The Passion of Mademoiselle S.
Page 5
Until this evening, my loved one.
Your Simone
WEDNESDAY
My dear darling love,
What a wonderful hour I spent in your arms yesterday! It will remain engraved on my flesh and in my heart thanks to all the intoxication it brought me.
I was happy, so happy. I could feel my desire rising within me. You had that strange glow in your eye that fascinates and arouses me, and oh, the air of triumph when you bound my hands! I was quite breathless, anticipating my ordeal with all the strength of my love. I wanted not to disappoint you. Did I succeed, dear beloved? Of course, I suffered from the whipping, but then did I not feel your lips caressing my battered buttocks?
Dear love, do you believe it possible to live moments such as these still more intensely? I do not think it is. I believe we savor such exhilaration together that nothing could ever allow us to forget it. With our every assignation we become more bound to each other by our perversion. Every embrace ties us together a little more. The same desire keeps propelling us helplessly into each other’s arms. Oh, may this tremendous joy last many a day more! May nothing ever separate us! It would be too painful for me.
I belong entirely to you, my dear darling lover, and I do not want to think of the terribly sad time when you will tire of me. Tell me you love me, Charles, and that you are happy in my arms. I want to hear you say it to reassure my heart. I kiss every last inch of you deliriously.
Simone
My adored beloved,
I was touched by your pneu that arrived yesterday evening just as I was leaving and had given up hope of receiving one. It made me doubly happy. You replied and your reply was as I had hoped. I adore you.
I am glad my letter was to your liking this time. I know what you like, my passionate love. Well then, listen:
I too want us to exchange the most outlandish of embraces. I want us to draw a maximum of pleasure from our bodies so we can never forget each other. Yes, darling, when we met the time before last, I realized that you wanted this new kind of coupling, and I told you how very aroused I was when I felt you slipping your warm cock so gently and tenderly between my moist lips. It felt indescribably good when you fucked my cunt. You succeeded in awakening in me a desire for this coupling, which I had deliberately ruled out of our relations for many reasons. When next we meet, that is how you must take me, if you so wish, but you know what I expect of you if we are to lessen the banality of this coupling. You will be the one to drive the indefatigable aid into my ass. It will work such wonders in your expert hands, for you will know how to guide its infernal dance inside my brown flesh, and when you have quite giddied me with the delirious pleasure of it, then you shall take me, my loved one. You will penetrate me with your charming cock, you will fuck me passionately with all your fire and tenderness, and you will feel me shudder to a climax to make you believe you are having me for the first time. And so our love will be deliciously renewed. If we both have any strength left, I want you to be brutal and cruel. I want you to make me suffer with your merciless lashing, striping my skin with red weals. I will present my shameless rump to you, and you will bruise it with the full force of your furious passion. And when you have assuaged your longing for torture, you will kiss my fevered skin with your burning lips. Oh, darling, what wonderful delights our desire has in store for us! I am as impatient as you to experience them. Yes, my adored mistress, I shall be your male lover, and I hope my passion will afford you the most profound of pleasure. Give me your soft, soft body, I want to kiss it tenderly. I want to suck your cock, I want to suck your ass with my whole mouth, and take you imperiously with my impatient member. Spread your buttocks with your impatient hands. My tongue is opening up the mysterious passage, I hope you can feel it. I delve it as deep as I can inside you, giving you a foretaste of the coupling to come, which will leave you exhausted in my arms. Now I am pressing my stomach to your ass. Give yourself, give yourself. Can you feel the huge head poised before penetration? It goes up, and it goes down, all along your cleft. A thrust of my hips and I am buggering you passionately, my loved one. Is it good? Tell me, does it feel good?
Would you rather I pleasured myself in front of you? Well then, watch. See my finger coming and going between my wide spread thighs. It skims over the button, which stiffens to its exquisite touch. My stomach constricts with pleasure and later you can press your lips to me to harvest the abundant sap flowing from me. But I want you to do the same in time with me. I also want you to give me the titillating sight of your tugging yourself, and we can come together with the same intoxication.
