by Mia Ross
Apparently, his reaction didn’t come across as casually as he’d intended. Setting the bowl down, she opened the door and settled on the footrest in front of him. “John, I can’t stay here. Now that we’re together, folks are starting to talk.”
“So? It’s not like you’re spending the night at my place or anything.”
“Try to understand.” Resting a hand on his arm, her expression begged him to be reasonable. “I’ve got enough strikes against me, being pregnant and single. I know God’s forgiven me, but people are harder. If they think I’m still making the same mistakes, they won’t be able to look past them to all the good things I’m trying to do.”
“I don’t care about that.” Reaching out with his free hand, he cradled her cheek in his palm. “I just don’t want you to go.”
Tilting her head, she gave him a sympathetic look. “I know, and I love you for feeling that way. But I want to do this, because I know it’s for the best. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but I’m hoping you’ll back me up.”
“You don’t have a car. How are you gonna get around to grocery shop and meet clients and stuff?”
He almost suggested he loan her the money to buy one, but after the phone incident, he’d pulled way back on offering anything beyond help with chores. She was using the phone, though stubbornly insisting on paying her portion of the bill every month. Either that, she’d told him, or she would return it to the store. Faced with that choice, he’d reluctantly accepted the compromise.
Of course, the invoice came to him at the farm. He wasn’t the most organized person, so he had all his bills on autopay and never gave them a second thought. It wouldn’t be his fault if he forgot to mention it to her.
“Ruthy said she’s never in her office during the day, so I can use it when I have meetings. I can walk to that little market on Main Street, and they have everything I’ll need.”
“Once the baby comes, you’ll have to take her to the doctor.”
“There’s a shuttle into Kenwood a few times a day,” she replied. “I’ll use that.”
“Staying at Ruthy’s is supposed to be temporary. You can’t live there forever.”
“I know, but once I have some money, I can start rebuilding my credit. Then I can get an apartment and a used car, and things will improve from there.” Leaning in, she gave him a long kiss. “When I came home, I felt like I was crawling along the ground, just trying to get back on my feet again. I know now that God brought me back here because this was where I needed to be. You helped me stand on my own two feet, and your family gave me a chance to pull my life back together. No matter where I’m living, I will never, ever forget that.”
He’d have to be content with that, he realized. Amanda had already made the decision, and she’d made it for the right reasons. He didn’t have much choice but to go along. “You know I love you, right?”
Bathing him in a grateful smile, she nodded. “I love you, too. More than anything in the world.”
“And I can come visit?”
“I’d be mad if you didn’t.” After a pause, she added, “When I’m waddling around like a penguin, it would be nice not to have to ride the shuttle. I could use a ride to the doctor once in a while, if you have time.”
For you? Always.
The sentiment nearly escaped before he could catch it. He didn’t want to ruin her excitement by having her think he was suddenly getting all mushy. She was moving a few miles away, he reminded himself, and he could make that trip in five minutes. Four if there was something important on the other end. He couldn’t imagine anything ever being more important to him than Amanda, but the sun had barely poked through, and he’d had his fill of serious conversation.
“Just hit number one on your speed dial,” he said with a grin. “I’ll be there.”
Chapter Twelve
John had been dreading this day.
It was the beginning of October, and Ruthy’s spare room was ready for Amanda. He’d tried a few more times to convince her to stay at the farm, but, as usual, once she made up her mind, it was set in stone.
Matt had warned him about smart women, John reminded himself as he trudged up the diner’s back stairs, carrying a box of bedding and towels. He should have listened. Then again, he’d dated plenty of sweet, obliging women who cheerfully went along with whatever he said. None of them fascinated him the way Amanda did.
He was hopeless.
“Okay, lady.” He faked a Brooklyn accent as he strolled through the open door. “Where d’ya want dese?”
Amanda laughed. “Why are you talking like that?”
Dropping his load, John turned to Seth. “See what I have to put up with?”
“Don’t drag me into this. I’m busy.” After getting an approving peck on the cheek from his wife, Seth tossed John a quick, sympathetic look and got back to work.
He was holding up a framed painting of a quaint English cottage, moving it along the wall while Lisa tilted her head this way and that. “Right there. Amanda, what do you think?”
“Perfect. I’ll feel like I’m eating my meals at a sidewalk café in London. I can’t believe you two made that for me.”
“When you said last month how much you love London, I decided to make this my next project,” Lisa told her with a warm smile. “Fortunately, my hubby can make a custom frame in his sleep.”
He chuckled. “As fast as you paint, I get a lot of practice.”
Marianne was busy stocking the cupboards, while Caty filled the fridge. Meanwhile, Matt was loosening up the single window so it would open, and Ridge was making sure Amanda’s laptop could hook into Ruthy’s wireless internet connection. Kyle and Emily had the younger kids corralled in the tiny bathroom, entertaining them while their parents got Amanda’s things squared away.
The small apartment was filled to bursting, and there wasn’t all that much left to do. John noticed the box he’d brought up still on the floor, so he grabbed the fitted sheet and started making the single bed.
“Wait,” Amanda teased, hugging him from behind. “Let me get my camera.”
