Songbird Caged

by Lisa Edward

  Other Books by Lisa Edward

  Songbird

  Duty of Care, a novella in the Forbidden Fruit Volume II anthology

  For Layla

  always remember … the only failure is to not try

  Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run

  There’s still time to change the road you’re on.

  Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin

  “OKAY KELL, do you have everything?” I asked, resting my hand on her shoulder.

  Kelli sighed deeply. “I suppose so,” she said, disheartened as she took one last look around the apartment she had briefly shared with Cooper. “I feel like I only just moved in, and now I’m going again.”

  Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I gave it a squeeze. “It’s not forever Kell, as soon as Coop’s home, you can move back and set up the nursery. Besides, it will be great to have you back at work, even if it is only for six months. The place is so boring without you there.”

  The timing had worked out perfectly, really. Although Kelli would have loved to have Cooper home to attend pre-natal classes and go baby shopping, at least he would be home in time for the birth.

  I had flown up to Sydney as soon as possible so I could help Kelli pack up her belongings, and then drive back to Melbourne with her.

  But there was another reason I wanted to go to Sydney. Riley had also been deployed along with Cooper, and before he left, he had given me the keys to his apartment.

  Upon arriving in Sydney, I made my way to Riley’s first. I stood outside the door for a full five minutes before opening it and entering.

  Shutting the door behind me, I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, his cologne still lingering in every room. The apartment was sparsely furnished, only the necessities really, but the personal belongings were still there.

  The apartment felt like Riley had been there only moments ago.

  Going over to Riley’s wall of fame, I ran my eyes over the photos. He had added a couple more of the two of us together, and another one of me. I smiled as I remembered when that photo was taken.

  It was on Riley’s birthday, and we had gone for a walk at the winery, down to the pond to feed the ducks. In the photo I was squatting, holding out a piece of bread to a duck. It was a simple photo, and to anyone who didn’t know the full story it would probably seem quite dull.

  But straight after the photo had been taken, in its haste to take the bread, the duck had bitten my finger, and I had gotten such a fright that I’d fallen on my backside in the mud. Riley had come rushing over to help me, and had slipped over, landing on his backside as well. We had both ended up sitting in the mud, surrounded by ducks, and laughing our heads off.

  “I didn’t know this place included mud baths,” Riley had joked, with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Come on. Let’s get you out of those clothes.”

  I was so thrilled that Riley had put that photo up. It made me laugh now just looking at it, and remembering the day we had spent together. That day had turned into an evening to remember. We had eaten a magnificent meal followed by mind-blowing sex. But then, sex with Riley had always been mind-blowing. I had never experienced anything like it.

  I looked at one of the photos with Riley in it. He had been smiling lovingly at me through the camera lens, his piercing sapphire blue eyes smiling as they always did. I ran my fingers over his beautiful face, then leaned forward and softly kissed his full lips.

  I missed him already, and he had only been gone for a week.

  That night, I caught up with Kelli. Now that she was pregnant there was no alcohol involved, so we sat at the local bar that was filled with soldiers, and consoled ourselves with fruity mocktails.

  A couple of the soldiers came over to talk to us. Whether they recognised Kelli, or just wanted to chat up two girls, I didn’t know. But as soon as we mentioned that we were both engaged to soldiers in the Special Forces who had just been deployed, we didn’t buy another drink all night. We became the token partners, and every one of the soldiers in the bar had a story they wanted to share.

  That night I slept at Riley’s on his mattress on the floor. I had taken pyjamas, but instead wore one of Riley’s T-shirts. Laying in bed, cuddling his pillow, I looked up at the large photo canvasses of me he had hung on the wall.

  It still felt strange looking at photos of me all over the apartment, but at the same time, I loved that they were there. Even when Riley and I had gone through our break-up and I had given up, Riley had kept the photos. He had told me that he talked to them at night, and they had given him comfort and hope.

  I loved that about Riley.

  He had so much faith that we were meant to be together. He had turned up in Melbourne for Kelli’s birthday party, even though he’d thought I wouldn’t want to see him. If he hadn’t put his heart on the line, we would not be engaged now.

  Looking at my engagement ring, I smiled at the memory of Riley’s proposal, and wondered again how I could be so lucky.

  I knew the proposal word for word, every facial expression, and every movement. I closed my eyes, and replayed it in my mind for the one-thousandth time.

  “Tara Louise O’Connell, I love you more than life itself. I fell in love with you the night we met. You never fail to amaze me with your generosity, and the love and warmth you give to everyone around you. I feel so blessed to be one of those people.

  “Being loved by you has made me a stronger, better man. I know I can’t give you everything you deserve, but I would happily give you everything I have, if you would agree to be my wife. Will you marry me?”

  Of course, in the back of my mind I knew it was too soon. We had only been back together for two weeks when Riley was deployed, and had turned up in Melbourne unexpectedly. He had been given just twenty-four hours to say goodbye, and part of his goodbye was to propose and ask me to wait for him.

