The Shoreless Sea

by J. Scott Coatsworth

  Sweet Ariadne. How had she kept it from him all these years?

  He broke away from her, his emotions warring inside of him. Sorry for her, for all she had gone through to hide and mask her gift. Anger that she should hide it from him. That she thought he couldn’t handle the truth. There was jealousy too. Why do you have the ability? Why not me? Why can you hear when I can’t? None of it was fair.

  She reached for him, but he blocked her out. He didn’t want her in his head. Not right then.

  The shock on her face was evident.

  “What just happened?” Dax looked from one to the other.

  Belynn turned away from Kiryn.

  He couldn’t hear what she said.

  It was like a slap in the face after the gut punch of her revelation. He sank down and put his hands around his knees, shattered. All this time, she’d been able to hear others, probably to talk to others, and she’d blocked it out. Because of me.

  He closed his eyes and rocked back and forth, trying to take in the enormity of it. You should have told me. It was a private thought—she was closed to him.

  Would he have handled it any better than he was now? Maybe not, but at least it wouldn’t have been such a betrayal.

  His mind played over their lives together, looking for signs. Those times when she had been sad and withdrawn and had brushed it off as just teenage hormones.

  When she’d beaten her head with her hands at night, and he’d awoken in the room they shared, frightened at her outburst. Just a bad dream.

  When her gaze had drifted off for a second when they were playing together….

  Had all those times been when she’d heard the voices?

  A warm hand touched his knee.

  He looked up to find Belynn looking at him, her face as haggard as Gordy’s. “I’m so sorry,” she mouthed.

  She reached for him again, but he blocked her.

  He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. I need time was all he offered. “Can you do it?”

  “Reach the world mind? I think so. If we get out of this cave.”

  “The pit.”

  She nodded. “I can try.” Her signed words were clipped. Terse. They knew each other so well, her hands could convey her emotions even when he couldn’t see her face.

  He’d thought he knew her well.

  Time enough to deal with that later. “Let’s go.”

  He let his anger and pain leak out. Let you feel how I feel.

  BELYNN FOLLOWED her brother into the crevice.

  The little group climbed down the chute out of the small space that had been their temporary haven, and Kiryn signaled for them to wait while he touched the stone with his eyes closed, apparently checking the situation.

  She could feel his emotions—his hurt and anger—but he was still blocking her from reaching into him.

  Belynn bit her lip. This was bad. He had never blocked her like this, not for such a long time.

  Still, he had every reason to.

  I should have told him. She stared at his back as he slipped down into the tunnel in the dim light of Dax’s red fern. It had almost gone dark, giving off just enough dim rosy light to show the outlines of the underground world they were in. It seemed like a fairyland, transitory and strange. She missed the fresh air, the trees, the sky.

  Belynn dropped after Kiryn, into darkness.

  Dax and Gordy followed right behind her, and the light reappeared to show the smooth walls of the cavern.

  Kiryn turned and flashed her a quick message.

  “Kiryn says for you two to wait a bit away from the pit. Less chance they will be able to sense Gordy that way.”

  Gordy nodded. “Okay. We’ll wait for you. What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to try to contact the world mind.” She thought she could do it, but it had been a long time since she’d let herself be this raw and open.

  Kiryn’s anger wasn’t helping matters. As they approached the pit, she reached out and pulled him back.

  He glared at her. “What?”

  She put her hands on his face, not trying to force her way in, just letting him feel her human touch. “I’m sorry.”

  He stared at her for a moment and then nodded. “I know.”

  She let go, her hands fluttering. “I never meant to—”

  Kiryn closed his eyes. “You hurt me. I thought we shared everything.”

  “I know. And trust me. We’ll talk about it. But right now—”

  “It’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But it will be.” He looked away and sighed.

  “I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Mom and Mamma.”

  He looked at her, searching her face for something. “It must have been hard for you.”

  “Yeah. Sometimes. Most of the time.”

  He lifted his hands.

  She lifted hers, and they touched palms again.

  He kissed her cheek. It will be okay. Eventually. Then he turned away and put his hand on the valve that separated the pit from the evacuation tunnel.

  It was something.

  She looked back at the others. “Wish me luck.”

  “You can do it.” Dax grinned at her, and she felt the nervous energy leak away. He was a good one. Good enough for her brother. Maybe.

  Who will be good enough for me? It was the wrong time to worry about such a trivial thing. And yet….

  The valve cycled open, and they stepped through into the pit and stood on the rim.

  The suddenly bright light hurt her eyes, and immediately the voices began.

  “…need to send someone to address the issues with the latest production lines….”

  “…her first steps. You would be so proud!”

  “Murder in Micavery. I know! It’s so strange….”

  “…says he will be there in two days with the shipment….”

  Kiryn took her hand and squeezed it tightly.

  She returned the grip, grateful.

  There was something else beneath the voices, something she didn’t remember hearing before. It was like a droning, a steady buzz, like a deep and shifting current under all the noise.

  It was coming from Kiryn.

