Survivor

by Mary Alford

  “No. I don’t know. No, I don’t think so. Aaron only wants a physical type of love. He doesn’t want more than that from anyone. Including me. And before you say anything, he’s the one who told me as much. I know you and Grandpa like him a lot but you’re wasting your time thinking he can change. You can’t change people, Gran. At least it’s not in Aaron to change.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  While I hadn’t attended a LoneStar Christmas party before, I’d heard all about them from Deb. I knew how crazy people got at those parties. Still, nothing could have prepared me for witnessing one firsthand.

  After all of the downsizing in the company recently, Aaron was determined to make the party the best ever. He reserved one of the most exclusive hotels in downtown Austin to host it at and had pulled out all the stops.

  It would be a formal black tie event serving all the finest foods and featuring one of the best bands around.

  In my usual miserable state as of late, all I wanted to do was curl up on my comfortable little sofa with a nice book and hide from the world while denying my feelings. I’d gotten my directive from Aaron, himself, so there was no way I was going to be able to get out of showing up.

  At exactly seven on the appointed evening, my new friend and date for the evening rang my doorbell then let out a slow whistle when he saw me. Jason seemed impressed, which did tons for my lack of confidence. After all, I’d just spent more time getting ready for our little get-together than I normally spent on anything.

  My full-length, slim black dress fit me perfectly, setting off the color of my short blond curls, and making me feel awkward and a little too conscious of being female. At least I could see my sacrifice wasn’t a complete loss.

  I giggled at his reaction and took his arm. “We look good, don’t we?” We started down the stairs together, and I realized my slim black dress was going to be difficult to maneuver in. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be many stairs in my near future.

  The Driskel Hotel was one of the oldest in town. It was decorated for the holidays to the nines. By the time, we found a parking space and walked two blocks, I could see the place was packed. Everyone came out for the affair.

  Aaron, along with his executive team, stood close to the entrance greeting employees as they came in. I would have given just about anything not to have to talk to him.

  Always the pleasant leader in public, Aaron shook Jason’s hand, but the look he gave me told me it was going to be a long night.

  “Jason, would you mind if I steal my assistant for a little while? I promise I’ll bring her back to you in one piece.”

  Jason graciously smiled, but he didn’t miss any of Aaron’s sarcasm.

  He looked at me. “I’ll be right back,” I assured him.

  Aaron took my arm and moved me a little away from the rest of the team. I knew he was angry. I’d gotten used to seeing his anger a lot lately. It was pretty much his normal reaction to anything I did.

  “Andy Taylor? You couldn’t leave him home for tonight?”

  “What about you? Where’s Elise?” I’d hoped my little comment would shut him up, but it only succeeded in making him flash that smug little grin I was starting to hate.

  “I didn’t bring her if that’s what you’re asking. She wouldn’t fit in, now would she?” I was still trying to decipher the meaning behind those words when he tugged me over to the bar.

  “Want something to drink?” I shook my head while he ordered a drink I didn’t recognize.

  “What did you need me for? I don’t want to leave Jason alone for too long.”

  “Why? Are you afraid he’ll find someone else or he’ll arrest someone?” Aaron burst out laughing at his own joke, and I decided I’d had enough of his little games. I left him standing alone while the sound of his laughter followed me as I picked my way through the crowd that danced to some strange version of a pop song, over to where Jason stood talking to Deb and Brian.

  “Hey. Everything okay?” I nodded. I didn’t want to get into a discussion about Aaron in front of Deb.

  “So, next Thursday’s the day? Are you excited?” I asked Brian. He was such a sweet man. Deb told me she’d fallen in love with his body the first time they’d met. The rest had followed soon after, and before either knew what hit them they’d been dating seriously. Then living together came next, much to his family’s disapproval.

  “I’m ready for it to be over and done. I never realized there were so many things to do just to get married.”

