Craving Me, Desiring You

by C. M. Stunich

  There are two pink lines in the center oval. Two distinct lines that, according to the key on the side, mean only one thing. Pregnant. I swallow hard, my mouth suddenly dry and throw the stick into the garbage can near the toilet. I close my eyes and grab onto the second one, flopping against the wall and sending up a silent prayer. What exactly that prayer is about, I'm not sure. I'm still conflicted inside, still not sure how I feel about any of this. Maybe if Austin and I hadn't had a fight last night, I wouldn't be feeling this way. But then, it wasn't much of a squabble, and I'm certain, certain, that when he gets here, everything will be okay. He'll apologize, and we'll move on.

  I open my eyes and look at the second test. Pregnant. Two lines stare up at me, and I can almost hear them speaking in quiet commentary. How do you think she'll handle this? With grace, like a lady? Or petulantly, like a child? I ignore the whirring in my head and stand up. Tease is going through this very same thing, although with a rather different attitude than me. She seems to be thrilled.

  I throw the second test into the garbage can and rinse my hands before stepping out of the bathroom with a sigh.

  “Tease, it … ” It's not Tease sitting in my room but Austin. I let out a small shriek before clamping my hands over my mouth.

  “Whoa there, doll. Relax, it's only me.” Austin stands up, quite the vision in his leather vest and boots, blonde hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. I do my best not to swoon and cross my arms over my chest. I refuse to let my gaze slide back to the bathroom, to the trash can and its contents. I'm not going to withhold this information from Austin, but I need a moment to process before I bring him into the fold. He tries to smile at me, the small scar on his lip tugging at his mouth. “Are you that unhappy to see me?”

  “I'm not unhappy to see you,” I say, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. The cumbersome robe suddenly feels like lingerie under his gaze, and I am all too aware of how easy it would be for him to pull it off my shoulders. “I just didn't expect to see you. Where's Tease?”

  Austin takes a few steps towards me, pausing with his hands hovering over my arms. I know he's thinking about the gunshot, maybe about our argument last night.

  “She excused herself when I got in.” Austin grins, but I can tell it's not entirely genuine. “I think she was worried we might want to get it on.” I pull back a bit and give him a look.

  “We are most certainly not getting it on,” I say, the words a bit stilted coming from my mouth. I glide back into the bathroom with him on my heels and pull some toilet paper from the roll, pretending to wipe my face before I drop it in the garbage can to cover up the evidence. “Not until we talk about what happened last night.”

  I put my hands on the bathroom counter and pretend I don't feel his hard body looming over me, hands quivering, pants getting tighter by the second. It's hardly even possible for the two of us to coexist in the same small space without falling to it like rutting beasts. The corner of my lip twitches. Pregnant. The word is a whisper, caught on the sound of the rotating fan and getting lodged in my ear.

  “Amy, I was a shithead last night. I shouldn't have said what I said. O' course I'm glad I dragged your sweet, little ass out of that one-horse town. I saw some things that really fucked with my head yesterday, and I reacted. Badly. I'm just so fuckin' worried about you.”

  “I'm fine, Austin. I like it here.”

  “Yeah, but you got shot, Miss Cross. Shot. And this is not an isolated incident. We lost ten members of our group. What if you had been one of them?” I understand where Austin is coming from. What he needs to realize is that I don't care. I mean, I do care about the lives lost and the tragedy, but I don't care about the danger of it. If that's the price I have to pay to be with him, to live this life, then I'll take the risk.

  “Austin,” I begin, turning around and finding that my ass is pressed up tight against the counter. He's so close, I can feel his breath on my cheek when he leans in close and breathes in my scent. “I want to be with you.”

  “What if I'm not good enough, Amy?” he says, his voice dropping low. Austin's big, beautiful hands come up and brush gently against the sleeves on my robe. I think he's afraid to touch me. I put my hands on his chest and push him back a step. “I'm a shit President, and maybe I'm a shit … lover. Boyfriend. Whatever it is you want to call me. I ain't ever done anything like this before.” He smiles slightly. “When it comes to relationships, I'm almost as virginal as you were.”

