Pack of Trouble (The Adventures of Xavier & Vic Book 5)

by Liza O'Connor

  Tubs turned to him with frightening speed and shoved a finger against his chest, pushing him back a foot. “Today, it is, and that’s final.”

  By the paleness of Connors face, she gathered Tubs had finally managed to terrorize him, but he held out much longer than her, so his bravery remained impressive as hell.

  With imminent danger gone from the room, Vic found her voice. “Tubs and Sara are having a bad day. Would you locate Xavier and tell him to forget the ladies and return at once? He needs to fix a matter he messed up.”

  Connors ignored her and lifted her gown and checked her wound. “Thankfully, the urine doesn’t seem to have reached this far.”

  “This isn’t really Sara’s fault. Cannon urinates quite frequently.”

  “Then his diaper should be changed more often for the health of all.”

  Just then Sara returned with Cannon sporting a new rectangle of linen safety pinned onto him. She tried to place the baby on Vic, but Connors yelled at her. “For God’s sake! What is wrong with you, girl? Vic is still soaked with urine. Find a box for the child, fill it with soft clothes and then clean up your patient.”

  Sara nodded, crying even as she carried away a screaming Cannon. Vic wasn’t sure if Cannon was out of sorts because Sara was crying or because he wasn’t laid upon his favorite lumps, but she knew which was upsetting her. “Connors, if you yell at Sara or Tubs one more time, I’m sending you back to England.”

  Connors’ mouth dropped in clear outrage, but before he could answer, Tubs entered with two large cauldrons of water, one steaming, one not. He poured them both into the tub.

  “Tubs! She can’t take a bath! She must be sponge-cleaned.”

  Tubs silenced him with a single, angry glare. “I know that, but the water was too hot, so it had to be mixed with cold water. The tub is clean, so I used it to make warm water.”

  “I see,” Connors replied. “I apologize for my comment.”

  “Well, since you seem full of comments, you can leave the room while Sara washes Vic.”

  Sara entered the room as the doctor replied, “I would have no issue doing that if I believed she could actually do her job.”

  Tubs growled and his fist tightened.

  Inexplicably, Sara threw herself in front of Tubs as if protecting him. From what? Vic looked at Connors to see if he could make sense of Sara’s strange action and realized the doctor had a gun, presently aimed at the young woman.

  Tubs swept his beloved to the side of the room in the same second Vic yelled, “For the love of God, put the gun away! What is wrong with everyone? Have you all gone mad?”

  “That’s it, I’m going back to England,” Connors declared and stormed from the room.

  Turning to Sara, Tubs said, “Don’t you ever stand between me and a bullet. I can survive a gunshot, but I can’t survive without you.” He then stormed out after Connors.

  Sara stared in the direction of Tubs’ wake, at first shocked and then slowly her lips transformed into a smile. Her eyes sparkled as she turned to Vic. “He loves me. Tubs loves me!”

  Vic nodded, glad at least one of them had returned to sanity.

  ***

  Never in her life had Vic endured such a joyfully given sponge bath. She would have complained about its excessively long duration, only she would have cut out her tongue before she said one word to diminish Sara’s newfound happiness.

  Once Sara was satisfied Vic had no remaining germs on her body, she dressed her patient in a new gown and retrieved Tubs, who lifted Vic from the bed and held her safely in his arms while he watched Sara with such adoration that Vic felt compelled to speak.

  “Xavier is not always right, you know. In fact, in some matters, my safety being one, he can be quite ridiculous. And since we are equal partners and I am the one who originally hired you, and for all practical purposes you work for me, whether you can do your job while being a husband should be my say and not his. And I am absolutely positive you can do both.”

  Sara ceased making the bed. “Vic is right. Other men manage both all the time and they aren’t half as skilled or smart as you are.”

  “And I’m your primary boss,” Vic added.

  “That’s true,” Sara agreed, still focused on Tubs. “You should care far more what Vic wants than Mr. Thorn. He didn’t save either of us from our former lives. That was all Vic’s doing. That’s where our loyalty and obedience should lie.”

