by Lilly Wilde
Allison opened one of the small jars of moisturizer. “Work, work, work—that’s basically been his life for as long as I can remember. So I was glad he’d found you. I wanted him to have someone special in his life, not just that damned company. He’d spent too much time working and too much time trying to make my parents happy.”
“I think it’s great how much you love him. I hope he appreciates you.” I’d picked up on Aiden and Allison’s adoration for each other from the first moment I’d seen them together. And she was right—I hadn’t seen that type of sibling affinity between Aiden and Sloan or Nicholas. I never really understood why until now. By no means were Allison and Aiden the black sheep, but they were, as Sloan had stated when I first met her, the more challenging of the bunch.
“Hey, I’m taking this one,” Allison said, holding up the white container of moisturizing cream. “Aiden can be a bossy jerk but he’s an awesome guy with so much to offer, and he deserves to make himself happy and not worry about Mom and Dad. And FYI, you’re the only woman he’s ever brought around us that didn’t fit the mold of what Mom and Dad would have chosen for one of their precious Raine offspring. The others were just ways to placate Mom and Dad—to give them what they’d approve of. You were the first of Aiden’s choosing.”
“Oh, so you mean the first his parents would disapprove of?”
“You know what I mean,” she said, frowning at me.
I rinsed the scrub from my face and grabbed a towel. “I guess.”
“Just think about what I said. Talk to him. You made my brother happy. And I know he made you happy. And now you have my gorgeous nephew to think about, so don’t be stubborn like Aiden.”
I headed out of the bathroom and plopped on the bed. Allison gave me a hug and left me with even more confused thoughts. I went to bed that night with no answers but I was determined to make this better. I just didn’t know how.
Chapter Seven
Aiden was standing near Lyric’s crib watching him sleep, something that had become the norm for both of us. I stood at the threshold of the nursery and considered leaving. Being so close to Aiden was often difficult—it was sometimes so hard to breathe that I’d leave rather than struggle with my feelings. But I wouldn’t do that today. I’d avoided Aiden long enough. I walked over to join him. He didn’t say anything; he merely stared at me for several long moments. I could see the hurt and betrayal unraveling in his eyes, and it was almost more than I could bear.
“Tell me about my son,” he said softly.
I instinctively wanted to touch him, to comfort him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“What would you like to know?”
“Everything. I want to know every detail I’ve missed—starting with the date you learned of your pregnancy.”
That’s a day I’d never forget. Was this the right time to tell him this? Would it make him angrier?
“Aria?”
I guess I’d soon find out. “That day…” I swallowed and forced myself to give this to him. “The day I found out, I was actually scheduled for a procedure that would remove any chances of my ever conceiving a child.”
His eyebrows furrowed upon hearing a detail I’d never shared with him.
“The process included a pregnancy test before the surgery—you know, just in case. Well, a half hour or so before the procedure, the results of my pregnancy test came back positive.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t want kids?”
“I don’t know.” I hoped he wouldn’t make an issue of that.
“How far along was your pregnancy?”
“A few months.”
“What? You had no idea until then?”
“None.”
“Didn’t you miss a period or something? Didn’t that give you a hint that something was up?”
“I have a history of irregular periods, and my doctor prescribed a type of birth control that pretty much stopped them. There was an occasional spotting here and there, so nothing really changed in that area. I’d gained a little weight during those months, but I’d attributed that to my regaining what I’d lost when you and I were first apart. So I was almost five months along when I found out.”
“Five months? How is it possible that you didn’t know?”
“That’s what I kept asking myself.” I shook my head, still wondering how I could have been so out of sync with my body. “I tried to remember if there were any signs that I’d overlooked, and the only thing even remotely connected to a symptom was what I’d thought was indigestion a couple of times. There weren’t any other indications—other than the weight gain, but it was minimal, so I didn’t think much about it. I wasn’t really showing until I was almost six months.”
Aiden walked toward the back of the nursery and took a seat on the small sofa. I watched him as he soaked in what I’d revealed. “I read about that in med school. It’s termed a cryptic or stealth pregnancy, which typically result in premature birth.”
I followed Aiden to the sofa and cautiously took a seat beside him. “My doctor said it often happens in cases where the mother is in denial.” And that part made sense, because I never wanted children.
“So that means he was conceived around…” He started mentally doing the math.
“The weekend I spent at your place in December—when I was coerced into being naked the entire time.”
“Yes, I remember,” he replied coldly.
“Look, I know you’re upset, but if you aren’t in a place to hear all of it, I’m not doing this. I’m not dealing with your rudeness.”
He took a moment before replying. “I apologize.” He moved his hand through his hair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Tell me the rest.”
“After I’d heard the results, I sat there stupefied for so long that the doctor thought I’d gone into shock. So many thoughts were streaming through my brain at the time. My plan of not having a baby had been shot to shit. I thought of my childhood. Then I thought of you and I was happy…and then I panicked. I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to see the look on your face, and I didn’t want you to not want him.”
He glanced at me and sighed. I could see he wanted to say something, but he didn’t, so I continued.
