by Nicole Dykes
She takes a deep breath but doesn’t say a word.
I turn and finally make it to the door by sheer will but glance at her over my shoulder as I reach for the handle. “They all think I hurt you.” Her eyes register guilt. “But it’s you that shattered my fucking heart into a million pieces. And we both know it.”
“I know,” she says softly, barely choking out the words.
“It won’t happen again.”
I open the door and leave, going back to my room.
That was way too close.
What was I thinking? I’m so tired of thinking that. I know exactly what I was thinking. Asher is gorgeous. He was in my bed, and I wanted him. It’s not as complicated as my brain wants to make it this morning.
So what if I was once in love with him? And I left him, breaking his heart. But he broke me too. I wanted to try. I begged him to try. And he wouldn’t.
I’m frustrated and angry as I climb out of bed, going into my bathroom. Baz and Asher will have to share the bathroom between their rooms, but luckily, I have my own. I quickly go about my morning routine but remain in my pajama shirt and shorts, unable to ignore the purple marks on my neck when I look in the mirror as I brush my teeth. Jesus, his mouth felt good.
I shake off the memories of Asher’s mouth on me last night and creep to Baz’s room, peeking through the door and seeing him awake playing with his toys. “Good morning, sweetheart.”
He smiles over at me. “Good morning!”
“You want breakfast?”
He nods while playing with his train set. “Yeah, but um . . .” He holds a finger to his chin, buttering me up by looking all cute. “Can I have it in here?”
I laugh and shake my head at him, wanting him to have the freedom of childhood for as long as he can. Life is so complicated when you get older.
“Yes. I’ll bring it to you, I suppose. Can you say ‘please’?”
He nods, focusing on his toys as he singsongs, “Please.”
I’m satisfied with that, smiling down at him before walking to the kitchen, looking through the cabinets to decide what to make for breakfast as I go through my phone, checking my email. As I grab the pancake mix from the cabinet, I hear the doorbell. I place the mix on the counter before answering the door and seeing Sawyer there. I feel a sense of dread and maybe guilt as I open the door. “Hi. I didn’t know you were coming by today.”
I try to subtly cover my neck with my hand as I let him walk in the house. Shamefully enough, this is not the first time we’ve been in this same position. Me with Asher’s passionate mark on my flesh and feeling guilty about it with Sawyer.
He’s in a good mood, evident by his grin as I close the door behind him. “Yeah. Unfortunately, I can’t stay long. I have to go look at a house with Linc. I just found this for Baz and wanted to give it to him.”
I smile when I see a remote-control monster truck in his hands. “You spoil him.”
He shrugs. “He’s earned it.”
His smile falls as his eyes move to my neck. A hot flush covers my cheeks as I watch the recognition hit. “Wow.” He grips the back of his neck with his hand, placing the truck on the sofa. “You guys didn’t waste much time, huh?”
I feel like I might burst into flames as I struggle to form words. “I’m sorry. It was nothing.”
“Nothing, huh?” He drops his hand and moves closer to me, his body stalking mine. Is he jealous? My back rests against the wall of the living room. I didn’t even realize I was backing away from him. His chest is nearly touching mine as his fingers graze over the purple hickey. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”
My eyes meet his, the contact of his strong body only adding to my confusion. “A stupid junior high-type make-out.”
He nods his head, pulling his hand away, but his eyes remain there. “That’s all?”
I nod my head, knowing I don’t technically owe him an explanation, but I don’t want him to wonder. “Yes.”
His gaze lowers over my chest and then flicks up to my face. “He didn’t leave any more marks?”
The heat coming from him is almost too much. Even if I'm not in love with Sawyer, there’s an insane attraction there. I bite my bottom lip, my voice raspy. “Are you jealous?”
The smirk that plays on his lips is undeniably sexy as he takes in the sight of my marred neck again. “No.” Of course not, because it’s not love. His hands rest on the wall on either side of my head as his lips near mine. “But that doesn't mean I don’t feel the urge to compete.”