  I grab the sides of his stubbled face, enjoying the rough texture against my smooth flesh.

  “You are not a shit President. Why can't you see in yourself what everybody else sees in you, Austin? You have a strong heart and a sound mind. That's all there is to it.” I let go of him and step back, watching his dark eyes follow me with desperation and hunger. “Now, apologize for last night, and we'll move on.” I try to make my voice sound chipper, but it comes out fractured and wanting. I just found out there's a very good chance I'm pregnant, and I'm already prepared to hop back in the sack? For shame, Miss Cross. For shame. I suppose it's too late to worry about such things.

  “I really am sorry for what I said, Amy. You needed me, and I acted like a donkey's dick.” I chuckle and slap a hand over my mouth as my heels bump into the garbage can with the pregnancy tests. I've moved back as far as I can go. My breath flutters in my throat like a sparrow, tiny wings beating against my insides, giving me that nervous stomachache again.

  “You're forgiven,” I say, watching him breathe a sigh of relief. Austin runs his fingers through his hair, the tattoos on his arms shining bright under the harsh fluorescent lighting from above. Austin must be quite handsome to be able to stand under these lights and not suffer for it. “But you're still not okay, are you?”

  “I'm a little stressed, sugar. I won't lie to you.” He turns and leans his back against the wall, examining me with restraint and desire both mixing in his dark gaze. “I don't want to fail, but it seems like that's all I'm doin' lately. Messin' up and tripping over my own damn feet.” I reach my fingers down to the tie on my robe. I debate briefly on whether I should tell him about the tests or not, but decide against it. Not when he's feeling this stressed out. I don't want the moment to be anxious, and how can I expect him to react positively when I'm still not sure how I feel about the whole thing?

  “It'll be okay,” I tell him, untying the robe and sliding it down my shoulders. I wince a bit when it moves over my bandage, but I keep my facial expression pleasant. Sex is to guys what a reading session in front of a fire is to chicks – chocolate and wine included. I thank Sali Bend for her advice and let the robe hit the floor in a pool of white terry cloth around me. “Give it another chance and you'll see.” The restraint in Austin's eyes breaks, and he strides across the room towards me, clutching my elbows with such gentle strength that it almost brings tears to my eyes.

  I kiss him hard and deep, pressing the line of my naked body against his. Even if he hasn't said it, I know he loves me. No one could kiss like that if they didn't feel that breaking, soul shattering ache inside. I pull away suddenly and grab his wrist, dragging him into the bedroom but past the bed. Austin's blonde brows climb towards his hairline as I pause in front of the sliding door to the balcony and slide it open.

  Hot summer heat creeps in, clashing with the cool air from the air conditioner. I smile at his puzzled look and glance out at the nearby balconies. There's nobody else around and even if there were, they can – excuse my French – go fuck themselves. That final scene in my Sali and Glance novel is haunting me, and while I'm feeling like this, this braveness to the point of fault, I might as well go for it.

  “Sit down,” I whisper to Austin, grabbing his shirt in my fingers and pulling it up and over his head. He lets me, watching as I toss it to the cement patio beneath my bare feet. The pavement is hot, but not unbearably so, like a match for the fire that's burning inside.

  “And this is why I like you, Amy Allison Cross. You never fail to surprise me.”
Austin sits down on the lounge chair, swinging his feet up and reaching down to unbutton his pants. I wait there, standing unabashedly naked in the warm air. I liken my mood to the gunshot – this might hurt later but I might as well be in mental shock now. Screw it.

  I let my eyes rake across the pistol tattoos on his collarbone, the demon wing on his shoulder, the skulls, the roses. As if having the body of a Greek god wasn't enough, my man is decorated, too. A small flush creeps into my face. My man. Mine. I feel a slight possessiveness wash over me and hug myself tight, taking a deep breath as Austin frees himself from his pants.

  “At least you have the good sense to listen to me,” I say with a small smile, swinging my leg over the chair so that I'm straddling him but not sitting down, not yet. I let my head fall back as his hands slide up the backs of my thighs, cutting a path of pleasure through my sensitive flesh. He caresses my ass next, lingering there as he kneads the soft flesh between his fingers before moving up and taking a firm hold of my hips.

