What If

by Ann Ritchie Domela

  Chapter 23

  Decisions

  “Hi, Linda Sue,” Heather called out as she entered the art gallery. “I’m home.”

  “I know. Lately this has been your home. Really, Heather, you need to take a few days off. You’ve been working so hard. How long has Duncan been gone this time?”

  “Two weeks or so.” She answered, trying to sound casual, as she closed the door. “Want me to put up the open sign?”

  “Sure. I forgot as usual.”

  “Talk about over worked. What time did you arrive this morning?”

  “Sixish. I had to get the Domela art into frames.”

  “I do love those cathedral paintings. So detailed.”

  “Did you know that some of these are not real cathedrals, but actually composites of many?”

  “Wow. What an artistic view and imagination.”

  “Well, he did work at the Paramount studios.”

  “So you said. You know I googled him and found that his wife actually landscaped Charlton Heston’s home among others. She was a woman before her time and earned many awards for her landscaping.” said Linda Sue.

  “Quite a family.”

  “And if that isn’t enough, one of the granddaughters is also an award winner in art in Portland, Oregon. Her name is Laura Domela.”

  “I don’t know if art runs in my family or not. I do know that there were authors and some of the men created poetry, although they seem to almost be ashamed of it.” Heather started setting up a new canvas.

  “You said Duncan has been gone two weeks now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Sounds like you miss him.” Linda Sue hung one of the paintings on the wall. “How does this look?”

  “Great. And yes, I miss him some.”

  “Only some?”

  “Alright. Perhaps a bit more than that. I was getting used to having him come around and his company.”

  “That’s it?”

  As if to change the subject, Heather asked about Richard. “Are you still seeing Richard every day?”

  “Not every day.”

  “By my count, you only missed one night in the past two weeks.”

  “And you are avoiding my question.” Linda Sue picked up another painting and started to fit it into the marked frame. “I wish these were all the same sizes. I had to order a few special sizes.”

  “No, I’m not avoiding.” Heather started putting out the colors on her palette. “Yes, I find I miss him a lot.”

  “Why? Do you still think he is Ian?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Perhaps he looks like Ian, but to be blunt, he is too nice to be Ian.”

  “What?” Linda Sue was startled. She knew there was some doubt, but too nice? How bad a man was Ian?

  “He does so many thoughtful things. He doesn’t have the accent. He makes me feel as if I am important and he really likes my art. I don’t think any man could change that much after any trauma.”

  “I agree with you there. I do think he is very nice and thoughtful. Are you sure you weren’t imagining the likeness?”

  “No. On that I am sure. Remember, I grew up with Ian.” Heather began putting a grouping of photos on the bulletin board in front of the easel. She stopped talking to study them. She really didn’t want to talk about Ian. Even if Duncan did resemble Ian, he wasn’t him. She was sure he was not Ian’s ghost or just a person who she imagined was Ian. Duncan was his own man and she was attracted to him. If only she could be sure of her reasons to like the man.

  As if reading her mind, Linda Sue asked. “I can see you really are starting to care for Duncan. Are you sure enough of your reason to continue a relationship?”

  There it was. The question she avoided even in her own mind. Could she have a relationship with someone who resembled the man she was to marry? She really wasn’t sure. It would be great to be involved with such a wonderful man. Would it be fair to Duncan to pursue such a relationship or more? He wasn’t Ian. How would she feel in a few months or years? “No, I’m not sure.”

  “Are you going to talk it over with Duncan when he returns? It’s probably best to lay your cards out on the table.”

  “What?” Heather did not understand the expression, although she had an idea of what was meant.

  “Oh, you know. Uhm, talk about everything. Be honest.”

  Yes, I think that will be best when he returns.”

  “And that is, when?”

  “Late tonight or early tomorrow.”

  “Okay, I presume you want to take the day off?” Linda Sue tapped in the final hardware for this frame and hung it next to the first painting.

  “If that is okay with you.”

  “Sure is. In fact, you’ve been working so hard, I barely have room in the storage room to hang your paintings to dry. So yes, please take off for a few days. That will give you time to talk things out. You’ll both be better off with things settled one way or another. It’s time.”

  “Do you think it might be too early in the friendship to bring these things out?”

  “No. You do know that Duncan is aware of your previous engagement and the loss of your fiancée?”

  “No, I wasn’t sure what you had told him.” Heather put her brush down and sat on the high stool facing her friend. “I didn’t want to bring it up. I thought if he were Ian and had amnesia, it could upset things.”

  “Now what do you think?”

  “He’s definitely not Ian. And now after being with him, I think I prefer this man.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “No!” Heather threw her brush down on the table next to the easel. “No! I’m not sure of anything. I thought by spending time with this man that I could discover if he were Ian or my imagination or….I don’t know,” she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I just don’t know.”