“You were out of town at the time, so it made it a little easier for me to avoid telling you. It gave me a chance to sort things out. After a lot of thought, I felt it was best if Lyric wasn’t raised as a Raine, so I started making plans to leave the country.”
He sat quietly, not reacting to my words. He exhaled and asked, “Why Belize?”
“No real reason, I guess. April and I had gone there on vacation once, and I loved it. When I thought of leaving, I knew I needed to be far away, so it was the first place that came to mind.”
“So you wanted to be as far away from me as possible?”
“Aiden, I didn’t want to be. I felt I needed to be.” I wasn’t ready to go into the details of my feelings about him. It would hurt that much more for the both of us. “Kellan was in town on business during that time. He and I met for dinner. He’d always been so easy to talk to, so before I knew it, I blurted it out.”
“As opposed to telling me? So talking to me is like walking on hot coals?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to. Your actions proved it.”
At times, Aiden wasn’t the easiest person to talk to. He always looked beyond the words and I hated that. And I knew if he knew too much that I’d be even more vulnerable. That’s possibly the reason I never told him about my plan of not having children.
“I told Kellan what I wanted to do, and believe it or not, he urged me to tell you, but I couldn’t. Eventually I resigned from RPH and—well, you know that part. After I’d gotten settled in Belize, I found a doctor and started regular prenatal visits. During my first appointment, I was able to get a sonogram…I have it and several others, if you’d like to see them.”
He nodded, but he didn�
�t say anything.
“I started reading information online and buying pregnancy and baby books. Most of the books indicated that I should chronicle as much as possible, so I actually kept a blog. I never published it, but I would like for you to read it. It’s more detailed than my memory.”
“I would appreciate that. But for now, can you tell me what you do remember?”
“Yes.” I wanted to cry for him. I felt horrible. The look in his eyes was like that of a child who had everything taken away and given to someone else. I’d done this to him. I’d taken away his choice, and in doing so, I’d caused him to miss out on something he could never get back—something a story or blog could never replace. Clearing the lump in my throat, I continued. “It was a really good pregnancy. As I said, I didn’t have any symptoms—no morning sickness, no weird food cravings, no horrible smells. I remember sleeping a lot when I was around seven months.”
“Was it a difficult birth?”
“Hell yes. I was in labor for several days. It was too soon so my doctor delayed his birth for a few days to increase Lyric’s chances of proper development. He was four weeks early, which I guess is typical of stealth pregnancies. He was born on August twelfth at three o’clock in the afternoon.”
“Were you going through all of it alone? Were your sisters or April there?”
“No. I wasn’t alone. Kellan was there. He was with me.”
Aiden closed his eyes and inhaled. He let out a deep breath and then turned to study me, as if he was trying to figure me out. Then he sighed and glanced at the crib. “He’s a very happy baby.”
“Yes, he is. All of his checkups went very well. He was born five pounds and three ounces.”
“That’s amazing considering his size now,” Aiden said.
“Yes, I know,” I replied, smiling. “He has quite the appetite…much like you,” I said.
He glanced at me again and this time he was actually smiling…at me. I was surprised at that. I think it surprised him, too.
“I’m glad you decided to breastfeed—the benefits are astounding. Is it very uncomfortable?”
“Er… it can be. If he latches on the wrong way, it really kicks ass.”
His eyes fell to my breasts.
Yes, they’re a little more than a handful now, huh?
“The wine…you drink a lot of wine. I was wondering about that.”
“I actually stopped drinking as much when my sisters came to live with me. I didn’t want to be a bad influence. So I think we’re good there.” That was something I’d been concerned about, too.
“His name. Why?”
“I think you know why.”
“Tell me.”
“It was because of you—because of us, because of your love of music. Lyric was created from a very intense, very passionate place, and I wanted his name to represent something just as passionate. Something that held significance for me and you. I know you won’t believe me, but you were with me every day. And every day, even when he was growing inside me, I talked to him about you. I wanted you there, Aiden. I did. I was…I was just terrified of what that would mean for Lyric. So I never allowed myself to think of anything beyond keeping him away from your world.”
“My world,” he said with a sigh, sitting back and crossing his arms. I noticed he was wearing the watch I’d given to him for his birthday, but once he saw me eyeing it, he lowered his arms. He was actually wearing the watch… I didn’t understand what that meant, if anything.
The baby began to stir and our attention was diverted—both of us walking over to check on him. Lyric didn’t give himself a chance to completely wake before he burst into tears. He’d done that a few times in the past, which always made me wonder if babies dreamt. If they did, Lyric must have had a bad one.
I reached into the crib and lifted him to my shoulder. “Shh. It’s okay, Lyric. Mommy’s here.” I looked at Aiden and there was a sparkle of wonder in his eyes, like we were the first mother and child he’d ever seen. “And so is Daddy,” I added. It was comforting to see a look on Aiden’s face that didn’t scream of contempt.