  I patted his arm in sympathy, barely listening to the poor man. I was busy scanning the room for Aaron. I found him still at the bar talking to several of the ladies from accounting. They’d finally worked up enough nerve to talk to the boss after months of ogling him in secret. From where I stood, it was impossible to tell who was flirting with who the most, but I was sure it made me sick.

  “Those two have been looking for ways to get to him since he arrived,” Deb whispered in my ear, bringing my attention back to the group of people I was supposed to be talking with. Luckily, no one but Deb noticed who I was looking at. She’d caught it, expected it, and was enjoying every single moment of it.

  I glanced over to where Jason stood chatting with Brian about the Longhorns’ current football stats and added, “It’s disgusting, isn’t it? I can’t believe those two.”

  “Honey, you can’t blame them, can you? I mean look at him. He’s gorgeous. Any woman, and that should include you by the way, would be jumping over herself to get his attention. Some people are so blind.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You know perfectly well what it means. If you’re smart you’ll walk right over there and shoo those two away. Someone is going to come along and grab his interest away from you someday, you know?”

  “You mean like Elise?” I hated the sound of that woman’s name even more. I mean, who called herself by one name anymore? Who was she—Cher?

  “Well, she’s certainly attractive enough, but she doesn’t have much in the way of warmth, lucky for you. You’d better watch out though. He’s ripe for the taking.”

  I literally cringed over every single one of those truths. “I don’t care. He’s not my concern and you know it.”

  Her only answer was to snort as I watched Aaron lead one of the ladies from accounting out onto the dance floor before his gaze collided with mine across the room. I could spot that smug grin of his through the crowd of dancers. I pretended to find whatever Jason said extremely interesting.

  After the food had been served, the band kicked up the music, mixing in some Christmas songs along with slower dance tunes, and Jason finally talked me into going out on the dance floor.

  “You look like you’re ready to run at any minute. You want to leave?” he asked.

  I was just ready to tell him yes, please, when Aaron found us.

  “Mind if I cut in Andy…I mean Jason?” I closed my eyes and wondered how many of those crazy-sounding drinks he’d consumed. I hoped my smile was enough to reassure Jason. After a moment’s hesitation, he disappeared into the crowd and Aaron pulled me close.

  For the first time in longer than I could remember anymore, I let go of all my reservations.

  Right or wrong, it didn’t matter. I wanted to dance with the man I was crazy about and not worry about my future or tomorrow’s consequences. I wanted to be with him.

  Aaron felt it too. He held me close. Probably too close for a proper secretary-boss relationship, but none of that mattered to us.

  ”Why don’t you get rid of Andy and come home with me?” Aaron’s lips moved against my ear, shocking me, thrilling me, and turning me on like crazy. I focused on his expression for the first time.

  “I’m taking you home. You’ve had way too much to drink.”

  “Good, get rid of Andy while you’re at it.”

  I reached for his hand and practically dragged him across the floor to where Jason waited for us.

  “I need to take my boss home. You shou
ld stay and enjoy the rest of the party. Deb and Brian are still here.”

  “I’ll go with you. You might need some help.” The last part he added when he sized Aaron’s six-foot frame up more closely.

  “No, no, I’ll be okay. You stay and enjoy your evening.” I didn’t give him the chance to answer but walked out the back door and slipped my arm around Aaron’s waist. He pulled me closer, obviously enjoying our little walk together. I closed my eyes, trying not to show my frustration.

  “Where’s your car?”

  “Over there.” He lifted a finger in the direction of the Corvette and I cringed. That car was turning out to be nothing but trouble.

  Once I’d somehow managed to get him in the passenger seat and buckled in, I drove along the winding streets leading to his house.

  “Aren’t you afraid Andy will be upset if you ditch him?”

  I decided to ignore the statement entirely. Choosing instead to concentrate on driving over the rain-slick roads.

  “You don’t want to talk about Andy, is that it?”

  I gave him a scathing look that I hoped would shut him up.

