by Nicole Dykes
He pales and nods his head. “I did.”
“Sawyer.” I move to sit next to him, not caring about my nakedness at the moment. “If your brother works here, why didn’t you just work for him instead of Linc?”
His eyes turn dark again, leaving a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Because I hate my brother. And the feeling is mutual.”
My throat feels dry, and I suddenly realize I don’t know Sawyer at all. “And Piper is working for him?”
He nods once, and I can see the pain in his eyes as I brush my hand over his cheek. “It’s one fucked-up, tangled mess.”
He turns away from me, and I lay my head on his shoulder. “What does all of this have to do with last night?”
“I saw her.”
I don’t move. “Why didn’t you tell me this last night? I would have listened.”
The shoulder I'm resting on lifts in a shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t talk about her.”
“I understand.” I can feel him trying to smile, knowing he wants this to go away. We stay like that for a moment, and then I take a deep breath, knowing I have to make a change. “I think you and I need to be over.”
He turns, cupping my face in his hands as he does, his eyes kind. “I think we never really began.”
I nod in agreement and let my eyes drift down to his chest over his tattoo, with his hands still on my face. “That might be why.”
He turns and uses his hands to swivel my head toward the wall Asher and I share. “And that.”
I nod my head sadly, and he drops his hands, releasing me. I point at the letter on his chest. “You know, at first I thought that could have stood for Penelope. Linc calls her P.”
He chuckles and stands up, pulling a shirt over his chest. “Fuck. No. I’ve never touched Penelope. I don’t need all that fucking drama.”
I laugh and find a shirt and shorts to pull on. “Do you think Asher really contacted her?”
I see the flash of anger on his beautiful face and see his hands flex at his sides. “I don’t know, but I want to rip his fucking head off, just thinking about it.”
It confirms what I already knew. He has strong feelings for Piper. And neither of us is in love with the other.
“We can still be friends, right?”
He walks to me and kisses my forehead. “You aren’t ever getting rid of me. And neither is Baz.”
I smile, feeling relieved. “Good.”
He shrugs, smiling and finding his way back to the Sawyer I know. “And if you ever need some good dick, you know where to go.”
I roll my eyes at him and shake my head. “Don’t ever change, Sawyer.”
He winks and gives me a quick kiss before exiting my room.
I feel oddly empty as he leaves but not in the same way I felt when I walked away from Asher, leaving him in Kansas.
I lay back on my bed, covering my aching eyes with my arm.
Once again, I've made a massive mess for myself.
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! Fuck my life.
I walk out of my bedroom after a shitty night’s sleep, still hating the world. But now I want to scream up to the heavens and ask what the fuck kind of karma is this shit.
Sawyer walks out of Viv’s room, a shit-eating grin on his face, his hair mussed from a night of passion with Viv, and my fists clench at my side, dying to wipe that smile off his face for good.
But it fades on its own when he sees me. “Asher.” He grabs the back of his neck, and we stand in awkward silence, locked in a stare down neither of us will win.
He clears his throat and drops his hand, looking back at Viv’s door and then huffs, shaking his head as he faces me. “That could have been you last night. It could have been you walking out of her room this morning.” He shakes his head again. “Or staying in there, cuddling and spooning or whatever the fuck true lovers do.”
Yup. Still feeling homicidal.
“Don’t you fucking dare tell me it could be me when it was you.”
“Asher, wake the fuck up.” He takes a daring step closer to me. “It wasn’t me. It’s never been me.”
“Fuck you, Sawyer. It sure as fuck was your hands on her tits last night and . . .” I fight the rising bile from my turbulent stomach and look away.
I shouldn’t have had so much rum. I knew better, but I let him bait me.
“I know, but it doesn’t matter. You were right, okay?” My eyes snap to his. “She didn’t want them to be my hands, even if they are really skillful hands.” He shrugs his shoulders, smirking, but I know his pride has a small crack in it, telling me this. “For whatever reason, she would rather have your much smaller, fumbling hands.”
