s still been no word from anyone else, including Anderson. I’m getting pissed because there should be some news by now, and he either has nothing, or he doesn’t feel like sharing it with me. And, I’m a little surprised no one from the club has come to see me. They try to make it here every few days.
The only thing I’ve been doing is working out in my cell and writing letters to Sam. I’ve even included a few to Caleb, so he has something. I’m still not going to send them, though. I don’t want my pain to shine through the letters and not be there for my woman and son. That’s the last thing I want to happen.
Then my thoughts turn to what Shy said to me. Maybe I should send one of the letters to Sam. Or have my dad take it back to her. If he ever comes to see me. The last thing I want is Sam to breakdown because I haven’t talked to her or let her see me. It’s not my intention for that to happen, but I don’t want her to see me like this.
I’ve also been thinking about what Shy meant when she said she thinks Sam is hiding something. If someone were going to the house and bothering her, Fox would know about it. There’s security out the ass on the house, and he can see inside at any point in time. Plus, he’s got alarms around the perimeter in case someone wants to try looking in the windows or breaking in.
If it’s not someone bothering her, I don’t know what else it could be. During the day when I’m working out or thinking about writing her a letter, I try to think of all the things she could be hiding. The worst one is something being wrong with either Caleb or her. I know I won’t be able to handle it if something happens to one of them.
“Busch, you got a visitor,” a guard says, walking to the door of my cell.
“Who is it?” I ask, getting up and turning around for the handcuffs to be placed on my wrists.
“Lawyer. And your cuffs go in the front,” he tells me.
Turning back around, I let him place the cuffs on me, and we walk down the hall to the visiting room. As soon as I’m in the room, the guard leaves us, and I take my seat across from Anderson. For the first few minutes, I simply stare him down. Most men cower when I stare at them this way or shift with their unease. Anderson merely sits there and shuffles through the papers in front of him.
“What have you been doin’?” I ask him.
“Tryin’ to figure out which one of the residents of the street the incident happened on is. I still don’t know which one and no one’s talking. They’re keeping it close to their vests, and I have the right to question this person. Unfortunately, they’re not making it easy on me,” he tells me.
“Then talk to my dad or someone in the club. Have them help you out,” I tell him.
“No. They need to steer clear of this so no one can say they were intimidated or anything else,” Anderson says.
“Fine. Why haven’t I at least had a hearin’ yet?” I question.
“They’re taking you straight to trial,” Anderson answers. “I think we’ve got a date for trial in two weeks. Are you sure there’s nothing else I need to know about what happened that day?”
“Nothin’ at all. What are you askin’ me, Anderson?” I ask him right back.
“I just don’t think you were the only one there that day. Playboy, if you’re covering for someone, I need to know,” he says, releasing a breath which tells me he’s frustrated.
“No one else was there. You know what you need to do, and that’s all I’m saying,” I tell him.
“Fine. We’ll leave it as is. I’m gonna go see if I can talk to the witness or the Prosecutor on the case,” Anderson says, putting the papers back in his briefcase.
“Come back when you got somethin’,” I tell him, standing from the table and going to the door so I can go back to my cell.
The meeting with Anderson was absolutely pointless. He has nothing to tell me, and he’s not doing shit to get me out of here until the trial. Maybe it’s time we talk as a club about getting a different fucking lawyer. One who can make things happen and do their damn job.
Yeah, I know I’m probably just frustrated I’m still in here. But, I’m itching or a fight now, and I can’t afford to have more charges added on to me. I want to go to Sam and find out what’s going on. So, once the guard removes the cuffs, I sit down and write her another letter.
This one is talking about not being free and with her and Caleb. About how I’d be holding her in my arms and make sure nothing could touch her. I want that more than anything in this world, and I can’t have it right now.
Lying down on my bunk, I let images of Sam fill my head. Sliding my hand down my pants, I slide it up and down my cock. I picture her on her knees in front of me with my cock in her mouth. She’s sucking me off fast and hard, her hand moving down to roll my balls in her hand. Before I know it, I can feel the tingling start, and I know I’m about to cum.
Picturing her swallowing me down is all it takes for me to cum all over my hand and stomach. It’s not the way I want it to happen, but it’s the only option I have right now.
Waking up today, I find I finally have a visit from someone in the club. My dad is here to see me. Maybe he can shed some light on a few damn things for me, like Anderson and Sam.
“It’s good to see you, son,” my dad says as I walk in the room and sit down across from him.
“Yeah, why have you been away? Everythin’ good with the club?” I ask him.
“Yeah, we’re good. Anderson been in to see you?” he questions.
“He was here. Waste of time if you ask me. Maybe we should start lookin’ for a new lawyer,” I tell him honestly.
“What’s goin’ on?” my dad asks, sitting up straight in the metal chair he’s sitting in.
“There’s a witness, and he can’t find out a fuckin’ thing about him to talk to the person or anythin’. Apparently, the Prosecutor is keepin’ it close to the vest on this case,” I respond.
“I see. I’ll get ahold of him and see what’s goin’ on. What about gettin’ you out before trial?” he asks.
“Not gonna happe
n, I guess. I don’t know any more after talkin’ to him then I did when I came in here. It’s fuckin’ insane,” I tell him. “What’s goin’ on with Sam and Caleb? Have you seen them?”
“Haven’t seen them in a few days. It’s hittin’ her hard, though. She’s takin’ it all on her shoulders, doesn’t think she’s good enough for you, and I don’t know what else is goin’ on. Somethin’ else is hittin’ her hard, but Fox hasn’t gotten any hits on security. And you know he won’t look inside the house because he doesn’t want to invade her privacy,” Dad answers.
“I need to know what she’s hidin’. What if she’s hurt or sick and doesn’t know what to do? Or what if somethin’ is wrong with Caleb?” I question, worry, and dread filling me.
“I’ll stop over on my way back to the clubhouse. Shy went over yesterday and said she didn’t answer the door. Didn’t hear shit comin’ from inside either. I know she’s been lookin’ for a job because we’ve got a few hits of her turnin’ in her applications. No one’s gonna hire her, though,” he informs me, regret, and sadness on her behalf filling his face. “I don’t know what to do to help her. And, she gave Shy your card back the last time she went to see them.”
“The card to the account I put money in for her?” I question.
“That’s the one,” he tells me.
“She’s gonna run,” I tell him flatly. “Don’t let her leave, Dad. I’m beggin’ you.”
“Fuck!” my dad growls out. “I’ll leave now and get over there. Someone will be here in a few days to see you. You need anythin’ while I’m here?”
“No. I just need to know Sam’s okay. I’ll call the clubhouse later.”
Standing up, I leave the room with the guard. I can’t believe Sam’s gonna leave Benton Falls. If she didn’t give my card back, I never would’ve known what she has planned. That told me all I need to know, though. Now, I have to get out of here. There’s no way in hell I can be in here and let her and Caleb go off on their own without the protection of the club.