Finding My Pack

by Lane Whitt

  "I might just hold ya ta that boy, got lots a heavy liftin’ ta do, for now ya can just watch Kitten work her magic on the young’uns." Miss Annie waddles away and I head to my locker with Logan in tow.

  "Mississippi?" Logan asks.

  "Alabama. She moved up here to be closer to her grandbabies." I tell him, figuring he was talking about her accent. I get my locker open and take out my skates and equipment room key. Along with my nametag.

  "Are those things safe Kitten?" Logan is staring at my skates like they might bite him.

  "I guess they are a little worn but they work just fine. The blades are sharpened. I take care of what's mine Logan, don't worry."

  After heading to the arena to drop my stuff off I go to the supply closet and take out the walkers. Essentially they are just pieces of plastic pipe set together in an 'L' shape, but they allow people who don't know how to stand on skates keep their balance. The kids love them because they don't fall on their butts so often. I grab them, the cones, and a rope I use to pull the kids along and help them spin. Logan helps me carry all of it out to the ice.

  "Oh crap, I didn't bring any music. The tape I had was at the warehouse." I chew on my lip, wondering what I'll do now.

  "Why do you need music?" Logan asks, taking out his phone.

  "I use it to warm up and for the free skate at the end of the session."

  "Where's your sound equipment set up?" He asks. I point to where the booth is that has an old boom box rigged up to the speakers. There's other stuff in there but I don't know how to use any of it.

  As Logan walks off I change into my skates and begin stretching. After about fifteen minutes he still hasn't returned so I prepare to take the ice anyway, I'd like to warm up before the kids start showing up. I take a slow lap around the rink, loving once again, how I'm the first person on the new ice. Halfway through my second lap the speakers blare with a fast past song. I see Logan walking to where I left my shoes. I give him a big smile before I start showing off for him.

  .........

  Logan

  I managed to find an IPOD dock in the sound booth so I scrolled through my playlists on my phone, picking a fun song for Kitten to skate to. Starset, 'My Demons' begins and I nod my head to it. I have to wonder if Miss Annie hooked up the boom box specifically for Kitten. We'll have to do something about that. I don't even know where she would've gotten a tape in the first place.

  I stride back to where she left her shoes, thinking that I'd put them in her locker for her. I know how she is about stuff she owns. When the song starts I look out to the ice to see her reaction to my song. She looks at me like I'm superman and I just saved the world. Damn, that girl's smile gets me every time. As she passes by me I catch the mischievous look in her eyes. I stop what I'm doing to watch her as she picks up speed. Kitten's pretty fast on land, but she's a damn rocket on ice. All of a sudden she lifts herself into the air, spinning. My heart drops to my stomach and my throat tightens. My panic is quick to abate when she comes back down and lands perfectly, her leg swinging out to balance her. She just smiles and continues on. Holy shit! My girl can fucking fly!

  Kitten performs a few more tricks before the children arrive. One of which, she grabbed the blade of she skate and brought it up behind her, making it touch her head. That was pretty fucking hot, I tried not to get too turned on at the display of her flexibility. The things I can do with that knowledge......Another move she did that completely blew my mind was when she spun in a circle so fast she was just a blur. I expected her to fall over, dizzy as shit, when she stopped, but she just skated on. Why the hell didn't I know of this activity before? I could have been chasing after ice skaters for years! I got me one now though. I can't help but smirk at that thought.

  I thought Kitten was amazing when she was alone on the ice, but watching her with those kids was even better. I swear my heart swelled seeing how good she was with them. I shouldn't have expected anything less from her. Her big heart knows no bounds it seems. I could see the hero worship the little girls had for her, how her patience gave them confidence in themselves. I watched as a runt of a boy fell flat on his ass, making the other kids laugh at him and he shrunk in on himself. Kitten skated toward him and fell down too, telling all the kids that even she falls sometimes, it just happens. The boy gave her a smile that broke my heart. I wish, more than anything, that she could have my pups, I couldn't imagine anyone being a better mother than her.