  Austin leans forward and presses his mouth against my belly, kissing me with a hungry heat that threatens to overwhelm and consume me. But that's okay. I want to be devoured. When he goes for my breasts, I stop him by bending down, sitting against him and stroking his cock along my pussy, but I don't let him enter me. Not yet. My hands come around his neck, enjoying the feel of his hair as we kiss again, rubbing our bare chests together. The breeze picks up and flutters my own hair around my face, mixing my brunette with his blonde. I run my fingers across the strong muscles in Austin's neck and shoulders, sliding them up his throat and enjoying the strong, sturdy feeling in his jaw, his cheekbones, his straight nose.

  I close my eyes and pretend like I'm blind, like the only way I'll be able to tell what he looks like is if I feel. I smooth my thumbs over Austin's brows, sliding my lips against his but not kissing, just tasting, breathing.

  I decide to keep my bravery going.

  “I love you, Austin Sparks,” I whisper, keeping my eyes squeezed shut, so I can't see the expression on his face. I kiss him hard and fast, reaching down and guiding him inside of me. I don't want to force the words out of him, just simply let him know how I feel. I've already said it, so there's no taking it back anyway. Not that I'd want to. Love isn't something that should feel shameful, not when it's this beautiful.

  Austin's cock slides deep, penetrating me straight to the core while the sound of traffic whizzes by on the highway. It's exhilarating, thinking that someone could walk out onto their balcony and see us. It's not likely, but the thought is what makes this exciting.

  I press my cheek tight to Austin's and move my body, grinding myself into him. I move at an agonizingly slow pace, moaning when his hands find my hips and rest there, quivering with violent need. But he holds back, turning my insides to jelly when I think of all the hard strength that's in his muscles, all the power. He could so easily take control, but he doesn't, letting me keep the rhythm. His fingers stay hovering above my flesh, touching but not squeezing, resting, caressing, feeling me. After a few moments, he guides them downwards and finds my clit.

  I sit back a bit, splaying my hands out flat against his muscular chest. The heat of the day is already drawing sweat from his skin, slicking his body with a wetness that very nearly drives me insane. I enjoy the smooth planes of his pecs, feeling them up the same way I felt his face. When my hands start to dip low on Austin's belly, I force my eyes to open up, catching his gaze open and wild, fierce. He really is like an alpha wolf, isn't he? I think as I slide both hands down, ignoring the twinge in my upper arm. I cup my hands around his as he rubs my clit, bringing me to orgasm in a burst of sound that escapes from my mouth, flying up into the sky like a bird.

  Chapter 14

  Austin

  The next morning, before the sun even comes up, I'm layin' in bed holdin' Amy when my phone rings. Jesus himself only knows how shitty things must be if someone's calling before sunrise. Without waking up my woman, I roll over and grab my cell, heading out onto the balcony, confident that nobody else is up at this Godawful hour. Hope not, or they're going to get a face full o' my junk.

  I don't recognize the number, so I answer it with a gruff, “Austin Sparks.”

  “It's Tax.” The President of Seventy-seven Brothers doesn't wait for me to ask questions. “I've got some information that I thought you might find useful.” There's a sound of rustling cloth and a grunt. “I'm calling you as a professional courtesy.” He pauses. “And because you have my little sister in your care.”

  “Shit, I ain't gonna like this, am I?” I ask, glancing over my shoulder. Amy is stirring with a murmur, her face angelic in the almost darkness of an early morning. I look back out towards the city. The greater metro area here is known as Bandit, Tennessee. Our new turf. Someday soon, I'm going to have to start making calls to the nearest MCs. At least for right now, this entire area is wholly unoccupied.