  She stared at him. “Kiryn, you have to let me in. There’s something strange….” The buzzing changed. “This is bigger than you and me, than you being angry with me.”

  After a few seconds, he nodded. The block came down. Immediately the buzzing increased tenfold.

  She put a hand on his cheek and sought out the source.

  The sound resolved itself into a hundred voices. A thousand. Each one crying out for salvation. In fear. For help. For release.

  It was like her own ability, but far worse.

  The voices coursed through her, pulling at her, threatening to rip her to shreds. Each one was a focused knot of pain and naked need. They sliced her like knives, pulled at her until she bled in myriad places, until she wept with sorrow and agonizing empathy. It was so much worse than the voices she’d lived with since she was a child.

  She broke the connection, shaking.

  Kiryn opened his eyes and frowned. “What happened?”

  “You can’t feel them? All the voices in your mind?”

  He shook his head. “I… sometimes I have this dream, where someone is calling to me. Asking for help. But not lots of voices….” He remembered his dream, trapped in a grave.

  “Your nightmare.”

  “Yes.” He frowned. “What does it mean? Who are they?”

  “I don’t know. But we need to reach the world mind. Maybe they will have an answer.” The voices still spoke in her head, the usual ones, but after the deluge from Kiryn’s mind, they seemed easier to tune out. At least for a while. She was thankful for that.

  “Are you ready?”

  What he was really asking was Can you do this? She took a deep breath to calm herself. “I think so.” She took a series of slow breaths, centering her mind.

  Remember when mother showed me how? She sought out the world
mind, a vast presence throughout Forever. To many of the Liminals, she/they were a great comfort, a mental security blanket that could be accessed at need.

  To Belynn, it had always been one more source of noise and distraction.

  Hello?

  There was no response.

  The chatter continued, the voices filling her head. They crowded out everything else, threatening even her own thoughts. Hello!

  The voices spoke over her, through her, flooding her mind. It was like it used to be, only worse, because this time she had let them in.

  She was starting to unravel, as if pieces of her mind were being spirited away by little birds, each voice pecking at her and taking off with another part.

  She squeezed Kiryn’s hand in a panic, and all of a sudden he was there. Not her inside his mind, but him inside hers.

  Kiryn!

  It’s okay. I’ve got you.

  As he embraced her, a space of calm and quiet encircled them, spreading out and pushing the voices away. She took a deep breath, feeling her strength return. How…?

  He shook his head.

  They were both learning more about themselves on this most strange day.

  She stepped back, still holding his virtual hands, and tried again.

  Hello? Can you hear me?

  The response was strange. To her at least. That sense of vastness around them shifted, changed, became more specific. Like a fog that became a person or a consciousness. Belynn?

  The word carried overtones of shock and wonder and joy.

  “Yes.” She opened her eyes, and she was in a place she had never been to but recognized immediately. The Schoolhouse. The bright red roofs of the buildings and the surrounding jumble of broken rock left no doubt.

  She was alone, but she could still feel Kiryn’s hands touching hers.

  The voices were gone.

  Standing on the porch was her mother, or at least the world mind version, the one who had been a copy of her mother long ago but now was so much more.

  The whole thing still hurt her head when she thought about it.

  Then another Andy was with them, this one much older, the lines on her face signs of hard knowledge and earned wisdom.

  “Mom!” Belynn ran to hug her. “I’m so glad to see you! I was so scared.”

  “But how… how can you be here? You can’t—”

  “I can.” She sighed. This was going to be hard all around. “I can hear you. But not just you. Everyone. All the time.”

  Her mom and the world mind Andy stared at her. “Everyone?”

  “Everyone. Except when I drink. The alcohol… numbs it.”

  Her mom laughed.

  “What?”

  “Sorry. Just thought how that explains the missing red berry wine. Sometimes the barrels seemed a bit light. I just thought some had evaporated.”

  Belynn grinned. “No, sorry. Guilty.”

  In the real world, Kiryn squeezed her hand.

  She squeezed it back.

  In vee, she replied to the two Andys. “It’s just that I’ve hidden my ability for so long. It’s not easy to tell you about it. I’m so sorry. I should have….”

  Her mom pulled her close. “It’s okay. We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

  She nodded, her cheeks wet against her mother’s shoulder. “Okay.”

  They separated, and the three women sat down on the steps together.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s… there’s something strange happening. There’s this thing called the intifada….” It all spilled out of her in a rush—Della’s strange appearance at the college, her own collapse, the acolytes, and Gordy.

  She told it as quickly as she could, leaving out the parts about her flask and desperately wanting a drink.

  When she was done, the two Andys shared a look that was so identical she couldn’t help but laugh.

  “What?” they said simultaneously. Then they laughed at the same time too.

  “It’s… weird. Seeing you together.”

  Her mother nodded. “It used to be weirder. Despite appearances, we’re two different entities now. Twenty years is a long time in anyone’s life.”

  “You’re still like twins. Not the same person, but….”