I groan softly into his ear as his lips dip to my neck and his tongue darts out, licking over the spot that’s bruised from Asher’s punishing mouth. “Sawyer,” I breathe.
I can feel him smile against my skin, one of his hands roaming over my breast, my nipple hardening from the contact. “You’re allowed to do what you want, Viv. You aren’t in a cage with me.”
I feel his body against mine, and my eyes flutter closed with the contact, enjoying the comforting feeling as his lips kiss and suck on my neck before his mouth moves up to my ear.
His voice is husky as he breathes passionate words that drive me crazy. “Doesn’t mean I won’t try to make you scream louder than he can.”
Jesus. I’m in trouble.
“Swearer!”
Shit! We both jump at the sound of Baz running toward us, and Sawyer pushes away as not only Baz, but also Asher join us in the living room. I notice Sebastian is dressed and his hair brushed. Of course, Asher has fallen right back into his role of helping me out with him.
Sawyer and I don’t ever touch or kiss around Baz. The last thing I want to do is confuse him. Asher’s eyes drill into me from across the room, but I try to only focus on my son. “Sawyer stopped by to see you.”
Sebastian looks so happy as Sawyer grabs the truck and holds it out for him as Baz loses his mind with excitement, tearing the package open. “Wow! This is the one I've been wanting!”
I smile and shake my head. “Can you say ‘thank you’?”
He nods his head excitedly. “Thank you, Swearer!”
I laugh at the nickname for Sawyer that definitely fits him. “You’re welcome. I wish I could stay and play, but I gotta go look at a house.”
“I can go too!” Baz starts toward the door, and I follow. “Honey, Sawyer has to work.”
He turns to look at Sawyer, his little eyes sad. “I can go to work.”
Sawyer grins, but I shake my head. “No. Why don’t you stay here and play. Maybe Sawyer will come back after work.”
Sawyer moves closer to me, keeping his voice low enough for only me to hear him as Baz pouts. “If you’re cool with it, he could go. It’s just me and Linc.”
I look at Sawyer, also keeping my voice quiet. “You don’t have to do that. You’ll be working.”
He shrugs. “We’re just checking out a house a few miles away. I’ll watch him closely, and Linc will be there to watch him too.” He smiles, and I know how much he cares for my son. The knowledge warms my heart. “Only if you’re okay with it. We’ll be back in an hour or so.”
I look over at Sebastian and then back to Sawyer. “Are you sure?”
He laughs, knowing I've given my okay and walks to Baz, lifting him up. “Of course. I can’t give up the chance to hang out with my best friend.”
My eyes flick instinctively to Asher, his former best friend. Even if Sawyer is joking around with Baz, I wonder if that stung Ash. Did he mean it to? Asher’s eyes are shooting daggers at Sawyer, but he doesn’t say a word.
“Yay! I’m bringing my truck!” I love seeing my son happy, that’s for sure.
I look back to the kitchen. “You haven’t had breakfast.”
Sawyer shrugs easily. “We’ll grab something.”
I give him a smile, knowing Baz is in good hands, and I walk over to Sebastian, leaning down to look into his eyes. “You’ll listen to Sawyer? And Uncle Linc? Stay right with them?”
He nods his head emphatically.
I hug him. “
Okay. Have fun.”
He smiles brightly, slipping on his shoes that are by the door, and I walk them out. Sawyer assures me it will be okay before they back out of the drive, and I wave good-bye before walking back inside.
I’m met with dark angry eyes and a strong body. Asher is waiting for me at the door as I sheepishly close it behind me. “What?”
“You just let him take Baz anywhere he wants to?”
I roll my eyes. The one thing I will not put up with is anyone accusing me of being a bad mother. “Sawyer won’t let anything happen to Sebastian, and you know it.”
“He hates kids. One bit him in high school when he had to go over to the elementary school to read to the first graders.”