I raise my large hand and flip him off. “If she wanted me, she wouldn’t have brought you back to her room last night.”
“Loneliness and booze can do really stupid things. And once again, you made it pretty damn clear you didn’t want her.”
“I’m not doing this.” I turn to walk away but he blocks me.
“You are one stubborn motherfucker.”
“Are you seriously saying this to me?”
He nods, folding his arms. “Yes, I am because no matter what’s happened, we’re friends for life whether you like it or not.”
I scoff loudly. Is he serious? “Friends? You’re delusional.”
“And why do you say that?”
I stare at him, dumbfounded. Fine. Let’s do this. “You spent months telling me not to fuck her, not to do it. And then when I did, you told me to end it.”
“Did I now?”
I glare at him, frustrated and angry. “Yes.”
He just shakes his head again, and I push past him, walking into the living room. But he follows, once again standing before me. “I tried to get you to commit to her. Not just fuck her and use her. She’s a single mom and one you cared about. Now, if it was love I wasn’t sure, but I knew at the very least you cared about her.”
“So, when everything went to shit, you just decided to swoop in and do the same fucking thing?”
He looks defeated as he huffs, his head moving from side to side, yet again, as if I'm so blind he can’t take it, which only further pisses me off. “I told you, I wanted you to make it work with her. I wanted it to be love and to see you ride off into the sunset and all of that bullshit. Be normal. Love. I pushed you toward her because I wanted that.”
“And then you destroyed it.”
“Fuck you, Asher. I didn’t destroy shit. You demolished it all on your own, and you damn well know it because you’re a coward.”
My body creeps forward, getting in his face, and he drops his hands ready to defend himself. “I’m a what?”
“You heard me.” He doesn’t back down and, in fact, edges closer. “You were too afraid. And yes, I fucked up because I mistook your fear for indifference. I thought she really was to you what all women had been before, what most of the women before had been for me—a plaything, a warm body to try to shut off the boredom and pain.”
I hate him, but my anger starts to dissipate because I know he’s right. I spent so long trying to convince him that I had it under control and that I wasn’t in love with her. I did the same thing to her.
“She was, but I also cared. You had no right to go out with her.”
He looks sad and maybe a little guilty, which surprises me. Sawyer apologizes for nothing. “It just happened, and I don’t regret it.”
Well, there it is. Now my anger is back. “Wow. Of course you fucking don’t.”
“I don’t. She was my friend too, and I have no idea how that happened, how Vivienne Crenshaw became my friend, but she did. And you were off convincing us that you were happy just being friends. I believed it, and so did she. And then I fell for her too.”
“I thought you said it wasn’t love?”
“It wasn’t,” he answers easily. “But God, I wanted it to be. It made sense. I thought we could make it work. You and I are similar. She was in love with you. I thought—maybe, jus
t maybe—she would love me too and then I would fall in love with her.”
I don’t know what to say, so for once, I just listen.
“But once again, life fucked me because it should have been so simple. I wanted to try to love her. She wanted to love, but it still wasn’t right. So now, all of us are just going to be alone and miserable. But you two don’t have to be.”
“I don’t want her.”
He rolls his eyes. “Bullshit. I know you, and I should have seen it then. I thought I did—that’s why I brought it up so many times—but I let you convince me you weren’t capable of it.”
“I’m not,” I say through gritted teeth.
“That’s for you to decide because if you’re not man enough to commit to her, then you should stay away. Don’t be weak.”
“Fuck. You.”
He turns away from me, starting toward the door but turns around, his face looking more broken than I’ve ever seen it. “Did you fuck her?”
I know the “her” he’s talking about. “It’s always back to Piper for you, isn’t it?”
His jaw ticks, but he doesn’t say anything.
“No.”
His eyes search for any sign of deceit. “I can take it.”