  The world mind Andy nodded. “Close enough.” She stared off into the distance, and Belynn wondered if she was really thinking or if it was a show for the benefit of the humans. “I found something.”

  Her mother frowned. “Found something where?”

  “It’s a signal. From Old Earth, I think.”

  “Impossible. I saw it destroyed in the Collapse.” Her mother shuddered. She had shown Belynn the memory once, as the Earth had been consumed by fire.

  “Nevertheless.”

  Her mother frowned. “What does it say?”

  “I don’t know yet. I am still trying to figure out how to decode it.”

  “Have you had dreams? Strange dreams?” Belynn flashed back to the strange city she’d seen in her vision or dream. Whatever it was. The traffic, all the people.

  Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of dreams?”

  “Of Earth.”

  Her mother sighed. “Sometimes. I was never there. I was born here. But I dream about the things Father told me about. Frontier Station. Fargo. His time in New York….”

  “I dreamed I was in a city. New York, maybe? When I saw Della at the university. She looked at me, and I tumbled into this other world. It was crazy, so much traffic….”

  “That would have been a long time ago. New York was flooded for decades, even before we left.” Her mother put a hand on hers. “Maybe it was just a dream.”

  “Maybe.” Belynn was doubtful. It had felt so real. “But something is happening. Someone is coming here and taking over other people. We were attacked twice. And the masks….”

  Her mother and the world mind shared a look.

  “We believe you.” The other Andy squeezed her hand.

  “I wish I’d known you were struggling with this… ability all this time. Maybe I could have helped.”

  Belynn hung her head. “I know. I was… stupid. I should have told you all.”

  Her mother pulled her up to look her in the eyes. “Never say that. Neither of my children is stupid. You were brave to shoulder this on your own. I just wish I’d been able to help.”

  Belynn threw her arms around her mom. “I love you. I miss you.”

  The older Andy rubbed her back.

  “What’s it like to see yourself when you were so much younger?”

  Her mother grinned. “Can’t say I much care for it. I was pretty, though.”

  The world mind’s body shifted, and soon she looked just like Belynn’s mother. “Better?”

  Andy laughed. “No, keep your youth. One of us should get to enjoy it.” She squeezed world mind Andy’s shoulder.

  “So what do we do?” Belynn felt so much better knowing the adults were in charge now.

  “We’ll send help. Stay where you are…. Are you safe?”

  “We’re underground.”

  “Perfect.” Her mother squeezed her arm. “Contact us again at nightfall. We should have some news—”

  Belynn woke to a hand around her neck, squeezing her tight. She struggled, trying to break the chokehold, coughing as it held her in a viselike grip.

  Behind her someone grunted.

  Kiryn!

  She reached for him, but she couldn’t get to him.

  She kicked at whoever held her, but they danced out of the way, keeping the pressure on her neck.

  Mother!

  The Liminal voices had returned, chattering away like demented aunties in her head.

  “…sending it tomorrow. You should have it when the mail comes….”

  “Soon. Soon it will be time….”

  “…and the towers. So tall, so beautiful. So many people….”

  Then it all went black.

  Chapter Ten: Into the Tank

  ANDY S
TARED at the space between her and Belynn’s mother. One moment the girl had been there, and the next she was gone.

  Belynn and Kiryn were the two things that separated the two Andys the most. The Andy who had become half of the world mind had spent some time with them, certainly, but they didn’t feel like her kids. But for the corporeal Andy, they were everything.

  “What happened?” Belynn’s mother looked frantic. “Where did she go? I can’t feel her anymore.”

  Andy took her alternate self gently by the shoulders. “Breathe. We don’t know anything. Let me see what I can find out.”

  The human Andy nodded. “I have to tell Shandra what’s happening. I’ll come back soon.” She vanished.

  Andy felt her own sense of alarm, though, fueled not just by concern for the girl, but by worry for the whole situation. After Davian, safeguards had been put into place in the new world mind to prevent a similar abuse of its powers by the Liminals, but what Belynn described sounded suspiciously similar.

  Where were these intruders coming from? Certainly it couldn’t be Earth.

  Could it?

  She contacted the other Liminals in Darlith and Thyre and across the countryside between to see if something similar had occurred. Had anyone else noticed anything out of the ordinary? People acting strangely, not themselves? She tried to keep it vague, not to alarm anyone.

  Still, she wondered. Could anyone else see the “masks” Belynn saw?

  Shandra. At once her other half was there. “What happened?”

  “Belynn. She sees masks.” She sent Shandra the conversation, which was absorbed in an instant.

  Shandra blinked. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out.”

  Andy hoped she was right.

  ANDY SIGHED. Somehow things between them had changed since they had come here. While their human counterparts were, by all accounts, still deeply in love, there was a distance between her and her Shandra. They had taken up their responsibilities here, but Shandra had never truly adapted to hers.

  Maybe some people were too small—no, that was the wrong word. Too human to truly adapt to infinity.

  Andy split herself into a hundred pieces, her flock, and searched Micavery for signs of Belynn and Kiryn’s whereabouts.