I want to laugh, but Asher’s angry gaze won’t allow it. “He loves Baz, and Baz loves him back. That’s all that matters.” He folds his arms over his broad chest, and I don’t miss the way his biceps flex. “Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
I brace myself, knowing I'm poking the bear, giving him every opportunity to call me a slut. He did walk in on Sawyer trying to cover his handiwork with his own. “And what else would be bugging me, exactly?”
He drops his hands taking one step closer to me, his eyes flickering with scorn. “You tell me. You’re the one being pissy.”
His eyes move to my neck, and I feel like I’m going to melt into the floor from the heat coming off him, especially after only moments ago being cornered by Sawyer. “You mean me walking in on Sawyer slobbering all over my sloppy seconds?”
Okay, that stings.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to slut-shame.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Viv.” His voice is cold and deep, full of anger and betrayal, but his eyes don’t leave my neck. I see his hand flexing at his side, almost like he’s fighting the urge to touch me, his gaze lingering on the flesh of my neck. “You wanna spread your legs for that fucker, go for it.” He leans in even closer. “You wanna fuck everyone within a thirty-mile radius, go for it.” His breath is warm on my skin as his mouth nears my ear. “I don’t care who you let touch you.”
I try not to let the words hurt me. He’s right, everyone is easy on me. They all seem to want to protect me, but I hurt him too. I left him behind, even if I loved him and he didn’t love me. Even if I wanted to try, and he crushed me when he didn’t want to. I took Baz away from him for a year, knowing how badly he needed him.
And for that, I'm forever remorseful.
He doesn’t push away from me though, and I felt how badly he wanted to stay last night. He may want to hate me, but part of him, even if it’s a very carnal part, wants me. He lifts his gaze to meet my eyes.
“Jesus, after me last night and him today . . .” His voice is a cruel growl. “You must be dying for some relief. I doubt you came just from him sucking on your neck for a second.”
I’m certainly struggling with my attraction to him too. I glare at him, trying to appear confident. “No. I know how to finish myself.”
I don’t miss the way his breath catches in his throat as I brush past him, heading for my room.
“In fact,” I look back at him over my shoulder, “I think a nice hot shower sounds like a great idea right now.”
“Don’t you mean cold?”
I shake my head, still looking at him over my shoulder. “You only need the water cold if you don’t want to get off.”
I turn away from him and walk to my room, stupidly hoping that he takes that as an invitation to join me.
Because that’s exactly what it was.
Do. Not. Follow.
Fuck!
My heart is racing as I watch her walk out of the living room and toward the bedrooms. My mind only thinking about Viv, naked under the spray of the shower. My mind literally won’t go to any other thought, and my feet seem to only be guided by that one thing as I glide down the hallway.
Don’t do this, you dumb motherfucker.
My body isn’t listening to any rational thoughts when I see her bedroom door has been left wide open.
I stand outside the open door, focusing on the fucking bathroom door that’s cracked open.
Don’t do it.
She wasted no fucking time going right back to Sawyer’s mouth today. Maybe I completely underestimated her. Maybe she is just a chick who wants to fuck and be fucked. I thought she was this fragile being that couldn’t handle that.
But then why the fuck did she fall for me?
Was that all an illusion? The talking and fucking ruined what could have just been a nearly perfect sexual arrangement?
Fuck, this is making my head hurt and my dick no less hard. My body was still on full alert after our make out session last night. I tried to forget about her on my lap, my hands on her ass, and my lips fucking everywhere. I forced myself to get out of bed, and then when I heard Baz playing, I decided I’d help get him ready for the day.
That’s something I missed doing. It’s fun to let him pick out what he wants to wear and ask him what he wants to do during the day. But for whatever reason, the very last thing I thought we’d walk in on when we went to find his mom was my ex-best friend’s hands and lips all over her.
His mouth over the blotchy purple marks I fucking left there.
My fists flex, and my body is wound up in every way.
“Fuck it.” I walk over the threshold of her bedroom and close the door behind me before walking to the bathroom, pushing the door open.