  “But I gave Mr. Thorn my word,” Tubs said.

  Vic growled in fury. “And Xavier should never have requested anything other than you do your job. He overreached and I declare his contract with you null and void. I insist you quit your job and let me rehire you as my employee, but only if you are married. I prefer happy employees who don’t challenge me on every move I make,” she added, recalling his surly attitude earlier that day.

  Her giant sighed heavily and laid her onto the fresh sheets. She had to admit the bed was far more pleasant than before. But she couldn’t let her pleasure distract her from this crime against love. “Well? Are you quitting your job or not?”

  Sara nodded at him to say he was, but he remained quiet.

  “Tubs, don’t make me fire you,” Vic pleaded. “I need you to quit. None of us can continue in our current state. Sara will die of a broken heart, you will go mad, and Connors will shoot you in the head, where you can’t take a bullet and live. Then I’ll die of an infection, and poor little Cannon will starve to death because no one will know where Sara put him.”

  Sara yelped and ran from the room, hopefully to retrieve the little pisser. However, right now, Vic needed to bully Tubs into quitting, something she never, ever, expected to do. However, Xavier’s overprotectiveness had forced her hand.

  “What if he won’t let you hire me back?” Tubs asked.

  Vic’s eyes rounded in outrage. “Won’t let me? Did you miss the part about us being equal partners? Just because I’ve given him a son doesn’t mean I’m any less the equal partner I’ve always been. Besides, he wouldn’t dare not ‘let’ me hire you back onto my staff. First, I’d leave him and start my own agency, and second because losing you would defeat his stupid desire to overprotect me. He can only protect me if I allow you to follow me about, which I won’t unless you leave Xavier and become my hire.”

  Finally, Tubs smiled, exposing his white false teeth. “Then I will write a letter of resignation and give it to him the moment he returns.”

  “Nonsense, I want you two married and happy by the end of this week. Write him a letter, which as his equal partner I will mark ‘received and accepted’ then you can put it on his desk.

  Tubs’ brow furrowed again.

  Throwing her arm up, she growled in exasperation. “Now what’s wrong?” Honestly, how could fixing Xavier’s mistake be this hard when everyone who mattered would be happier if she fixed it?

  “Not sure it’s possible to get married so quickly, especially in a foreign country.”

  Damn! He was probably right about that.

  “I wish Xavier was here because I truly wish to yell at him.”

  Tubs shook his head. “You’ll have to wait to do that. However, the doctor is still here. I told him he wasn’t leaving until you were up and walking and he could accept that like a gentleman or I could lock him in his room.”

  She could only imagine how Dr. Connors took his imprisonment. “Could you bring him in here? I want him to witness my rehiring you.”

  “But you said I had to be married.”

  “I’ve decided engaged with intent of being married will do. So once you retrieve him, you’ll have a half-hour to resign and get engaged. Think you can do it?”

  Tubs chuckled and flew into the hall.

  A moment later, an angry doctor was released into her room and the door locked behind him.

  “This is outrageous!” he yelled.

  “I agree, and thankfully I was able to solve the crime,” Vic replied. “I apologize for Tubs locking you up, but he was only following Xa
vier’s orders.”

  The doctor frowned. “Xavier told him to hold me prisoner in my room?”

  “For all practical purposes. He told Tubs to protect me, no matter who got hurt in the process. However, Tubs is off writing his resignation, so as of now, you are free to leave if you wish. But let me observe, neither I nor Cannonball would have survived without your timely arrival. So contrary to all the yelling I’ve done in the last few days, I truly do appreciate you coming. My only excuses for my ill temper are I’m in significant pain and Xavier botched Tubs’ original hiring.”

  “Xavier loves you,” Connors insisted.

  “He does, and I love him, but our love is no reason to ruin other people’s lives and make them so sad they cannot perform their duties. However, he’ll lose that ability when Tubs resigns.”