This description is quite literally driving me wild, my dear love. I want to prove to you yet again how much I love you. I am so full of terrible vice, my beloved, and you are so very good at awakening my desire to perform the most perverse of couplings with you.
Do you believe we shall enjoy enough voluptuous pleasures when next we meet? But we shall need more time to ourselves because we are always in too much of a hurry.
I am already all aquiver at the very thought of these embraces. Whatever state shall I be in when I actually experience them in your arms?
Goodbye, my dear love. I send ardent kisses to every inch of your scrumptiously tempting flesh. I press my mouth to your lips in the deepest of kisses until very soon when I shall give you more and better things.
Do be good until then, so you have the strength to make me come the way we both want. I cannot wait to feel you in my cunt, taking sweet possession of me. What about you, do you want that too? Shall we now go against our own agreement? Never mind, I love you too much, but I know that your perversity will soon usher me back onto more forbidden paths. The most tender of kisses to you, my dear darling.
Simone
This previous letter marks an important turning point in the relationship: Some six months after their meeting, the two lovers reverse genders, a change recorded not only in their acts but also in their words. Until now, Simone presented herself as a mistress who submitted to her partner’s brutal fantasies and desires, succumbing not only to his blows but also on the question of “normal couplings,” something she had previously staunchly refused but for which she develops a liking.
But Charles’s own taste for sodomy, which the increasingly bold Simone now no longer doubts, allows her to take a more prescriptive role in their relationship.
In this same letter she still calls herself his “submissive slave,” prepared to undergo his ever-fiercer violence, but she also writes “my adored mistress, I shall be your male lover.” She is not proposing or suggesting this, but declaring it. Simone, now more in love than ever, is taking proceedings into her own hands.
This is partly because she is increasingly afraid Charles will weary of her, so she feels she needs to take the initiative and stand her ground if she is to satisfy her lover’s secret longings and, more important, to keep him.
14 DECEMBER
My dear love,
Do you know that today is an anniversary? Yes, it is already six months since we met. Six months since the first time we dared speak to each other after so many days when we both ardently longed to do so. Do you remember, darling? Do you recall sitting opposite me on the omnibus, the stolen glances, the eye contact full of promise between us? You were divine, you know, Charles darling. You were shy then. And I took such pleasure encouraging you by looking you in the eye throughout the journey.*
Then one day you suddenly spoke to me. I replied with a pounding heart, and that was the beginning of our wonderful affair, which has been such a delight these last six months.
My dear love, I wish I could have been with you today. I wish I could have intoxicated myself on your perverted kisses and arousing ministrations. The memory of our last assignation keeps me awake at night. I should like to experience those extraordinary sensations again, they have left me in quite a fluster.
But I shall have to wait a whole long week before I can hold you again.
Look, my beloved, I am hastil
y slipping off my clothes to join you on the bed where you are already lying naked, offering your buttocks up to my kisses. Let me glide my willful tongue along the cleft. I can feel your brown flesh giving way to the pressure, and my tongue penetrates you, exploring and licking, while my hand softly strokes your balls and your straining cock. Not wanting to waste a moment, I rub my button, which is swelling at this titillating sight. I reach a twofold climax, beloved, and sprinkle your thighs with the juices from my cunt. Ah, now it is your turn to press your tongue there, between my lips…Finish off your lucky mistress. Use your skillful kisses to make her swoon in your arms with voluptuous delight. Prepare her for the great battle your triumphal prick will wage on her later. He is readying himself now. Rearing threateningly over my mouth, soon to disappear right to the depths of my throat. A few licks of my tongue make the first drops of sperm bead on the end of this beloved prick, but it is here in me that he wants to discharge irrepressibly. You dive the “other cock” boldly into my ass. Watch it coming and going between my buttocks, and I can already feel the pleasure of it wetting my lips. Take me, dear love, fuck me wildly. Probe it, go on, probe it while your hand tirelessly steers the other member’s merry dance up my ass.