  Just as the free skate part of the session begins Miss Annie finds me on the bleachers. "A right sight to see ain't it?" She asks me, indicating Kitten.

  "Sure is ma'am. She's pretty amazing out there."

  "She's a purdy amazin girl."

  "Damn straight." I reply.

  I'm shocked as shit when Miss Annie smacks me straight on the nose. "Don't you go a'cussin 'round a lady, boy. I hear any that filth pass that girl's lips, it'll be your butt I'll be a whoopin'. Ya git me?" I try my damnedest not to laugh at the thought of this old woman beating me up, but one look at her face and I know she's serious. I think her and Remy would get along great.

  "Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am. It won't happen again." I give her my most contrite look. I've had lots of practice as Remy doesn't approve of my over the top antics at times.

  Miss Annie bobs her head once, looking satisfied by my answer. "I got a shipment from the food supplier sittin out, just ready for some young lad to carry't in. Would ya mind helpin an old woman out?" I look out at Kitten, unsure. "I won't keep ya long from the girl, promise boy." I don't really want to get on this woman's bad side so I hold my arm out, gentleman style.

  "Lead the way ma'am. By the way, you don't look a day over thirty." I smile at her, trying to be the 'boy' she thinks I am.

  She snorts but her cheeks color. "Now you save that charmin' smile for my girl over there." She slides her hand on my bicep anyhow, probably out of habit with her Southern manners, and we stroll back to the lobby.

  ........

  Kitten

  A cheer goes up when I announce it's free skate time. As much as the kids like to learn, they like to play even more. I glance over to Logan and see Miss Annie bop him on the nose, making me giggle. He must have sworn, I guess I should have warned him but Logan seems like the type that needs to learn the hard way. The two of them talk for a minute before I see Miss Annie blush and Logan smile. It seems like Miss Annie approves of him and that makes me happy. I don't need her approval but I like the both of them and it's good they're getting along. She doesn't usually like teens in general, not that Logan is really a teen, but she doesn't know that. I watch as they walk off together through the double doors, she probably took him up on his offer to help out.

  As I'm collecting the orange cones and other things I used today, I hear hoots of laughter coming from the locker room entrance. I stiffen, already knowing who it is. I keep my back to them all, ignoring them as usual. Maybe they won't see me.

  No such luck. "Eww, the hobo's back. Why can't she just starve to death like a good homeless bitch already?" A girl named Kaitlynn sneers. I don't remember doing anything to her, but she always says the nastiest things to me. Her pack of laughing hyenas rivals that of Adam's.

  "Now Kat, don't go hating on Kitten." I freeze at the sound of that voice. Oh great, they're all together today. How fun.

  Hooting laughter echo's the whole arena at Adam's lame joke. "Shut it Adam, and don't call me that. My parents actually gave me a name unlike her. She got that name because she eats out of garbage cans like a nasty ass cat."

  Ouch. Okay, that hurt a little. Not the trash eating comment, because hey, every street kid has been there. But did she really have to remind me that I have no parents? Can't she see that it's not my fault? To my utter joy, the gaggle of idiots perch themselves on the stands. I hope the kids can't hear their mean words. Children shouldn't know that such mean people exist, not yet anyway, they are too sweet to learn about evil.

  I can't avoid them for long though. The supply room is right be
side where they are sitting. They probably knew I'd have to go there eventually. I'd wait, but my session is almost over and this stuff needs packed away. I carry as much as I can, hoping I'll only need two trips. As I step off the ice Kaitlynn grabs a cone from my stack of them under my arm. I stop, keeping my eyes down. I need that back.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see her take a marker and write on the cone. When she's finished, she takes a step forward and slams the cone on my head making my neck hurt. "There, much better, now those brats will know to keep their distance."

