Stirring Up Trouble

by Juli Alexander

  She knew I was teasing, but she made a move to strangle me anyway at great risk to her crystal goblets. “Tell me how it went.”

  “Jake and I had fun riding the rides. Sheree and Dad got on my nerves. We ate lunch.” I shrugged. “That was about it.”

  “Did you guys discuss your relationship?” she asked.

  “We don’t have a relationship, Mom,” I replied. “So, no. We didn’t.” I speared a mushroom and scooped some wild rice on my fork. She’d already apologized enough for her text.

  “You didn’t make up?”

  “No. We agreed to make the best of a bad situation.”

  “What?” She smirked. “Dollywood?”

  “No. Being with Dad and Sheree.”

  Mom cracked up. “I shouldn’t laugh.”

  “It’s okay, Mom,” I said between bites. “If my pain makes you happy, go right ahead.”

  She was still cracking up, so I decided to make her day and tell her about Dad’s basketball comment.

  She almost fell out of her chair giggling. “Your father can’t even walk without hurting himself.”

  “I know.” I was glad to have something to laugh about.

  “Remember that time we went to Jekyll Island? He didn’t realize we’d shut the balcony door and he ran into it at full speed.” She stopped talking to laugh some more. “He left his face print on the glass.”

  I did remember. He’d also broken his nose. Despite being well educated, he didn’t have a lot of common sense. And he hated doing stupid things, so he was a total jerk to live with for a month afterward. Basketball was definitely out of the question.

  On Sunday night, Mom and I were watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition when the phone rang.

  The call was clearly bad news. Mom paced around the house as she talked, well actually, shouted at the person on the other end.

  “That was Dave,” she said coming back to the family room.

  Dave is Mom’s hottie producer. He’s thirty-ish and a total doll. He’s even straight, but Mom says she isn’t interested in him.

  “What’d he say?” I asked, hoping this wouldn’t take more than five minutes because they were about to show the family on TV the house.

  “We were supposed to start taping a teen room makeover first thing in the morning. We were using Dave’s sister-in-law’s house. Apparently, his sister-in-law left town.”

  “Why?” In real life people didn’t just leave town, did they?

  Mom waved away my question. “Some marital problems or something. The house is just sitting there empty.”

  “So break in.”

  “We can’t do that. It will all be documented on film,” she said, as if she had actually considered the idea.

  “Oh, please don’t do my room again, Mom. I like it now.” I muted the TV. So much for the show.

  “I have plans for a teenage boy’s room. I have no backup plans. And I start in the morning.” She sank onto the couch in defeat.

  I knew she felt bad when she started chewing on her acrylic nails. She paid a lot for those nails. Mom and the landscaping guy from Mulching with Mack were in a heated battle for the best time slot.

  I’d have loved to help her out, but I didn’t have any ideas. The only teenage boy I knew well enough to ask was Jake. And she could forget that.

  “We can’t just use any place. It has to be a clean house of the right size. It has to be local. The homeowners have to be willing to put up with a lot of chaos for a week.” She started chewing on the other hand.

  “Can’t you do our living room or something?”

  “No. I have extensive plans for a teenage boy. I’ve got nothing for a living room.”

  “What were you planning for next week?” I asked. She usually planned two weeks of shooting at a time.

  “A bathroom. And we can’t get the contractors until next week.” The way she was going after those nails, she could break a tooth.

  “Okay. Well, there has to be a solution.” Surely, she’d think of something.

  “I’m not missing a production date. I’m not giving the network any excuses for giving Mack my Saturday night slot.”

  Why am I so nice? “What about Jake?” I said, wincing as I did.

  “Jake’s room!” She jumped up, excited. “Perfect.”

  “His mom seems to be neat, and his house is bigger than ours. I don’t know if he’ll go for it though.”

  “I’ll call his mom right now,” she said, heading for the phone.

  Mom always had the homeowner do the room with her. “Mom,” I called. “What about the part about working with Dad’s girlfriend?”

  “I’ll live.” She turned and gave me a half-smile. “I’ve got no choice.”