Oh, what an orgy, my love, what voluptuous shudders ripple up and down our bodies! Every inch of us thrills with perverted pleasure and we reach devastating climaxes with this double coupling.
There, my dear darling, that is how we shall spend our next hour of freedom after six months. Do you think we were made for each other? Do you believe we can still be happy?
Roll on next Saturday when we can put these follies into practice. I cannot wait to bury myself in your arms and feel the warmth of your skin against my body.
Giving you delirious kisses all over, wherever you want.
Your Simone
* * *
* In Illuminations, Walter Benjamin quotes German sociologist, philosopher, and critic Georg Simmel who noted the importance of eye contact on newly available public transport: “Before buses, railroads, and streetcars became fully established during the nineteenth century, people were never put in a position of having to stare at one another for minutes or even hours on end without exchanging a word.” Parisian culture, long influenced by a tradition of gallantry, was nevertheless characterized by a rare freedom, and Frenchwomen were well known throughout Europe for being loose and shameless in their eye contact. Henry Miller commented on this tendency in his novella, Quiet Days in Clichy, where he describes an encounter with a lady in a café in 1930s Paris who held the gaze of any man who passed by; “a French woman doesn’t avert her glance as does the English or the American woman.”
My dear love,
Why do you now so rarely write me letters like the one you gave me yesterday evening? Oh, the joy with which I read and reread it, and how my heart fluttered with happiness and longing…
I love you, I love you hopelessly and wildly, I love you with my heart, I love you with my body and my passionate senses. Whether near you or far from you, I am nothing but desire, and when I hold all of you in my arms, inhaling the intoxicating smell of your wonderful body, I wish I could secure them tightly around my treasure, my happiness, forever. As I write I am thinking of the touch of your lips, and I can feel rising within me all the ardent passion you have inspired in me, a passion that grows more enduring with every passing day.
Oh, my dear beloved lover, don’t change. Stay as you are…Is your perversion not also mine? Has your passion not become mine? You have created me in your image* and I have led you into the most salacious and voluptuous of couplings that my mind has invented to keep you. We are bound to each other, inexorably…we are just one body now, one body possessed by vice and pleasure, and it would take a Force more powerful than our Love to separate us now. Let’s stay together, my loved one, let’s hold each other close and our happiness can last as long as we want it to.
Like you, I can hardly wait till next we see each other. After a long, heartfelt kiss, the last of our clothing covering our bodies will fall to the floor one by one. When we are both naked, fired by the same passion, we shall race into each other’s arms and the contact of our feverish skin will make us shudder deliciously. What sweeter moment is there, my loved one, than when you open your arms to me? When I stand against you, I can feel your skin next to mine. Our lips meet and my tongue finds yours in an intoxicating kiss…Oh, come to me, come to me quickly; the minutes tick by…Crush me with the weight of your whole body, on my body…
And the celebrations begin. The celebrations of our rutting senses…We are to climb to another new level today. To do something we have never yet dared do. I lie on my back gazing at your nakedness. Your opalescent skin there before me. Oh, how beautiful you are, my little god.
Take your cock in your hand. I’m watching…And I take the other member too, I drive it into my cunt and fuck myself before your eyes. Tug yourself, my love. Your prick is already growing to the touch of your hand. I can see his pink head emerging from between your clenched fingers. While I fuck myself I stroke your ass with my other hand. With one finger I probe your most intimate flesh, and can feel it contracting. What a sight, my beloved! You are watching your mistress fucking herself and I am watching my lover tugging himself…Oh, your prick is so beautiful! How wonderfully it will ejaculate! But your eyes are losing focus, your pleasure is escalating. I draw out the member slick with my juices and plant it deep into your frenzied ass. Now that you have been taken, you can resist no longer and there before my eyes, arching above my body, which is swooning in ecstasy, you climax furiously. A warm gush flows onto my smooth stomach. Give me all your sperm, my loved one. Not one drop must stay in your prick, I want to harvest all of it on my body, and I shall spread it over my breasts and my stomach because I want to feel its intoxicating warmth all over. Then I shall be more yours than ever; I shall be yours thanks to this perverted gesture we have shared. Who but us would dare do it?