  As she high fives another girl, the cone falls off my head, the hole was too small to keep it there. I see what she wrote and try to keep my face blank. It reads 'CAUTION! Slut approaching'. How very un-original. She and her group of friends follow Adam around like he's made of candy or something. I've heard about what she's willing to do to keep his attention. I’m not judging but it stands to reason that I am not the slut here.

  People are who they are. I just wish she'd ignore me like I ignore her. Sighing, I bend down to get the cone, not saying a word to them as I make my way to the supply closet. I'll have to figure out how to get the marker off before tomorrow. She shouldn't damage other people's property. Miss Annie will be mad if she has to buy a new one. I'll be sure to tell her that I'm sorry. If it weren't for me it wouldn't have happened.

  When I walk back out they all shout things at me in a competition of who can be meaner. I don't listen to them, instead I replay the song Logan played for me in my head, blocking them out. I grab the rest of the equipment and walk back. I peek up from under my lashes and am brought out of my song when I notice that their attention has shifted behind me. This is out of place as I'm usually their only target. I turn and look, seeing Mikey take another tumble on the ice.

  Mikey is my favorite kid ever. My group today was not the usual spoiled kids that get dragged here by their parents, today's class was from a group home of foster kids. Mikey's dad is a drunk and takes all his anger out on the small boy. Mikey is the sweetest kid I've ever met, he has little to no self-esteem and gets picked on for his size. I know what that's like.

  I see one of Adam's friends start to call out to Mikey who is struggling to stand again. This just won't do. "Hey!" I call to Adam. "Aren't you supposed to be in school or something?" I ask, bringing their attention back to me. Good. I don't want them picking on Mikey, he doesn't know any better and Adam is his hero on the ice. It would crush him for Adam to laugh at him.

  "You stupid girl, don't you know anything? School's been out for months, it's just about to start again. God you are dumb." Adam's 'yes man' replies. I hurry to the supply closet, just dropping the stuff on the floor, I don't want to leave them too long in case they take notice of Mikey again.

  As I rush from the room I run smack dab into Adam. He's by himself and I don't know if this is a good thing or not. He shoves my shoulders, pushing me into the side of the seating area. "If you wanted to touch me Kitten, all you had to do was ask." He breathes in my ear, his body flush with mine.

  It doesn't feel the same as being close with my guys, Adam pressing against me makes my tummy feel upset. "Go away Adam, I didn't want to touch you then and I don't want to touch you now."

  I shove him back and he goes willingly. Anger rolls of his stiff form, scaring me a little. I hurry to get away from him, angry people are never a good thing. I make it to the end of the bleachers where the rest of them are leaning over the rails, watching us. I see Mikey look our way and hope he skates away.

  Adam grips my arm tightly. "You think you're better than me or something?" He roars in my face. I wish he'd be quieter and not make a scene in front of the kids. "You're just trash! A nobody. A bitch who has to lay on her back for a cheeseburger. Who the fuck are you to say no to me? I was just trying to be nice and offer you five whole dollars for some head. That could feed your ass for a week right?"

  "Oh shit!" One of Kaitlynn's hyenas say. Everyone else is silent. I look around, noticing the kids have stopped skating and are staring at us. Mikey is looking at the ground, looking as heartbroken as I knew he'd be when he found out his hero is really a villain. I want to walk away from him like I usually do, but he hurt one of my kids. I can't have that.

  "You know what Adam?" I say, making sure the kids can hear me. "I AM better than you. I'm stronger than you are." His angry face turns to amusement as he laughs. I don't think he's aware of our new audience.

  "Are you fucking for real Kitten? You really think you're stronger than me?" He doubles at the waist cracking up.

  I wait for him to quiet before I speak again. "Yes. Yes I do. Not physically, I've seen what you can do out there..." I point to the ice. "....But I'm stronger because I can deal with people like you and Kaitlynn trying to tear me down, day after day, and I'm still here. I still come back. Every time. Do you know how it is that I can do that, Adam?" I ask, not waiting for his answer before I continue.