  An hour of animated phone calls later, Mom handed me the phone and said it was Jake.

  “So, you’re doing this?” I asked him.

  “Apparently. My mom seems really into it.”

  This wasn’t how I pictured our first real phone conversation going. “Well, it will help my mom out. And you’ll get a cool new room.”

  “I guess.”

  Mom handed me a sheet of paper. I grimaced as I read it. “Umm. Jake, Mom wanted me to tell you to be sure and remove any personal items before they start tomorrow.” I shook my head in Mom’s direction.

  She nodded yes.

  “Okay,” he said. “Like what?”

  “Well, she, um. Gave me a list. It’s for your sake you know. Okay, here goes. Anything you wouldn’t want viewers nationwide to see including but not limited to: magazines, posters, videos, screensavers, underwear, contraceptives,” I hurried through the list faster as I grew more embarrassed, “feminine hygiene products, bras, lingerie.” My cheeks were seriously burning. “This is the list Mom gives everyone, of course. Items of a private nature. And anything that may have fallen under your bed without you noticing.”

  He was silent for a beat. Then, he coughed. “I can’t believe you just said those things.”

  “Me either.” I thought I would die of humiliation.

  “See you at school,” he said. “And I’ll be sure to hide my bras and stuff.”

  Laughing helped.

  After school on Monday, we rode the bus to Jake’s. This time we sat together. Several girls were whispering about us, and one of Jake’s buds kept giving him funny looks. I couldn’t wait to escape from the big yellow fishbowl.

  Jake was dying to see what they were doing to his room, and I wanted to see how Mom was getting along with Sheree.

  “I hope it doesn’t get around school that your mother’s been in my bedroom all day,” he joked.

  “Gross.” I punched him. “You wish. My mom is hot.”

  “Yeah, right. I’ve seen your dad remember.”

  “So, just because he’s no hottie doesn’t mean Mom isn’t. That would mean your mom isn’t hot cuz she’s dating him.”

  “My mom isn’t hot,” he said with a shudder. “She’s my mom.”

  “Whatever.” We stopped to pet Indiana who greeted us with slobbery kisses.

  We dodged some lighting guys, and managed to get upstairs.

  “Zoe,” Mom greeted me as we walked through the wet paint smell into his room.

  “Hey,” I said. “How’s it going?” I looked around. They’d cleared everything out and painted the walls, two a pale blue, one with tiny brown pinstripes on blue, and the other a harsh black.

  Mom was studying Jake’s reaction. “Do you like it?”

  “Yeah,” he said with a nod. “Looks good.”

  Relief showed on Mom’s face. “It’s going to get even better. I’ve got a lot planned.”

  Jake looked over at me. “She looks a lot like you.”

  She did. Or I looked like her. “So that’s good, right?” I said.

  “I think you were right earlier,” he said.

  I tried not to jump up and down, because if my mother was a hottie and I looked just like her, that meant he thought I was hot. How convoluted was my life going
to get?

  He laughed at Mom’s confused look. “You don’t want to know, Mrs. Miller.”

  “I’ll take your word for that,” she said, “but call me Annie.”

  “Zoe,” Sheree called excitedly, coming in from the hall. “Your mother is so wonderful.” She swiped a strand of hair out of her face. “I’m having so much fun.”

  “Great,” I said. I mean, what was I supposed to say.

  “Oh, you’re a doll to work with, Sheree,” Mom said.

  The only thing grosser than watching Dad flirt with Sheree was watching Mom flirt with Sheree. Even if it was in a totally non-gay way.

  “Maybe they should date,” Jake muttered as we moved into the hall.

  When I looked at him, he winked.

  Did he have to possess a sense of humor too? I was trying to dislike him here.

  “Oh yeah,” Mom called. “You can’t go in the garage, Jake. We’re making some things.”

  “Uh oh,” Jake said.

  “You haven’t ever seen Mom’s show have you?” I pinned him with my evil stare.

  “No.” He started to look panicky. “Why?”