He flung the top sheet out and started tucking the corners in. “What? I know how to make a bed.”
“Not your own.”
“Nobody cares about that.”
“I do,” Marianne pointed out as she opened the bathroom door to collect her crew. “But you never listen to me. Everything’s put away, so we’ll be going. Kids, let’s say goodbye to Amanda and let her get settled.”
The official order was for the under-twenty crowd, but everyone else got the drift and took off after a quick round of hugs. That left John alone with Amanda, something he’d been both hoping for and wanting to avoid.
They’d talked several times about her moving out, and he’d finally come to terms with it. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. When he picked up a pillow and a faded pillowcase, she grasped his hands to stop them.
“Have I thanked you?” she asked quietly.
Not wanting to dim her enthusiasm, he grinned at her. “Not today.”
Bathing him in the most beautiful of her many smiles, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him. He brought her as close as he could, wishing he never had to let her go. Nosing aside the soft cloud of curls by her ear, he murmured, “I’m gonna miss you, Gardner.”
“I’m gonna miss you, too, Sawyer. Every day.”
Please come home with me.
He came dangerously close to saying those words out loud before reason kicked in and stopped him. Even if she wanted to stay at the farm, their guest room was now the nursery, and there was nowhere for her to sleep. Once her baby arrived, they’d need their own place, and for now this was it.
Reluctantly, he let her go and stepped back, keeping her circled in his arms. “You’ve got everything?”
&nbs
p; Glancing around, she giggled. “I hope so. There’s no room for anything else.”
He appreciated her trying to make this easier for him, but for once he was serious. “Call me anytime you need something.”
With a flirty grin, she toyed with the fraying collar of his flannel shirt. “What if I just need to see you?”
She was rarely the more lighthearted of the two of them, and he joined in with a grin. “I’ll be here in four minutes.”
Leaning in, he gave her one last kiss and headed for the door. Pausing there, he looked back at her and did his best to smile. “See ya.”
As he dragged his feet into the hallway and down the stairs, John knew she was safe, and that this was what she wanted. But walking away from her was the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life.
* * *
“People are staring,” Amanda complained as she and John strolled out of Carolina Collectibles one evening. The air was crisp, with the scent of dry leaves and wood smoke floating on the breeze. While they walked along Main Street, the half moon glowed overhead, stars twinkling like sparklers in the sky.
“It’s the bear.” Grinning over at her, he adjusted the humongous brown teddy bear he was carrying piggyback style.
The pink gingham bow around its neck was just too much, and she smiled. “Hailey’s going to love that. I’m not sure about Matt, though.”
“He’ll hate it,” John predicted confidently. “That’s half the fun.”
She was in midlaugh when she caught a glimpse of herself in a dark store window. She was wearing the flowery dress John liked, but she hadn’t seen it full length in a while. Angling for a side view, she groaned. “I don’t really look like that, do I?”
“Since you’ve been in sweats and huge T-shirts lately, I wouldn’t know.”
Even those were getting tight, Amanda thought with a grimace. She’d seen the pictures, both at the doctor’s office and in her book. Intellectually, she understood that when you were carrying another person around in your body, things had to expand to accommodate the baby. Seeing it on herself was something else again.
“This is so not how things were supposed to be,” she groused, seething at the unfairness of life in general. “I went to a great college, got my MBA and was supposed to have my own fabulously successful PR firm by the time I was forty. Instead, I have this.”
Flinging her arms out, she ended her hissy fit with a nice dramatic flair. The entire time, she was painfully aware that she was making a complete fool of herself.
Plunking the bear on a nearby bench, John sat and patted the open space beside him. “Okay, Gardner. What’s really bothering you?”
Crossing her arms over her stomach, she shot him a nasty look. “How do you know that’s not it?”
The moron didn’t even blink. Spreading his arms out the way he always did when he sat still for more than ten seconds, he waited. He didn’t speak, but the twinkle in his eyes told her he’d sit there all night if that was what it took.
While Amanda wasn’t keen on having personal conversations in such a public space, she was so irritated she broke her own rule. Sitting down, she tried to frame her thoughts so she wouldn’t come off sounding like a total harpy. “I appreciate everyone’s help—really I do.”
“But you want to do things your own way. Drive yourself around, use your own computer.” He toyed with the fluttery skirt of her dress. “Wear your own clothes.”
“Exactly. I’m used to being independent, and being so much the opposite is driving me crazy.” Now that she’d voiced her frustration, all the fight went out of her, and she suddenly felt exhausted. Resting her cheek on his shoulder, she heaved a pathetic sound that fell somewhere between a sigh and a sob. “Sometimes I just want my old life back. I’d be smarter this time around.”
“Life changes as we go along,” he reminded her, dropping a kiss on her temple. “But you and little Sophie or Karen or whoever won’t have to do everything on your own.”
Angling her head, she gave him a grateful smile. “I’ll have you.”
“And babysitters and teachers. Hopefully, your parents will change their minds and decide they want to get to know their grandbaby.”