“You’re hoping I'll say yes. I know you too. You want the pain, but I can’t give it. I called her, but she was here.” Which I'm assuming he already knew. He’ll always keep track of Piper.
“How did she sound?”
Christ. I almost pity the poor bastard. “Angry.”
I never said I fucked her, but last night, all I wanted to do was hurt him like they hurt me. Childish. I know.
He hangs his head in defeat. “Don’t hurt her or I’ll break your face.”
He’s talking about Viv again, and I roll my eyes. “I don’t want anything to do with her.”
He doesn’t try to argue with me, just walks to the door, pulling it open with his shoulders raised high, his confident charade back. “I’ll be around. But she doesn’t want anything except my friendship.”
I don’t believe him, and he doesn’t care. He just leaves, closing the door behind him, and I slump down on the couch.
Sick of fucking everything.
“So . . . how is everything going?”
I turn to look at Lola as I sit on the couch in the living room with Penelope and her. We just finished with work for the day. Baz is running around the house with a friend he met in school this last year.
Asher was nice enough to host a playdate with his little friend today, and I'm grateful. We haven’t talked much in the weeks since the night in the pool with Sawyer, and summer is coming to an end soon.
It’s been nothing but polite indifference for both of us, never talking about anything other than Baz.
I suppose that’s the way it needs to be. We’ve done enough damage.
I turn to Lola, who seems to have a reason behind her question. She always does. “I’ve been with you all day.”
“She means with Asher,” Penelope supplies, kicking her feet up on the coffee table, and I laugh, always enjoying her bluntness.
“Everything is fine.”
She nods her head, but Lola still looks worried. She can’t help it. “That’s good. He’s going to start teaching in the fall.”
Something I didn’t know. “He is?”
She nods, and Penelope grins, shaking her head. “Asher, a teacher.” Her smile widens. “I hope those rugrats give him hell.”
I laugh, and so does Lola, but she playfully shoves Penelope. “He’s going to be great.”
I agree but do it silently. “Do you know where?”
“Baz’s school.” Lola supplies the information. “Not Baz’s class, but he’s teaching kindergarten.”
I fight the happy smile wanting to form on my lips. He’ll be amazing with that age. “That’s great.”
“Yeah, funny enough Linc sold the principal there his new house. And Linc is pretty damn convincing.”
“No shit,” Penelope adds with a mischievous grin. Lola rolls her eyes.
“Are you ready for him to start school?” Lola takes the conversation away from Asher, and I watch Baz run through the house with his little friend as they pretend they’re superheroes.
“No.” She smiles and laughs when Baz jumps on my lap and then crawls over the couch, screaming and giggling loudly. I shrug. “Okay, maybe a little.”
Penelope stands. “I have to go. Linc should be home soon.”
“Whipped,” Lola teases.
Penelope wiggles her brows. “You know it. I just can’t get enough of your brother’s—” Lola raises a hand, stopping her.
“Please go.”
With a wave, she leaves, and I shake my head. “You know, you are sleeping with her brother. You could just give that right back to her.”
She smiles and shakes her head. We both know that’s not really Lola’s style. “Are you really okay?”
I nod, hoping she’ll believe me and we can move on. “Yes. Asher and I have been civil, and I think it’ll remain that way.”
“What about you and Sawyer?”
I haven't told her about what happened in the pool and don’t intend to. My cheeks still heat with shame when I think about that night, but it was a catalyst, thrusting me further into acting like an adult and not a petulant child.
I can’t play games anymore.
“Sawyer and I are friends, but we’ve cut out the physical.”
She nods, and I can’t read her to see if she’s relieved by that or not. “Nothing has changed. You can always talk to me.”
“I know.”
Just then Asher walks into the room with one kid under each arm, swinging them around the room as they giggle happily.
He’s laughing with them, and the sight is an absolute heartbreaking and heart mending vision at the same time.
Because he still makes me melt like putty when I see him with my son.
“So, you really did it?”