  Mom was really very good at what she did, but I couldn’t resist the urge to mess with him. “No reason,” I said very quickly as if there totally was a reason.

  “Tell me,” he threatened, his voice teasing, “or I won’t be your friend anymore.”

  “You don’t have a choice.” I looked him right in the eyes and put my hands on my hips. That flirting practice was paying off. “If you cut me loose, you’re on your own with John and Sheree.”

  His eyes widened in mock horror. “Dear God. No!”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Anya demanded, plunking her books down on the desk the next morning in English class.

  Uh oh. “Tell you what?” That I’ve been in love with your boyfriend for three years? I braced myself.

  Her bracelets jangled as she flipped her hair. I hated it when she did that.

  “That your mom’s doing Jake’s room!” She crossed her arms as if she had any right to be offended.

  Well, I wasn’t going to let her get away with that. “I didn’t tell you because you aren’t speaking to me. Remember?”

  “Don’t be silly.” She quickly dropped her arms. “Of course I’m speaking to you.”

  Stand your ground. “Okay then. I guess I’m not speaking to you.”

  “Don’t try to pick a fight, Zoe. I’m sorry I made you mad. But that’s how I really feel.”

  “How’d you hear about Jake’s room anyway?” I whispered as Mrs. Moore started talking.

  She rolled her eyes. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

  “So how come you didn’t know yesterday?”

  She actually looked guilty. “I’ve been really busy.”

  “With Brad.” Keeping my eye on Mrs. Moore, I said, “If you’re so busy, why do you care who Jake spends time with?”

  “I just do.”

  After school, we took the bus again so we could check on Mom’s progress. This time, we were the last ones on. Jake sat with Kent. I found a seat with a girl from my English class.

  Despite the signs that the set was closed and visitors were not allowed, the place was a madhouse.

  I spotted my dad’s Prius and hoped he hadn’t been there very long. Mom didn’t like distractions when she taped her show. And Dad fawning over Sheree certainly qualified as a distraction.

  “Your dad’s here,” Jake said.

  “I saw.” I couldn’t tell if Jake was unhappy about it on my behalf, Mom’s, or his own.

  “Won’t that bug your mom?” he asked, moving closer so no one would hear us.

  Jake really was a sweet guy. “Yeah,” I answered. “He shouldn’t be here.” Then, I realized how close he was and moved away, because suddenly all I could think about was our kisses.

  We entered the house, and I saw Mom’s producer. He really was a hottie. For an old guy. He was too young for Mom, but I’d always thought he had a thing for her.

  “Hey, Dave. Is Mom still upstairs?”

  “Hi, Zoe. Yeah. We just wrapped.” He gave me a look. “I know she’ll be glad you’re here.”

  So Dad was bugging her. “Thanks, Dave.”

  “Will you take her a Sprite, Zoe? I need to talk to the guys for a minute.” He gestured to his ever-present clipboard.

  “Sure.” I turned to Jake. “I could use something to drink, too. Where’d they put the cooler yesterday?” They always traveled with a cooler and makeshift snack bar.

  “In the kitchen,” Jake said, leading the way.

  Over his shoulder, I saw Dad and Sheree standing by the fridge. They were totally locked in a gross embrace, kissing.

  “Mom,” Jake yelped.

  Chapter Seven

  “Oh. Hi, honey,” Sheree said, pulling away from Dad.

  I maybe, sort of, lost my temper because I said, “Aren’t you guys old enough to keep your hands off each other?”

  I didn’t wait for an answer and ignored Dad’s pleas of “Zoe, wait.” Instead, I stomped over to the cooler on the table and grabbed two Sprites.

  Then, as Jake said, “Mom, that really isn’t appropriate,” I ran for the stairs.

  My poor mother. Here she was working and Dad was making out in the kitchen. Making out in the kitchen was fine for teenagers. I mean, we’re supposed to. But for parents, it’s just wrong!

  Think of Mom, I told myself as I reached the top of the stairs. I managed to paste a somewhat normal smile on my face before heading into Jake’s room.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  She came over to hug me and take her drink. “I didn’t know you were coming by again today.” She looked toward the door. “Where’s Jake? He can’t see it yet.”