  Connors sat on the edge of the bed. “I fear I have caused this by pulling my gun on Tubs.”

  “And pointing it at the woman he loves,” she added.

  “She jumped in front of him, but I promise you I had no intention of firing it. Only, it seemed everyone had gone mad.”

  “That was entirely Xavier’s doing, not yours.” she assured him.

  “Thank you,” he said. “I don’t believe you realize how important you’ve become to England. Our country would not survive without you. Even the Queen recognizes your importance. When I sent her a letter explaining you had been shot and needed my assistance, she wrote back commanding I save your life at all costs.”

  Vic smiled. “Did she really say that?”

  “I swear on…” He looked around, then placed his hand on the tools of his trade. “…on my doctor’s bag.”

  Just then a serious Tubs and a joyous Sara entered with Cannon.

  Sara settled the boy on his dining mounds then returned to Tubs’ side, taking the giant’s hand. Tubs handed Vic a letter. “As Xavier’s partner, will you see he gets my letter of resignation?”

  Dr. Connors spoke at once. “Tubs, I understand your anger at Xavier’s stance in this matter, but Vic truly needs you.”

  Vic opened the envelope and read the very brief letter.

  Dear Mr. Thorn,

  I quit. No hard feelings.

  Sonny Tubs

  “Letter read and accepted for Xavier. You may place it on his desk in the library. Now any other matters you wish to share with me?”

  Tubs smiled. “Yes.” He turned and knelt down on one knee, which still left him taller than Sara, but closer in height. “My angel, Sara, I don’t deserve you. I know that. But will you marry me and be my wife?”

  She literally leapt at him, trusting he would catch her, which he did. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.”

  To Vic’s shock, Tubs presented her with a large ruby ring. She had no idea how he’d managed that, but it fit Sara’s hand perfectly.

  Tubs stood, still holding Sara in his arms, her feet dangling far above the floor. He then smiled at Vic. “Now that I’m going to be a husband, I’ll need a steady job.”

  Vic chuckled. “Well, I happen to be in need of a companion to assist me in solving crimes. You should be warned I’ve a reputation of being a trouble magnet.”

  “Not concerned in the least,” he assured her.

  “Oh, and I want only happy, contented employees who don’t challenge my every word, so you will need to be married as soon as possible.”

  Both Sara and Tubs nodded in agreement.

  “All right then. Consider yourself hired, Tubs. I look forward to working with you. In fact, tomorrow I would like the two of you to go into Gibraltar, retrieve every newspaper you can find, never mind if they are in some foreign language that I can’t read, and determine how quickly a marriage can be arranged. You can take Cannonball, if you think that will move matters along.”

  Sara buried her head in the crook of Tubs thick neck. He smiled. “Actually, they are more apt to agree to a fast wedding if the baby is still inside,” Tubs said. Holding Sara easily with one arm, he secured his letter of resignation and left the room.

  Vic had almost forgotten Dr. Connors was in the room, until he spoke. “For a moment, I thought you were making a grievous error, but once again your cleverness reigns. However, if you intend to actually raise your baby into a young man, then I don’t advise you sending your son about town without you.”

  “And when can I go into town?”

  “While you are making excellent progress, you need to stay in the bed at least a month.”

  “Good thing I can solve crimes lying down.” She switched Cannon to the other mound and rubbed his mostly bald head. “I declare this crime against the heart resolved.”

  The doctor chuckled softly. “I suppose since you’ve sent your help off, I’ll have to stay and take care of you tomorrow.”

  Vic smiled at her son. “I promise to be much nicer. However, I cannot promise the Cannonball won’t continue to leak.”

  “Perhaps it would be best to place him in a cloth filled basket at your side. Honestly, most ladies wouldn’t think of allowing their baby to wet their chest. In fact, most hand their babies over to a nursemaid and nanny and return to their lives.”

  “But how will I empty these giant udders if I do that?” she asked.

  “Actually, your body will continue to produce milk as long as your child nurses. You could still be lactating three years from now.”

