Ash Rising (DEAd Series)

by Melissa Fox

  Not just to prove Gina wrong, and definitely not because he was tired of having sex with beautiful women, kissing them, and taking them home, whether he slept with them or not. He enjoyed all those things.

  He enjoyed the thought of doing them with Liz more.

  “I hear it’s more than a one time thing,” Rico continued. “Are you seeing the girl? Like, dating?”

  “What, did your porn subscription run out?

  You need me to fill in for you or something?”

  “No, but Gina will bust my balls if you screw this up.” Rico kept the lopsided smile on his face, but his eyes were hard. “And I like my balls just fine as they are. She’s all worked up about you fucking around with her little friend.”

  More like she was pissed he wasn’t fucking her. “Gina needs to mind her own business.”

  “She’s got a hard-on for you, and not in a good way. Not anymore.” Rico slid Ash a look he couldn’t decipher.

  “Look, Rico, no offense. I know she’s your sister and all, but she is one scary woman. And she is your sister. I don’t fuck around with shit like that. Isn’t right. Respectful, you know?” Rico would like that. He liked being respected.

  Rico returned his grunt. “Yeah, I get it. I remember what she did to Donny DiMato after they broke up.”

  Rico shuddered. The little bastard had done things that would make the most hardened criminal vomit, but got squeamish when he thought of what his sister could do to a man who’d done her wrong. Great.

  “I don’t think I’ve met Donny,” Ash admitted, and Rico turned amused eyes to him.

  “He ain’t around no more.”

  Well, that explained everything he needed to know about Gina. Thank Christ he’d dodged that bullet, even if he had to deal with Gina’s pain-in-his-ass version of a woman scorned.

  “I don’t need the distraction. We don’t need the distraction. Yeah?”

  Ash nodded. Rico didn’t need to tell him, because he told himself the same thing. Liz was Gina’s friend, and she could be a complication. But he didn’t care about complications. As long as his relationship didn’t endanger the op or any of the officers involved, he figured it was nobody’s business but his and Liz’s.

  Speaking of… He had a date and needed to leave to pick her up after her study session. Throwing enough money down on the table to cover his drink and then some, he slid out of the booth and gave Rico a nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow, man.”

  His mind shifted gears as he got on his bike and rode toward campus to meet Liz. The past few times they’d gone out, he’d sensed something bothering her. She’d said she was fine, but he was an expert at reading body language and expressions. Something was on her mind. She’d better confide in him and let him help if he could, because if she told him she was fine one more time, he’d knock his head against the wall. Repeatedly.

  When he pulled up in front of the library, her face lit up like always, and the knot of tension in his chest eased. She ran to him with a laugh and threw her arms around his neck to plant an enthusiastic kiss on his lips before he could even get off the motorcycle. Good. At least she was happy, if the curve of her mouth against his was any indication.

  “Good day?”

  She nodded, adjusting the straps of her backpack on her shoulders. “Better now that you’re here. Where are we going?”

  “Thinking dinner and maybe a movie.” He handed her the extra helmet.

  “Oh.” Her shoulders fell, and there it was—the infinitesimal but undeniable withdrawal he’d been sensing.

  “You don’t want to go to a movie? We can grab a drink or just hang out.”

  “No. A movie sounds fine.”

  He cringed, even as he stifled the reaction to that damn fine. His breath hissed through his clenched teeth as she fiddled with the strap to the helmet and refused to look at him.

  “Liz.” He took the helmet and placed it on the back of the bike before pulling her close for a soft kiss. She had to tell him what was going on, or he’d…Well, he didn’t know what he’d do, but he couldn’t stand not knowing her thoughts. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  She shrugged and gave him one of those limp smiles. No way he’d let her brush him off this time.

  “Liz. Are you okay? Did I do something? What?”

  She met his gaze, and for the first time in days, her eyes were clear if a little sad. “It’s more what you’re not doing.”