  I had accepted. I did love him, after all. But if he hadn’t been going away, I don’t think our relationship would have moved so quickly.

  But sometimes you can’t control these things, so you just have to roll with them.

  The following morning, I was getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. I hesitated. It wasn’t Kelli; I was meeting her at her place, so whoever it was surely wasn’t looking for me.

  Opening the door, I was met by the Military Police, checking to see who was in Riley’s apartment. I quickly explained who I was, and they made a phone call to check that I was authorised to access the building. I hadn’t thought of that. What if Riley hadn’t had time to tell anyone that I had his keys, and may be staying from time to time? Would they arrest me for trespassing?

  After a few minutes, their composure relaxed a little, and one actually smiled at me. Apparently Riley had updated his file, and I was now his sole contact person. He had also granted permission for me to access his belongings, and receive any and all information pertaining to his condition, should anything arise.

  It all sounded very official to me. But basically, the MPs explained that if anything was to happen to Riley, I would be the person they called.

  I prayed I would never get that call.

  I went over to Kelli’s, very happy that Riley had changed me to be his next of kin. It showed that we really were moving forward, and that he could see us together long term. I also told her about my MP visitors.

  She just laughed. “Yeah, security is pretty tight around here. Cole’s building’s got nothing on living on base. You can’t fart without someone knowing about it.”

  Kelli and I packed up her personal belongings, and a few of Cooper’s that she wanted to keep with her. By the time we finished it was the afternoon, so we decided to have an early dinner that evening and head straight home to bed. Then we would star
t our nine hour drive back to Melbourne as the sun came up.

  That evening after dinner, I stayed at Riley’s again. I wasn’t tired and decided to tidy up a little bit. Pulling open the top drawer of his dresser, a huge smile spread over my face, and I laughed. Laying on top of everything was a note.

  Hi Miss Nosey, are you looking for something in particular? You know everything I have is yours, so snoop away! R xx

  Okay, so now that I had permission, I was on a treasure hunt of sorts. I rummaged through the first drawer. Nothing exciting there, just underwear. The next drawer looked to be just clothes as well, but then another note was uncovered.

  Hi babe, I’m so glad you’re staying here, I wish I were here with you. I miss you. R xx

  I stopped. Something was bothering me, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then it came to me, and I went over to the bed and pulled the covers back. There was nothing there. But if he was leaving me notes, surely there would be one in the bed.

  I lifted the pillows, then looked on the floor around the bed, and found it. It must have slipped off when I pulled the covers back on the first night.

  My beautiful Tara, how I wish I were here in this bed holding you. I miss you already. I miss your lips, the scent of you when I cuddle you at night and the warmth of your body pressed against mine. Just holding you as we drift off to sleep, I know I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. Please wait for me. All my love R xx

  Sitting on the bed and reading the note over and over, tears welled in my eyes. How I wished he were here with me, but at least he would be back in six months and then we could be together.

  He had promised to relocate to Melbourne when he returned, and I allowed my imagination to fantasise about setting up house together. I couldn’t wait to spend every night with Riley, instead of the odd week here and there.

  It had been so difficult to be apart for long periods of time, but that was the nature of our relationship. At times I felt so close to Riley that I could tell what he was thinking from just the slightest inclination of his lips. Other times I felt so distant from him, like he was someone from my past and we had moved in two different directions.

  He didn’t understand my passion for music, although he encouraged me to do what made me happy. And I still didn’t fully understand his commitment to the military, although I admired him for his dedication.

  I just hoped that when we were finally living together, our two vastly different worlds could merge to form a balance that we were both happy with. I guess only time would tell.

  Entering the bathroom, I opened the drawer on the off-chance there may be another note. I found one sitting on top of a razor.

  Does this razor bring back any memories babe? I may need a shave when I get back ;)

  I laughed. Yes, the razor brought back memories: memories of our time in Fiji, and Riley returning home with a relaxed holiday-growth. I had sat on his lap and shaved his strong jawline and his perfectly defined cheekbones with this razor. But that wasn’t the only thing that happened while I was sitting straddled across his lap. Everything we did seemed to lead to sex. Just looking into his eyes made me want him more than I’d ever wanted anyone before.

  I sighed. Although we hadn’t spent a lot of time actually together, I still had so many wonderful memories of Riley. The Feast or Famine, Kelli had called it, and she was right.

  When we were together it was so full on, and we would cram as much as we could into each day. Then the famine would hit, and we wouldn’t see each other for a month or two at a time. But at least during the famine times, we had been able to talk and Skype.

  This time, it was different.

  Riley was overseas in some ‘undisclosed’ war-torn country, and we couldn’t just pick up the phone anymore. The only method of communication was to send letters in the mail, and I didn’t know how reliable the postal service would be.

  I decided not to look for any more notes. They would be found as I happened upon them, and they would be a surprise. I put the other notes back where Riley had left them. I figured that if I did come back up to Sydney, I could find them all over again.

  Arising bright and early the following morning, I showered and dressed, and was ready for breakfast by 6:00am.