  “I got some more information about the guns, among other things.” Tax sighs, his voice heavy. It doesn't sound like he's had much sleep the past two nights. “You were right – M16s. Automatic. Illegal as a bare naked jog through Central Park, twice as deadly. You might want to watch your back. Bested by Crows and Broken Dallas are merging together, and they are pissed. Your previous President, Kent Diamond, made some deals to traffic guns, drugs, women, you name it. When you killed him and the Walker brothers, a lot of the information died with them. But not their promises. They made deals with some rather unsavory fuckin' folks. Now they're on the hook for not keeping up with their contracts.” Tax sighs as my hand grips the railing of the balcony with rigid fingers. “Meaning you're on the hook for the deals that fell through. Just thought I'd let you know. Keep your guard up and don't you dare let a fucking thing happen to my sister, or you'll be praying for Bested by Crows to take you.”

  “How do you know all this shit?” I ask, listening as a moan breaks through the phone. Not a pleasant sound, more like torturous. Shit. Tax sighs.

  “Doesn't matter. Use the information I just gave you, finish your clubhouse, and keep my sister and her baby safe.” Tax hangs up the phone before I can respond, leaving me with a rapidly beating heart and the monster of panic eating up my insides. Nobody ever said this job was easy, but this, I didn't expect.

  I stand on the balcony for awhile, trying to take control of myself and my emotions. I am not a weak man, I tell myself. But it feels like the burden of proof is hanging heavy on my shoulders. I need to prove myself with actions, not words.

  I gather myself together and move back into the hotel room, finding Amy awake, sitting up in bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. She looks contemplative. I set my phone on the table near the balcony door and close it behind me.

  “You're up early,” she says, a question in her voice. I need to tell her what I know. Fuck, I need to tell everyone in Triple M what I know, and then I need to make sure we're prepared. I just have to figure out the best way to do that. “Everything okay?”

  “For the moment, sugar,” I say, not surprised to see that my cock is more than happy to find her awake. Rain or shine, Mr. Sparks never lets me down. I move towards her, climbing onto the bed and sliding my arm around Amy's waist. I press a kiss to her throat and taste her pulse. “How's your arm?” Amy clears her throat sharply, and a spike of anticipation cuts through my stomach. Goddamn it, what now? I wonder as I sit back and take stock of her expression.

  Determined. Fearful. Prideful. Happy. Sad. Like looking through a damn kaleidoscope.

  Amy brushes some of her beautiful chestnut hair behind an ear.

  “Austin,” she begins, and her voice is dead serious. I pull the blankets over my erection and wait there for her to finish speaking. No sense in trying to rush this. I almost don't even want to know. I wonder if this has something to do with those three little words, those cursed, Godforsaken syllables that have been plaguing me for awhile now. I love you. I do love Amy, but I don't want to say anything until I'm ready. I could say it back, sure.
Wouldn't kill me, but it wouldn't mean what she wants it to mean. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for exactly or if I'm even waiting for anything, but the time isn't right yet. I'm sure I'll feel it when it is.

  Amy turns to me, putting her hands on top of mine. I can't keep my gaze away from her arm, from the bandage that shouldn't even be there. If I'd protected her proper, it wouldn't have happened. And you still haven't figured out who did it. Get your crap together, Austin.

  “Excuse me, sorry,” Amy says, letting her lashes flutter closed and her forehead drop low. She leans forward and presses her face against my bicep. This overwhelming protective urge tears into me, and I find myself folding Amy into my arms and looking up at the ceiling with a prayer fluttering on my lips. Don't let me fuck this shit up. “This is a difficult subject to broach … ”

  “You don't gotta tell me if you don't want to,” I whisper, dropping my chin to her hair. I wonder if I can get away without MC bullshit clogging up my damn veins today, just spend a day figuring shit out. I'd be nice to do somethin' normal with Amy for once, take her out to dinner, go for a walk, whatever. “We can just … I dunno, tear out that ugly ass vanity in the downstairs bathroom.” Amy chuckles and lifts her face up, smiling brightly at me. I brush some hair away from her forehead.

  “Thanks for making this easier,” she says, and I raise an eyebrow.

  “You're welcome?” I say, pulling her into my lap, breathing hot breath against her throat. Amy squirms, rubbing her body along my cock. I'm about to push inside of her when she says it.

  “Austin, I'm pregnant.”

  Chapter 15

  Amy