And then, at the touch of your lips, you shall feel the juices flowing from my cunt, for I too shall climax wildly, my loved one. You will gather my warm come and I shall taste its bitter tang on your lips…
If we both have enough strength left after this orgy, you will take me in a gentle coupling. You put such sweet tenderness into fucking me that you have reawakened my longing for this form of embrace. And we are allowed it, for it is a consecration of our lovemaking. We embellish it with so many perverse touches that it too becomes perverted. Oh, quickly, roll on the end of this curse, which is depriving me of your shameless ministrations. I cannot wait to be with you again, my passionate violent lover, I cannot wait to have you in my arms to intoxicate you with my kisses. Yes, your body is mine, I do believe you now, and I am happy. I shall take you with such abandon, for I love you more than anything in the world.
Yes, I want to use my shameless attentions to make you come to the very limits of your strength. You are mine now, do you know that? And soon you shall be even more so, when you have wetted me with your sperm. Every inch of my body will taste this supreme sap, and you will see this wildest of moments in your dreams: your mistress groaning with pleasure under the jetting of your prick as it strains over her body in the final jolt of ejaculation.
Oh yes, be mine, and mine alone, my beloved god. Say those intoxicating words again. Drive away the contemptible pain of jealousy that grips me at the very thought that you belong to another. Tell me that you prefer the touch of my hands. Tell me that you are merely passive in her arms, and that I alone know how to give your inflamed senses the voluptuous rewards they crave. I want to love you still more ardently…
It is gone noon, I am afraid I shall have to stop. Till Monday evening, darling love. Write me a long letter like yesterday’s.
I am kissing every corner of your beloved body, your lips and your wonderful eyes. I am entirely yours.
Simone
* * *
* Simone frequently refers to Charles as her little god and at times uses bibli
cal expressions, a tactic that speaks volumes about the pleasure she now takes in transgressing, even blaspheming. In spite of the separation between church and state in 1905, Catholicism remained extremely influential in French society. However, some families, especially in the capital’s intellectual circles, would not go to church at all and might actually go as far as to declare themselves atheists. Through close reading of Simone’s vocabulary, we can surmise that she received a Christian education, as the overwhelming majority of French people at the time did, but possibly at this point in her life she was not concerned with the precepts of her religion. She will, however, come back to God later, as the other correspondence found in the briefcase reveals.
MONDAY, ELEVEN O’CLOCK
My sweet love,
I have finally managed to get away from today’s outing. I am the keeper of the treasure and no one yet knows why I am so keen to stay here. Let them have the great outdoors…My Charles, I just could not wait to be alone here with you, to come and tell you how tender my feelings for you are.
I have your little photograph before me now. You look out at me wisely with those gorgeous eyes, and your beloved mouth seems to be suppressing a mocking smile. I do so love you, my faraway little god, and I kneel at your feet to adore you with all the fervor of my love.
Two days already, two interminable days without seeing you, without reading your words, without hearing your captivating voice. I am so sad when I am far from you, my dear beloved, and oh how my heart is counting the hours until I can next feel your touch and your kisses!
Alas, there is still a whole long week to go before you come back to me, before I can hold you in my arms. And how many days will we have to wait before we can savor our magnificent couplings again? But at least you will be here beside me and I shall have the strength to contain my impatience for as long as I have to. But when we are far apart, my craving is exasperated. All our impassioned exchanges come crowding into my mind, arousing me with no hope of appeasement. No, far from your arms, far from your much loved and much longed-for body, I cannot be happy. I miss you immeasurably, my sweet darling, and I am only sad I cannot prove it to you.