  “No, I’m not going to talk about him with you so you can just forget it.”

  When we reached his house, I faced another dilemma. Aaron had fallen asleep, and I had no idea where he’d put his house key. I certainly didn’t have any desire to try to fish it out of whatever hidden place he’d left it on his far too tempting body.

  Instead, I shook him hard, barely rousting him. “Aaron, where are your house keys?”

  “In my jacket,” he mumbled before falling back to sleep again.

  “Where’s your jacket?” He didn’t answer. He wasn’t wearing a jacket. I glanced around the interior but no jacket. Then it dawned on me. Aaron had left the jacket at the hotel.

  I studied my sleeping companion and wanted to wake him up and leave him at his front door. Instead, I did the only thing my conscience would allow me to do. I took Aaron home with me.

  Getting a sleeping and immobile, six-foot-three man out of the low-slung Corvette was a challenge in itself and made me regret my decision to bring him in the first place.

  You could just leave him in the car, my bad side tempted before I saw how cramped and uncomfortable that option would be. So, the nice girl inside me pushed the thought aside, shook him until he became semiconscious, and almost sank to the ground beneath his weight.

  I was lucky enough not to run into any of my neighbors on our slow, stumbling and quite noisy way up the stairs.

  I dropped Aaron on the sofa and watched in horror as he stretched out and fell right back to sleep once again. I could only stare at him, trying to decide what the right thing to do was. I couldn’t leave him, could I? He appeared as uncomfortable on my somewhat used sofa as he did in the car. I decided the only polite thing to do was let him take my bed, and I would suffer through on the sofa.

  Once I’d made the bed and grabbed a couple of spare blankets and pillows, I went back to the living room to find him snoring loud enough to wake the neighbors. I gave his arm a nudge. Nothing. I shook him harder and watched as he groaned.

  “Aaron, wake up,” I all but shouted, only to be rewarded with another groan, followed by the return of his snoring.

  I gave up, took off his shoes, dropped one of the blankets over him, and lifted his head enough to shove a pillow under it before turning out the lights.

  Then, I lay in bed listening to the sound of Aaron snoring and tried to deny how comfortable it sounded. I couldn’t keep from smiling a little as I finally drifted off to sleep, wondering just how miserable he was going to feel in the morning.

  It was still early when I awoke to the smell of fresh brewed coffee and remembered the disaster from the night before. My uninvited roommate apparently was up, and I didn’t know how to face him again so I took my time dressing for church. I wanted to look as presentable as possible considering our late-night escapades. For the service, I told myself. I wasn’t dressing in my best dress for anything or anyone but God.

  When I finally forced myself to leave the bedroom, I found a slightly green-looking Aaron sitting at my kitchen table drinking coffee.

  “Hi,” he greeted me as I came to a stop in front of the coffeemaker.

  I poured coffee, tried to keep my hands steady, and found something resembling a blank expression to face him with.

  “Hi. Did you sleep okay?” I tried to smile but didn’t quite pull it off. Aaron only grimaced.

  “Since I don’t remember anything beyond the time you and I were dancing, I guess you can say I did.”

  “How’s your head?” I sat down next to him, concentrating on the coffee in my cup. Keep eyes on coffee in cup and not on dangerous distraction next to you, my conscience reminded me.

  “Hurts like…” He didn’t finish.

  “I’ll bet. You had quite a lot to drink last night.”

  Aaron smiled. At least I imagined his smile because I was still concentrating on the coffee in my cup.

  “Yes, I don’t doubt it. I’m sorry. I said some terrible things to you, and I ruined your evening with Andy Taylor. I’m not sorry about that, but I’m sorry I ruined your evening.”

  Here we go again. “Why don’t you like him? Jason is a nice guy.”

  “You don’t want me to answer that, so let’s not go there, okay? I don’t want to have something else to be sorry for.”

  “Okay.” Eyes back on coffee. Mouth shut.