  "It's because by the time you are out of my sight, I've already forgotten you. I don't think about you, or her. I don't think about your cruel words or how you laugh at me. I may be nobody, but you are nothing to me. YOU.MEAN.NOTHING.TO.ME. Do you hear me? You can use your words to try to beat me down and I'll get back up. Every time. You could use your hockey stick and break my bones and split my skin but I'll get back up. Every time. Because I'm strong Adam, because you are not the biggest bad out there. You're just a spoiled little boy, bored with his station in life."

  I'm panting now, anger like I have never felt courses through my veins. I turn and look at the stunned faces of this rotten group of people. "All of you…" I shout at them. ..."can point your fingers and laugh at me all you'd like. Point at the girl with no parents to care for her, it just means I know more than you do. Laugh at the girl with no place to sleep at night, it just means I can withstand more than you can."

  I look right at Kaitlynn. "Call the virgin a slut, it just means you have no class. What does it say when young adults like yourself treat people this way, when people like me see YOU as trash?"

  I look back to Adam. "When I walk out of here today, I will have already forgiven you before I forgot you again. I can do that because I'm strong enough to do it. I have nowhere to go but up, Adam. Where are you heading?" I stare at him, waiting for him to answer me. He doesn't seem to have one.

  I turn, going back to my kids. A few of them look scared of me and I hate it, I shouldn't have raised my voice. I hate that they had to see it, but these kids are alone somewhat themselves. I couldn't let them see me back down. You never stand down to a bully.

  Mikey stares at me but I can't look him in the eye. I crushed his dream of being like Adam when he grows up. At least on the ice. Every kid should have a dream. "Okay, session's over, let's get our shoes back on!" I call out.

  The kids rush to the bleachers, some of them falling again. I turn and look where the hyenas are, no one's there anymore. As much as I'd like to think I made my point with them today, I worry about the blow back. Oh well, whatever happens, happens. I'll deal with it like I always do.

  ........

  Logan

  After I stacked crate after crate of food supplies for Miss Annie she asked me to change the light bulbs in the kitchen. I was a bit annoyed, wanting to get back to Kitten but if I didn't do it, Kitten might have to and I don't want her standing on the rickety ladder. She could fall and hurt herself.

  When I'm done screwing in the last bulb I jump down and dust myself off. "Anything else Miss Annie?" I ask, hoping to God the woman says no.

  "That's all for today Dear, I see how anxious ya are ta get back ta Kitten. She's prolly finishin' up now. C'mon, I'll walk with ya." I try not to jump for joy in front of her. I don't know when the next time I'll be able to accompany Kitten to work is and I'd like to soak in all I can of her today.

  We walk in silence, Miss Annie's hand on my arm again, as we make our way through the doors leading to the ice. I hear shouting and realize I've tuned out my wolf hearing for too long. I got
distracted like a fucking idiot.

  As I tune back in I hear that dickface, Adam, ranting about someone thinking they are better than him. I snort. Everyone's better than his ass. I walk faster, urging Miss Annie to pick up the pace. I can't react to anything yet as human ears wouldn't be able to hear him at this range.

  When we round the corner my vision goes white. My body on fire as my wolf wants to come out. I start forward, ready to fucking kill his ass. The hand on my arm grips tighter. Miss Annie's voice reaching my ears.

  "Now hold on boy, let's see if Kitten can handle herself 'fore you go rushin right over." I'm about to tell this lady to fuck off, that she shouldn't have to handle herself, when Kitten's sweet, but hard voice rings out around the stadium. I've heard her voice like that before. When she told off the carnie at the fair. I stop and watch with Miss Annie as Kitten faces off with no less than a dozen punk kids. Someone's about to be told off and I get front row seats again. I take my phone out to record this so I can show it to the guys later. You know, informational purposes. I chuckle to myself, yeah right.