  “Bloody hell!” Vic yelled and pulled Cannon from his meal. The boy left no doubt that he didn’t like losing his milk udder. His outraged cry filled the room, sounding a great deal like his father.

  Dr. Connors replaced the boy on her breast. “We will need to get you a nursemaid first. Allow me to check in the local town to determine if there is someone of good health who can perform this duty.”

  She gripped his hand. “Thank you. And as for the basket. Better make it a large roasting pan that can be washed.”

  “Is he wet already?” Connors sighed as he felt the diaper. “Allow me to locate a pan and clean linens. I fear your staff has already gone off to give the minister a reason to marry them quickly.”

  Chapter 6

  Xavier was in hell. He was sick of having doors slammed in his face by arrogant butlers who refused to give him admittance into homes purportedly occupied by the ladies on his list.

  Having left England without a large quantity of calling cards, he was forced to declare himself Xavier Thorn, private investigator, without the accompaniment of an embossed card. So far, not a single butler believed him to be the ‘real’ Sherlock Holmes.

  Which left him resorting to hunting down people who did know him and attending their damnable dinner parties as he interrogated the other guest as to whom they had seen while traveling about, then putting the names to memory until he could write them down. Thus far, only three of the names he’d acquired were on his list.

  ***

  Vic sat in bed, reading the papers and writing the name of every woman mentioned in the society pages onto a notepad. She could have simply checked off the names found on her list. However, she suspected Xavier was going to need help on his half, so cataloging everyone mentioned seemed more prudent. Besides, it was not as if she had anything else to do. Cannonball had a nursemaid now, and a crib, although a roasting pan seemed more sensible to Vic.

  She had finished the last paper and now went through her list, easily pairing off the names of the women from the papers to those on her half of Stone’s list. All were mentioned in some paper during their travels about Europe.

  The idea of Xavier trying to chase these women down in person to verify they were where their husband’s claimed, amused her greatly. God, she missed him.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” a familiar voice declared from the door.

  She could not help but smile at her beloved partner. “You’ve returned!”

  His brow furrowed, no doubt perplexed by her cheery welcome. She suspected Connors had forewarned him that she was not happy with conditions he’d set upon Tubs’ employment. Had she not a
lready fixed Xavier’s crime, she would be furious with him. But since she’d resolved matters, Vic missed him too much to yell at her beloved for what he’d foolishly done long ago.

  He tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed and studied her for a long moment. “You look very pleased with yourself.”

  “I just finished my half of the list. How did you fare with yours?”

  “Have you been running about?” he demanded.

  “I wish. This is the third day I’ve even been allowed to sit up in bed. Connors says if I continue to progress so well, he’ll let me try walking next week.”

  “Then how did you complete your task?” The angst in his voice left no doubt he had not been nearly as successful.

  She patted the stack of newspapers between them.

  Xavier picked up the top paper and glanced at the front page. “I read this paper and not one woman was mentioned in it.”

  She tilted her head, trying to understand how that was possible. “You read the whole paper?”

  “Yes.”

  “Every single page.”

  “No, I skipped some. They are a waste of my time.”

  “Like the social pages?” she suggested.

  “Exactly.” He groaned. “Bloody hell! Were your ladies mentioned in those ridiculous columns?”

  Vic nodded. “First time I’ve ever found them useful.”

  “Any chance, you can do my list? Honestly, if I have to read those columns, I will go mad.”

  “And what will you give me in exchange?” she teased.

  “What do you wish?”

  “An apology to Tubs.”

  “For what? And why does it fall on my lap. I’ve not even been here.”

  His protest only riled her more. “Had you been, we could have resolved the matter with ease. But instead Tubs insisted he’d made a promise to you that I was his top priority—”

  “You are, and that will not change!” Xavier barked.

  “And that precludes him from marrying Sara.”

  “Ah…” He snuggled next to her, wrapping his arm around her. “If I can serve my country and love you, then he can no doubt do his duty and love Sara.”