I roll my eyes as I lean back, enjoying my last day before I start my full-time job teaching at the private school Baz attends.
“Yes, Hayden. I really did it.”
He chuckles, not caring that my tone is annoyed. Baz runs around the pool.
“Baz, slow down, buddy.” He stops and giggles as he looks over at me but heeds my warning and dips his feet in the water, sitting down by the edge of the pool. Viv will never let me watch him again if he busts his head open on the cement.
“You’re going to have like fifteen of those running around tomorrow,” Hayden chuckles, but he’s just giving me shit. Although I hate to admit it, he’s one of my closest friends these days.
“I’m ready.”
“You’re crazy.”
I laugh, watching Baz and feeling nothing but excitement for tomorrow. If those kids are half as cool as my nephew, I'll be fine. “What? You don’t like kids, Hayden?”
He chuckles, tucking his hand behind his head. “I like Baz.” I smile, rolling my eyes because it’s not hard to like that kid. He has us all wrapped around his little finger. “But I don’t think I could take being in charge of fifteen of him.”
I shrug. “I’m always up for a challenge.”
“Yeah, I like that about you.”
I roll my eyes, not being able to resist giving him a hard time. “Jesus, man. If you want to blow me, just ask.”
He raises an eyebrow, a lazy grin plastered on his face. “Oh, you’d do that to your sister, huh?”
“Like you would, you pussy-whipped motherfucker.”
He chuckles at that, and it’s weird . . . I haven’t known him long, but if you know Hayden, you get the sense he spent a lot of his life being unhappy. Not now though. He’s blissfully happy, and I know it’s because of Lola. And vice versa.
“So, you gonna marry my sister, or what?”
He shrugs his shoulders, looking up at the sky, squinting from the sun. “No rush. She’s mine, and I'm hers.”
I roll my eyes and
grunt when Baz runs over, flopping his wet body onto me, but I don’t care and let him snuggle. “I’m tired.”
I laugh when I hear him yawn and then look down to see the kid is already out. The kid plays hard. Hayden lowers his voice, smiling down at Baz asleep on my chest. “You wore him out.”
“Yeah, hopefully it won’t mess him up when he has to go to bed early tonight.” Viv might be a little pissed about this, but I'm not waking him up. Little man is cranky when he’s sleepy.
Hayden shrugs. “Eh, he’s been swimming and running around for hours out here. Surely he’ll be wiped out tonight too.”
Viv, Lola, and Penelope are having a girls’ day. And Hayden and I were happy to watch Baz. It’s no hardship.
“So . . .” I look down at Baz, who’s totally out and then lift my gaze back to Hayden. “You have no barbaric need to claim Lola as yours?”
His eyebrow lifts again at my description of marriage, but that’s what it is, right? “No, that need is definitely there, and I will. But we have time.”
“You don’t worry about it?”
“About what? Marriage?”
I lift my arm over my head, uncomfortable with the serious shift in our conversation, but I trust Hayden for whatever weird reason. “Yeah. Marriage. Being with one person forever. Or promising to be at least.”
He smiles easily. “Not with her, I don’t.”
I shake my head, not understanding that at all, but maybe that’s how I know things will never be right with Viv. I would worry constantly about committing fully to her, about fucking it all up. But Hayden doesn’t seem worried in the slightest.
“Asher.” I didn’t realize I had looked away from him until I hear my name and turn around to look at him. “It’s a choice to be faithful. To love with all your heart. It’s a choice.”
I roll my eyes and fake gag because I'm not mature enough to handle this conversation, and thankfully, he only snickers at me and slips his sunglasses on over his eyes.
When the girls arrive, Hayden quickly drags Lola out for dinner and Penelope runs to hop on Linc’s dick, although those weren’t her exact words.
I’m still pinned under Baz, and Vivienne keeps her voice low as she claims Hayden’s seat, brushing Baz’s bangs out of his face. “How long has he been asleep?”