  “What?” Wracking his brain, he tried to think of what he could have forgotten—her birthday, one of those little anniversary dates signifying something in their relationship, a promise he’d made—but he came up blank. He’d tried to do everything for her, show her she was everything to him. What hadn’t he done? “I don’t understand. I’m sorry. What’d I forget?”

  She shook her head and took a deep breath. His heart plummeted. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Okay.” He didn’t flinch, but his mind raced. What had her acting so upset and serious?

  “We’ve been seeing each other for…what? A few weeks now? A little over a month?”

  He nodded. Coming up on six weeks, give or take.

  “So…” Her voice faded, face somber, her blue eyes direct. “I’ve heard things about you.”

  He kept his gaze steady. He’d been expecting the conversation. No matter how careful he’d been to keep her away from the shit he was involved with, of course she’d hear something. She was Gina’s friend and roommate, after all, and Gina’s family was involved up to their little criminal eyeballs.

  “What have you heard?” he asked. Calm. Be calm.

  She took another deep breath. “I’ve heard things about you…from other girls. From other girls you’ve been with.”

  He leaned back with a grunt of surprise. “Lizzie—”

  “I wondered why you’re spending all this time with me. I mean,” she rushed on, her grip tightening on his hand. “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you want to sleep with me?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you.” He jerked back at her words but immediately countered the action by brushing her cheek with the tips of his fingers. “And I do want to sleep with you.”

  Well, shit. That had been smooth. He gave himself a mental head-slap.

  “You do?” She peeked up at him, and the doubt and insecurity on her face tightened his chest.

  “Yes, of course I do.” He eased her closer, his fingers burrowed into her soft, curly hair. “But you’re more than that to me, Liz, more than just fucking around. Those other girls…”

  “They were just fucking around?” she murmured when he didn’t continue.

  “Yeah. Yeah, they were. But you… You’re more, Liz.” He couldn’t lie to her, not when she looked at him like that, and tried to explain. “What you said the night of our first date, how I went home with random women, stuck with me. You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever been with. I wanted to take things slow, to let everything build first—how I felt about you, maybe what you felt for me—instead of just fucking around.” He shook his head again. “Tried to show you how much I want you, but looks like I’ve done the exact opposite. The last damn thing I intended.”

  “I thought maybe… I thought maybe you didn’t want me like that. I mean, you do everything else all the time—you know, with your hands, your mouth.” She blushed a hot, rich red. “But you won’t have sex with me.”

  “Oh, Lizzie. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I tried to show you I want you—all of you, not just your body, not just sex—but I fucked up, huh?” Somehow, they’d both been at odds while coveting the same thing. “I’ll say it straight out, then. If I don’t have you soon, I’ll probably explode.”

  “Me, too,” she told him, and he couldn’t hold back a relieved laugh.

  Cupping her face, he lowered his mouth and kissed her, just lips, gentle touches, soft glides. He gave to her, he who never had anything to give. But Liz… He’d give her everything.

  “Liz.” Her name whispered on a sh
aky breath, and he rested his forehead against hers as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh, Lizzie. Sorry I’m such an idiot.”

  “Let’s go home.” She pushed wild strands of his hair off his face. “Take me home.”

  “Are you sure?” For the first time, he meant the question and didn’t use it to taunt or tease.

  “Yes.” She leaned up on tiptoe to press a firm, open-mouthed kiss to his willing lips. “I am.”

  He took her back to his apartment and his bed, let her look her fill as he bared his flesh, muscle, and bone. Full to bursting in his own skin, he battled unfamiliar, rioting emotions, all because of her, a tiny, blue-eyed, curly-headed girl. Playing games never entered his mind, no sense of one-upmanship or superiority as he crawled across the bed to where she waited. No cocky detachment, only a desperation that she find him pleasing, that he could make her body sing. He removed each article of her clothing and revered the flesh he exposed with kisses, licks, and nibbles, and then moans, whispers, and soft, slow breaths.