“He kept us up a lot during the first month. It was brutal,” I said as I went to the bathroom to grab a warm washcloth. “Would you like to wipe his face?” I asked, holding up the cloth to Aiden as I returned to the room.
Aiden grasped the cloth and I watched as he lightly moved the towel across Lyric’s cheeks and then slowly eased it toward the corners of his eyes. Aiden’s large hands seemed daunting but he was so gentle with Lyric—a very hungry Lyric. He had yet to calm down.
“I think I’d better get this little guy fed,” I said.
“Let me.”
The tenderness in Aiden’s eyes when he looked at Lyric melted every ounce of anger I’d felt earlier. I passed Lyric to him and watched as Aiden sat in the large chair at the side of the crib. I then went to the concealed mini-fridge and grabbed a bag of milk then placed it in the warmer.
Lyric’s cries had gotten louder. “Hey, try the paci,” I suggested.
I gazed over my shoulder and saw Aiden grab the pacifier from the snap on Lyric’s jammies. Lyric was quiet for a few seconds, long enough to recognize that the paci wasn’t what he wanted, and then he was wailing again. Aiden tried rocking him, but that didn’t help. I finished prepping the bottle and passed it to Aiden. He placed the nipple on Lyric’s lips and he calmed and pulled it into his mouth. After a few pulls, he stopped and turned away. He didn’t want the bottle. He was about to cry again but Aiden moved the nipple across Lyric’s lips and he started sucking again.
Watching the two of them did something to me I couldn’t explain. It was heart wrenching. I forced the tears away as I observed this beautiful, dominant man feed his son. It was just about the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. I felt as though I was invading a private moment, one that Aiden deserved to share alone with his son, so I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me.
I went for a walk and ended up at the pond—Aiden’s pond. This was the place at which Aiden and I had shared untold childhood stories with each other. My eyes glazed over as I stared at the water and pictured that day. It was when I had finally decided to commit myself to him. Letting nostalgia pull me in further, I heaved a reminiscent sigh and sat on the bench near the edge of the pond.
I was lost in my memories when approaching footsteps pulled me from my thoughts. Aiden was walking toward me. Although we’d shared a tender moment a short while ago, I knew he didn’t have a desire to be near me, and this was one of the places he escaped to ever so often. “I was just leaving,” I said, not looking at him. I didn’t really want to be around him either. It was easier earlier because Lyric’s presence sometimes softened our exteriors. But when it was just us, it was difficult.
“You don’t have to leave,” he replied.
“Where’s Lyric?” I asked.
“He’s with my mother.” He grinned and shook his head. “She’s showing him off to her charity group.”
“He’s stolen everyone’s hearts, it would seem.” And for very different reasons. Although it was obvious that his family loved Lyric, I was suspicious as to some of the motives behind it. Connor looked at Lyric and saw the future of Raine Industries, and Sienna…I think she saw him as a way to have her Aiden back—a chance to get it right this time. I had noticed the manner in which she doted on Aiden, and whether she acknowledged it or not, he was undoubtedly her favorite. I didn’t know what this meant for Lyric but I knew he’d eventually be in a tug-of-war, and I wanted to keep that from happening.
“I feel like a prisoner, Aiden.” I blurted out.
He was staring across the water. “Aria, what do you expect me to say to that? I honestly don’t know what to do.”
“And because you don’t know, I have to suffer?”
“I can’t trust you with my son. It’s as simple as that.”
“He’s our son, Aiden.”
“I’m glad to see you’ve finally come to terms with that.” He
sat on the far end of the bench and scowled at me.
“I came to terms with that the day I found out I was pregnant.”
“Yeah, and you had a sure fire way of showing it. You ran off, and now you expect me to let you have free rein with him. Why would I do that? You may get the marvelous idea to leave the fucking country with him again.”
“I wouldn’t do that!”
He raised an eyebrow. “Really? And I should believe that because you haven’t done it before?”
And look where that’s gotten me.
“You even had April lie to me, telling me that you were having a child with that fucker Kellan.”
I bolted from my seat and pointed a finger at him. “Don’t do that. Don’t call him names. And for your information, I didn’t ask April to do that. She did it on her own. She thought she was helping me, and it caused me to lose my friendship with her. Just another piece of my life you’ve taken from me. So thank you for that, too.”
“You’re so quick to place the blame on me for decisions you made. I will not accept responsibility for something I knew nothing about.”
“I don’t want to go back and forth tossing blame. I just want to make this right. I want to do what’s best for Lyric.”
“So do I. Why do you think you’re here, Aria?”
“I know very well why I’m here. You’ve made it quite clear that if you could furnish certain provisions without me, you would.”
He was pensive for a long moment and then finally replied, “It’s something, Aria. It’s the start of a compromise I hadn’t accounted for.”
“Funny. It doesn’t seem like one,” I shot back.
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?”
“You’re supposed to do what’s in the best interest of your son.”
“And that’s what I’m doing,” he said dryly.
“By forcing me to live under your rules? You don’t want me here and I’m not exactly excited about living at Casa Raine,” I said, gesturing toward the vast estate.