  “Where are you going this morning? You look awfully pretty.”

  Not what I needed to hear from him. He was too close, and I was too aware of all of my impossible-to-deny feelings for him.

  “Church. Today is Sunday, you know?”

  “Ah. When are you leaving?”

  I stared at him as if he’d asked me to solve the mysteries of the universe.

  “Because I’m wondering if I might come with you,” he added when I couldn’t speak. I’m sure my open-mouthed shock must have seemed terribly funny. Aaron hadn’t mentioned attending church with me since the one day I’d all but dragged him with me and he’d only come with me to my grandfather’s church out of obligation. Since that time, he’d never showed any interest in returning.

  “You want to go to church with me?”

  “Well, don’t say it like the devil just got converted or something. I’ve gone to church with you before.”

  “Once…well, twice. But only because you didn’t have any choice.”

  “So I’d like to go again. Is it okay?”

  Of course, it was okay. He could go just about anywhere he wanted with me, but for some reason I didn’t trust his motives.

  “Why? You don’t believe in…anything.”

  He closed his eyes. “I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t believe in all the things you do.”

  “Then why do you even want to come?”

  “Because I want to be with you. And I’m willing to do just about anything to be with you.”

  “It’s not good enough. That’s not the right reason to go to church. How can you not believe in anything? How can you live your life in such a way?”

  “I do believe in some things. I believe in you. I believe you believe in God. That’s a start, isn’t it?”

  “Oh Aaron…” I couldn’t tell him how disappointed I was in his answer.

  “I’m sorry, but I just can’t share your beliefs. I believe in myself. I think in the end, it’s all any of us can count on. People and things let you down. You can only depend on yourself.”

  “That’s such a cynical way to go through life.”

  I stood and walked away. I couldn’t stand to be near him.

  “Maybe.” He watched me closely. “But it’s the way I feel. I’m sorry if it upsets you., but isn’t it a start that I want to go with you for whatever reason? I mean, isn’t that what your pastor would say?”

  He had me there. Pastor Rob would say God works in mysterious ways. And sometimes he uses the most unusual people to bri
ng miracles about. He’d tell me if Aaron were showing any interest in God then I should do everything to encourage his interest.

  “Yes. That’s exactly what he would say.” I came back to where Aaron sat and took his hand. “And I’d love for you to come with me.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  The small church building was filled to capacity for the Sunday morning service. Aaron sat beside me, talking to one of the little ladies who occupied the same pew. I tried to keep from smiling when Mrs. Drake asked Aaron what he did for a living.

  The man certainly cleaned up nicely, I had to admit. After seeing the hungover Aaron earlier, I never would have believed the person seated next to me was the same guy.

  He’d dressed casual at my insistence. Khaki chinos and a nice but simple shirt. He looked like any other middle-class man in the place.

  I chuckled when he told Mrs. Drake he worked in advertising. The woman’s attention was drawn away from him when her friend, Stella Parsons, sat down next to her.

  “What’s so funny?” Aaron whispered in my ear.

  “You. You could be just any old guy. Poor Mrs. Drake doesn’t know she’s sitting next to one of the richest men around. I should warn you, you could be in trouble if she discovers the truth. She’s a widow, you know.”

  “You think I should be worried? Is she a gold digger?” I almost lost it when I imagined poor Mrs. Drake going after Aaron’s money. Luckily, I was saved the embarrassment of having to respond when the choir came in.

  Aaron and I both struggled to control our amusement while Pastor Rob made a few brief announcements and then turned the service over to the choir director.

  “Will you let me buy you lunch? It’s the least I can do considering I pretty much wrecked your evening.”

  I nodded because I didn’t trust my voice to speak. I hadn’t felt this sad since my mother’s death.

  I wanted to be with Aaron, but I couldn’t trust myself to be with him. And because of all these things, lunch for me was a quiet affair. We still weren’t quite back to our comfortable friendship of the past. Too many things were left unspoken between us.