  He entered her finally, when she sobbed and shook, when he trembled and teetered on the edge of control—and he thought his control limitless. He opened his heart as he made love to her, and she slipped inside, not realizing the consequence of the occasion. He moved with her to orgasm, soaring to heights he’d never reached, he who was a hedonist of the highest order. When reality became a part of their awareness again, he held her, feeling no urge to leave or let go. The outside world wouldn’t intrude on the miracle he’d found in the small bed in the old room, inside the ancient, run-down building. He’d found his heart, and he held it in his arms.

  “I love you, Ash,” she murmured.

  His eyes blinked open, then blinked again. He’d heard I love you many times and from many different women, but none of them meant the words. This time, he actually wanted the girl in his bed to mean them. Badly.

  “Yeah?” Blood surged through his chest and shot right down to his cock. He wrestled the urge to pound his chest and shout from the rooftops.

  “Mm. I do.” She snuggled into his arms, her back nestled comfortably against his front, and turned her head to place a gentle kiss on the swell of his biceps. “I love you.”

  For the first time in his life, he fell in love. His heart stopped, gut swooped and clenched, and when the unsteady beat resumed, he was entirely different. He loved her. He deserved his fate—that when he honestly fell in love, he was surrounded and controlled by deception. He wanted to tell her she was everything, but he couldn’t. Not while so many lies stood between them. Not while those lies were necessary. His training, his nature, his job wouldn’t allow him to say the words. But he could show her.

  He looked down at her relaxed, happy face, her lashes lying in dark crescents on her smooth cheeks, lips lifted in a satisfied smile. Rolling her onto her back, he eased his way between her thighs. He couldn’t tell her, not until he could give her the truth of who he was, but he gave her what he could.

  “This.” Resting his elbows on the pillow above her shoulders, he framed her face in his hands. “This is my heart. Right here.”

  He kissed her, and then kissed her again, using his body to show her what he couldn’t say out loud.

  “So, now that I’ve given you the intel and business is out of the way, how’s Liz?” Andy asked, sitting across from Ash at the coffee shop near the apartment.

  A smile crept across Ash’s face. He couldn’t help it, and he certainly couldn’t stop. Crazy about the girl, he wanted to spend every spare minute he had—and those he didn’t—with her.

  “She knocks me on my ass.” Did she ever. He turned himself inside out making love to her, until he was only a dry, desiccated husk. And then she touched him, and he went at her all over again. “God, Andy. I can’t keep my hands off her. These past few months… I feel like I’m addicted to everything about her. Even if we’re not screwing around, I just want to be with her. I mean, it’s like—What?”

  Andy’s grin stretched from ear to ear. “You’re in love. Fucking hell. Asher is in love.”

  “I…am.” He grinned and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I am.”

  “Holy shit!” Andy hooted. “I never thought I’d see the day. Wait until I tell Lisa. She’s going to completely freak out.”

  “You can’t tell Lisa.”

  “The hell I can’t.”

  “She’ll want to meet her and grill her, or at least ask all kinds of questions. Tell embarrassing stories. We can’t do that yet. I’m still undercover. Who knows what might come out? You can’t say anything.”

  “I can tell her you’re in love with someone you met without giving away any details. No way in hell I’m not telling her this news. And Daniel. But you are undercover. Shit.” Andy sobered suddenly and grimaced. “How the hell do you handle that?”

  “I’m handling just fine,” Ash said with an irritated bite to his tone. Lying to Liz sucked, but he’d never gamble with the op and the safety of the other team members or put all their time and hard work at risk. Lying was the only choice he had. “Already discussed and reported to Pete. This won’t have any bearing on the op. I’ll still do my job.”

  “Don’t have any doubt about that,” Andy assured him. “Just wondered what you tell her. I mean, how do you guys talk? About yourself. You can’t tell her the truth. Can’t tell her who you really are.”