When she moaned, he didn’t scold her for being hardheaded. “I know you like to be in control of everything, but it doesn’t always work that way. You have to take what God’s given you and do the best you can with it.”
“I don’t want to.” Knowing she sounded like a spoiled brat, she added, “But I will because I have to.”
“He’ll help you through this, if you let Him.” Curling his arm around her, John rested his chin on her head. “And so will I.”
Tears welled up in her eyes, and she burrowed closer to this wonderful, aggravating man who had offered her so much, asking for nothing in return. John believed she was worthy of his love, and she’d gradually come to believe it herself. The realization humbled her, and she sent up a silent prayer.
Thank you, God, for bringing us together.
“I got an email from Ted’s wife today,” she ventured, hoping John would take it well.
“Really? Isn’t that kinda weird?”
“Very, but she found my address in Ted’s computer and thought I’d like to know she’s divorcing him. Apparently she’s in the process of taking him to the cleaner’s.”
“Ouch.”
“Most of their money was hers, so it’s only fair.”
“Speaking of money, any word on that slimy accountant of yours?”
“Not a peep. I guess he’s disappeared into some jungle somewhere. It doesn’t matter anyway,” she added, hugging John’s arm. “My life is much better now.”
“You mean you don’t miss your Porsche and living on the beach and all those fancy restaurants you used to eat at?”
“The only things I miss are lattes and yoga. I think I’ve talked Ruthy into putting in an espresso machine, and when I can see my feet again, I’ll find some DVDs and get back in shape.”
Chuckling, John kissed the top of her head. “So after all these years, you finally figured out Harland’s not as bad as you thought.”
“Don’t gloat, Sawyer. It’s not nice.”
While they sat in comfortable silence, one by one the bells from each of the four churches began tolling eight. Shifting a little, John uncrossed his legs. “If you don’t want folks seeing me at your place too late, we should get back.”
“Eight o’clock counts as late,” she commented as he got up and helped her to her feet. “This town is too much.”
“You’re the one who wants people to think you’re all grown-up and respectable.” He slung the bear over his shoulders again. “Me? I couldn’t care less.”
“So you’ve said. Many times.”
As they approached Ruthy’s Place, Amanda noticed there were a lot more lights on than usual. “Hmm—let me guess. This little shopping trip was a ruse to get me out of my apartment so Caty and your sisters could set up a baby shower.”
“And Ruthy and Priscilla Fairman, and most of the Harland Ladies’ League,” John added. “They’re always up for a party.”
“That’s quite a guest list. And now I’m thinking this bear isn’t really for Hailey.”
“Busted,” he confessed with a grin.
“You’re very sweet, but I’m not sure I have room for it.”
“It’ll fit in the windowsill. I measured.”
“You did?” The fact that he’d thought ahead for her daughter’s gift touched her deeply. Standing on tiptoe, she gave him a quick kiss. “Love you, Sawyer.”
“Back at ya, Gardner.”
Returning the kiss, he pulled open the door and stepped back so she had the spotlight all to herself.
As Caty and John’s sisters rushed over to greet her, Amanda had to remind
herself she was actually in Ruthy’s diner. Everywhere she looked, there was something pink, white or frilly. The bistro tables and chairs that normally sat out front were in a cozy section of the dining room, with vases of wildflowers in the center of each table. On the lunch counter sat a huge bowl filled with ribbons, note cards and clothespins. Next to it was a stack of small paper bags—apparently the traditional shower games.
After she’d taken it all in, she still couldn’t believe they’d gone to so much trouble. Considering her circumstances, she was touched by the effort they’d all put in to make her feel special. “This is amazing, guys. You didn’t have to do all this just for me.”
“Just for you,” Ruthy clucked as she pulled Amanda into a hug. “We do this for everyone when they’re expecting, don’t we girls?”
“Any excuse for a party,” the woman mixing up punch agreed.
Several others echoed the comment, and Amanda couldn’t help noticing how excited everyone looked. To top it off, Danielle Benton appeared from the kitchen, carrying the biggest cake Amanda had ever seen. Decorated with icing flowers in every shade of pink imaginable, it looked like the bouquet from a wedding.
“I hope you don’t mind, Amanda,” she said as she set the beautiful cake on a table draped with lace tablecloths. “This is my shower gift.”
Amanda laughed. “Mind? It’s gorgeous. I’m just sorry we have to cut it into pieces.”
“Pictures first!” Lisa insisted, holding up her camera.
“On that note,” John said, chuckling, “I’d better go.”
“Whatsa matter, big guy?” Lisa teased. “Afraid the pink will rub off on you?”
Grinning, he backpedaled toward the door. “Something like that. Enjoy your evening, ladies.”
When he turned and left the diner, Amanda heard a few murmured compliments on the view.
Eat your heart out, girls, she thought with a grin. He’s mine.
* * *
On a chilly day in early November, Amanda found herself at a dead end.
Sitting at the kitchen table in her tiny studio apartment, she stared at the painting Seth and Lisa had given her, searching the quaint setting for inspiration. She was trying to generate some catchy slogans for her latest client, a pet-sitting service. So far, the best she’d come up with was “Enjoy your time away while...”