  “He’s downstairs with Sheree and Dad.”

  Mom rolled her eyes. “I should have known your father couldn’t stay away.”

  “Has he been bothering you?”

  “No.” She popped open her drink. “Not really. He’s distracting Sheree a little, but we’re getting the work done.”

  I looked around the room at the giant entertainment center they’d built on the black wall. “It’s looking great. You finish up tomorrow?”

  “We should,” Mom said. “I’m making a few changes to my original plans, but—”

  I had to laugh. She always changed her plans. She was a perfectionist. Sometimes, she stayed up all night working to get things the way she wanted them. And she was never happier than when her design came together.

  “The entertainment center is awesome,” I said. She’d had her carpenter build it. Since Jake had three gaming systems, she’d made room for those as well as the games, and his giganto television.

  “Turned out well, didn’t it?” She practically glowed with pride.

  “What color are you going to paint it?” My eyes roved over the unfinished wood.

  “That’s top secret information,” she said with a wink. “You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see it.”

  A knock at the door drew our attention to Anya. “Hi, Zoe. Mrs. Miller.”

  “Oh. Hi, Anya.” Anya probably wouldn’t notice, but Mom’s greeting wasn’t as warm as usual.

  “I had to come by and see what you were doing in here.” Anya came into the room and looked around. She’d obviously run home to redo her makeup and hair.

  Anya wanted to be a designer, and she pretty much worshipped my mother.

  “So much for the closed set,” I mumbled.

  Mom glared at me. She didn’t like it when I was rude. Even if she was on my side, which I knew she was.

  “I’d love to help,” Anya said. “If there’s anything you need. I know Jake really well, of course.”

  She always liked to look at Mom’s sketches before the project when she could. Mom didn’t mind because Anya was genuinely interested.

  We’ve done two rooms in Anya’s house for the show. Her living room and her mother’s room. She’d decorated her room herself,
and Mom said it was good.

  “No one’s seeing the sketches,” Mom said. “I want Jake to be surprised.”

  “I wouldn’t tell him,” Anya protested.

  Mom didn’t have to say anything.

  “Okay,” Anya said. “I get it. But can I be here tomorrow for the reveal?”

  “Sure,” Mom said. “As long as we finish on schedule.”

  When I finally went back downstairs leaving Anya to bug my Mom, Jake was waiting on the porch. I laughed. “You’re not allowed in your room, but I think you can go in the house.”

  He shook his head. “No way. I can’t even breathe in there.”

  “Where’d the lovebirds go?” I asked, my nose wrinkling in disgust.

  He gestured toward the street. “Out for dinner.”

  I checked my watch. “It’s not even five.”

  “I guess they wanted to be alone.” He made a disgusted face. “What about your mom?”

  “She’s got at least another hour meeting with her production team.” I didn’t want to stick around.

  “Can I walk you home?” he asked, the corner of his mouth twitching.

  “Sure.” Like I’m going to say no.

  “Let’s get Indiana. He’s been tied to a tree in the backyard all day.”

  As the three of us walked along together, I asked the burning question, “So, did you name your dog after Indiana Jones?”

  He grinned. “I was eight.”

  I wasn’t sure why he was walking me home other than to get away from the chaos at his house, but I didn’t mind.

  “We need a plan,” he said after a few minutes. “Would it totally freak out your dad to catch us kissing?”

  Was he actually suggesting what I thought he was suggesting. “Yeah.”

  “I know my mother would freak. I think we should do it. Let’s make them miserable.”“By pretending to date?” I skirted a tree root in the sidewalk.

  “Yeah.”

  We crossed a busy street to cut through another neighborhood. Indiana watered a few bushes.

  Jake said, “I think they deserve a little payback.”

  “That scene in the kitchen was beyond gross.”

  As we cut through a yard, he said, “Maybe if they walk in on us making out, they’ll understand how disgusting it is.” He stopped. “Not that it would be disgusting for us. Or me at least. Because you know I like kissing you.”