  “Not yet, but I won’t be working this op forever. We’re pretty close to having enough evidence to take Rico’s group and hopefully one or two of his higher-ups into custody. Only have to balance this for a few more months—weeks, if we’re lucky. I’ve been UC on this going on eighteen months. Pete says it’s time to get me out. We can only risk confiscating shipments I clear so many times before things start looking suspicious. Already cutting it close.”

  “True.”

  “I’ll be able to tell her everything eventually. Have to do some major sucking up and groveling, but she’ll understand.”

  “You think?”

  Warmth suffused his chest. “She loves me. She honest to God does. She should be here any minute.”

  And then he’d introduce Liz to his oldest friend. The whole traditional bringing the girlfriend to meet friends and family was something he wished he could do—take her home to meet his mom and dad. The girlfriend. The girl. The time would come, and he’d show her the real him, his roots and where he came from. He wanted to lay with her on one of the chairs on the back deck of his childhood home, watch the moonlight spread silver and slippery over the lake, and make love under a blanket. Meet her family, too, have them come to the lake house and celebrate holidays. Mingle loved ones, spend long summer days with everyone he cared about and cold winter nights curled up close.

  Yeah. He couldn’t wait.

  “I’m happy for you, man.” Andy reached across the table and slapped his shoulder. “Lisa is going to freak. Seriously. She’s going to murder us all when she finds out I met the girl you finally fell in love with before she did.”

  “Come back to my place.”

  Ash had asked three times in as many minutes since he’d brought her home after spending the night at his apartment. Liz shook her head despite the wet, persuasive kisses he plied to change her mind.

  “Can’t. Have to study.” She didn’t refuse him often, and he wasn’t playing fair by tempting her. He eased away from where he trapped her against his bike to give an apologetic smile.

  “Okay, beautiful. I understand. School’s too important, and I’m being a selfish bastard. Sorry.”

  “Later,” she promised, giving him one last kiss. “Maybe tonight.”

  He groaned with dramatic flair, drawing a laugh from her as he’d intended. Liz escaped his roving hands and slid onto his seat of the motorcycle. She joked around by making vroom-vroom noises, and he chuckled as he slipped into the spot behind her, reversing their usual positions.

  “Will you teach me to drive?” she asked, both hands on the grips as she looked at him over her shoulder.

&
nbsp; He settled her more snugly into the crux of his thighs, rubbing and pushing lightly against her ass. Easing forward until he covered her with his body, he put his chin on top of her head, hands over hers on the grips, and she leaned back with a sigh of contentment.

  “Sure. But not right now. Maybe tonight.” His lips brushed over her cheek and placed small, sucking kisses along her neck to her jaw.

  “Definitely tonight,” she agreed, head lolling back on his shoulder when he slid his hands along the sides of her breasts and down her sides to rest in the dip of her waist. His fingers tickled along the bare skin above the waistband of her jeans and then curled and stroked just below.

  Liz moaned a soft, breathy exhalation when he rocked his hips, but the front door opened and doused his craving like a bucket of cold water. Gina stood on the front porch, frozen on a step halfway down and staring at them. A scowl narrowed her eyes as she descended toward the drive.

  “For fuck’s sake, you two.” Gina stopped next to the bike with her hands on her hips. “You have to do that out here in front of the house?”

  “Do what?” Liz tried for innocence, but Ash’s hands tightened on her hips when she would have slid off the bike.

  “Um, you might want to stay where you’re at for a second, beautiful. Otherwise, Gina’s going to get an eyeful of what exactly we were doing.” He cast a rueful glance down at his lap and held her against his still-fierce erection.

  Gina threw up her hands and stomped toward her car. “You’re an asshole.”

  “Why are you the asshole?” Liz wondered, and Ash just snorted.

  “Don’t wait up for me,” Liz called to Gina as she pulled out past them. “I’m heading over to Ash’s after class tonight.”

  Gina waved her middle finger out the window.

  “Well, we’ve cemented your place on her shit list.” Liz turned and gave him a solid, searching kiss. “She’s so jealous.”