Why can’t I just stay completely away from her?
She doesn’t jump when I walk in the bathroom and then close the door behind me, pushing in the lock. She just glances at me over her bare shoulder as she stands in the spray of the large black shower head. The entire shower stall is encased in clear glass, showing me everything.
Her body faces toward the spray, letting it run down her front, showing me the curve of her hips and that firm ass. Her face turns away from me, letting the water fall over her face before she turns, raising her hands to her hair as the water runs through it.
Her tits are perfect. Too perfect. Full with nipples that are pebbled and calling to me.
I stand frozen by the door, trying like hell to talk some sense into myself as she lathers shampoo in her hands and works it in her hair, letting the suds wash over her naked body. A body I know well.
A body mine misses.
I want to touch her.
She watches me as she rinses off, but she doesn’t say anything. My eyes are glued to her movements as she grabs a purple poufy thing, applying some girly pink shit to it and lathering it up, washing her entire body slowly. She bends down, washing her feet and calves, her hands moving up to her thighs, caressing between them, slowly stripping away my willpower with each caress.
She slides over her flat stomach and up to her breasts, and I can’t take it anymore, letting out a low groan as I watch the water rain over her body, washing the bubbles away. I grab the collar of my shirt behind my neck, yanking it off and letting it drop to the floor.
She pauses now, watching me as I kick my shoes and socks off before unbuttoning my jeans. She’s already gnawing on that fucking puffy bottom lip of hers.
Be smart Asher.
I push my jeans down with my briefs, kicking them away, but not moving away from the door. She looks over at me curiously but still doesn’t say a word as we stand locked in a naked standoff with my cock standing at full attention.
I can’t touch her.
That’s too dangerous.
My voice is full of gravel, and my body stays deadly still. She watches me, also completely unmoving.
But she breaks first, pushing the glass door open so I can hear her. “Aren’t you going to join me?”
A slow shake of my head answers her. “You said you can finish yourself.” Her eyes widen slightly, but I don’t falter. “So, do it.”
I notice the tremor in her hands and the rise and fall of her tits as she takes a deep breath. “We’re back to the no touching?”<
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I nod my head, unable to remove my eyes from her body, imploring her to touch herself while I watch.
Her voice is raspy. “At least join me.”
I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t. The shower stall is large, but it’s not that fucking large. I don’t argue with her request and walk to the shower, walking through the door and pulling it closed behind me, standing a foot away from her naked, wet body.
I can feel my hands twitching at my side as they fight to reach out for her, but I don’t give in. I nod to the built-in bench seat in the shower. “Sit.”
She gulps at my command but follows my direction as she takes a seat facing me, and I turn away from her letting the water run over my face, trying to keep my wits about me. I let my palm rest on the shower wall leaning my head forward and fighting every impulse I have to rush over to her, lift her up, and fuck the hell out of her.
“Asher.” I hear the whisper and turn to see her on the bench, her back against the glass with her legs spread only a little bit. Her hands move over her breasts and up to her neck.
“Hands to ourselves.” My voice has an edge to it, demanding she follow the rules.
She nods her head as one hand drops from her neck and over her right breast. My cock jumps as I watch her pinch her nipple between her thumb and finger, her head tilting back and further exposing the marks from my mouth on her neck.
“Christ,” I gasp as her head leans down again, her eyes trained on my cock.
“You aren’t moving your hand.”
I’m so fucking hard I couldn’t stop myself now if I tried. I have only one goal now and that’s getting off. I grab the body wash and pour some into my hand, rubbing them together as she watches me.
I start at my chest, lathering up, transfixed on her as she watches me, her hand sliding over her stomach, biting her bottom lip.
I fist my cock, seeing her hand disappear between her thighs and sliding down. “Are you wet for me, Viv?”
“Mmmm . . . yes.” Her head nods once before she lets her head fall back, her fingers working over her clit. I slide my hand over the length of my cock, utterly fascinated by the sight of her on the bench, her legs parting further.