  Linda Sue came over to put her arm around her friend. “There, there,” as if comforting a small child. “It’s alright. You don’t have to make any decisions now.”

  “If not now, when? I can’t go on just pretending this could be the man I was engaged to be married. I know it is not him. But how can I forget that my being so hard headed caused the death of a man? What right do I have to go on and possibly make a life with Duncan? It’s not fair to him to love him just because he resembles Ian. I don’t know.” She pulled away from Linda Sue and threw herself down on the small couch, crying so hard she was almost losing her breath. The tears, the emotion came forward like a dam bursting.

  Linda Sue sat next to her, not really knowing what to say or do. Heather did have to get it out and now was as good a time as any. “Heather, slow down. You know it wasn’t your fault that Ian went out to sea. You told me how he had already made the plans against what you two had already agreed.”

  “I know. I know. The sensible side of me knows that I did try to make up with him. I did beg him not to go to sea and he told me that he had made the plans weeks before.”

  “Well then?”

  “I’m not sure. It seems as if someone is at fault. And I’m alive and already going around with another man.”

  “Have you done anything other than just be friends, so far? Not that it is any of my business and I really don’t care. But do you really have anything to feel guilty about?”

  “No. I don’t know why, but Duncan has not made any moves in any way. The closest we get to anything is a gentle hug. Maybe I’m reading more into this than there could ever be.”

  “Maybe, Duncan is just respecting your feelings. He does know about Ian somewhat. I have to confess I did ask him to take you about so you could take photos and eat. I was concerned about you. So I did have to tell him some about your loss and the fact that you thought he strongly resembled Ian. I’m sorry if it was wrong.”

  “No, no,” Heather was still sobbing. “You did the right thing. Under the circumstances, he should know. Perhaps that is why he makes no moves.”

  “That’s probable. I do think he is attracted to you.”

>   “He did say he had something to tell me when he returned. Oh, Linda Sue, what will I do if he wants to go on further?”

  “What do you want to do?” both girls were sitting up on the blue couch. Heather still had tears streaming down her pale cheeks, but the sobbing was almost gone.

  “I, I’m not sure.”

  “Heather, stop grieving and accepting guilt for something you did not do. Ian caused his own death. He knew the risks and he went anyway, almost in defiance of the promises you both had made. Remember, it was his choice, not yours. Now, he is gone. You have a right to a life.”

  “I do, but what if I am only attracted to Duncan’s appearance? How can I do that to him?”

  “Are you? When you talk about him, you don’t even mention his looks. You talk about his caring, his thoughtfulness, the fun you have. You never mention Ian in that way, ever.”

  “You’re right. But?”

  “But what? Ian was tall, brown hair, brown eyes, brown beard, nice build. Duncan fits the same mold. So do about a few hundred men I’ve met. Generally, men are tall or short, thin or fat, blue or brown or green eyes. We rarely mention physical features. When I told you about Richard, do you remember what I said?”

  “I think so. He made you happy. He was caring, thoughtful….”

  “No mention of looks, really. So it doesn’t matter. If every man looked alike, we would still be attracted or not to his characteristics, not his face or form.”

  Heather wiped the tears with the sleeve of her blouse. “I think I see your point.”

  “Good, now when Duncan returns, talk to him as if you had never seen anyone else who looks like him. Give the man a chance.”

  “We’re not even sure he wants that chance.”

  “Then find that out. Now, I suggest you put things away, go home and get ready to see your new man when he returns.”

  “I will,” Heather rose with a determined air.

  As if on queue, the phone rang and Linda Sue answered it. “Yes, of course, just a moment. Heather, it’s for you.”

  “Hello,” she tried to hide the excitement she felt. “Yes, I will. See you then.” She carefully placed the phone down and calmly said, “He is coming home tonight and would like me to meet him at the campground. He is going to park at the same spot. Can you drop me off at the entrance? I can walk up the hill.”

  “What time?”

  “He said he plans on being there in two hours.”

  “Sure, it’s almost closing time anyway. I’ll take you home to get ready and then to the campground. Or you can use my car. I’m not going anywhere tonight.”

  Heather was still trying to remain calm, although her heart was racing. The conversation with Linda Sue had given her permission of a sort to go on with the relationship with Duncan. That is, if it was what he wanted? She knew now that this was really what she did want. “I’ll help you lock up.”

  “Heather,” Linda Sue admonished. “Aren’t you a little bit excited?”

  “Yes, yes, I am,” she almost shouted. “Hurry up or I am going to burst. As soon as I heard his voice, I knew what you said was true. I want to go on with him and if he wants me, I will.”

  “Then let’s go. I’ll tidy up in the morning,” Linda Sue grabbed her light jacket and they went out the door, Heather; happier than she had been in a long, long time.