  I went over to Kelli’s and knocked, waited, and then knocked again.

  She opened the door, looking like death. “Damn morning sickness has kicked in,” she groaned. She had turned a lovely shade of green, and my heart went out to her.

  “Do you want to go back to bed? We can leave later.”

  She shook her head and swallowed hard, rubbing her hand on her chest. “No, it’s fine. You might need to drive the first leg though.”

  Leaving Kelli to get ready, I went and grabbed some breakfast. Just the smell of coffee, seemed to be a trigger for her to dash to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. So I went for a walk to the local café, alone. Caffeine was still needed to kick-start my morning.

  By the time I went back to Kelli’s, she seemed a little better. I handed her a packet of lollypops to suck on, which I had heard could help morning sickness. Then we took one final look around both apartments before it was time to commence our journey home.

  THE NINE hours passed surprisingly fast, and by late in the evening we were falling in a heap on my couch. We had stopped as little as possible, only for fuel or for something to eat and a stretch. The rest of the time, one of us drove while the other either napped or navigated.

  I had managed to close my eyes a couple of times, but not for very long. Kelli’s driving was not the best, and she seemed to find every pothole on the road. The car bounced and rattled around as we travelled along the highway, and I was sure at one stage we wouldn’t make it home. By the time we arrived in Melbourne, there was black smoke coming out of the exhaust, and the temperate gauge was creeping up into the red zone.

  “Great,” Kelli exclaimed, tapping the gauge, “as if I haven’t got enough to worry about, now my car’s about to blow up!”

  Laughing, I put my arm around her shoulders. “Maybe as an early wedding present I could buy you a new car.”

  She gave me an ‘as if’ look, not realising I was serious.

  My closest friends knew I came from money, but they still didn’t know how much money I actually had. I hadn’t even told Riley the details, only ever mentioning that I had a trust fund. He had become quite defensive when I’d told him I could buy us a house, and anything else we wanted. He was old-fashioned that way, I guess. He thought that he should be the one to support us, not the other way around.

  I still found it strangely comforting that not one of my friends had ever asked me for anything. No loans or handouts—all they wanted was my friendship.

  Half of the money in my trust fund had been released to me four years ago. This year, when I turned twenty-five, I would receive the other half. It was substantial—ten million dollars’ worth of substantial, in total.

  But I had never touched a cent of the money, and had always intended not to. That my mother had set the trust up in the first place had been a sore point for me, although I knew quite a few of our family friends had them. It felt like she wanted to control me, and by giving me the money I would be forever in her debt.

  That, however, was before I had friends who could use a little helping hand.

  Kelli had been struggling to make ends meet since we met. Now, with the baby on the way, she would need to buy a lot of new things to set up the nursery. I knew she wouldn’t let me buy everything for her, but if I could buy her a new car that was ‘baby safe’ I would do so without hesitation.

  I decided to make a time to speak to my dad that week, to find out how to access the money.

  Kelli was set up in my room while I made up the couch for myself. She had argued that she was only pregnant, not an invalid. But I knew the couch wasn’t that comfortable, and I wanted to wrap her in cotton wool.

  She deserved it. Kelli had been my saviour eight and a half months ago, whe
n I had left my ex-boyfriend. She had welcomed me into her little one-bedroom apartment when I had nowhere to go, and for that I would be forever grateful. I had always said that if I could ever return the favour, I would, without a second thought, and now was my opportunity to do just that.

  Kelli’s old apartment was still vacant while it was being painted and having the carpet replaced. I’d gotten onto the rental agent as soon as Kelli had mentioned coming back to Melbourne, and they had spoken to the landlord. They knew Kelli and how well she had looked after the apartment, so agreed on a six-month lease.

  Kelli would stay with me for a week while the apartment was being freshened up, and then she could move back in.

  We were just getting ready to crash, exhausted from our long drive, when Jason stuck his head through the doorway.

  “I thought I heard you come home.” He came over and gave Kelli and me a hug and kiss on our cheeks.

  Jason was my neighbour, and one of my closest friends, so he had collected my mail for me while we’d been in Sydney. He handed me the bundle of envelopes, and watched my face expectantly.

  I flicked through bill after bill, before coming to my first handwritten letter from Riley. Dropping the bills on the table, I ripped open the envelope with a big grin on my face.

  As soon as I read the first few words, tears started to well. Just the fact that he had already taken the time to sit down and write to me, showed me once again how much he loved me.

  I quickly folded the letter back up. I’d read it in private later.

  Finally after I’d climbed into bed, or at least onto the couch, I pulled the letter back out and unfolded it like it was the most precious thing I owned.

  To my beautiful Fox,

  Well, this feels weird! In this age of technology, I never thought I would be putting pen to paper to write to you.

  It’s 6am, and we are waiting for the plane to fuel up before we board. All the guys are excited to finally be doing some good instead of just training, but not me.

  It’s not that I don’t want to serve my country; I just don’t want to leave you, knowing that I won’t see you for six months.